Real Talk

[Nana_Afia_B 0]

Ok, just wanted to know if any of you had ever experienced any sort of jealousy/meanness from African women when you and your African SO are out and about? My experience:

My SO and I went to a Christmas party here in the States that was made primarily of Ghanaians. This one lady there was extremely loud and ignorant and asked the question of my SO "You couldn't find a nice Ghanaian girl?". Now my husband, being the peace loving person he is didn't say anything at the time, and truthfully this ladies comments didn't really hit me until after the party. Culturally, I know African Americans (which I am) and Africans are different. But, I've found, that befriending African women can be very difficult. My husband even said that there are many African women (on the Continent and abroad) who don't like "their" men marrying outside. Does anyone else have these feelings, or care to share experiences?

Please know, I mean no disrespect to anyone by asking these questions. I like everyone until I'm given a reason not to. I'm just interested in finding out what other women think.

[moon1968 0]

My experience with what used to be Nigerian friend was an experience I dont wish on anyone.....This so called friend of mine was going to Nigeria to visit family so she went and checked out my So before we were even married....When she got back to the states she told me that If I did not marry him she would.......9 months later she took me back to Nigeira to meet my so....I thought wow what a true friend ........Well as it turns out she had decided she wanted this man for herself and thought that when I showed up there being a plus size that he would change his mind about me.......well when that did not work.......She tryed to find ways to get his attention....at one point while I was in the hotel room my Husband had went out to get me some food and she had to go back to the airport to pick up some lost bags.....Their paths crossed when she saw him got all excited and ran jumping on his back. Like a girlfriend would a boyfriend......The night before the wedding she kept me up all night telling me how he was only marrying me to come to the states and that he really did not love me and in fact he was embarrassed by me due to my size.......she drilled this into my head that whole night.....Talked me out of attending my own cermony......The mor. he came to pick me I did tell him Im not going to go and that it was over between us......After maybe less then 3 min. I changed my mind and decided I needed to go with him.....That is where I belonged......I am so happy I made that decision.....When I got there to the cermony I was with out my so called friend......She had left me to go her own way and I was there with a man I had only met in person 2 days before.....We had the cermony and everything went well.....About 200 hundred people showed up.....then our last night there we had no choice but to spend the night with this so called friend at her sisters house......Well that last night we had no room to sleep in.....She made us sleep on the floor in the front room with no blanket or pillow.......There is more to the story but I have already taken up to much time........LOL LOL .......Lets just say LOVE did win this time.......I am wondering what will happen when he does get here??? How will others react to us??? Time will tell......YOu know you dont pick who you fall in love with....It just happens......

[Divine Mercy 0]

My experience with what used to be Nigerian friend was an experience I dont wish on anyone.....This so called friend of mine was going to Nigeria to visit family so she went and checked out my So before we were even married....When she got back to the states she told me that If I did not marry him she would.......9 months later she took me back to Nigeira to meet my so....I thought wow what a true friend ........Well as it turns out she had decided she wanted this man for herself and thought that when I showed up there being a plus size that he would change his mind about me.......well when that did not work.......She tryed to find ways to get his attention....at one point while I was in the hotel room my Husband had went out to get me some food and she had to go back to the airport to pick up some lost bags.....Their paths crossed when she saw him got all excited and ran jumping on his back. Like a girlfriend would a boyfriend......The night before the wedding she kept me up all night telling me how he was only marrying me to come to the states and that he really did not love me and in fact he was embarrassed by me due to my size.......she drilled this into my head that whole night.....Talked me out of attending my own cermony......The mor. he came to pick me I did tell him Im not going to go and that it was over between us......After maybe less then 3 min. I changed my mind and decided I needed to go with him.....That is where I belonged......I am so happy I made that decision.....When I got there to the cermony I was with out my so called friend......She had left me to go her own way and I was there with a man I had only met in person 2 days before.....We had the cermony and everything went well.....About 200 hundred people showed up.....then our last night there we had no choice but to spend the night with this so called friend at her sisters house......Well that last night we had no room to sleep in.....She made us sleep on the floor in the front room with no blanket or pillow.......There is more to the story but I have already taken up to much time........LOL LOL .......Lets just say LOVE did win this time.......I am wondering what will happen when he does get here??? How will others react to us??? Time will tell......YOu know you dont pick who you fall in love with....It just happens......

holy #######!

