Real Talk

[ara 0]

Hey Uno I thought it was better once you got closer to Atlanta. Thanks for the heads up. I have lived in southern Georgia my whole life but I would love for my husband and I to live somewhere where he and I can both relate you know what I mean. That is something I would definitely have to check out. Change has always been hard for me because I am so shy but I want a change from this city more than ever.

Zainab I would move to St.Louis if I were you it sounds like a really cool place to live just think things over long and hard before you make a decision.

On the baby thing my husband wants kids like yesterday too. We have time I am 29 he is 30 and I am kind of trying to wait because I just got him here and I want him all to myself right now but I guess we'll see what happens.

Hey Ara,

I was just speaking on my experience! I am accustomed to a certain life style. I am a midwestener through and through. So my moving "south" and noticing the different levels of "quality of life" which they considered standard, was substandard to "me". The educational system was severely lacking from my perspective. My children are considered "exceptional" from a standardized educational perspective and for them to have to repeat subjects "there" that they already have covered "here" was a kick in the face. Not to mention because we have "yankee" accents, we were singled out in a negative way. That was also the first time my children had experienced an "all black" school system. So the "atmosphere" left ALOT to be desired. I noticed that the adults were complacent and lacking in their parenting skills. They had a false sense of security and accomplishment. The economy was "poor". The healthcare, childcare, and social systems were operating under "poor" conditions. And one thing that my kids brought to my attention (I had already noticed), the boys clothes were too big for them and the girls clothing were too small for them. We also could not get over the fact that every woman regardless of age wanted to dress like a "fly girl" and every man thought he was a "baller, shot caller". I can't explain it, but the mentality down in the south, is mind boggling. But as I stated, I can only speak upon "UNOz" experiences, not anyone elses. For some one else, it might be "all gravey baby", but for me, it was "hell on earth!"

Okay, I'm done.

Hey Uno,

You really hit the nail on the head you are so descriptive you are describing where I live. I want my children to have better than what I had. They say that their are no segregated schools anymore but they are segregated here no doubt parents pick what schools their kids go to I thought they couldn't do that but they do it some kind of way so then you got all black schools on the southside and all white schools on the northside. That just isn't right and I don't even have kids to worry about this right now. I just totally understood where you were coming from. I agree it's your experience and mine is mine and some people may love Georgia and to each his own but I want to see what else is out there. I don't know how I got to rambling on this subject but ok on to something new.

[Linguere 0]

As an African American, I have to say (since others may not) that the situation in America in terms of race and Black men choosing to go outside in their relationship choices goes a lot deeper than just haterade. Internalized racism becoming self-hatred and the imposed images of European beauty on the society along with many other issues (subject of many texts) have an affect on those choices. Often times it's not that the man just happened to fall in love with that one girl, it is often a pattern that may have very little to do with that actual woman and more to do with the man himself. African American women's feelings about this run very deep and I could not offer a comprehensive discussion here but I will say it's a much deeper topic that related to the historical and contemporary realities of African Americans. Personally, I don't believe in getting involved in anyone's personal life.

In terms of continental African women giving dirty looks, I can say that it never happened to me in Africa. Since I have been traveling to the continent on a regular basis, I've been running away from people trying to give me someone to marry. I am well-integrated into the continental African community and it has nothing to do with my husband. I spoke his language when I met him. I have always interacted with continental Africans at least equally, if not more than, others here in the states. Because I live in accordance with that value system, I have dated men from the continent for a long time and have never seen any such issues myself. In fact, I have often been encouraged by my African sisters and offered their brothers (I can't explain how many times this has happened to me). Perhaps this is because I am a participant in the culture; I'm not sure because it seemed normal to me. For me, we are one people.

I will say, though, that when my husband and I got married we went to a Senegalese restaurant (in the U.S.) for our celebration and, of course, they knew that we had gotten married. The women never said one nice thing to us, never smiled at anyone at our table (we brought them a lot of business that day), never said thank you, and were actually quite rude. On top of that, I could not eat at my own wedding celebration dinner because they refused to make any vegetables (I am a vegetarian) or even a salad for me even though we had continually called ahead to request it. I drank bissap only. Many people are miserable in their own lives will try their best to spread that. I just said okay, but God sees all that you do. An older man that worked there also felt that he needed to come to our table under the guide of saying prayers for us....just so he could start telling me that I have no voice and to remember that my husband wears that pants in the family. There are just a lot of people (in general) who spend time focusing on others instead of themselves. They get an A for effort though.

