Couple of Jokes

[Jasman0717 9]

Quick Thinking

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem....how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?"

The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there but can't carry this lot."

The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand; put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"

"Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk her home.

On the way he said, "Let's take my shortcut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall and have your way with me?"

The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, and a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"

The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on the top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."

Football Finally Makes Sense

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was "Get the quarterback! Get the Quarterback!" Helloooooooo? It's only 25 cents!"

How Was I born

A little boy went to his father and asked, :Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answered, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first met and got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where you mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little pop-up appeared that said: "You've got Male"

Short Lived

I gave up smoking, drinking and sex. It was the worst fifteen minutes of my life.

[monnik 0]

I liked the old lady joke a looooot !!!

[Nagishkaw 510]

Holy Comoly! :lol:

[Jasman0717 9]

I liked the old lady joke a looooot !!!

My 78 year old sister was rolling when she read the old lady joke so sent it along with the others to me. Not everyone looses their sense of humor when they get old

[eric&gen 0]

Funny chit:D

[Amby 490]

good jokes. the old lady one was funny. thanks for the laugh

[Aymerlu 3]

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

My vote is for "Farmer and Widow"! :lol: