Real Talk

[moon1968 0]

Hi everyone!!!

I am really enjoying keeping up with this thread......It is always intresting to hear all the different stories...and experiences......I would also like to thank everybody with their kind words.....It is always uplifting when others are there to encourge you ...I hope we can keep this up......Everyone take care until next time......

[We_Destiny 1]

Wow, this is interesting. I thought "I" was the only one being splashed with home grown/trans atlantic "hater aid".

My experiences started at home from some "chuch folks". I was attending a charismatic evangelistic church before I met my husband.

When the church elder found out about it. She asked me if she could "counsel" me about my decision to go and meet him. Mind you, I NEVER asked her for any input what so ever. Well after the "counseling session" *cough* christian beratement and scriptural chastisement session was over. She then attempted to put up barriers to my christian growth. She informed the other elders at the church that I was still going ahead with my plans and that as a christian servant, I had disobeyed her,"an elder" so I had to be corrected in my christian error by ostracizement.

She even did a count down to the day I was leaving and sent me bible verses about how "the wise seek wise counsel and a fool continues in his folly." It was sad, but in retrospect hilarious.

Now, once I arrived in ghana, I received stares, whispers and being called "obrunii" or "sweet honey."

When my husband and I went to Labadi beach, the women were ruthless with their stares and whispering. it got to the point where I told them "a good hoe, would take a picture next time, for she knows that it will last longer!

When we went to the western union office, there was this chick sitting in the chair ahead of my husband and I. She was to be facing the door, but she turned herself side ways and starting staring at my husband. I did not say anything, I even attempted to ignore her. Then she started "mean muggin" me. Oh, well now, that ####### did not go over very well with moi.

So...my husband opened up his newspaper and attempted to put up a barrier. That did not work. So she went in between smiling at him and mean muggin me. I tried to be "nice" by flipping our hands so that she could see my wedding ring. The heffa got angry and started rolling her eyes at me. I told my husband, loud enough for her to here me, "baby, its about to be a kodak moment up in here if that hoe don't stop disrespecting me!"

My husband did not understand what I meant so I told him, "I'm gonna hit that hoe in her eye so she can have a permanent memory of what she is missing out on!" Then, she turned around!

My husband told me, "baby, let her heart burn with lust, for she can not have what her eyes are beholding!" Okay, thats enough of my #######. Next person....

"I'm gonna hit that hoe in both her eyes" PERIOD (end of story)

Uno!! You are absolutley Hilarious!! Crazy!! Hilarious!!

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

I'm happy to read so many stories. Well, my Bassi is still in Ghana. But my last relationship was actually interracial. So, I've been dealing with stares for the past 10 years. Often black women aren't in interracial relationships and my first marraige was with an asian man, so we broke many boundaries. It's far from the norm. I didn't have any issues in Ghana when I was there. I'm brown skinned and blended in with everyone else. Really the biggest issue I've had is with my friends and family who feel that I started my intimate relationship with Bassi (we were friends before) only a year after my divorce and 4 years after my separation from my ex husband. They seemed to feel I should be in "mourning". But I don't find that has anything to do with Bassi's background. I hope I don't deal with angry african women in the future, but I've dealt with angry asian women so I guess it'll all balance out. I'm blessed in that I live in what is probably the interracial capital of the world. So, it's the single race relationships that get a double take here. I admit to being nervous because Bassi wants to move us south when he gets here and Atlanta is still pretty segregated, so it'll be a HUGE shock for my daughter, and probably uncomfortable for me for quite a while.

[Kanyiri 0]

I haven't gotten any comments from Ghanaians. In Ghana it was mostly my husband who got the looks and questions of how did you get her? Now when I left Ghana, he started getting warnings like, "Be careful because if you cheat on her or don't treat her right you know what white girls just kill their husbands." !!! They apparently think that every American has a gun at home and the women obviously deal with cheating very seriously. I thought it was pretty funny and if nothing else it was good advice about not cheating!

From Ghanaians in America he normally gets questions about how they can get an American to marry. I get looks, but they aren't bad. They are normally just impressed that I went to a Ghanaian funeral, etc.

Now from other Americans, both black and white, we do get looks. It's a minority though, so it doesn't matter to me. No one has been direct with us, just a few looks here and there.

