Is he really your husband if you're not married?

[one...two...tree 2,762]

My vote is no. And as a precautionary comment, if the couple involves an alien that is seeking a K1, for goodness sake, if you are in this habit of referring to your betrothed, "get out of it" before you try to enter the country.

It certainly would depend on the circumstances and who it is being said to. The only time I could see myself referring to my SO as my spouse is if we had been living together for several years and we planned to stay together permanently. However, that kind of arrangement has never made sense to me, particularly if there are children involved.

[~krakatoa~ 27]

No, I don't think you can call someone your husband/wife unless you are married. I mean, that's the definition, no? Can I start introducing myself as "Dr. Jenn" because I like how that sounds?

[diadromous mermaid 36]

My vote is no. And as a precautionary comment, if the couple involves an alien that is seeking a K1, for goodness sake, if you are in this habit of referring to your betrothed, "get out of it" before you try to enter the country.

It certainly would depend on the circumstances and who it is being said to. The only time I could see myself referring to my SO as my spouse is if we had been living together for several years and we planned to stay together permanently. However, that kind of arrangement has never made sense to me, particularly if there are children involved.

No, I meant in the immigration context. There is a member here whose fiance was removed expeditiously when he arrived at the POE because he referred to his betrothed as his wife (customary practice, apparently, in their relationship) and he was cited as having used the K1 inappropriately.

[bora bora 1]

My vote is no. And as a precautionary comment, if the couple involves an alien that is seeking a K1, for goodness sake, if you are in this habit of referring to your betrothed, "get out of it" before you try to enter the country.

It certainly would depend on the circumstances and who it is being said to. The only time I could see myself referring to my SO as my spouse is if we had been living together for several years and we planned to stay together permanently. However, that kind of arrangement has never made sense to me, particularly if there are children involved.

No, I meant in the immigration context. There is a member here whose fiance was removed expeditiously when he arrived at the POE because he referred to his betrothed as his wife (customary practice, apparently, in their relationship) and he was cited as having used the K1 inappropriately.

Mermaid is right - I've heard this before. My (now) husband referred to me as his wife before we got married because we are in a serious relationship and in Brazil MANY people "marry" without going to the courts.

I also believe that this term is often cultural - that's why I find it strange that my co-worker uses it - it's not as common in the U.S.

I know what you all mean when you say that "boyfriend" is not a good enough term in some relationships. Like my sister and her "boyfriend" of ten years. I was glad when they finally got engaged, then I could call him fiance (hehe). I did refer him as my BIL after year 9 since they lived together and owned everything under the sun together - plus they were engaged....

[Mina76 0]

No, he is not your husband if you're not married to him, and I would not call myself his wife if I was not married to him either!

[Fandango 1,439]

In the UK, the term 'partner' is used quite a bit. I suppose it's the alternative to 'husband/wife' and describes the situation accurately. When you get past age 18, 'bf/gf' seems silly (well to me it does)...esp when you're living together, yadda yadda yadda...

I referred to D as my 'partner' when I got back home, and everyone thought I was a lesbian

[Converse34 1]

Great explanation. If I were living with my SO for many years without marrying them, I'd probably call her my wife if my intention was to be in a permanent relationship but didn't want to get married.

Then why not get married? It's not really permanent unless you do get married, otherwise you always have an escape clause.

[wizardfitz 13]

my fiancée and i exchanged rings. we consider ourselves married even though there is no paper showing it. we will get the paper when she arrives in the US. a piece of paper is all that it. it is how we fell toward each other that tells us we are husband and wife

[Fandango 1,439]

my fiancée and i exchanged rings. we consider ourselves married even though there is no paper showing it. we will get the paper when she arrives in the US. a piece of paper is all that it. it is how we fell toward each other that tells us we are husband and wife

Well take DM's advice up in the middle of this thread, and tell your fiancee to remove her ring and stop calling you 'husband' at the interview, or else it may lead to delays....

[Converse34 1]

my fiancée and i exchanged rings. we consider ourselves married even though there is no paper showing it. we will get the paper when she arrives in the US. a piece of paper is all that it. it is how we fell toward each other that tells us we are husband and wife

Unfortunately the law doesn't see it that way. But if you plan on getting married, and can't yet because of immigration issues, then I suppose that is a different situation.

