ababdonment

[abandoned 0]

No, not my experience, and no, I was VERY careful to limit my comments to the majority I see in the practice of my colleague across the hall, and the constantly never-changing story that is exactly like the one from the OP. My experience is and was quite different. I would hope that EVERY experience of EVERYONE who brings someone here from another country with wide-eyed optimism for a future works out exactly the way they planned. But...in PARTICULAR when it comes to Russian wives, the stories are remarkably similar. I would say ALWAYS, but that would be generalizing.

Let me put it this way. The story repeats itself with people from many places. But...by far...the majority of these situations involve spouses from the former Soviet Union. I don't know what it is, but I do know that they have these services that unite forlorned men in the US looking for a beautiful wife they find through the service in Russia...the Russian counterpart plays the game and it's all worked out in advance...after a couple of months, they go running to authorities claiming abuse, physical restraint, sexual slavery, go after their green card disappearing in the process, leaving the USC in the lurch without hope, not understanding what the hell happened...not having done anything except have faith in love, commitment, and a willingness to do something extraordinary that blew up in their face. Sad...but true...and it does involve Russian wives WAY WAY WAY more than spouses (male or female) from any other country. In my experience and what I see from a professional standpoint, anyway.

This is exactly what is happening to me. But, after meeting all her family and learning to love them, I find it hard to believe. I think it happened because of her "friends" here. OR, she was a great actress

[Mags 112]

In the legal practice, it's not just HIS wife...but the story repeats itself over and over and over and over and over and over again...same scenario, and the person is immaterial. Same set-up, same circumstances, same country, same time frame, everything is the same. Don't need to know anybody, husband or wife, to warn of the scenario that he could be facing and, in my professional opinion, one he will likely face given the totality of the circumstances. Sorry. Wish it were different...! I'm NOT judging the person...I am judging the circumstances. You are the one making a judgment of my view and opinion given my background and experience of which you know very little. This is supposed to be a forum of frank discussions regarding a very difficult emotional situation for those who participate here. No sense treating it with kidd gloves...the situation needs to be exposed for what it is, however much it hurts, and I know it does hurt.

Tito, just because it has happened before does NOT mean that it will happen in the OP's case. Once more you are rushing head long into a topic and making rash and judgemental comments without anything to back it up in the OP's case.

Posts like the one where you claim his wife will say he kept her as a slave are downright scaremongering and out of place in this particular area of the forum. Additionally, this area of the forum is more of a support system for people in the most direst of predicaments. Judgement and harsh comments are not required or warranted here.

Edited February 4, 2008 by Mags

[2manypapers 0]

In the legal practice, it's not just HIS wife...but the story repeats itself over and over and over and over and over and over again...same scenario, and the person is immaterial. Same set-up, same circumstances, same country, same time frame, everything is the same. Don't need to know anybody, husband or wife, to warn of the scenario that he could be facing and, in my professional opinion, one he will likely face given the totality of the circumstances. Sorry. Wish it were different...! I'm NOT judging the person...I am judging the circumstances. You are the one making a judgment of my view and opinion given my background and experience of which you know very little. This is supposed to be a forum of frank discussions regarding a very difficult emotional situation for those who participate here. No sense treating it with kidd gloves...the situation needs to be exposed for what it is, however much it hurts, and I know it does hurt.

Tito, just because it has happened before does NOT mean that it will happen in the OP's case. Once more you are rushing head long into a topic and making rash and judgemental comments without anything to back it up in the OP's case.

Posts like the one where you claim his wife will say he kept her as a slave are downright scaremongering and out of place in this particular area of the forum. Additionally, this area of the forum is more of a support system for people in the most direst of predicaments. Judgement and harsh comments are not required or warranted here.

[abandoned 0]

In the legal practice, it's not just HIS wife...but the story repeats itself over and over and over and over and over and over again...same scenario, and the person is immaterial. Same set-up, same circumstances, same country, same time frame, everything is the same. Don't need to know anybody, husband or wife, to warn of the scenario that he could be facing and, in my professional opinion, one he will likely face given the totality of the circumstances. Sorry. Wish it were different...! I'm NOT judging the person...I am judging the circumstances. You are the one making a judgment of my view and opinion given my background and experience of which you know very little. This is supposed to be a forum of frank discussions regarding a very difficult emotional situation for those who participate here. No sense treating it with kidd gloves...the situation needs to be exposed for what it is, however much it hurts, and I know it does hurt.

Tito, just because it has happened before does NOT mean that it will happen in the OP's case. Once more you are rushing head long into a topic and making rash and judgemental comments without anything to back it up in the OP's case.

Posts like the one where you claim his wife will say he kept her as a slave are downright scaremongering and out of place in this particular area of the forum. Additionally, this area of the forum is more of a support system for people in the most direst of predicaments. Judgement and harsh comments are not required or warranted here.

I don't know Tito's circumstance, but mine is just as described. The only abuse was not being able to give her a new car and credit card. I was working evertthing out to make her happy. But, maybe that was not possible. I was up against at least 6 other Ru women talking about this for 8-12 hours daily . I just want her back, or atleast, to know she is safe and what her plans are. She feels it is none of my business. Should I report this to USCIS???

