seeing friends true colours when you are getting married

[MissusM09 1]

well well welly well, i have had several conversations with "friends" some men, 1 woman friend, only to find out they werent really friends at all. let me point out that alot of these were people that i had created a friendship with through the internet. My girlfriend, a lutheran preacher, all but jumped on me for something i said regarding gods will and pointed out that she didnt think i was going to be happy and that she could see trouble. The two guys that i have told ( once again internet friends) one i asked to come to the wedding, he then replied " oh my wife wouldnt like that, or i would nt be able to explain that trip!" which shocked me because it showed that he was only online to creep and our "friendship" was never of the you-show-me-yours-i'll-show-you-mine variety;

the other as soon as i said i was engaged said he was engaged too. i wasnt sure if he was lying to get back at me or telling the truth. my fiance's name begins with J and all of a sudden so did his. i was getting hitched this year, and so was he. this guy was/is the most commitment phobic emotionally retarded individual, by his own admission. did i say i had a brief online romance with this guy. hahahhahaha.

Now let me point out though i call these people friends i use the term loosely they are more acquaintances. really i should nt be surprised. but i have been talkign to these people for years now. aint that something.

Then theres the regretters whose eyes are too big for thier belly, who spout cr appola like "oooh that should have been me" "oh i cant come because it would be too hard" and you know that these were the same fools who couldnt be asked to even get on a plane to visit you but once, or a train even.

my other friends are all excited for me......... can anyone tell me if they have had similar experiences with online or on-land friends . it would be interesting to know.

[Jaseball 0]

I'm one of the holdouts in the marriage game. I'm pretty picky and didn't really feel I'd find someone I'd want to commit to, so over the years my friends got married off and people who at one time I'd see 1-4x or more per week became people I'd see once a year if I was the one to make the effort.

I lost my mother to cancer, lost a close friend to liver failure, and these people who I had known for years, who I felt were close friends, but who were now married and happy treated me like a leper.

It was really hard not to get bitter and pissed off and at times I did let those emotions come through, however it taught me some really hard lessons and I realized for most people they are very ego-centric and only concerned about themselves and immediate family.

We all know people who treat their parents or siblings like #######, so I really shouldn't have been surprised that some of these folks wrote me off and had better things to do, but it still hurt.

Online is even worse. I'll take good advice or interact with people online, but if people I have known for 20+ years in face to face relationships can be so cold, distant, and dismissive, how much worse can someone I've never even seen face to face be?

So now I'm just more reserved and keep every relationship on a scale. I don't mind shouldering the load for a bit, being a good friend, etc., but now I hit my limit far faster and will confront someone and be more than willing to write them off.

Edited January 24, 2008 by Jaseball

[Steve'sGirl 0]

I can relate to your experience to a certain extent. One of my best friends has been acting very strangely ever since I told her about the wedding plans. Even though I was upset in the beginning that she wasn't happy and excited about me starting my wedding I eventually realized that one of the reasons she acts the way she does is because she is rather unhappy in her marriage (divorce has come up several times, but she never found the strength to leave her husband), plus me getting married means to her that she is sort of losing her best friend. We've always been there for one another and even though I spend lots of time abroad, I never thought I'd eventually move to another country for good.

If you're friends behave strangely when it comes to your upcoming marriage, it is most probably just a case of 'getting used to the new situation'.

Don't worry about those people that don't keep in touch with you. It's probably better to find out today rather than tomorrow who your true friends are.

[almaty 19]

f##k them and drive on