Question: re: weddings

[j&js 0]

I'm torn with that very decision right now and James is not being any help in deciding- saying he'd be happy with whatever would make me happy. My parents are willing to either pay as much as they can towards a church wedding next summer (already did the justice of the peace in the living room thing) or give us the cash to help in buying a house.

I'm usually all about saving when we can, but am having trouble letting go of the idea of a wedding. I'll let you all know what I decide!

And I can't believe that bit about people not giving even a card and attending a wedding! When my MIL spread the word back home that we had gotten married, we got cards and gifts from lots of people, some that James has only met once in his life, and they weren't even invited to the ceremony!

[KarenCee 3]

Joel and I are having a small wedding...but even that is becoming stressful. I wanted two people who have meant a lot to me to officiate...one to do the actual vows and one to do the Native American Blanket Ceremony. That one, the Blanket Ceremony, means more to me than the actual vows (although those are necessary for legalities). Anyway, my friend got her feelings hurt because I wanted the other guy (pastor of the presbyterian church I attend) to do the other part...the vows. She just got her Ordination License online (is that legal?) and wanted us to be the first couple she marries. Joel and I can't take any chances with our marriage not being recognised when we go for the AOS interview. Does that sound snotty of us? She's a good friend but can be very pushy and extremely opinionated, especially when her views aren't subscribed to. I know I know...how can that be a good friend...sigh, I'm beginning to wonder that myself.

I think she's being selfish...or am I wrong?

Edited April 25, 2006 by KarenCee

[Sinergy 3]

About the gifts, i know at my first wedding to my ex husband, we got alot of gifts, and most of it we never used hehe.

When me and my fiance had our ceremony in Romania, the tradition is not to give gifts, but during the eating time, and before the massive drinking and dancing (my fav part) the couple stands with a bag, and EVERYONE at the wedding (ours was like engagment/wedding for his fam since they cant get here for the legal one)places money in the bag. It was a bit more useful, it paid for our visa stuff, our little vacation we took in the mountains before i returned to USA, and other nessesary things. I felt kinda guilty taking all that money (we ended up with almost $1,200), i mean gifts you can give cheap, but these ppl threw alot of money in the bag, but like my fiance said, atleast the money can go to good use and not sit in a box and never be touched.

Just sharing my experience

[ChristinaM 0]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the whole point of a wedding registry traditionally was to help the new couple set up home together since they would be "starting anew" in their lives. Now so many couples have everything they will need (such as bed linens, kitchen appliances, and other traditional registry items) and often have to jetison some things because they're moving in together (ie. they have two beds, too much living room furniture etc.). It seems a touch crass to make a registry when you're on your second (or third, or fourth) marriage and there is nothing you actually need, and against the original intention. JMO. Nothing wrong with a nice little something to help though - a good bottle of wine never goes amiss!

On the original question, I'd take the money without any question. As much as it would have been nice to have a $10+K wedding, the important thing was to get married and we certainly have more useful things to spend that amount of money on.

[Sinergy 3]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the whole point of a wedding registry traditionally was to help the new couple set up home together since they would be "starting anew" in their lives. Now so many couples have everything they will need (such as bed linens, kitchen appliances, and other traditional registry items) and often have to jetison some things because they're moving in together (ie. they have two beds, too much living room furniture etc.). It seems a touch crass to make a registry when you're on your second (or third, or fourth) marriage and there is nothing you actually need, and against the original intention. JMO. Nothing wrong with a nice little something to help though - a good bottle of wine never goes amiss!

On the original question, I'd take the money without any question. As much as it would have been nice to have a $10+K wedding, the important thing was to get married and we certainly have more useful things to spend that amount of money on.

It doesnt hurt to upgrade your old things

[ChristinaM 0]

I still don't think it's the spirit in which the whole thing was originally intended though.

[Miranda&James 8]

Speaking of registries....James grandmother got us all of our dishes (8 place settings) and silverware. Well, they arrived today in 4 massive boxes and 1 small one and guess what - the dishes are too BIG for my cabinets! The dinner plates are "generously sized" according to the Pottery Barn site and boy are they right! They're 12" in diameter, best I can tell normal ones are about 11". The salad plates are the size of a normal dinner plate! I don't know what I'm going to do....I guess I have to buy a pantry for the kitchen now. I've been meaning to anyways, but the one I want on target.com has 50 dollar shipping and it's only a 100 dollar cabinet Any suggestions guys?

