Good Husband even the woman doesnt realize

[almaty 19]

i am the only earner in our household..if sanita wants to buy something..she does..i am not her guardian....and she is a responsible adult whose judgment i trust and in fact, is better than mine in allot of areas

from reading thru this, it sounds to me like there are issues of judgement on her part and he's being told what to do even though he's the breadwinner. i don't believe this is what he envisioned marriage to be and it certainly does not sound like much of a partnership to me.

good point brother charles.............partnership is built on trust and dual respect

[doodlebugg 10]

The reason I opened this poll is because my and I are having a misunderstanding. She asked me what would I do if she wanted to buy something, would I just let her buy whatever she wants without question or would I ask her for more information. I answered, if its for material goods then I should be able to ask you about it. I said cuz if were short on budget, then it would not make since to buy $200 shoes. She got upset and now she saying that she will not spend any of my money. She also saying that she cant put her trust in me now, she doesn’t realize the fact that I was shocked because she said I don’t have the right to say anything.

I already put her in total control of the finances, because I know this would make her happy. She has 3 kids and Im doing my best to support us and give us all a comfortable life on the salary I make. I was kinda shocked that she asked me a question like that because I trust that she is mature and dependable. I never spend money on myself, because I would feel guilty and like I was taking away from the family as a whole. I would always ask her before I buy something for myself. I also tried to explain that material goods should not be important because if u spend 200 on shoes or dress 6 months later that 200 is going to be forgotten

Does she work at all? I could never give up full financial control. In my last marriage we had separate accounts and we divided up the bills equally so we both knew which bill was whos responsibility but we both made the same amount of money.

I think that if purchases are under a certain dollar limit that you both agree on then no she shouldn't have to call you every time she wants to buy something like food, etc. but once you hit a threshold that you feel uncomfortable with, like maybe anything over $300 or something, then you both should agree on it.

[mawilson 2,133]

I gotta say, I would resent being told what I could do with the money I'd earned. Hubster and I put a certain amount into a joint account to pay bills and for whatever mad money we might need each month and the rest goes into our separate accounts to use however we choose to, no questions asked. For big ticket items for both of us, we come to an agreement and if we need to contribute more of our individual money into the joint account to make the purchase, or pay the bill when it comes....so be it. If one of us earned quite a bit more than the other I would think that the one earning more would just contribute more money to the joint account....that would only seem fair. But it wouldn't seem fair that that person would have more of the decision making process. If it were me being told how all of the money was going to be spent, I'd feel like a kid getting an allowance.

It works the same way for us, more or less.

[joelunchbox 0]

The reason I opened this poll is because my and I are having a misunderstanding. She asked me what would I do if she wanted to buy something, would I just let her buy whatever she wants without question or would I ask her for more information. I answered, if its for material goods then I should be able to ask you about it. I said cuz if were short on budget, then it would not make since to buy $200 shoes. She got upset and now she saying that she will not spend any of my money. She also saying that she cant put her trust in me now, she doesn’t realize the fact that I was shocked because she said I don’t have the right to say anything.

I already put her in total control of the finances, because I know this would make her happy. She has 3 kids and Im doing my best to support us and give us all a comfortable life on the salary I make. I was kinda shocked that she asked me a question like that because I trust that she is mature and dependable. I never spend money on myself, because I would feel guilty and like I was taking away from the family as a whole. I would always ask her before I buy something for myself. I also tried to explain that material goods should not be important because if u spend 200 on shoes or dress 6 months later that 200 is going to be forgotten

There may be a difference between "putting someone in total control" and that person fully understanding the process. If they understand the process, the $200 shoes become a budgeted item.

I think she asked a question to learn about you. I think she may have been asking, "Am I really in control of the money?". Is she?

This appears to be a communication issue not a financial issue.

[sj5 4]

"My hubby did asked why I bought 2 more pillows" (we already have 5 pillows and a huge big pillow) so I gave him a reason why I bought 2 more pillows beside of other things I buy he doesn't really care but I would never buy a shoes that cost $200. If he ever complaining I wouldn't say SHUT UP perhaps I will feel embarrass for spending his $

I do billing for him so I can shopping

Edited January 25, 2008 by SJ

[Marilyn. 340]

my hubby makes the money but I am the one that takes care of paying the bills etc...

I am the one that has to tell hubby that no you can't buy that because we don't have the money for it.. if I didn't we would be broke...

hubby was in charge of the finances in December because I couldn't do it.... boy oh boy was that hard for me... he did ok but I wasn't there to tell him not to buy certain things etc... and he ended up spending a little too much money...

[Nessa 23]

I'd be insulted if he told me I don't have the right to ask things. We both work and we make decisions together. Of course we won't ask permission to each other to buy everything. Like I need a facial lotion i go and buy it. But if I want to buy clothes or he wants to buy a new lawn mower, things like that, we discuss first.

[mawilson 2,133]

I'd be insulted if he told me I don't have the right to ask things. We both work and we make decisions together. Of course we won't ask permission to each other to buy everything. Like I need a facial lotion i go and buy it. But if I want to buy clothes or he wants to buy a new lawn mower, things like that, we discuss first.

