What is the best website for finding your soul mate

[garya505 2]

What exactly IS the benefit to intentionally targeting a foreign born SO? The lonely wait? The 'living in two time zones'? The $$$ it costs for visits and phones and filing fees? The paperwork? The adjustment? The years of gov't hassle?

I don't see the point of intentionally seeking that out.

The downsides that you list - real as they are - are short-term.

For someone who loves to travel, there can be benefits to having a foreign-born SO, despite the cost involved. My wife and I are looking forward to showing my step-daughter around the UK, and using my parents place as a base to tour Europe. With (hopefully) another child at some point, the trips back will add more meaning, especially to him/her. Sure, you can travel without having a foreign SO, but there's nothing like being shown around by a local.

My step-daughter (7) loves the connection she has to the UK. She proudly shows off the small gifts "from England" to her friends, that my Mum sends her. She does a mean 'mockney' accent. She celebrates Guy Fawkes. For me, these things are beneficial to our life together as a family.

I'm not saying there's no benefit to being in an int'l relationship....I'm saying why use IMBs and the like to date internationally with people who are explicitly looking for American partners is done so because there's at least a partial immigration benefit which makes the petitioner a bit more desirable than usual.

Ah, now we're getting somewhere. You think the foreign women are just looking for man who can get them a green card. You should just come out and say it! We call those "opportunists". I'm not sure, but I think there are some foreign men doing that too.

[Alex+R 0]

Ah, now we're getting somewhere. You think the foreign women are just looking for man who can get them a green card. You should just come out and say it! We call those "opportunists". I'm not sure, but I think there are some foreign men doing that too.

Gary, if someone signs up for a program where they will meet American men, what other motivation do you imagine they have? They don't know anything about the men other than their nationality, and that was enough for them to sign up to meet them.

[garya505 2]

Ah, now we're getting somewhere. You think the foreign women are just looking for man who can get them a green card. You should just come out and say it! We call those "opportunists". I'm not sure, but I think there are some foreign men doing that too.

Gary, if someone signs up for a program where they will meet American men, what other motivation do you imagine they have? They don't know anything about the men other than their nationality, and that was enough for them to sign up to meet them.

On that point you are correct, all you know when you meet is their nationality. Sometimes that IS all they are looking for. A smart man or woman looks for more.

You're stuck on a stereotype, so I'll cut you some slack, but this time only!

[Alex+R 0]

Ah, now we're getting somewhere. You think the foreign women are just looking for man who can get them a green card. You should just come out and say it! We call those "opportunists". I'm not sure, but I think there are some foreign men doing that too.

Gary, if someone signs up for a program where they will meet American men, what other motivation do you imagine they have? They don't know anything about the men other than their nationality, and that was enough for them to sign up to meet them.

On that point you are correct, all you know when you meet is their nationality. Sometimes that IS all they are looking for. A smart man or woman looks for more.

You're stuck on a stereotype, so I'll cut you some slack, but this time only!

I'm not sure what stereotype I'm "stuck in"; I'm just saying what I see. So sometimes that is all they're looking for. What are the other people looking for? Who is the "smart man or woman"? I don't really understand what you're saying.

[BJZags 17]

Western women are pretty much the lowest of the low; the least desirable. We can't go on dating websites in the same fashion that men can and look for a foreign husband. It is more socially acceptable for an average man to seek out a beautiful foreign bride than for an average lady to seek out a beautiful foreign groom. I often see very average looking men with stunning girlfriends but a good looking man with an average girlfriend is a lot rarer. We have nothing to offer except perhaps wealth (if we have a decent job) and citizenship.

Our only real hope is to find a poor man who does not mind leaving his own country or to search in other Western countries. Even if we are good-looking we are still not desirable, because according to stereotype we have horrible personalities.

So when a man deliberately seeks out a foreign bride the above is implied. I've heard the above sentiments echoed by men themselves all too many times. It's a bit of a self-esteem crusher.