[akatagirl 0]

Wow Nana Efia, I am surprised at the experience you had at this party mainly because you have African in you but I haven't had anyone make any comments to but more so disapproving looks....I went to this Outdoory a few months ago here in the states which was mostly Ghanaian folks and this one woman could not stop staring at my husband..I mean she just looked him up and down and all around and her eyes were dead set on him!!! LOL It was quite hilarious because when she approved our table she went straight to him first to shake his hand and introduce herself...Then she looks over at me and gave me a real nasty stare!!! She did the same thing again when I ran into in the bathroom and politely said hi! I also get many disapproving stares from African-American women when we are out and about. If I try to find the positive in all the experiences, i would have to stay that some women find my hubby attractive. I realized early on that us being in a interracial relationship even in this day and age still makes people stop, stare and whisper but oh well I don't let it get to me...The more the stare, the more I want to just grab my hubby and start making out with them so they really have something to watch!!! LOL j/k

[akatagirl 0]

My experience with what used to be Nigerian friend was an experience I dont wish on anyone.....This so called friend of mine was going to Nigeria to visit family so she went and checked out my So before we were even married....When she got back to the states she told me that If I did not marry him she would.......9 months later she took me back to Nigeira to meet my so....I thought wow what a true friend ........Well as it turns out she had decided she wanted this man for herself and thought that when I showed up there being a plus size that he would change his mind about me.......well when that did not work.......She tryed to find ways to get his attention....at one point while I was in the hotel room my Husband had went out to get me some food and she had to go back to the airport to pick up some lost bags.....Their paths crossed when she saw him got all excited and ran jumping on his back. Like a girlfriend would a boyfriend......The night before the wedding she kept me up all night telling me how he was only marrying me to come to the states and that he really did not love me and in fact he was embarrassed by me due to my size.......she drilled this into my head that whole night.....Talked me out of attending my own cermony......The mor. he came to pick me I did tell him Im not going to go and that it was over between us......After maybe less then 3 min. I changed my mind and decided I needed to go with him.....That is where I belonged......I am so happy I made that decision.....When I got there to the cermony I was with out my so called friend......She had left me to go her own way and I was there with a man I had only met in person 2 days before.....We had the cermony and everything went well.....About 200 hundred people showed up.....then our last night there we had no choice but to spend the night with this so called friend at her sisters house......Well that last night we had no room to sleep in.....She made us sleep on the floor in the front room with no blanket or pillow.......There is more to the story but I have already taken up to much time........LOL LOL .......Lets just say LOVE did win this time.......I am wondering what will happen when he does get here??? How will others react to us??? Time will tell......YOu know you dont pick who you fall in love with....It just happens......

Moon, that so called friend of yours was definitely a wolf in sheep's clothing! Good for you for not listening to her and following your heart! People are always trying to hate on others and try to steal their joy!!! In this case, she failed and let her true color show!

[blah0323 0]

I haven't had anyone say anything to me. But I do know that we went to a party once and this woman was solely trying to dance and get my hubby's attention. But what did he do.................scoot closer to me and started whispering in my ear..........

[ForeverAmen 0]

I have heard (not actually experienced) the bold, disrespect African women sometimes give to the spouse of fellow African men. The issues I've experienced thus far were more so due to cultural misunderstandings. Nevertheless, 'momma did not raise a fool' - and I like to think that I'm the type to try and stop matters dead in its track before it grows to something else.

Nana_Afia_B - I like your style! Give them something to talk about. My husband and I do not have a problem with public display of affection. When in those settings I too would grab hold to my man, and strut around in my 3" heels like I'm walking on cloud nine. If you really want to get next to them - go about as though the situation does not matter. But if it goes too far, don't be afraid to politely put them (and your man) in their place.

Moon 1968 - I am so glad you did not listen to your so called "friend". With friends like that - you do not need any enemies.

So far, I have met some nice African women who are open to receiving me as my husband's wife. At least that's how they appear in person. But as long as they r-e-s-p-e-c-t me, everything will flow just fine.

I wish everyone the best life has to offer and more!

Boaz

Edited February 2, 2008 by Boaz

[Zee Bee 61]

Jealousy and ignorance are ugly.

All right, grab a drink and get ready for some good reading.

And keep in mind that while I am African American, I have spent every summer in Ghana.

There is a family that my family have been friends with for a very long time (since I was like 8 years old I think). Every time we go to Ghana we stay at their house in Tamale. My parents call them pretty much every week and have helped them out when they needed it. Their house is 2 houses down from Inusah's family house and their families know each other (all the kids grew up together). I was actually introduced to Inusah's mom first through the son of our family friend and I actually met Inusah at their house. When Inusah and I met, one of the daughters of our "friends" who I considered like a sister saw us together, talking and laughing and since then she has not talked to me. But that is another story.

After I left Ghana in 2006 Inusah and I were not a couple.