Edited February 5, 2008 by AishaandMusa

[Zee Bee 61]

As an African American, I have to say (since others may not) that the situation in America in terms of race and Black men choosing to go outside in their relationship choices goes a lot deeper than just haterade. Internalized racism becoming self-hatred and the imposed images of European beauty on the society along with many other issues (subject of many texts) have an affect on those choices. Often times it's not that the man just happened to fall in love with that one girl, it is often a pattern that may have very little to do with that actual woman and more to do with the man himself. African American women's feelings about this run very deep and I could not offer a comprehensive discussion here but I will say it's a much deeper topic that related to the historical and contemporary realities of African Americans. Personally, I don't believe in getting involved in anyone's personal life.

In terms of continental African women giving dirty looks, I can say that it never happened to me in Africa. Since I have been traveling to the continent on a regular basis, I've been running away from people trying to give me someone to marry. I am well-integrated into the continental African community and it has nothing to do with my husband. I spoke his language when I met him. I have always interacted with continental Africans at least equally, if not more than, others here in the states. Because I live in accordance with that value system, I have dated men from the continent for a long time and have never seen any such issues myself. In fact, I have often been encouraged by my African sisters and offered their brothers (I can't explain how many times this has happened to me). Perhaps this is because I am a participant in the culture; I'm not sure because it seemed normal to me. For me, we are one people.

These are the lines that resonated with me. My SO and I are from the same tribal family but speak different dialects of our common language. Just because I was born in the US people seem to have a hard time believing that I speak the language because my family is from Ghana and not because my fiance is from Ghana. It is the language I use to communicate with the older members of my family, sometimes even, the preferred language if they speak English.

Lets not get me started on marriage proposals...too many funny stories, one involving my sister slapping a guy in the face

I must say though that my Ghanaian friends here are a hoot. All of my Ghanaian friends (who are male) have taken over schooling my fiance over what it is like to be in the US. They are all facebook friends and sometimes I go on their walls to read what they say to each other....I may have to undo some damage there

Most Ghanaians that you meet in the US are from the south, whereas I am from the north, so there are not many who speak my language here. Whenever I find a new Ghanaian and they find out I am from Ghana they go off in Twi...I need to remind them that not all Ghanaians speak Twi

[Linguere 0]

As an African American, I have to say (since others may not) that the situation in America in terms of race and Black men choosing to go outside in their relationship choices goes a lot deeper than just haterade. Internalized racism becoming self-hatred and the imposed images of European beauty on the society along with many other issues (subject of many texts) have an affect on those choices. Often times it's not that the man just happened to fall in love with that one girl, it is often a pattern that may have very little to do with that actual woman and more to do with the man himself. African American women's feelings about this run very deep and I could not offer a comprehensive discussion here but I will say it's a much deeper topic that related to the historical and contemporary realities of African Americans. Personally, I don't believe in getting involved in anyone's personal life.

In terms of continental African women giving dirty looks, I can say that it never happened to me in Africa. Since I have been traveling to the continent on a regular basis, I've been running away from people trying to give me someone to marry. I am well-integrated into the continental African community and it has nothing to do with my husband. I spoke his language when I met him. I have always interacted with continental Africans at least equally, if not more than, others here in the states. Because I live in accordance with that value system, I have dated men from the continent for a long time and have never seen any such issues myself. In fact, I have often been encouraged by my African sisters and offered their brothers (I can't explain how many times this has happened to me). Perhaps this is because I am a participant in the culture; I'm not sure because it seemed normal to me. For me, we are one people.

These are the lines that resonated with me. My SO and I are from the same tribal family but speak different dialects of our common language. Just because I was born in the US people seem to have a hard time believing that I speak the language because my family is from Ghana and not because my fiance is from Ghana. It is the language I use to communicate with the older members of my family, sometimes even, the preferred language if they speak English.