Ya know, aside from the "lowest of the low" comment, you might be onto something here. Though the way this thread has digressed, I'm not so sure that it is much more socially acceptable for the "average man" to do the foreign bride thing. I suspect its more that some men don't factor in "socially acceptable" as a factor for making their decision.

[Fandango 1,439]

I am merely commenting on the many comments I've seen on this site in regards to this situation....the 'send em back and get a new one' mentality and the 'American women have no family values' or the 'ABC women are great this that or the other' mentality. My opin is certainly not some 'applicable across the board to all foreign relationships' generalization...so if anyone hasn't uttered opins like the phrases above, then clearly I'm not talking about you.

Sites where foreign born men/women sign up for a site looking for a serious relationship with an American implies a benefit. The American gets points simply for showing up. We can protest all we want, but at the end of the day, it is what it is.

[garya505 2]

Ah, now we're getting somewhere. You think the foreign women are just looking for man who can get them a green card. You should just come out and say it! We call those "opportunists". I'm not sure, but I think there are some foreign men doing that too.

Gary, if someone signs up for a program where they will meet American men, what other motivation do you imagine they have? They don't know anything about the men other than their nationality, and that was enough for them to sign up to meet them.

On that point you are correct, all you know when you meet is their nationality. Sometimes that IS all they are looking for. A smart man or woman looks for more.

You're stuck on a stereotype, so I'll cut you some slack, but this time only!

I'm not sure what stereotype I'm "stuck in"; I'm just saying what I see. So sometimes that is all they're looking for. What are the other people looking for? Who is the "smart man or woman"? I don't really understand what you're saying.

It appears that you're stuck on the stereotype of the "green card seeker". Of course there are plenty of those. I think I met one or two in my travels.

Seriously, I'm curious how you formed your opinion. Was it from what you have seen on TV? Is it people you have known in person? Is it the the "mail order bride" stories? Did you see the movie "Birthday Girl" starring Nicole Kidman? I thought it was pretty funny, you should rent it if you haven't seen it.

How many people (men or women) do you actually know, in person, who married US citizens? How many of these were opportunists, and how many were genuine? How did the marriages turn out (compared to "traditional" marriages)?

Here's my definition: The smart man or woman knows how to determine the true intentions of their potential spouse. This applies to any relationship, international or not.

[AnewKINDofFEELIN 0]

Ah, now we're getting somewhere. You think the foreign women are just looking for man who can get them a green card. You should just come out and say it! We call those "opportunists". I'm not sure, but I think there are some foreign men doing that too.

Gary, if someone signs up for a program where they will meet American men, what other motivation do you imagine they have? They don't know anything about the men other than their nationality, and that was enough for them to sign up to meet them.

On that point you are correct, all you know when you meet is their nationality. Sometimes that IS all they are looking for. A smart man or woman looks for more.

You're stuck on a stereotype, so I'll cut you some slack, but this time only!

I'm not sure what stereotype I'm "stuck in"; I'm just saying what I see. So sometimes that is all they're looking for. What are the other people looking for? Who is the "smart man or woman"? I don't really understand what you're saying.

It appears that you're stuck on the stereotype of the "green card seeker". Of course there are plenty of those. I think I met one or two in my travels.

Seriously, I'm curious how you formed your opinion. Was it from what you have seen on TV? Is it people you have known in person? Is it the the "mail order bride" stories? Did you see the movie "Birthday Girl" starring Nicole Kidman? I thought it was pretty funny, you should rent it if you haven't seen it.

How many people (men or women) do you actually know, in person, who married US citizens? How many of these were opportunists, and how many were genuine? How did the marriages turn out (compared to "traditional" marriages)?

Here's my definition: The smart man or woman knows how to determine the true intentions of their potential spouse. This applies to any relationship, international or not.

I think a telling tale is when the beneficiary is really hot and the petitioner is not at all.

[Fandango 1,439]

Ah, now we're getting somewhere. You think the foreign women are just looking for man who can get them a green card. You should just come out and say it! We call those "opportunists". I'm not sure, but I think there are some foreign men doing that too.

