Where did you register?

[Krikit 1,164]

Sorry, I just don't feel that way. If X decides to have a billion dollar wedding, I am still going to bring X whatever I budgeted to give having nothing to do with what X spent. No one forces you to spend stupid amounts of money for a wedding. We spent what we spent with no expectation of ever getting it back. Therefore, we kept the spending far more reasonable. It was about celebrating our union with our friends and family and community in a way that was fun and memorable. It wasn't about keeping a balance sheet, hoping the guests would recover some of the costs for us. If I wanted that, might as well make a wedding with a cover charge.

This thread reminded me of my old favorite sites, Etiquette Hell.

For some strange reason it appears you think that Alex & Rachel is disagreeing with you. I don't think you'll find anyone here that believes they can recoup costs. We all know that will never happen.

[Dr. Obvious 49]

For some strange reason it appears you think that Alex & Rachel is disagreeing with you. I don't think you'll find anyone here that believes they can recoup costs. We all know that will never happen.

Because she is with is this statement:

Right, but nothing's free, either. Even if you get your dad to do a barbeque and dress up casually and have the wedding and reception in your parents' back garden (all things we'll probably be doing) there's still going to be a few expenses, and time and effort that's gone into the planning. (Although I'm feeling we ought to do more, as a couple of people may be flying in and that's a huge expense for them).

It implies that the guests should do something out of some form of obligation because it is not free to have a wedding.

[Krikit 1,164]

For some strange reason it appears you think that Alex & Rachel is disagreeing with you. I don't think you'll find anyone here that believes they can recoup costs. We all know that will never happen.

Because she is with is this statement:

Right, but nothing's free, either. Even if you get your dad to do a barbeque and dress up casually and have the wedding and reception in your parents' back garden (all things we'll probably be doing) there's still going to be a few expenses, and time and effort that's gone into the planning. (Although I'm feeling we ought to do more, as a couple of people may be flying in and that's a huge expense for them).

It implies that the guests should do something out of some form of obligation because it is not free to have a wedding.

Sorry, but I'm not reading into it the same way you are. But that's okay. We're all different.

[Alex & Rachel 78]

Sorry, I just don't feel that way. If X decides to have a billion dollar wedding, I am still going to bring X whatever I budgeted to give having nothing to do with what X spent. No one forces you to spend stupid amounts of money for a wedding. We spent what we spent with no expectation of ever getting it back. Therefore, we kept the spending far more reasonable. It was about celebrating our union with our friends and family and community in a way that was fun and memorable. It wasn't about keeping a balance sheet, hoping the guests would recover some of the costs for us. If I wanted that, might as well make a wedding with a cover charge.

This thread reminded me of my old favorite sites, Etiquette Hell.

For some strange reason it appears you think that Alex & Rachel is disagreeing with you. I don't think you'll find anyone here that believes they can recoup costs. We all know that will never happen.

Yes. I think a few wires are getting crossed here...

I'm not advocating trying to recoup costs through a wedding registry! I'm not advocating giving gifts that cost a lot of money - it's already been said how fantastic simple, home-made gifts can be. I'm not sure how my post was interpreted in that way at all.

I'll see if I can simplify things:

My original plan was to have no wedding celebration, no guests, and no presents.

My friends and relatives objected to this and I decided perhaps a party would be a good idea after all.

I planned not to make a registry. However, I've started having people ask me if I've made one yet.

I um'd and ah'd, but then I realised that some people like to bring gifts when they attend a wedding, and some people like to know what you'd like.

At first I thought quite long and hard about saying, 'no gifts'. I didn't want people to feel obliged to bring gifts. But then I realised that people don't bring gifts because they feel an obligation to - that may be a tiny factor but it's certainly not the main reason.

My next worry was, do I feel guilty accepting the gifts? I'm no scrounger, and I don't want to be seen as one. At Christmas and on birthdays I don't feel guilty accepting gifts, because I am able to give them in return. What am I giving to my wedding guests, if they bring us gifts? I think, well, I am providing them with what will hopefully be a fun party.

If anything, what I was attempting to say was the complete opposite of what Wacken has said; it is not that X has an expensive wedding because they hope to receive expensive gifts in return, it is that X has a more expensive wedding than planned because X's guests have said 'let us attend and bring gifts!' and X panics and says, 'whoops, now I really need to make it worth their while!'