[JJWashington 0]

My husband got the same comments about not pissing me off or I would kill him because we all have guns here in the US.

My husband has made friends with a Nigerian man who is married to a Nigerian woman who grew up here in the US. As I said, his wife grew up here, but she has made numerous comments about why he chose to marry a "caucasian." She only makes the comments to him and he has said I should "let it go", but I do get the impression, she really disapproves and wants to set him up with the appropriate Nigerian girl when he gets tired of me.....

[Simply_Uno 1]

My husband got the same comments about not pissing me off or I would kill him because we all have guns here in the US.

My husband has made friends with a Nigerian man who is married to a Nigerian woman who grew up here in the US. As I said, his wife grew up here, but she has made numerous comments about why he chose to marry a "caucasian." She only makes the comments to him and he has said I should "let it go", but I do get the impression, she really disapproves and wants to set him up with the appropriate Nigerian girl when he gets tired of me.....

God maintains all that he Ordains!

What God has brought together, let no man put asunder!

So introduce her to the blessed ramblings of the Lord you serve via the BIBLE! B)

[typee0 0]

I did not experience anything first hand in Senegal. I was expecting it and rather nervous before going. My guy told me I would not have any problems. I went and got my hair done twice while there. I do not speak french or the senegalese language anyway He stayed the whole time. I do notice in one picture we took some lady is looking a little crazy. This was on a boat going to Goree Is. Anyway all the people were very accepting at the engagement party and bought gifts.

Here in America, yea I was grilled from past to present friends. It started with the black male coworkers. Oh so black men are not good enough for you. What the Heck Is He, I asked. Then, it was He will not let you wear shoes, they treat their women second class, you are going to have to walk behind him. First of all these guys are older, former Armed Services but I am their supervisor and we are all pretty cool. I told them just like I told a few close girlfriends When you name what the american man has not done to me yet, then I will listen. Other than that this twice divorced does not want to hear it. OH Yeah my ex Husband commented Those guys like to keep lots of women around them. (I will not tell why I kicked him to the curb). But anyway, I am so happy I did not listen to any of the naysayers. One coworker who is a much younger brotha, has given me and my guy much support throughout everything and it was pretty shocking. Of course everyone was shocked once I went and came back and told of the wonderful time.

REMEMBER THE KEY POINT: THE BEST REVENGE IS LIVING WELL!!!

[His Glory 25]

Oh my goodness this is funny. I just remembered one incident but I will tell you of this one first. My husband transferred to a new congregation before I went down to Ghana....News bulletin! Handsome single elder! Then the sisters got disappointed because he let it be known he was engaged. so when they met me there was a a luke warm reception of me from some of the women. Church folk at that but guess not really practicing the agape thing anyways at my wedding as we were taking pics one woman shouted "brother, pick up your wife and carry her!" Of course this was a crack at my size. I just laughed it off.

This is the experience I just remembered.....I forgot to tell you about this moon....anyway we were at a funeral and they were playing all the deceased ones favorite songs and all of a sudden the ooooold song speedy gonzales came on.."hey speedy gonzales why dont you run on home" as the song goes. My friend that went with me said she heard a sister from my husbands cong say that this my song. (cause im hispanic) I laughed then but when I thought about it just now...I dont think it was very nice to say. I would have been the first to say it because I was the only hispanic there but for someone else to say I dont think so. That is pretty close to a racist remark. I was just so happy with my husband I didnt really take in any negativity. Im glad I didnt react then but when I go back in march....Im going to zero in on those particular sisters and just hug em and let them know by my actions that their ugliness doesnt rub off on me.

The community was great. No angry stares at us. But some men made a comment to my husband when he was walking with me and my friend. They called him our house boy.

[His Glory 25]

Oh one more thing.....this immigration stuff has taken longer than me and hubby thought and there are some in his congregation that were murmuring about how that a ghanaian woman wasnt good enough for him and look at him now...he is stuck in ghana with no wife at all. But God doesnt like ugly. He will clean out his house.

[Zee Bee 61]

But God doesnt like ugly. He will clean out his house.

Amen

[ara 0]

I have to say that I never experienced anything negative from Nigerian women as I know of. When I was in Nigeria they showed me nothing but love to my face it could have been something different to my back that I was unaware of but I never got that feeling it was a good feeling. It felt good to be accepted and they treated my husband and I there with the upmost respect. I told him not to get used to it because where I am from we won't be treated like this.