[panamania79 2]

After 2 months of marriage, my wife just disappeared. She won't talk, turned off her phone. Her friends aren't talking. I am assuming that she cannot get her green card without me. Is that the case? I get an occasional email saying she is going "someplace". I don't know my rights or hers. I feel very used after over $10K invested and she sneaks away. Should this be reported to USCIS. I want her back, but I think she ran off with someone else

I am so sorry this happened to you.Find yourself an attorney and get this straightened out before she can get you for any assets you have.Yeah,she's going someplace allright,back to Mother Russia.Keep your head up and stay strong.

[2manypapers 0]

I think that Tito has given great advice. The poster asked what his rights are and I believe that this forum is a bit different than the others. If the poster reconciles or chooses not to follow the advice given, then it is his option to do so, but I have been in the same position as the poster and time can be of the essence in understanding what his legal options are in order to protect himself. Unless you have been in this situation, it can be very hard to fathom how devastating and confusing it can be. If we have a poster that is willing to share his knowledge, as well as his painful experience, I believe we should be thanking Tito for trying to help, instead of insinuating that he is doing a disservice.

Abandoned, try to protect yourself, in every way possible and I understand that you love her, but she is not treating you in a loving manner. Yes, you should report this, if you believe that she is not coming back.

[abandoned 0]

I think that Tito has given great advice. The poster asked what his rights are and I believe that this forum is a bit different than the others. If the poster reconciles or chooses not to follow the advice given, then it is his option to do so, but I have been in the same position as the poster and time can be of the essence in understanding what his legal options are in order to protect himself. Unless you have been in this situation, it can be very hard to fathom how devastating and confusing it can be. If we have a poster that is willing to share his knowledge, as well as his painful experience, I believe we should be thanking Tito for trying to help, instead of insinuating that he is doing a disservice.

Abandoned, try to protect yourself, in every way possible and I understand that you love her, but she is not treating you in a loving manner. Yes, you should report this, if you believe that she is not coming back.

Thanks. It's hard to just let go. You always hope for the best, but........

[tito 1]

"Posts like the one where you claim his wife will say he kept her as a slave are downright scaremongering and out of place in this particular area of the forum."

I beg to differ and wholeheartedly disagree. Those are the things the immigrant says...and that is what they are coached to say...it's no accident that these same scripts are read over and over again in the course of many an immigration story. The immigrants, ESPECIALLY many of the Russian immigrants, know all about this way in advance. This is PRECISELY the area of this forum where this kind of discussion MUST be brought to the forefront...MAJOR CHANGES. And someone walking out after being so demanding once they get here is a pretty major life-changer! And once again, the experience I am sharing with the forum here is a professional one. And once again, it happens all the time with the Russian brides. Not all...but of those who pull this sort of stunt, the vast majority are Russians. Generalizations or not, it's the case. This is, to me, based on my professional experience, just one more example of the same sort of thing.

Indeed, the OP should protect himself as best as he can, because this is not just a separation or anything like that. The spouse plays along and sees how far he or she can push the situation, and once the horse bucks, so to speak, they're gone...and they'll stop at nothing to get a green card. Even claim abuse. And thinks absolutely nothing of the $10K you spent.

I still think the best course of action is to develop a very formidable defense plan. As far as the abusive spouse application, the USC has no way of knowing anything...USCIS doesn't share that information, and does not consult the USC. HOWEVER...if you DO write a letter (i) disavowing the declaration of support, and (ii) explaining the circumstances, the letter does become a part of the immigrant's record and file. The games are transparent, but if the USC speaks up, at least the information will be considered. Otherwise, I'd bet the farm it's a done deal.

So shoot me if I generalize. Sometimes, the generalizations are spot on. As for others who fill the fora here with stories of success, congratulations!! Unfortunately, THIS particular forum does deal with a tragic and sad subject matter, and this stuff DOES INDEED HAPPEN ALL THE TIME.

Edited February 4, 2008 by tito

[StillThePrettiest 3]

So shoot me if I generalize.

*bang*

[mox 298]

I don't know Tito's circumstance, but mine is just as described. The only abuse was not being able to give her a new car and credit card. I was working evertthing out to make her happy. But, maybe that was not possible. I was up against at least 6 other Ru women talking about this for 8-12 hours daily . I just want her back, or atleast, to know she is safe and what her plans are. She feels it is none of my business. Should I report this to USCIS???

Honest to god if you put any faith into the complete and utter ####### tito is spouting then you need to have your head examined. You need to work with the facts you know, not the scaremongering crapola that some random idiot is feeding you through the intertubes.

I'm sorry this happened, I really am. It sucks. But for god's sake start thinking for yourself and don't let random idiots put bogeymen in your head that have absolutely no basis in fact.

FFS. This is the reason we can't have nice things.

[garya505 2]

Sadly, based on what the OP has told us, tito's opinion is probably right.

[mox 298]

Sadly, based on what the OP has told us, tito's opinion is probably right.

