home visits

[♥JP♥ 5]

if yr going to go that route, why don't you ask morocco_4_ever's husband if he's got any american relatives or any way to make "fair comparisons" since the guy's been here, what, 14 months? if yr agreeing with him, shouldn't the same standard apply, if yr going to ask me that?

Let's see, his wife is AMERICAN. Does that qualify as family for you? I'm quite sure he has met several of her family members/friends as well. I think the 14 months he is basing his opinion on is better than basing it on nothing.

No one ever said this didnt happen anywhere else, surely it does. However we can only discuss our experiances with it and it just so happens our experiance is in MENA. I'm sure there are plenty of small towns where this kinda stuff happens too but where I live, I don't even know my neighbors. So the MENA way of life is very different from what I am used to here and what I have experianced. And basically it comes down to that, personal experiance.

Come on JP...what could you possibly know about the culture over there?? What, you would almost think you are..............ARABIC!

Perhaps ta me go hiontach lives in a neighborhood similar to the small towns in the MENA that has nothing more to do than gossip and create problems. Its all just geography. I was basing it on my husbands city to mine, thats all.

I think thats what it comes down to. A close friend of mine lives in a Military housing area because her husband is in the Navy, and its similar. Its a small area so they all know each other, many of them don't work and are stay at home moms. Shoot I can tell you that I do gossip with my friends and YES its a complete waste of time. Discussing other peoples lives and problems has added no benefit to my own life at all but its just fun sometimes.

[sandinista! 1,816]

oh! so then because my husband's family and friends are very private and don't find it acceptable to discuss their own and other people's lives all out in the open, but my irish american extended family and friends do, then i'm therefore qualified to say people there don't care about stupid things the way people do here. yeah, that makes total sense. not really though.

yr so right about this though-"we can only discuss our experiances with it"-which is not at all what the original post i responded to did. it may be true about the people that guy has met here, compared to who he knows where he grew up, but other people's experiences are different.

[morocco4ever 63]

Ummm....calm down here. You are taking this way out of proportion here.

[♥JP♥ 5]

oh! so then because my husband's family and friends are very private and don't find it acceptable to discuss their own and other people's lives all out in the open, but my irish american extended family and friends do, then i'm therefore qualified to say people there don't care about stupid things the way people do here. yeah, that makes total sense. not really though.

yr so right about this though-"we can only discuss our experiances with it"-which is not at all what the original post i responded to did. it may be true about the people that guy has met here, compared to who he knows where he grew up, but other people's experiences are different.

I still have not seen where anybody said that EVERYONE was like that. They are speaking from personal experiance and thats implied in the post. I think you are just nitpicking. I also don't think you understand how deep this goes in the middle east. People commonly make decisions there based on what other people will say or think and not what they want. You will commonly hear "You can't do that, what will people think?" and yes I agree you do here that here in the US and other areas as well but it doesn't have nearly the impact it does in MENA and other areas.

Maybe some of it has to do with the fact that most of the gossip is believed. It is here too sometimes but in MENA respect is everything, its all you have and need. You can lose everything and anything except your respect. Alot of this is based on that. Something as simple as putting your feet up on the dashboard in a car while driving can get you lots of backlash over there and you will be deemed as disrespectful. You will actually hear people say things like "oh no, that family has no respect. Their son/daughter did this, they are not a good family.

I myself do care what people think too but not to the point where I let it dictate my life. My cousins in Jordan are not so lucky.

[LaL 418]

ta me go hiontach - since the whole topic spun off as a result of people wondering aloud why home visits are performed, perhaps you could suggest what you think the purpose would be?

Just my humble opinion, but it certainly does sound as if the consulates who employ these techniques are taking advantage of some possible norms.

[doodlebugg 10]

on the other hand, societies this "invasive" tend to be more close knit and in tune with each other-a rather helpful thing when individuals have a problem or are in need, because it's seen as affecting society as a whole, not just that individual. there can be definite benefits and advantages to that kind of society, and most of the time people see this kind of meddling as a given-and people act accordingly. it goes well beyond entertainment purposes though, or just gossip, even if that happens a lot. but maybe it's just easier to categorize the way other people live as just a "freaking waste of time".

Close knit yes, families that is. However you aren't look at the flip side of this. Its not so much the family "meddling" that creates the problem, its the fact that nothing is kept secret. So if they tell a friend or neighbor and that person tells someone else, it keeps going and going. And similar to an old fashioned game of telephone the facts get distorted and often hurt the person involved. Maybe you don't think its a waste of time but maybe you haven't lived through it. I have seen girls that often get passed by for marriage because of a rumor that some guy started that all of sudden becomes fact. Things can get very crazy very fast.