Lets not get me started on marriage proposals...too many funny stories, one involving my sister slapping a guy in the face

I must say though that my Ghanaian friends here are a hoot. All of my Ghanaian friends (who are male) have taken over schooling my fiance over what it is like to be in the US. They are all facebook friends and sometimes I go on their walls to read what they say to each other....I may have to undo some damage there

Most Ghanaians that you meet in the US are from the south, whereas I am from the north, so there are not many who speak my language here. Whenever I find a new Ghanaian and they find out I am from Ghana they go off in Twi...I need to remind them that not all Ghanaians speak Twi

Oh it's an Asante world, isn't it? I actually have friends who speak Twi, Ga, Fante and Ewe right here in DC. I even met an Ewe speaker in Senegal, but of course he was from Togo. Yes, not EVERYONE speaks Twi! All I know is greetings in Ewe and Twi and ooh chaley....typical Ghanaian talk...LOL

I meant to add/edit my post in that there are no absolutes, I just meant that it should add to the explanation of hateraid. It's not for everyone, but as African American women, we share the suffering, but sometimes not the lovin. So, some people have strong feeings about the whole matter.

As far as your SO being schooled....LOL...it may be helpful in the end. I think it's great that everyone's linked up....but you know the African gossip line...LOL. Girl you ARE a Ghanaian. Palease. When love is good, everyone wants some, you know?

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

Hey Uno I thought it was better once you got closer to Atlanta. Thanks for the heads up. I have lived in southern Georgia my whole life but I would love for my husband and I to live somewhere where he and I can both relate you know what I mean. That is something I would definitely have to check out. Change has always been hard for me because I am so shy but I want a change from this city more than ever.

Zainab I would move to St.Louis if I were you it sounds like a really cool place to live just think things over long and hard before you make a decision.

On the baby thing my husband wants kids like yesterday too. We have time I am 29 he is 30 and I am kind of trying to wait because I just got him here and I want him all to myself right now but I guess we'll see what happens.

Hey Ara,

I was just speaking on my experience! I am accustomed to a certain life style. I am a midwestener through and through. So my moving "south" and noticing the different levels of "quality of life" which they considered standard, was substandard to "me". The educational system was severely lacking from my perspective. My children are considered "exceptional" from a standardized educational perspective and for them to have to repeat subjects "there" that they already have covered "here" was a kick in the face. Not to mention because we have "yankee" accents, we were singled out in a negative way. That was also the first time my children had experienced an "all black" school system. So the "atmosphere" left ALOT to be desired. I noticed that the adults were complacent and lacking in their parenting skills. They had a false sense of security and accomplishment. The economy was "poor". The healthcare, childcare, and social systems were operating under "poor" conditions. And one thing that my kids brought to my attention (I had already noticed), the boys clothes were too big for them and the girls clothing were too small for them. We also could not get over the fact that every woman regardless of age wanted to dress like a "fly girl" and every man thought he was a "baller, shot caller". I can't explain it, but the mentality down in the south, is mind boggling. But as I stated, I can only speak upon "UNOz" experiences, not anyone elses. For some one else, it might be "all gravey baby", but for me, it was "hell on earth!"

Okay, I'm done.

The metro Atlanta area is very segregated and I simply don't like that. And not just by race, but by culture. Where I lived all through Stone Mountain heading east, there is a large west indian population. There is a large asian population north of atlanta. But never the two shall meet. There is a nice size african population as well. What I hesitate at really is the environment while raising my children. I think it might be a little uncomfortable to live such a polarized existance because we do quite the opposite here. But I don't know. My family is there and they make it work in their own way. I agree about the educational system, in that it's structure is rigid. They have one way of thinking and prefer kids to fit into it. So, I would probably put my kids in private school because my daughter is already a year ahead and idle minds make for problem children. It's a wonderful city. It has had many growing pains because it grew soooo quickly and the infrastructure had trouble keeping up. I just don't know if it's what I'm looking for long term. Maybe I should move to Timbuktu, Iowa. Where was that again Zee?

[Zee Bee 61]

Maybe I should move to Timbuktu, Iowa. Where was that again Zee?

Iowa City, IA. The only reason I moved was because I am a big city girl.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

Maybe I should move to Timbuktu, Iowa. Where was that again Zee?

Iowa City, IA. The only reason I moved was because I am a big city girl.

Unfortunately, I'm a big city girl too. I told Bassi I want to live on a farm. He said it's cause I never have. Baba owned a farm in BF, so Bassi remembers the hard work with little fondness. Hee Hee. I want a pet goat and to drink milk directly from the cow.

[*JG* 2]

I am proudly african-american and I have lived in Georgia for one dreadful year. There is racism from white people to black people and from southern blacks to northern blacks. I HATED IT. So I packed up my crew and left the south and came right back to the mid-west.

*closes eyes, clicking heels* "there's no place like home, there's no place like home!"

I keep saying that too.....the midwest is much more tolerant of a lot of things I see as issues elsewhere. And some call us backward!!!!!