Gary, if someone signs up for a program where they will meet American men, what other motivation do you imagine they have? They don't know anything about the men other than their nationality, and that was enough for them to sign up to meet them.

On that point you are correct, all you know when you meet is their nationality. Sometimes that IS all they are looking for. A smart man or woman looks for more.

You're stuck on a stereotype, so I'll cut you some slack, but this time only!

I'm not sure what stereotype I'm "stuck in"; I'm just saying what I see. So sometimes that is all they're looking for. What are the other people looking for? Who is the "smart man or woman"? I don't really understand what you're saying.

It appears that you're stuck on the stereotype of the "green card seeker". Of course there are plenty of those. I think I met one or two in my travels.

Seriously, I'm curious how you formed your opinion. Was it from what you have seen on TV? Is it people you have known in person? Is it the the "mail order bride" stories? Did you see the movie "Birthday Girl" starring Nicole Kidman? I thought it was pretty funny, you should rent it if you haven't seen it.

How many people (men or women) do you actually know, in person, who married US citizens? How many of these were opportunists, and how many were genuine? How did the marriages turn out (compared to "traditional" marriages)?

Here's my definition: The smart man or woman knows how to determine the true intentions of their potential spouse. This applies to any relationship, international or not.

If the procuring cause of the relationship is based on a site where the goal is to marry Americans to foreign nationals, the green card is implied.

Not by some. By all foreign participants of the site.

[garya505 2]

I am merely commenting on the many comments I've seen on this site in regards to this situation....the 'send em back and get a new one' mentality and the 'American women have no family values' or the 'ABC women are great this that or the other' mentality. My opin is certainly not some 'applicable across the board to all foreign relationships' generalization...so if anyone hasn't uttered opins like the phrases above, then clearly I'm not talking about you.

Sites where foreign born men/women sign up for a site looking for a serious relationship with an American implies a benefit. The American gets points simply for showing up. We can protest all we want, but at the end of the day, it is what it is.

Of course it implies a benefit. Aren't you and your SO getting married because it benefits you both in some way?

The problem people have is that it's all they see is that the foreigner gets to come to the US, and they assume that's the ONLY reason they would marry the American. They see the American with some advantage looking for a mate in a foreign country, and it seems like that's not fair somehow, or that they're taking advantage of the foreigners.

Of course, as we all know, life and relationships are more complicated than that.

[AnewKINDofFEELIN 0]

Of course it implies a benefit. Aren't you and your SO getting married because it benefits you both in some way?

The problem people have is that it's all they see is that the foreigner gets to come to the US, and they assume that's the ONLY reason they would marry the American. They see the American with some advantage looking for a mate in a foreign country, and it seems like that's not fair somehow, or that they're taking advantage of the foreigners.

Of course, as we all know, life and relationships are more complicated than that.

I don't think benefit is quite the word I use when discussing my relationship.

[Addie_Goodvibes 0]

Hello, I was engaged to a Russian girl in 2006. It did not work out for many reasons. I , now am searching again. I wanted to see if anyone had some good experiences with certain websites. Im anxious about all the scammers that are out there.

Thanks

Craig

Ashleymadison.com

[garya505 2]

Ah, now we're getting somewhere. You think the foreign women are just looking for man who can get them a green card. You should just come out and say it! We call those "opportunists". I'm not sure, but I think there are some foreign men doing that too.

Gary, if someone signs up for a program where they will meet American men, what other motivation do you imagine they have? They don't know anything about the men other than their nationality, and that was enough for them to sign up to meet them.

On that point you are correct, all you know when you meet is their nationality. Sometimes that IS all they are looking for. A smart man or woman looks for more.

You're stuck on a stereotype, so I'll cut you some slack, but this time only!

I'm not sure what stereotype I'm "stuck in"; I'm just saying what I see. So sometimes that is all they're looking for. What are the other people looking for? Who is the "smart man or woman"? I don't really understand what you're saying.