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

Your parents say:

You can have the wedding of your DREAMS...any detail you want, done...

or

You can elope and we'll give you 10,000 dollars (average cost of a wedding these days).

With the first option you get NO money. Which would you choose

I'd do a Steve Miller: Take the Money and Run

[jordanianprincess 0]

Your parents say:

You can have the wedding of your DREAMS...any detail you want, done...

or

You can elope and we'll give you 10,000 dollars (average cost of a wedding these days).

With the first option you get NO money. Which would you choose

My first thought when I saw this...wedding of my dreams...10,000? If you add another 0 to that we would be in business.

I'd still go for the wedding, the memories would last forever and I'm sure I'd blow the cash on something silly.

[nina1 0]

you NEED to get a wedding party no matter what or it will haunt you for the rest of your life... You will always think to urself "ohhh, i wonder how i woulda looked if i had a wedding party and a wedding dress!" Or "I wish i had pictures of my wedding to show my children!"

Now having said that, i will say that most definitely, take the money, but use that money to not only throw a party as i have stated above, but also use it to go on a nice honeymoon.

[CarolineM 0]

Not taking a present to a wedding? Even a card? Oi. That's in poor taste for sure...

We did a "honeymoon" registry for our small wedding - and even though only 30 people were there, we ended up with almost 2000 dollars - enough for Stewarts plane ticket to AMerica - so that worked out well

I'd love to register as now that we've moved into our condo there are SO many things we need! Stina I'm sure you can testify to this with your new house...moving is EXPENSIVE. NOt only moving, but then setting everything up...cable, electicity, buying new things you need...even cleaning supplies!!

Oooh mom and dad why didn't you offer me $10,000 :)

[Sister Fracas 5]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the whole point of a wedding registry traditionally was to help the new couple set up home together since they would be "starting anew" in their lives. Now so many couples have everything they will need (such as bed linens, kitchen appliances, and other traditional registry items) and often have to jetison some things because they're moving in together (ie. they have two beds, too much living room furniture etc.). It seems a touch crass to make a registry when you're on your second (or third, or fourth) marriage and there is nothing you actually need, and against the original intention. JMO. Nothing wrong with a nice little something to help though - a good bottle of wine never goes amiss!

Sorry...a nice botle of wine is a waste in my opinion...you drink it and it's gone....and besides I hardly drink any liquor at all...so the bottle of vodka with chili peppers in the bottom was a nice gift for hubster, but.... then again these were HIS friends. Maybe I shouldn't have expected gifts for "us".

And no, it wasn't my second, third, or fourth wedding and there were several things I wound up buying out of my own money before hubster got here. Thankful for a great tax return that year...

[ChristinaM 0]

I was making a sweeping generalisation with the wine, Frances In your case, something else would have been more appropriate and I agree that it would have been nice for you to have a "together" gift.

Remember WelshCake's comment about the long-running "the couple's going to get three toasters and a fondue set" joke? That's because that's what traditional wedding gifts were for; to ease the financial burden of setting up home. I personally think it's a shame that bridal registry lists now regularly seem to include things like iPods, particular very expensive crystal vases and the like, because the couple in question have a fully kitted out home, don't need toasters but still want to have a registry. As I said, I feel it's getting much more crass now.

Maybe I'm not coming from a normal standpoint, since we got one wedding gift (a framed photo of us on the day we told our friends that we were getting married), one cheque, we married in city hall for a grand cost of $63 and our honeymoon consisted of a road trip to the Ben & Jerry's factory and Cabot Cheesery.

[aussiewench 9]

I'm a simple gal, a wench bride........so I'd take the loot

We married very simple.....just the J.O.P and hubby's brother as a witness. I want to renew our vows on an a small island in FL.....a pirate/wench theme naturally. That would be my dream wedding.

[ace13 0]

I would take the wedding. You only get married once and money comes and goes in life and 10K in the sceme of things isn't much. Take the time to celebrate your relationship in front of all your family and friends. I am sure they want to meet your SO considering the situation. Go for the wedding!!