I do hate when people insist that "it's only a piece of paper". When if it is only a piece of paper, then what is the big deal?

Edited January 27, 2008 by Converse34

[bora bora 1]

I remember telling a group of femala co-workers before I got married that the only thing that was going to change was my last name. Oh did they laugh... . Now I understand why - and I mean that things change for the better too.

I think people see things differently once they marry - not in all cases, but generally (IMHO).

[Sylvia_n_Joseph 3]

In my SO's tribe when you have agreed between the families and paid for the woman you can call yourself husband/wife. Which was a little strange because while I was there we were going through his photo album and there was a woman's picture. He says this was my wife XXXX . I look at him and say have you been married ? NO After several minutes of total confusion he informs me that he had paid for here and even put het through college but she had died in a car acccident before they could have the wedding. I gave him a BIG lecture about using the wife word at any of the immigration stuff . Not for me not about her.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Great explanation. If I were living with my SO for many years without marrying them, I'd probably call her my wife if my intention was to be in a permanent relationship but didn't want to get married.

Then why not get married? It's not really permanent unless you do get married, otherwise you always have an escape clause.

I was speaking hypothetically. The few people I've known who lived together but never married had some negative views about the institution of marriage. While I don't share that same sentiment towards marriage, I understand where they are coming from. I personally would like to see our government stop using the word 'marriage' and instead recognize civil unions, leaving marriage to being a religious ceremony. That way all couples living together could get legal recognition without necessarily being married.

In my SO's tribe when you have agreed between the families and paid for the woman you can call yourself husband/wife. Which was a little strange because while I was there we were going through his photo album and there was a woman's picture. He says this was my wife XXXX . I look at him and say have you been married ? NO After several minutes of total confusion he informs me that he had paid for here and even put het through college but she had died in a car acccident before they could have the wedding. I gave him a BIG lecture about using the wife word at any of the immigration stuff . Not for me not about her.

Interesting.

[Scott & Lai 12]

In the UK, the term 'partner' is used quite a bit. I suppose it's the alternative to 'husband/wife' and describes the situation accurately. When you get past age 18, 'bf/gf' seems silly (well to me it does)...esp when you're living together, yadda yadda yadda...

I referred to D as my 'partner' when I got back home, and everyone thought I was a lesbian

Great explanation. If I were living with my SO for many years without marrying them, I'd probably call her my wife if my intention was to be in a permanent relationship but didn't want to get married.

Then why not get married? It's not really permanent unless you do get married, otherwise you always have an escape clause.

I do hate when people insist that "it's only a piece of paper". When if it is only a piece of paper, then what is the big deal?

That's what I always wonder. It sounds like, in spite of the protest otherwise, that they are actually reserving an "out" if things go south. If the paper doesn't really mean anything other than a mere formality, why the resistance to it?

Great explanation. If I were living with my SO for many years without marrying them, I'd probably call her my wife if my intention was to be in a permanent relationship but didn't want to get married.

Then why not get married? It's not really permanent unless you do get married, otherwise you always have an escape clause.

I was speaking hypothetically. The few people I've known who lived together but never married had some negative views about the institution of marriage. While I don't share that same sentiment towards marriage, I understand where they are coming from. I personally would like to see our government stop using the word 'marriage' and instead recognize civil unions, leaving marriage to being a religious ceremony. That way all couples living together could get legal recognition without necessarily being married.

I'm actually leaning heavily in this direction myself. For one thing, it gets the government out of the business of putting a moral stamp of approval on relationships, which isn't the business of government anyway.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I was speaking hypothetically. The few people I've known who lived together but never married had some negative views about the institution of marriage. While I don't share that same sentiment towards marriage, I understand where they are coming from. I personally would like to see our government stop using the word 'marriage' and instead recognize civil unions, leaving marriage to being a religious ceremony. That way all couples living together could get legal recognition without necessarily being married.

I'm actually leaning heavily in this direction myself. For one thing, it gets the government out of the business of putting a moral stamp of approval on relationships, which isn't the business of government anyway.