Is he really your husband if you're not married?

[bora bora 1]

I have a friend at work who always calls her ex-boyfriend her "ex-husband", yet they were never married. They lived together for a couple of years (no more than 2-3) and have a son (which was not planned), HOWEVER he is actually still legally married to another woman (who is the mother of his other 2 kids).

Maybe because I'm married, but for her to call this guy her ex-husband seems funny to me because I don't see it that way - though they are trying to reconcile and will probably get back together.

I was just wondering if a serious boyfriend/girlfriend is the same as a spouse...

[Marilyn. 340]

I am not sure if they have it here in the US or not but in Canada if you have been living with someone for so many years you can call the person your common law spouse...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common-law_marriage

[rebeccajo 14]

Common law marriage is defined differently from state to state, Marilyn.

In my opinion, unmarried folks refer to their partner as a 'husband' or 'wife' to lend some respectability to a situation they are personally uncomfortable with.

[Jenn! 918]

No, I don't think you can call someone your husband/wife unless you are married. I mean, that's the definition, no? Can I start introducing myself as "Dr. Jenn" because I like how that sounds?

[bora bora 1]

No, I don't think you can call someone your husband/wife unless you are married. I mean, that's the definition, no? Can I start introducing myself as "Dr. Jenn" because I like how that sounds?

Hahaha, I like that.

My sister lived with her now husband for 10 years before getting married and he was always her boyfriend, and then later her fiance. I believe there is a difference.

When you marry things do change - and I mean for the better too.

My husband has always been my best friend, now he is my family member too.

I know that we don't all agree on this subject because a close friend of mine disagrees with this. I was wondering how VJ sees this.

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

A lot of this is culture based. Here in the States, I would say no, but in other countries it can be quite different. My fiancée refers to me as her husband out of a display of commitment and that fact that we "created a family" by co-habitating. It began the day we started to live together when I stayed in Russia for a year. And, of course, I call her my wife. We both are aware we are not legally married. But we use the titles as serious terms of endearment. Most Russian women, I know, refer to a fiancée, as "husband" if they live together.

[Alex+R 0]

If it's common law marriage, then it's marriage. Also many people can't legally get married, and I feel like if they want to say "he's my husband" about someone they're not able to marry legally, that's perfectly fine.

I personally don't care what other people say. Feeling a family tie to someone is in your heart anyway. Legal marriage just means they can get details on your condition in the hospital, etc.

eta: As to what KT said, I agree. In Brazil, we lived together, and the guy at the padaria was always asking after my "husband" if I went there alone. I told him we weren't married, but it didn't matter to him (or anyone else) -- Rey was always my husband and I was his wife.

Edited January 26, 2008 by Alex+R

[JVKn'CVO 11]

I'd tend to say no, except when the common law marriage applies. BUT, my best friend has been living with her "boyfriend" for 6 years now, I don't think the boyfriend title does their situation justice, so I find myself saying things like "her boyfriend/ husband, they have been living together for 6 years...". Tie the knot already, and make it easier on me!

Saludos,

Caro

[Aymerlu 3]

[Dr. Obvious 49]

I often call my sister's fiance my BIL. They have been together 5.5 years, have a house and cars together, they have a good relationship. He is more than just her boyfriend to me and the rest of my family, but there is no word for it. Fiance seems to imply they will be married soon, but that is not panning out to be the case. They got engaged in Dec 05 and there still is no date and we all wonder if there will ever be one. So what to call him? Boyfriend sounds too transient. He is definitely not. I have no idea what he is. Might as well be my family. He thinks the same.

[Marilyn. 340]

oh yeah this reminds me, my brother-in-law and his girlfriend have been together for about 6 years and they have a son together... I think most of us think of them as husband and wife already ....

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

Obviously, legally the answer is quite clear. Either you are or you are not, depending on the laws in place in your jurisdiction.

That said, if someone wants to, in a non-legal capacity, use the term spouse in a manner not consistent with the law, what business is it of mine? Or of yours?

ETA: I voted other.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Common law marriage is defined differently from state to state, Marilyn.

In my opinion, unmarried folks refer to their partner as a 'husband' or 'wife' to lend some respectability to a situation they are personally uncomfortable with.

Great explanation. If I were living with my SO for many years without marrying them, I'd probably call her my wife if my intention was to be in a permanent relationship but didn't want to get married.

[Ban Hammer 13,644]

i voted no

if you don't have to go thru the courts to get an official divorce, it's not your spouse.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

My vote is no. And as a precautionary comment, if the couple involves an alien that is seeking a K1, for goodness sake, if you are in this habit of referring to your betrothed, "get out of it" before you try to enter the country.