I am proudly african-american and I have lived in Georgia for one dreadful year. There is racism from white people to black people and from southern blacks to northern blacks. I HATED IT. So I packed up my crew and left the south and came right back to the mid-west.

*closes eyes, clicking heels* "there's no place like home, there's no place like home!"

Awwww man! Ya'll are not even helping. My sweetie has his heart set on moving closer to family. His family is in Missouri (somewhere else I didn't know black people lived but I've since learned of St. Louis). So, it's either Georgia or Missouri. I figure if I have to start over I want to feel some benefit out of it. I've convinced him to give NY a go first but I think he's thinking 1 year tops. Horrible man. He's planning to impregnate me asap. I think that's why he wants me near my mama!

I guess this should be on the other post, some other post, but anyway. Do ya'll have plans for kids? My poor Bassi is hung up on me having his babies. Key is the plural, not the singular. I very much want to have babies but I'm such a worry wart and a planner that I feel like we have to have a 5 year plan. But I'm 33 so five years is pushing it. Do you guys have plans? Or have talked about it?

I've lived in St. Louis all my life. Never want to go elsewhere. Andre is doing well here.

Andre's sister lives in Brooklyn, NY. She's have a bit of a rough time.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

I am proudly african-american and I have lived in Georgia for one dreadful year. There is racism from white people to black people and from southern blacks to northern blacks. I HATED IT. So I packed up my crew and left the south and came right back to the mid-west.

*closes eyes, clicking heels* "there's no place like home, there's no place like home!"

I keep saying that too.....the midwest is much more tolerant of a lot of things I see as issues elsewhere. And some call us backward!!!!!

I am proudly african-american and I have lived in Georgia for one dreadful year. There is racism from white people to black people and from southern blacks to northern blacks. I HATED IT. So I packed up my crew and left the south and came right back to the mid-west.

*closes eyes, clicking heels* "there's no place like home, there's no place like home!"

Awwww man! Ya'll are not even helping. My sweetie has his heart set on moving closer to family. His family is in Missouri (somewhere else I didn't know black people lived but I've since learned of St. Louis). So, it's either Georgia or Missouri. I figure if I have to start over I want to feel some benefit out of it. I've convinced him to give NY a go first but I think he's thinking 1 year tops. Horrible man. He's planning to impregnate me asap. I think that's why he wants me near my mama!

I guess this should be on the other post, some other post, but anyway. Do ya'll have plans for kids? My poor Bassi is hung up on me having his babies. Key is the plural, not the singular. I very much want to have babies but I'm such a worry wart and a planner that I feel like we have to have a 5 year plan. But I'm 33 so five years is pushing it. Do you guys have plans? Or have talked about it?

I've lived in St. Louis all my life. Never want to go elsewhere. Andre is doing well here.

Andre's sister lives in Brooklyn, NY. She's have a bit of a rough time.

I live in Upstate NY. Except for the snow, it's really a nice place to live. Close enough to NYC and Boston for a day trip. Close to Canada. Real Estate is very reasonable and available. Taxes are too high. Very multicultural community. Bassi and I are going to visit St. Louis, cause before I knew his family there, I didn't even know black people lived there. Maybe we'll be your new neighbors. What's the basis for employment there?

[Nana_Afia_B 0]

I live here in St. Louis w/ my Ghanaian husband. St. Louis, in general is a pretty good place to raise a family. More or less peaceful (in the majority of areas) and family friendly. Lots of free family activities to do (Zoo, Museums, etc...) There are certain parts of the city that are pretty multicultural (i.e the University City Loop and areas around the University's like SLU and WashU). I met my husband in U City! There is also a large international community in South City and in the areas mentioned above.

There are a few international markets that we frequent and every year there is a Festival of Nations with activities/exhibitions/foods from all different cultural groups.

As far as job prospects go...things are pretty slow depending on what you're looking for. I currently work in Finance and there are plenty of those types of jobs available. HOwever, if you're trying to get into something else (like I am) pickings are a bit slimmer.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

I live here in St. Louis w/ my Ghanaian husband. St. Louis, in general is a pretty good place to raise a family. More or less peaceful (in the majority of areas) and family friendly. Lots of free family activities to do (Zoo, Museums, etc...) There are certain parts of the city that are pretty multicultural (i.e the University City Loop and areas around the University's like SLU and WashU). I met my husband in U City! There is also a large international community in South City and in the areas mentioned above.