For example.....currently my husband is getting flack because some in his neighborhood are stating that I only came there that one time (we were in alex the second time) for sex and that we're not indeed married. (this is due to the fact that he hasn't got the visa yet so they think he's making the whole visa thing up). Mind you the lady in the housecoat sets them straight when she hears this talk but it's not easy to squash something like this once it gets out. Thankfully the consulate officer did not come across these people.

Then there's the "evil eye". People there are jealous of him that he is going to the United States. No doubt about it that some evil eyes have been set and cast because of the talk.

I lived in an appt complex once for two years. I never EVER talked to even one person living there. Comparing that to his situation and it's like apples and oranges. The street I live on now is different and my next door neighbor pretty much knows what's going on but still it's not even 1/100th of what it's like in my husband's neck of the woods.

Edited February 7, 2008 by bridget

[SaadBell 0]

I married in Egypt, but my husband works in Kuwait, what will they do for a home visit???

[doodlebugg 10]

I married in Egypt, but my husband works in Kuwait, what will they do for a home visit???

They won't. Which was part of my original point. Other countries go through Egypt like Sudan, Iraq, etc. and i have yet to see a home visit from any who post here that are going through Cairo. The Sudan couples seem to just fly right through.

[amrssnowangel 0]

on the other hand, societies this "invasive" tend to be more close knit and in tune with each other-a rather helpful thing when individuals have a problem or are in need, because it's seen as affecting society as a whole, not just that individual. there can be definite benefits and advantages to that kind of society, and most of the time people see this kind of meddling as a given-and people act accordingly. it goes well beyond entertainment purposes though, or just gossip, even if that happens a lot. but maybe it's just easier to categorize the way other people live as just a "freaking waste of time".

Close knit yes, families that is. However you aren't look at the flip side of this. Its not so much the family "meddling" that creates the problem, its the fact that nothing is kept secret. So if they tell a friend or neighbor and that person tells someone else, it keeps going and going. And similar to an old fashioned game of telephone the facts get distorted and often hurt the person involved. Maybe you don't think its a waste of time but maybe you haven't lived through it. I have seen girls that often get passed by for marriage because of a rumor that some guy started that all of sudden becomes fact. Things can get very crazy very fast.

For example.....currently my husband is getting flack because some in his neighborhood are stating that I only came there that one time (we were in alex the second time) for sex and that we're not indeed married. (this is due to the fact that he hasn't got the visa yet so they think he's making the whole visa thing up). Mind you the lady in the housecoat sets them straight when she hears this talk but it's not easy to squash something like this once it gets out. Thankfully the consulate officer did not come across these people.

Then there's the "evil eye". People there are jealous of him that he is going to the United States. No doubt about it that some evil eyes have been set and cast because of the talk.

I lived in an appt complex once for two years. I never EVER talked to even one person living there. Comparing that to his situation and it's like apples and oranges. The street I live on now is different and my next door neighbor pretty much knows what's going on but still it's not even 1/100th of what it's like in my husband's neck of the woods.

My fiance and his family are VERY private people. They dont even talk about EACH OTHERS things. He never has liked to discuss what he said/what she said things, or other peoples business as he was raised gossip is wrong. I also believe this is one of the reasons, in addition to others, why I do not go to his home ever to visit. The talk both good and bad. so not all egyptian families behave this way. But many do. We mostly want to avoid the bad talk. It is true that many (not all mind u) there will look at an older foreign woman with a younger man (husband or not) as someone looking for sex..and he is naturally only interested in a visa. We have tried our best to avoid any of this in his parents neighborhood. Since they are more traditional, this type of talk would just be humiliating to their family. We know better and thats all that matters...but will not subject his parents to this.

I knew someone that went to visit her now husband there and after her stay the neighbors thought she had given the family thousands of dollars and one suitcase turned into 10 suitcases..and that they were living together in sin...and she had to be there to give hiim visa.

[♥JP♥ 5]

on the other hand, societies this "invasive" tend to be more close knit and in tune with each other-a rather helpful thing when individuals have a problem or are in need, because it's seen as affecting society as a whole, not just that individual. there can be definite benefits and advantages to that kind of society, and most of the time people see this kind of meddling as a given-and people act accordingly. it goes well beyond entertainment purposes though, or just gossip, even if that happens a lot. but maybe it's just easier to categorize the way other people live as just a "freaking waste of time".