When I went back to Ghana in 2007 I was in for a rude awakening. Apparently, the woman I had considered as a second mother decided she wanted to butt her nose into our relationship. She had the audacity to go to my future mother-in-law to request to talk tto her. My MIL could tell that she wanted to sit and talk and so tried to avoid her but finally had to giver her audience to get her off her back. So, this "friend" told my MIL that she wanted to talk about me and my relationship with my SO. Mind you, this woman has no idea what is going on between us. She asked my MIL if she knew what my SO was doing, ie, that we were together. My MIL said that he is a grown man and can make his own decisions. This woman then went on to say that my parents wanted me to marry a "nice Muslim boy" and that they had already picked out a man for me to marry in Saudi Arabia (where my parents live). #######? She also alluded to rumors that were going on about us and she insinuated that my MIL intervene to basically break us up. I was livid! My sisters think that she wanted us to break up so that I could get together with her son How desperate was this woman....she is recovering from a mastectomy and chemotherapy for breast cancer.

Meanwhile, the daughter who I considered a sister did not even look at me, much less talk to me, when I was there. I told my SO about this and he said that ever since the day that he met me she has not talked to him. She actually had the nerve to call him a few months ago after not speaking to him for a year. Mind you, they grew up together. She chastised him for not calling her and he called her on that sh!t, telling her not to lie to him. She offered to take him out to dinner so that they could "catch up" and went to pick him up so that they could chat. When he told her he was engaged to me she asked "Who is Zee?" my fiance just looked at her and she was like "Oh yeah....her" #######? Can you believe that? Not many people named Zee that both of them know She then lied to my SO and told him that we had such a nice time when I came home and how we talked for hours .....WRONG!!!!! Whatever. I told my fiance that I think she wants him (she made some comments about having kids, getting married, settling down, etc). My fiance told me "My dear, if she thinks anything is going to happen between us she is going to be sorely disappointed".

I don't have time to deal with stupid people. Let me just say that when I saw these morons I flashed my ring like there was no tomorrow. Now they all know there is nothing they can do to break us up. There were also rumors going around that I stole him away from someone (yeah, from 10,00 miles away), that all I want to do is bring him to the US (like there is something wrong with that) and other inane ramblings that I do not care to think about.

I don't think that you can ever get away from people like this. There are always going to be jealous/stupid/ignorant/unsatisfied/needing-to-get-laid people around and they figure the only way to make themselves feel better is to make someone else feel bad.

Just like you find people who may not approve of your relationship (and what business of theirs is it?) there are going to be those that support it and don't have a problem with it. I just think that the people who are opposed are more liable to stick their foot in their mouth.

[ose_n_me 0]

Unfortunatley, there are narrow-minded, ignorant, jealous and hateful people in every race and culture! Being a white woman who has dated outside my race and/or culture my whole life, I have been subjected to ugly glares, crazy looks, rude comments and disrespectful rantings. They have come from every angle. Men, women, black, white etc. Over the years I have developed a thick skin...and realize that not all people are as "enlightened" as others, and to some it is a personal attack because of who I have choosen to love!!!! I'm not sure where that comes from..especially from those who call themselves christians...but I guess they are better able to explain themselves than me! I just know that my God is one who loves all people no matter what color their skin or where they come from. We are all Gods children. IMO...its a self-esteem, or insecurity thing when you can't just accept people for who they are...humans.

God Bless

[We_Destiny 1]

I have dated outside of my culture with African / Jamaican men at least for the last 11 to 12 years, so, everyone that knows me knows. I innocently befriended an African / American man a few years ago, and I received more comments and weird looks about that.

I have not had problems with Nigerian women in my current or past relationships. But in my professional life (While in under-grad I worked for a Nigerian owned business) often Nigerian women would come in to buy medical supplies (legitimate business, store front stocked to the top of the ceiling with supplies); and they would try to approach me, like I had a table or display in the Market and that every price was negotiable to a point beyond reason or logic, like I was a pauper just looking to make a sale for a $100 item for $5.00. These women would speak with so much contempt it was unbelievable. I would listen to their reasoning for the price they were offering, and decline and insist they go to the place that was $5.00 (whatever). After explaining several times this is not the market and that prices are marked. We would agree at the $100 dollar price but without the tax, and everyone one was happy. The ones that frequented the establishment often became much nicer, but we never v viewed one another as friends.

I can’t remember her name but recently a young lady mentioned an older black woman finding issues with (her) a Caucasian / (hubby) African relationship. The same issues and stereotypes apply to African American / African and African American / Caucasian relationships.

