Good Husband even the woman doesnt realize

[Alex+R 0]

I'm of the idea of daily expenses/small things are ok, and consult each other on anything bigger/ unussual. Both spouses agreeing on a budget, and working towards common financial goals

Regardless of each spouse's contribution to the budget?

Let's say you make $250k and your wife makes $50k vis-à-vis equal contributions ($150k & 150k)?

yeap nothing is "mine" or "yours" anymore, it's "ours"

Saludos,

Caro

If one partner makes a lot more money, do they have more say in certain decisions? Like, in how much to spend purchasing a house? Or what kind of car to get?

[mawilson 2,133]

If one partner makes a lot more money, do they have more say in certain decisions? Like, in how much to spend purchasing a house? Or what kind of car to get?

Thank you, Alex - that was the point I was trying to make.

It seems logical that they should (have more say), but I'm curious what other people think.

[JVKn'CVO 11]

If one partner makes a lot more money, do they have more say in certain decisions? Like, in how much to spend purchasing a house? Or what kind of car to get?

Thank you, Alex - that was the point I was trying to make.

It seems logical that they should (have more say), but I'm curious what other people think.

And that's what I answered -> no, the spouse that makes more money, at least how I see it, should not have "more say" in how to spend it. They way I, personally, think about marriage, is everything is common property, in equal shares: income, house, you name it.

Saludos,

Caro

[Alex+R 0]

If one partner makes a lot more money, do they have more say in certain decisions? Like, in how much to spend purchasing a house? Or what kind of car to get?

Thank you, Alex - that was the point I was trying to make.

It seems logical that they should (have more say), but I'm curious what other people think.

And that's what I answered -> no, the spouse that makes more money, at least how I see it, should not have "more say" in how to spend it. They way I, personally, think about marriage, is everything is common property, in equal shares: income, house, you name it.

Saludos,

Caro

On the one hand, I like to have my own money and I would like Rey to have his own money. On the other hand, I probably won't make as much as he does for at least 10 years. I don't want to feel indebted to him forever just because I make less.

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

If one partner makes a lot more money, do they have more say in certain decisions? Like, in how much to spend purchasing a house? Or what kind of car to get?

Thank you, Alex - that was the point I was trying to make.

It seems logical that they should (have more say), but I'm curious what other people think.

Everyone should run their marriage the way they see fit. As long as both partners see eye to eye on the shared vision.

I make a lot more than my wife today. She'll likely make more than I do later in our lives. We have equality today and I hope she returns the favor when I'm a 60 year old underemployed bum.

[mawilson 2,133]

If one partner makes a lot more money, do they have more say in certain decisions? Like, in how much to spend purchasing a house? Or what kind of car to get?

Thank you, Alex - that was the point I was trying to make.

It seems logical that they should (have more say), but I'm curious what other people think.

And that's what I answered -> no, the spouse that makes more money, at least how I see it, should not have "more say" in how to spend it. They way I, personally, think about marriage, is everything is common property, in equal shares: income, house, you name it.

On the one hand, I like to have my own money and I would like Rey to have his own money. On the other hand, I probably won't make as much as he does for at least 10 years. I don't want to feel indebted to him forever just because I make less.

How can you not though? At the end of the day, you still know who "brings home the bacon",

so to speak, even if everything *is* common property. Shared ownership of financial assets

does not necessarily imply equal access to those assets when the partners do not make equal

contributions, IMO. Potential access, sure, but not the "automatic, no questions asked" kind.

[jessel chris 0]

One night me and my fiance sat down and discussed about the situation we have right now.We listed the bills and debts that we have to pay and we both agreed that if we want something to buy we have to think if it is really necessary to have it or not, is worth it to buy it or not? We want to spend money wisely just not the fact that money is so tight right now but my husband is working so hard just for us to survive and pay bills. If I want something I will tell my honey that I want this and I want that but before we buy it we always look at the price how much and then if it is worth it to buy or necessary for me my honey will buy it but if not then its ok for me not to have it because I know for sure that if we have spare money my honey will buy it for me...We have argument sometimes and we have likes and dislikes , do's and dont,want and not but what my fiance and I did is we talked about it, we discussed, we communicate...

Communication is really important....

[Alex+R 0]

If one partner makes a lot more money, do they have more say in certain decisions? Like, in how much to spend purchasing a house? Or what kind of car to get?

Thank you, Alex - that was the point I was trying to make.

It seems logical that they should (have more say), but I'm curious what other people think.

And that's what I answered -> no, the spouse that makes more money, at least how I see it, should not have "more say" in how to spend it. They way I, personally, think about marriage, is everything is common property, in equal shares: income, house, you name it.

On the one hand, I like to have my own money and I would like Rey to have his own money. On the other hand, I probably won't make as much as he does for at least 10 years. I don't want to feel indebted to him forever just because I make less.

How can you not though? At the end of the day, you still know who "brings home the bacon",

so to speak, even if everything *is* common property. Shared ownership of financial assets

does not necessarily imply equal access to those assets when the partners do not make equal

contributions, IMO. Potential access, sure, but not the "automatic, no questions asked" kind.

I don't know. I see the fairness in that, but I also see that having the potential to ruin a relationship. We haven't crossed that bridge yet. It's always been weighted one way or the other. Next year things will change.

The question is, do we always live in the kind of apartment that I can afford half of, or do we live in the kind of apartment I can afford a third of? If so, I'm never going to feel "indebted" for that. It would be silly for me to hold my SO back in terms of what they can have in life because I can't afford exactly 50%.