Sounds reasonable. Discuss big-ticket items, but other than that you don't need each

other's "permission" to buy what you want or need.

[mawilson 2,133]

my hubby makes the money but I am the one that takes care of paying the bills etc...

What's there to take care of? Click, click, it's done.

[britty 1]

My hubby earns about 6 times what I do and he was always very good at budgeting. I, on the other hand, have a problem where money seems to just run away from my bank account and never return. I pay all the monthly utility bills from my salary and my husband covers the mortgage, insurance, taxes, car maintenance, groceries, eating out etc. This is what we agreed from when I started working here and it works well. It has forced me to ensure that I have money in my checking account to cover all the bills I need to pay, and also helps me better conserve additional funds for spa days, hair cuts, clothes, etc. We see all the income as "ours" and my husband always asks if i have enough cash, and is always very willing to give me additional if required (it doesnt work the other way around as frankly there wouldnt be a whole lot to give him). We never qualify what the other spends money on as we trust eachother not to go out and spend $10,000 on something just because it is there. For larger items like furniture, we decide what we would like or need, and then if there isnt enough in the budget that month, we wait. We make plans for vacations, or a new car, and make sure we try and meet those goals by cutting back on the weekly luxuries if we need to. If I come back from Macys with some new clothes, he joins me in my delight as I take them out of the bag. If he comes home with new Playstation games I join him in his delight. Neither one of us totally controls the budget and I think that is why it works so well.

[Marilyn. 340]

my hubby makes the money but I am the one that takes care of paying the bills etc...

What's there to take care of? Click, click, it's done.

well, I have to make sure there is enough money to go around... and make sure the bills get paid on time etc...

[mawilson 2,133]

My hubby earns about 6 times what I do and he was always very good at budgeting. I, on the other hand, have a problem where money seems to just run away from my bank account and never return. I pay all the monthly utility bills from my salary and my husband covers the mortgage, insurance, taxes, car maintenance, groceries, eating out etc. This is what we agreed from when I started working here and it works well. It has forced me to ensure that I have money in my checking account to cover all the bills I need to pay, and also helps me better conserve additional funds for spa days, hair cuts, clothes, etc. We see all the income as "ours" and my husband always asks if i have enough cash, and is always very willing to give me additional if required (it doesnt work the other way around as frankly there wouldnt be a whole lot to give him). We never qualify what the other spends money on as we trust eachother not to go out and spend $10,000 on something just because it is there. For larger items like furniture, we decide what we would like or need, and then if there isnt enough in the budget that month, we wait. We make plans for vacations, or a new car, and make sure we try and meet those goals by cutting back on the weekly luxuries if we need to. If I come back from Macys with some new clothes, he joins me in my delight as I take them out of the bag. If he comes home with new Playstation games I join him in his delight. Neither one of us totally controls the budget and I think that is why it works so well.

Thanks, britty - it's always interesting to know how other people manage their finances.

my hubby makes the money but I am the one that takes care of paying the bills etc...

What's there to take care of? Click, click, it's done.

well, I have to make sure there is enough money to go around... and make sure the bills get paid on time etc...

Yeah, I bet it's real hard

[Marilyn. 340]

My hubby earns about 6 times what I do and he was always very good at budgeting. I, on the other hand, have a problem where money seems to just run away from my bank account and never return. I pay all the monthly utility bills from my salary and my husband covers the mortgage, insurance, taxes, car maintenance, groceries, eating out etc. This is what we agreed from when I started working here and it works well. It has forced me to ensure that I have money in my checking account to cover all the bills I need to pay, and also helps me better conserve additional funds for spa days, hair cuts, clothes, etc. We see all the income as "ours" and my husband always asks if i have enough cash, and is always very willing to give me additional if required (it doesnt work the other way around as frankly there wouldnt be a whole lot to give him). We never qualify what the other spends money on as we trust eachother not to go out and spend $10,000 on something just because it is there. For larger items like furniture, we decide what we would like or need, and then if there isnt enough in the budget that month, we wait. We make plans for vacations, or a new car, and make sure we try and meet those goals by cutting back on the weekly luxuries if we need to. If I come back from Macys with some new clothes, he joins me in my delight as I take them out of the bag. If he comes home with new Playstation games I join him in his delight. Neither one of us totally controls the budget and I think that is why it works so well.

Thanks, britty - it's always interesting to know how other people manage their finances.

my hubby makes the money but I am the one that takes care of paying the bills etc...

What's there to take care of? Click, click, it's done.

well, I have to make sure there is enough money to go around... and make sure the bills get paid on time etc...

Yeah, I bet it's real hard

please back off.... I am not in a good mood at the moment..

it is hard when you don't have a lot of money to work with.. it is more the stress of it that is hard...

[Jenn! 918]

I earn approximately 2/3 of our total income. So I basically let him make every third financial decision.

[mawilson 2,133]

please back off.... I am not in a good mood at the moment..

it is hard when you don't have a lot of money to work with.. it is more the stress of it that is hard...

Sorry Marilyn - didn't mean to add to your stress.