I had a childhood friend that became a heroin user / addict at the age of 30 after obtaining a Masters degree from DePaul University under grad at Loyola. When I would see with him, he said I always had a sad look in my eyes “like wondering what should have been” and he would always look me dead straight in the eyes and say “You have to let people be where there at”

My mother always so "If they knew better, they would do better"

So, if someone stares or says mean words to you remember “you have to let them be where there at”. Hold your head up Real High and Show Them Your Back.

God Bless

[We_Destiny 1]

the edit button is JUNK it never works for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Ricca711 1]

Wow ladies these topics are really getting interesting, and I had to get in on this one. I only have a few things to say but I got to say it.

Nana....tell them fools to stop hatin!

Moon....remember every night when your husband gets in bed with you that you are SEXY SUCCULENT!!!

Zee....when you walk down that aisle in July....look over and tell that so called friend......"Look at me #######!!!!!

And for all the rest....with these race issues, black....white....African......and whatever color they choose to be.....tell those ignorant mother !@#$%^ that they need to pick up a book and find out just where ALL life began. And maybe it will shut their dumb asses up!

Yall got me cursing up in hur this morning, LOL!

[Nana_Afia_B 0]

Thanks yall for chiming in! I admit, as someone who had never dated anyone other than AFrican-American, the harsh reaction from this lady was a surprise. But, you all are right...when my SO comes home at night it's ME that he gets in the bed with and if he and I don't have an issue than who cares if anyone else does!!

I'll tell you something else...before me and SO got married we went over to a friend of my SOs house. This guys wife asked me what my mom would think about me marrying an African. Without even thinking I said "my mom wants me to marry someone who is good to me...period."

[Queen Jenn 0]

And for all the rest....with these race issues, black....white....African......and whatever color they choose to be.....tell those ignorant mother !@#$%^ that they need to pick up a book and find out just where ALL life began. And maybe it will shut their dumb asses up!

Yeah, it seems like people forget that we are all PEOPLE. What difference does it make what color of skin/hair/eyes we have or which continent we happened to be born on.

My two cents on this . . .

Those people who choose to be rude or mean are doing so because putting you down and making you feel smaller or insignificant are only doing so because it makes them (with their lack of self-esteem) feel better. OR they are doing it because your husband/fiance are SO DANG HOT and they are so selfish, they want him for themselves (and you out of the picture).

For whatever reason, some people just can't be nice. Don't let them get to you. Ignore it.

I am a religious person and my fiance and I have talked multiple times about this. As long as you know you are doing what is right, it doesn't matter what other people say. You answer to yourselves and GOD. Not to small-minded, stupid, mean people.

And Moon - You are lovely and I'm sure your husband thinks you are TRES SEXY!!!!! Don't let anybody lead you to believe otherwise.

[Simply_Uno 1]

Wow, this is interesting. I thought "I" was the only one being splashed with home grown/trans atlantic "hater aid".

My experiences started at home from some "chuch folks". I was attending a charismatic evangelistic church before I met my husband.

When the church elder found out about it. She asked me if she could "counsel" me about my decision to go and meet him. Mind you, I NEVER asked her for any input what so ever. Well after the "counseling session" *cough* christian beratement and scriptural chastisement session was over. She then attempted to put up barriers to my christian growth. She informed the other elders at the church that I was still going ahead with my plans and that as a christian servant, I had disobeyed her,"an elder" so I had to be corrected in my christian error by ostracizement.

She even did a count down to the day I was leaving and sent me bible verses about how "the wise seek wise counsel and a fool continues in his folly." It was sad, but in retrospect hilarious.

Now, once I arrived in ghana, I received stares, whispers and being called "obrunii" or "sweet honey."

When my husband and I went to Labadi beach, the women were ruthless with their stares and whispering. it got to the point where I told them "a good hoe, would take a picture next time, for she knows that it will last longer!

When we went to the western union office, there was this chick sitting in the chair ahead of my husband and I. She was to be facing the door, but she turned herself side ways and starting staring at my husband. I did not say anything, I even attempted to ignore her. Then she started "mean muggin" me. Oh, well now, that ####### did not go over very well with moi.

So...my husband opened up his newspaper and attempted to put up a barrier. That did not work. So she went in between smiling at him and mean muggin me. I tried to be "nice" by flipping our hands so that she could see my wedding ring. The heffa got angry and started rolling her eyes at me. I told my husband, loud enough for her to here me, "baby, its about to be a kodak moment up in here if that hoe don't stop disrespecting me!"

My husband did not understand what I meant so I told him, "I'm gonna hit that hoe in her eye so she can have a permanent memory of what she is missing out on!" Then, she turned around!

My husband told me, "baby, let her heart burn with lust, for she can not have what her eyes are beholding!" Okay, thats enough of my #######. Next person....