There are a few international markets that we frequent and every year there is a Festival of Nations with activities/exhibitions/foods from all different cultural groups.

As far as job prospects go...things are pretty slow depending on what you're looking for. I currently work in Finance and there are plenty of those types of jobs available. HOwever, if you're trying to get into something else (like I am) pickings are a bit slimmer.

Sounds pretty nice. I'm a public administrator. No real interest in finance. But I guess we'll take a look see. Thanks so much for sharing some info about the place. It's interesting to meet people from places that didn't exist in my reality before. Soon, I'll have in-laws in Missouri!

[Nana_Afia_B 0]

Sounds pretty nice. I'm a public administrator. No real interest in finance. But I guess we'll take a look see. Thanks so much for sharing some info about the place. It's interesting to meet people from places that didn't exist in my reality before. Soon, I'll have in-laws in Missouri!

No problem! I probably know some of your soon-to-be in-laws. The Ghanaian community here isn't too big!

[forchika 4]

I am proudly african-american and I have lived in Georgia for one dreadful year. There is racism from white people to black people and from southern blacks to northern blacks. I HATED IT. So I packed up my crew and left the south and came right back to the mid-west.

*closes eyes, clicking heels* "there's no place like home, there's no place like home!"

Wow! Was it that bad? Sorry things did not work out.

Sorry about ur experience also UNO, I was borned and raised in Georgia(a true Georgia Peach), I live in what I consider a mixed community. Have seened all nationalities in my neighborhood. I love the ATL really would not want to live anywhere else, but I have to admit that lately I have been thinking about venturing out also maybe once my husband finishes school and he starts looking for work in the IT field. Hmmmm....just a thought, we may just uproot from Georgia a place I have lived all my life to try life elsewhere.

[Simply_Uno 1]

to every one, I graciously appreciate your sympathy/empathy.

but I count it all joy.

the three good things that came from my negative experiences down there (in the souf') are these...

1) I decided to end a very toxic relationship with my youngest sons father, I formulated an "exscape plan" and stuck to it.

2) I re-dedicated my life to Jesus and now I know my foot steps are ordered

3) my eldest son, my reason for breathing and my back-bone, not only dedicated his life to Jesus, he got Baptized and his gifts have been manifesting ever since.

so yes, my time there was horrific; the bigg azz ####### roaches, the treatment my kids received, my eldest son being jumped for no reason (unless you count IGNORANCE and INSECURITY as reasons), the jacked up school system, the altercations I had because "they" thought the new chik was a punk,

my illiterate-drug-of-choice-using-demonic-screw-faced-fork-tongue-pigeon-toed-stank-(fill in the blank)-azz ex, trippin all the damn time! OOOOhhhh, uuugggghhhhh

I learned my lesson, I let it all go and, well, now I am on "my" visa journey.

So nothing happens for no good reason, you have to go through the hard times, it builds character, makes you stronger, increases your endurance, humbles you, purifies you, and refines you, so that you can appreciate and thank God for the good times and sit back and let God be God during the bad times.

It was hard, and I thought I was going to lose my mind, but the God I serve, told death (of my mind) to behave, for I am not through with her yet. When God speaks, troubling cease!. (You know, I don't know why I am tirading like this, somebody must need a word or an example so here I am.)

But all I meant to say to everyone was "thank you " for your compassion.

Okay, I'm done

[*JG* 2]

I live here in St. Louis w/ my Ghanaian husband. St. Louis, in general is a pretty good place to raise a family. More or less peaceful (in the majority of areas) and family friendly. Lots of free family activities to do (Zoo, Museums, etc...) There are certain parts of the city that are pretty multicultural (i.e the University City Loop and areas around the University's like SLU and WashU). I met my husband in U City! There is also a large international community in South City and in the areas mentioned above.

There are a few international markets that we frequent and every year there is a Festival of Nations with activities/exhibitions/foods from all different cultural groups.

As far as job prospects go...things are pretty slow depending on what you're looking for. I currently work in Finance and there are plenty of those types of jobs available. HOwever, if you're trying to get into something else (like I am) pickings are a bit slimmer.

Which international markets are you talking about?

We go to Jays International and Global foods for our canned Jamaican foods and saltfish. Otherwise, we hit Soulard Market for everything else......veggies, fruits, goat and oxtail. Andre gets all his curry and spices from the spice shop in the Market. VERY good prices.

The city is incredibly multi-cultural. You just need to look around more.