Good Husband even the woman doesnt realize

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I understand your point of view. It sounds like there is a break down of communication and understanding.

Money and finances is one of the major causes in marital strife. I'd recommend that you both seek counseling

for learning to understand each other better. Best wishes.

Doesn't marriage counselling cost a lot of money?

A lot of them will offer services on a sliding scale.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I understand your point of view. It sounds like there is a break down of communication and understanding.

Money and finances is one of the major causes in marital strife. I'd recommend that you both seek counseling

for learning to understand each other better. Best wishes.

Doesn't marriage counselling cost a lot of money?

And isn't it really rather stupid?

You're trying to learn to communicate better, so you go talk to a third party rather than each other. Doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me.

(Of course, I think the psychiatric field is a load of bollocks anyway)

Communication skills are like any other skill. From my experience with it, it is very helpful when it comes to conflict and the skills one can learn extend to all relationships.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

The reason I opened this poll is because my and I are having a misunderstanding. She asked me what would I do if she wanted to buy something, would I just let her buy whatever she wants without question or would I ask her for more information. I answered, if its for material goods then I should be able to ask you about it. I said cuz if were short on budget, then it would not make since to buy $200 shoes. She got upset and now she saying that she will not spend any of my money. She also saying that she cant put her trust in me now, she doesn’t realize the fact that I was shocked because she said I don’t have the right to say anything.

I already put her in total control of the finances, because I know this would make her happy. She has 3 kids and Im doing my best to support us and give us all a comfortable life on the salary I make. I was kinda shocked that she asked me a question like that because I trust that she is mature and dependable. I never spend money on myself, because I would feel guilty and like I was taking away from the family as a whole. I would always ask her before I buy something for myself. I also tried to explain that material goods should not be important because if u spend 200 on shoes or dress 6 months later that 200 is going to be forgotten

Frankly, your wife might have been questioning what "in total control of the finances" means. By your own admission you claim that you are quite frugal when it comes to spending money on personal items, placing the needs of the family ( not just in the present, but with respect to the future) first. Do those needs include "material" goods as well as shelter and food? And if she is inclined to spend $200 on shoes is the dilemma that she would like to do so without your consent, or is it that you feel that the $200 is already earmarked for the necessities in life, and she is placing luxuries before them? If the latter is the case, perhaps she isn't really the best person to have total control. I note that you gave her that task, because you thought it would make her happy. Is that because she has a knack with how to stretch the dollars to fit your lifestyle and you don't, or because if you had not given her total control she would not be happy? I wonder if the root of the disagreement lies in the fact that you and she have a different view on how significant "material" goods are.

[Alex+R 0]

I understand your point of view. It sounds like there is a break down of communication and understanding.

Money and finances is one of the major causes in marital strife. I'd recommend that you both seek counseling

for learning to understand each other better. Best wishes.

Doesn't marriage counselling cost a lot of money?

And isn't it really rather stupid?

You're trying to learn to communicate better, so you go talk to a third party rather than each other. Doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me.

(Of course, I think the psychiatric field is a load of bollocks anyway)

Platy, are you a scientologist?

ARE YOU TOM CRUISE!?

[Mina76 0]

My husband and I have separate bank accounts. We decided what bills each of us was responsible for, but as long as those are paid neither of us has any right to ask the other what they are spending their money on. He can buy basses and I can go for my spa stuff with peace of mind!

Same here!

Both my husband and I also have separate bank accounts, but we're both responsible for splitting the cost between us and making sure it paid for first---rent, gas, electric, phone, cable and food. As long as this is all taken care of first, we can then do whatever we want to our own money after that.

[Marilyn. 340]

I understand your point of view. It sounds like there is a break down of communication and understanding.

Money and finances is one of the major causes in marital strife. I'd recommend that you both seek counseling

for learning to understand each other better. Best wishes.

Doesn't marriage counselling cost a lot of money?

A lot of them will offer services on a sliding scale.

counseling is covered by hubby's health insurance so we only pay a 30 dollar copay at each visit...

[almaty 19]

I understand your point of view. It sounds like there is a break down of communication and understanding.

Money and finances is one of the major causes in marital strife. I'd recommend that you both seek counseling

for learning to understand each other better. Best wishes.

Doesn't marriage counselling cost a lot of money?

And isn't it really rather stupid?

You're trying to learn to communicate better, so you go talk to a third party rather than each other. Doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me.

(Of course, I think the psychiatric field is a load of bollocks anyway)

Communication skills are like any other skill. From my experience with it, it is very helpful when it comes to conflict and the skills one can learn extend to all relationships.

so true and can be taught,,,,as can listening

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

Psychiatry is stupid.

[EWWM NITCH KAH 0]

sounds to me like you can't even talk to her ! I would close every account with her name on it ( while you have the chance) and quite being mr nice guy. Thats just wrong.

[sparkofcreation 0]

sounds to me like you can't even talk to her ! I would close every account with her name on it ( while you have the chance) and quite being mr nice guy. Thats just wrong.

Besides its being illegal and impossible to close a bank account without all the account holders being present, are you *trying* to cause the OP to get divorced? Because believe me, if my husband closed our bank account, we would be. That's like a *last* step you take when you're trying to end the marriage and protect your assets.

[Caladan 19]

If one partner makes a lot more money, do they have more say in certain decisions? Like, in how much to spend purchasing a house? Or what kind of car to get?

Thank you, Alex - that was the point I was trying to make.

It seems logical that they should (have more say), but I'm curious what other people think.

I don't agree. (I don't think a stay-at-home mom, e.g., should have no say in what her husband buys.)

I think it's very important to prioritize what the couple wants to do with their money. Pay your savings, pay your bills, and then figure out what you two want to do with the rest. In our case, this works by both of our paychecks going into the same account. I am more responsible with money and generally more frugal, so while we have a joint account out of which comes the expenses, it's pretty much my area to manage and control.

We both agree what "allowance" is good for him and me, that allows each of us to have freedom in making small personal purchases, but doesn't detract from our overall financial plans. And it also means that our spending money isn't tied to our individual income, but our joint plans.

[Caladan 19]

I understand your point of view. It sounds like there is a break down of communication and understanding.

Money and finances is one of the major causes in marital strife. I'd recommend that you both seek counseling

for learning to understand each other better. Best wishes.

Doesn't marriage counselling cost a lot of money?

Cheaper than divorce.

On a more serious note, usually it's not the amount of money that's causing the strife, but the management of it, so the expense of a counselor can be worthwhile.

[almaty 19]

Psychiatry is stupid.

stfu you Persian Scientology's shoe

[mawilson 2,133]

Platy, are you a scientologist?

ARE YOU TOM CRUISE!?

I don't get it.

Psychiatry is stupid.

stfu you Persian Scientology's shoe

I don't get it.

[Marilyn. 340]

Platy, are you a scientologist?

ARE YOU TOM CRUISE!?

I don't get it.

Psychiatry is stupid.

stfu you Persian Scientology's shoe

I don't get it.