Close knit yes, families that is. However you aren't look at the flip side of this. Its not so much the family "meddling" that creates the problem, its the fact that nothing is kept secret. So if they tell a friend or neighbor and that person tells someone else, it keeps going and going. And similar to an old fashioned game of telephone the facts get distorted and often hurt the person involved. Maybe you don't think its a waste of time but maybe you haven't lived through it. I have seen girls that often get passed by for marriage because of a rumor that some guy started that all of sudden becomes fact. Things can get very crazy very fast.

For example.....currently my husband is getting flack because some in his neighborhood are stating that I only came there that one time (we were in alex the second time) for sex and that we're not indeed married. (this is due to the fact that he hasn't got the visa yet so they think he's making the whole visa thing up). Mind you the lady in the housecoat sets them straight when she hears this talk but it's not easy to squash something like this once it gets out. Thankfully the consulate officer did not come across these people.

Then there's the "evil eye". People there are jealous of him that he is going to the United States. No doubt about it that some evil eyes have been set and cast because of the talk.

I lived in an appt complex once for two years. I never EVER talked to even one person living there. Comparing that to his situation and it's like apples and oranges. The street I live on now is different and my next door neighbor pretty much knows what's going on but still it's not even 1/100th of what it's like in my husband's neck of the woods.

My fiance and his family are VERY private people. They dont even talk about EACH OTHERS things. He never has liked to discuss what he said/what she said things, or other peoples business as he was raised gossip is wrong. I also believe this is one of the reasons, in addition to others, why I do not go to his home ever to visit. The talk both good and bad. so not all egyptian families behave this way. But many do. We mostly want to avoid the bad talk. It is true that many (not all mind u) there will look at an older foreign woman with a younger man (husband or not) as someone looking for sex..and he is naturally only interested in a visa. We have tried our best to avoid any of this in his parents neighborhood. Since they are more traditional, this type of talk would just be humiliating to their family. We know better and thats all that matters...but will not subject his parents to this.

I knew someone that went to visit her now husband there and after her stay the neighbors thought she had given the family thousands of dollars and one suitcase turned into 10 suitcases..and that they were living together in sin...and she had to be there to give hiim visa.

That reminds me of "my neighbor knows this guy who got his visa in 2 months!"

[morocco4ever 63]

I have actually heard that rumor fromt there before...."she only went there for sex". What is that suppose to mean???? Seriously if a woman wants sex she can get it here easily....why would you fly thousands of miles for sex???

[doodlebugg 10]

I have actually heard that rumor fromt there before...."she only went there for sex". What is that suppose to mean???? Seriously if a woman wants sex she can get it here easily....why would you fly thousands of miles for sex???

no kidding!!! I mean not for nothing but the do-it-yourself kind is less stressful and you don't have to pick up any dirty socks. Who needs a man for THAT????

[morocco4ever 63]

I have actually heard that rumor fromt there before...."she only went there for sex". What is that suppose to mean???? Seriously if a woman wants sex she can get it here easily....why would you fly thousands of miles for sex???

no kidding!!! I mean not for nothing but the do-it-yourself kind is less stressful and you don't have to pick up any dirty socks. Who needs a man for THAT????

Super Stud 10 and batteries....clean house, no cooking or laundry...a match made in heaven!

[ya falaha! 0]

People can be as private as they want to be but *some* neighbors will always talk.

I have an EXTREMELY nosey neighbor who watches ppl from the window and knows the ins and outs of everyone in the apt. complex. She doesn't work so she has plenty of time on her hands. It annoys the ####### out of me because I, too, am very private in my real life and don't like ppl watching me or keeping track of my comings and goings. I'm the opposite as this neighbor. Someone could get killed in my building and I probably wouldn't know it until way after the fact.

My inlaws are nosey and talk about their neighbors, their neighbors are nosey and talk about their other neighbors. My husband actually likes the fact that, generally speaking, many Americans are not quite as nosey and intrusive as his neighbors. He hates the rumor mill that's so prevalent in his neighborhood in Egypt. But he does love to relay the rumors.

I can't tell you the number of "so and so got his visa in 3 mos after the papers were filed" or "so and so was a millionaire after a year in the states" stories I've heard. I love those.

Edited February 8, 2008 by moody

[sara535 15]

I can't tell you the number of "so and so got his visa in 3 mos after the papers were filed" or "so and so was a millionaire after a year in the states" stories I've heard. I love those.

Ive also heard a lot of those, especially the millionaire ones. wow I had no idea how many moroccans were giving bill gates a run for his money!