Edited January 25, 2008 by Alex+R

[sparkofcreation 0]

We pool our finances, but every month we each take a certain amount out of the joint budget than we can save or spend on whatever we want, no questions asked. Although I think sometimes he resents me a little because I tend to save all my money until I really want something, and then buy it immediately even if it costs a lot of money; and I resent him a little because he always spends his money and frequently ends up a few dollars in the red or complains about how he has no money to buy me a birthday present because he spent it all on CDs.

Things that are for the house or that we're going to go enjoy together are allocated in the joint budget and we discuss what the money will be spent on. We break it down by bills, groceries/medical expenses/other everyday necessities like gas, going out, things for the house/animals, and clothes/haircuts although we don't always keep each section exactly in check (but if we go over in one area we cut back in another).

So in other words if I told my husband I wanted to buy something and I wasn't going to tell him what, he'd say "Sure, as long as it comes out of your money."

As for who "brings home the bacon," one of us earns more than four times what the other earns. But the one who earns less does most of the cooking and housework. And each of us thinks we got the better end of the deal.

Edited January 25, 2008 by sparkofcreation

[truffles 2]

for me ...2 people are together because they want to share everything...if one party earns $100 and the other $500 but the monies are pooled then each are giving 100 percent of what they get....you cant put in what you dont have...hence i prefer the equal in all things if monies are pooled

Edited January 25, 2008 by truffles

[Simply_Uno 1]

The reason I opened this poll is because my and I are having a misunderstanding. She asked me what would I do if she wanted to buy something, would I just let her buy whatever she wants without question or would I ask her for more information. I answered, if its for material goods then I should be able to ask you about it.

I said cuz if were short on budget, then it would not make since to buy $200 shoes.

you are attempting to reason with an irrational individual.

She got upset and now she saying that she will not spend any of my money.

from "your" description of actions and words, she appears manipulative, followed closely by immaturity; also lacking complete understanding of the responsiblity of household finaces.

She also saying that she cant put her trust in me now,

(she obviously didn't trust you in the first place)

she doesn't realize the fact that I was shocked because

she said I don't have the right to say anything. (then she should never have agreed to marriage, or she should have married herself)

I already put her in total control of the finances

(wrong move, she can't handle the responsibility),

because I know this would make her happy

(giving her financial control is not going to make her happy, it will provide her an outlet for her unresolved issues or feed her selfish compulsions).

She has 3 kids and

Im doing my best to support us and give us all a comfortable life on the salary I make.

(I commend you for this).

I was kinda shocked that she asked me a question like that because

I trust that she is mature and dependable.

(obviously not!)

I never spend money on myself, because I would feel guilty and like I was taking away from the family as a whole. I would always ask her before I buy something for myself. I also tried to explain that material goods should not be important because if u spend 200 on shoes or dress 6 months later that 200 is going to be forgotten.

you are again attempting to reason with an unreasonable person, it is not going to work. she has to realize it is not about HER, she is no longer a single entity. she gave that up when she procreated. she needs to own up to her responsibility of adulthood, parenthood, and wifedom. and if she insists, make her get a job and pay for her child care (those are her kids, not yours I'm guessing), transportation to and from work and daycare, and her selfish desires on her own, and tell her you will continue to maintain the household, but those things she is RESPONSIBLE for. and then you wont have to ask her anything since she wants to be grown and a little girl at the same time.

I apologize if I my mannerisms appear intolerant, but I can not stand selfishness on any level.

My grandmother always told me, "baby, when it comes to a relationship, you either $h!t or get off the pot"

good luck to you in whatever you decide. sometimes it is better to lead with your head and not your heart.

UNO.

[Fandango 1,439]

Its the fact that I am not allowed to have a voice in the house.

That is a v troubling statement to make....

She says the only way I can keep her from divorcing or fighting with me is if I will always agree 100% with all that she says and does.

Whoa, you've got bigger issues than money. Get some counseling ASAP! Seriously.

Everyone sit down before reading the next thing I have to say.....I agree with Fancypants

If one partner makes a lot more money, do they have more say in certain decisions? Like, in how much to spend purchasing a house? Or what kind of car to get?

Thank you, Alex - that was the point I was trying to make.

It seems logical that they should (have more say), but I'm curious what other people think.

In our relationship, it is equitable regardless of who makes more $$$. When we lived together, I didn't work...I wasn't exactly the betty crocker type back then, but I did tend to the house (not so much the food, heh)....anyways, regardless that he was taking care of me financially, we made all choices together.

[almaty 19]

i am the only earner in our household..if sanita wants to buy something..she does..i am not her guardian....and she is a responsible adult whose judgment i trust and in fact, is better than mine in allot of areas

Edited January 25, 2008 by almaty

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

i am the only earner in our household..if sanita wants to buy something..she does..i am not her guardian....and she is a responsible adult whose judgment i trust and in fact, is better than mine in allot of areas

from reading thru this, it sounds to me like there are issues of judgement on her part and he's being told what to do even though he's the breadwinner. i don't believe this is what he envisioned marriage to be and it certainly does not sound like much of a partnership to me.

[Sister Fracas 5]

I gotta say, I would resent being told what I could do with the money I'd earned. Hubster and I put a certain amount into a joint account to pay bills and for whatever mad money we might need each month and the rest goes into our separate accounts to use however we choose to, no questions asked. For big ticket items for both of us, we come to an agreement and if we need to contribute more of our individual money into the joint account to make the purchase, or pay the bill when it comes....so be it. If one of us earned quite a bit more than the other I would think that the one earning more would just contribute more money to the joint account....that would only seem fair. But it wouldn't seem fair that that person would have more of the decision making process. If it were me being told how all of the money was going to be spent, I'd feel like a kid getting an allowance.

Regarding the OP, I think some serious communication is needed.