I live in the deep south and racism is still at an all time high here it is just undercover. Although no one has said anything to my face. We get the dirty looks and stares and hear the whispering. My husband never really knew the meaning of racism or how it feels until he stepped foot in Georgia and on top of it is married to a white woman. It is very hard for him to understand that not everyone feels and sees things as we do. I try to tell him about how bad black people were treated and still are and what they have had to go through and are still going through but it is hard because I really don't know because I am white and he is amazed at how black people have had to overcome and still are treated differently from whites. I always worry for him and tell him to be careful. I would love to live somewhere where everyone is culturally diverse and I know we will someday soon. My family and friends are extremely supportive of us and that is all that matters to me. Everyone else can keep to their ignorant selves.

[moon1968 0]

Hi Ara!!

good to hear from you.....If you can you should try comming out here to California.....It is not bad here at all.....They just about accept anything.....I know when my husband does get here we might get a few looks here and there but nothing like where you are at.....Just stand by his side and always be there for him......Which I know you are......I myself in the past was wondering how to explaine things like that to my husband when he gets here......I just plan to wait until the right time presents itself and answer any of his questions with honesty....Anyway Ara??? Can you tell us more about how your so is Adjusting to things here??? would like to know more......Take care....

[Udella&Wiz 325]

I thought I would add a comment although it is not my current husband who black, but rather my daughter's father, who was from Nigeria. This was back in Canada but same general response.

On the whole, most folks are good, but you get the knobs who stare...yes I've had a comment or 2 hurled out of a passing car. After a while your skin toughens up. However, I consider it my god given right to set folks straight and try to enlighten them should the opportunity come up.

With regard to my daughter..who very obviously is mixed, this is what we experienced:

'Oh, are you babysitting' ? ..Uhm no you knob I'm parenting

Open staring when my daughter (who is now 6'1, tall, brown and gorgeous) yells across the store...'hey mum, come look at this...' .you can see the gears turning in people's heads as they put 2+ 2 together and realize she's mine. My daughter is now very tired of people staring...doesn't happen much....but she has been known to walk up to people and say 'What? You haven't seen a white mom and a brown kid before? ' I find it hysterical...although people seemed to have become comfortable in the last few years.

In Canada, we didn't see the racial stereotypes as much as I see them here near DC....many Canadian Blacks are from the islands or Africa so less experience with racism and the American stereotypes.

Anyhoo...that's my rant. There's still quite a road ahead to getting everyone to get over racism...it may take the deaths of a few generations sadly

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

I have to say that I never experienced anything negative from Nigerian women as I know of. When I was in Nigeria they showed me nothing but love to my face it could have been something different to my back that I was unaware of but I never got that feeling it was a good feeling. It felt good to be accepted and they treated my husband and I there with the upmost respect. I told him not to get used to it because where I am from we won't be treated like this.

I live in the deep south and racism is still at an all time high here it is just undercover. Although no one has said anything to my face. We get the dirty looks and stares and hear the whispering. My husband never really knew the meaning of racism or how it feels until he stepped foot in Georgia and on top of it is married to a white woman. It is very hard for him to understand that not everyone feels and sees things as we do. I try to tell him about how bad black people were treated and still are and what they have had to go through and are still going through but it is hard because I really don't know because I am white and he is amazed at how black people have had to overcome and still are treated differently from whites. I always worry for him and tell him to be careful. I would love to live somewhere where everyone is culturally diverse and I know we will someday soon. My family and friends are extremely supportive of us and that is all that matters to me. Everyone else can keep to their ignorant selves.

That's my major fear about moving south. My family is in the atlanta area and Bassi insists that we move there. I'm honestly worried about how comfortable we all will be there. Bassi and I are of the same race, but different cultures and my daughter is biracial. It's hard to keep your children open minded down there, it's a constant job and awareness.

[Simply_Uno 1]

I am proudly african-american and I have lived in Georgia for one dreadful year. There is racism from white people to black people and from southern blacks to northern blacks. I HATED IT. So I packed up my crew and left the south and came right back to the mid-west.

*closes eyes, clicking heels* "there's no place like home, there's no place like home!"