*smashes head into wall*

Let's recap what the original poster has said. "My wife left the house and won't return my phone calls."

Now let's recap tito's analysis: "zomg she's totally going to file abuse/sexual slavery charges so she can get her greencard and you know why? Because ALL RUSSIAN WOMEN DO THAT! Oh wait I didn't say "ALL" because that would be *generalizing.* Okay just most of them do it."

This is fearmongering of the worst sort. Believe it if you will but just know that it's a pretty amazing leap from "my wife left and won't return my calls" to some kind of greencard conspiracy theory.

[tito 1]

"Honest to god if you put any faith into the complete and utter ####### tito is spouting then you need to have your head examined. You need to work with the facts you know, not the scaremongering crapola that some random idiot is feeding you through the intertubes."

You don't know me, yet you call me a 'random idiot'. How nice...how quaint. They say that personal attacks are the sign of fear. There's nothing to fear, Mox. Except, perhaps, the truth of what I'm saying is a very real and very highly probable outcome. You are, naturally, free to disagree with my conclusions and formulate your own opinion based on your experience, but I take great exception to name calling and the fact that you do not share my experience in any way, shape or form. Nor I yours, so I make no judgment and I certainly don't call others names. The poster is in a pretty bad way, and to give false hope by encouraging desperation doesn't do anybody any good. This exact situation is absolutely NOTORIOUS. It happens all the time. Not in every relationship, but this is the textbook variety. I sure hope I'm wrong!

"Okay just most of them do it" Ask your wife...she'll agree.

Abandonded...I feel for you. But despite the faith you may have in love and the commitment you felt and the extent to which you are, were or have become invested in this situation and relationship, and the things you are willing to overlook as something you can overcome, consider that this might also be a situation where you're constantly going to be chasing your tail trying to fill a cup that has no bottom...with the things you were doing to make her "happy": credit card, car, and whatever else - it might end up being a never-ending situation. Try to look at the situation objectively...what advice would you give someone else if they wrote something like this? It's tough to see the big picture, but take a step back and think.

This is sheer speculation, but I could imagine a situation where someone in these circumstances would be thinking, gee, if I only did this or that, or didn't say this or that, or if this or that happened, everything would be fine...or even that, one day, the person will open his or her eyes and come to some revalation about how wonderful the other person is and was to them, and how wrong they were, and how sorry they are, and then they'll come back and be the person the spouse thought they were or wanted them to be. You indicated that you were worried about her, but the sad, cold fact is that, if she were worried about herself or about you, she knows how to reach you. It's shitty to contemplate the one you love and for whom you sacrificed so much moving on, but false hopes can be quite paralyzing and debilitating...be careful with that.

There is a fundamental rule about holes: when you find yourself in one, the first thing you have to do if you want to get out of it is to stop digging.

Edited February 4, 2008 by tito

[tito 1]

Actually, THIS is what the original poster said:

"After 2 months of marriage, my wife just disappeared. She won't talk, turned off her phone. Her friends aren't talking. I am assuming that she cannot get her green card without me. Is that the case? I get an occasional email saying she is going "someplace". I don't know my rights or hers. I feel very used after over $10K invested and she sneaks away. Should this be reported to USCIS. I want her back, but I think she ran off with someone else"

Elements: Russian wife; married 2 months; disappeared; nobody will talk; hears she's going 'someplace'; feels used over money invested; sneaked away; think she ran off.

Not, "wife left house and won't return phone calls..."

Those are clues to the formulation of a really bad scenario.

Edited February 4, 2008 by tito

[mox 298]

You don't know me, yet you call me a 'random idiot'. How nice...how quaint. They say that personal attacks are the sign of fear.

"Quaint" (ooh did you say it in a British accent like a Bond villain? Because that would be so cool!) would be if I called you a specific idiot. I called you a "random" idiot because it's a little more new-gen, yo. And yeah, I'm afraid alright. People like you make me very afraid because I know someone out there will actually take you seriously and quite possibly ruin their life by following your advice.

There's nothing to fear, Mox. Except, perhaps, the truth of what I'm saying is a very real and very highly probable outcome.

"truth" is an absolute, and has no "probability." The OP says his wife left and won't return his phone calls. You jumped to a HUGE effing conclusion based on just a few words and her nationality.

The poster is in a pretty bad way, and to give false hope by encouraging desperation doesn't do anybody any good. This exact situation is absolutely NOTORIOUS. It happens all the time. Not in every relationship, but this is the textbook variety. I sure hope I'm wrong!

Nobody is giving the poster false hope. But you're giving him false fear. As I said before, you're a fearmonger of the worst sort. Oh ####### I called you another name. You're going to take exception aren't you? I hate it when you take exception. Lifesaver?

There is a fundamental rule about holes: when you find yourself in one, the first thing you have to do if you want to get out of it is to stop digging.

Here's another fundamental rule about holes: if all that's coming out of yours is sh*t then it's best to plug it up.

Those are clues to the formulation of a really bad scenario.

Yes, a really bad scenario. Best we fill in the FREAKING HUGE GIGANTIC GAPS with fear, speculation, and more fear.