It appears that you're stuck on the stereotype of the "green card seeker". Of course there are plenty of those. I think I met one or two in my travels.

Seriously, I'm curious how you formed your opinion. Was it from what you have seen on TV? Is it people you have known in person? Is it the the "mail order bride" stories? Did you see the movie "Birthday Girl" starring Nicole Kidman? I thought it was pretty funny, you should rent it if you haven't seen it.

How many people (men or women) do you actually know, in person, who married US citizens? How many of these were opportunists, and how many were genuine? How did the marriages turn out (compared to "traditional" marriages)?

Here's my definition: The smart man or woman knows how to determine the true intentions of their potential spouse. This applies to any relationship, international or not.

If the procuring cause of the relationship is based on a site where the goal is to marry Americans to foreign nationals, the green card is implied.

Not by some. By all foreign participants of the site.

Of course it's implied, they can't stay in the US without a green card (at least legally they can't).

The question is whether that's their only reason for being there.

[Fandango 1,439]

I am merely commenting on the many comments I've seen on this site in regards to this situation....the 'send em back and get a new one' mentality and the 'American women have no family values' or the 'ABC women are great this that or the other' mentality. My opin is certainly not some 'applicable across the board to all foreign relationships' generalization...so if anyone hasn't uttered opins like the phrases above, then clearly I'm not talking about you.

Sites where foreign born men/women sign up for a site looking for a serious relationship with an American implies a benefit. The American gets points simply for showing up. We can protest all we want, but at the end of the day, it is what it is.

Of course it implies a benefit. Aren't you and your SO getting married because it benefits you both in some way?

The problem people have is that it's all they see is that the foreigner gets to come to the US, and they assume that's the ONLY reason they would marry the American. They see the American with some advantage looking for a mate in a foreign country, and it seems like that's not fair somehow, or that they're taking advantage of the foreigners.

Of course, as we all know, life and relationships are more complicated than that.

nonono...you're missing my point.

If we met on an IMB site, then the gc benefit is the primary or procuring factor. Not an added benefit down the line.

[Imua 0]

Western women are pretty much the lowest of the low; the least desirable. We can't go on dating websites in the same fashion that men can and look for a foreign husband. It is more socially acceptable for an average man to seek out a beautiful foreign bride than for an average lady to seek out a beautiful foreign groom. I often see very average looking men with stunning girlfriends but a good looking man with an average girlfriend is a lot rarer. We have nothing to offer except perhaps wealth (if we have a decent job) and citizenship.

Our only real hope is to find a poor man who does not mind leaving his own country or to search in other Western countries. Even if we are good-looking we are still not desirable, because according to stereotype we have horrible personalities.

So when a man deliberately seeks out a foreign bride the above is implied. I've heard the above sentiments echoed by men themselves all too many times. It's a bit of a self-esteem crusher.

Bingo! Hammer, nail, head. I grew up in Hawaii, home of the very first IMB(Cherry Blossoms) which existed long before the Web was around and correspondence was all by snail mail. Lots of jaded, usually divorced American guys fed up with us "fat, bossy, golddigging, too independent, too feminist' American women coming to Hawaii specifically in search of Asian(usually Japanese or Filipina) women. Imagine growing up as a White girl in this atmosphere. I remember in college seeing one of these types trying to hit on a Korean woman on a bus once. She could barely speak two words of English and he was telling her how much he loved Asian women, showing her the word 'submissive' in her Korean-English dictionary....

It is one thing to seek out a mate of another nationality because you are interested in that particular culture/religion/country/language(which I did, and I know some American men married to Asian women who were interested in Asian culture long before they met their wives) or if you just happen to meet in a gaming forum, chat room, etc. and hit it off, another thing entirely to seek out someone from a culture about which you know little or nothing based only on the fact that you dislike women of your own nationality and you think that women from another one have what they are lacking, based on stereotypes. I am not saying that the OP fits this description, but I have seen men who definitely do, IRL and online.