I would not feel bad if I threw a huge party and no one brought gifts. It was my decision to throw the party! I would feel bad if I threw a miserly party and everyone bought huge gifts.

[chri'stina 190]

I realize I am answering late and there are debates going on...

but I registered at Target and Walmart. Yes, walmart. I don't know if a lot of people just think it's too "low" a place to register for wedding and baby stuff, but they have some of the same stuff as Target for a couple dollars cheaper. And everyone lives near one. Not everyone I know lived near a Target so that's another reason. I got stuff from both places for my bridal shower and then years later at my recent baby shower. I wanted to let my guests have affordable choices. And lots of times people will ask where you are registered so I don't see anything wrong with doing it. I always buy stuff for people off of their registries when they have their events too. I think it's fun.

The registry seems more for the bridal shower, because that's where most of the gifts are given. People bring more money to weddings and less gifts.

[Alex & Rachel 78]

You know, until today I'd never heard of a bridal shower

But then, I hadn't heard of wedding favours until last year. Honestly, I wish I could just bypass everything. It's making my head spin.

[gwenneh 7]

You know, until today I'd never heard of a bridal shower

I only *wish* I hadn't. I'm in the middle of planning my best friend's shower, along with the other matron of honor. It takes two of us, because this is a 100 person event too!

PS: she registered at Bed Bath & Beyond. That's her input to this thread!

Edited January 25, 2008 by Gwen666

[chri'stina 190]

I don't consider any gift I give obligatory. I enjoy choosing or creating a gift whether the recipient expects one or not. Gifts from the heart don't necessarily cost a lot of money. And it makes me feel good.

You know, until today I'd never heard of a bridal shower

But then, I hadn't heard of wedding favours until last year. Honestly, I wish I could just bypass everything. It's making my head spin.

I agree a bridal shower could be overwhelming if it's not something you know much about. But in my opinion, it's a wonderful thing because the women really do gather and buy you things for your new life or household, and it is very helpful. We all grow up going to them and giving gifts(at least I have gone to a million), and then when you get married it's your turn to have one. I really like the idea and it really is helpful to people starting out with not many things before getting married.

Our registry info was given in the bridal shower invites, not the wedding invites btw.

[~*Maria*~ 1]

We didn't register anywhere. We only had an open house after our wedding, so gifts weren't expected, all we were looking for, were friends and neighbours to turn up and help us celebrate, although we did get a few gifts, most of which was money.... that helped out a ton because our car had just packed in, poor wee rust bucket had just been driven 1200 miles and died when we reached our destination (his parents)

So, the money helped us get another vehicle for the 1200 mile journey back to North Carolina, that's where Dane was living at the time. I guess his vehicles don't like being driven 1200 miles in one go, shortly after coming back to Nebraska a 2nd time, that new vehicle we got, died on us

[Alex & Rachel 78]

Oh dear! Still, at least neither car broke down in the middle of the journey!

Well, now I am not sure what to think. Having read up more on weddings (I've barely started) I've come to the conclusion that it's impossible to please everyone...some people are offended if they aren't invited, others feel obliged to attend if they are, some people find cheapish affairs tacky and others find expensive ones embarrassing, some people abhor monetary gifts and others like them, etc., etc. - all so confusing! I'm dreading it even more than I was.

[Krikit 1,164]

Oh dear! Still, at least neither car broke down in the middle of the journey!

Well, now I am not sure what to think. Having read up more on weddings (I've barely started) I've come to the conclusion that it's impossible to please everyone...some people are offended if they aren't invited, others feel obliged to attend if they are, some people find cheapish affairs tacky and others find expensive ones embarrassing, some people abhor monetary gifts and others like them, etc., etc. - all so confusing! I'm dreading it even more than I was.

And there it all is in a nutshell.

[Emancipation 2]

We didn't register either..

We did spread the word we only wanted $$.. mostly through 3 people I figured people would "ask" about what we wanted for our wedding.. We did recieve a lot of cash..

For a personal shower my friends TOTALLY surprised me and put together one that i had NO clues about.... They orgainzed it behind my back and I totally walked into it..

Instead of embarassing me with who got me what skimpy outfit.. they just wrapped everything and didn't put tags on it.. that way everyone that was there gave me something but i didn't have to associate a name or face to a particular skimpy thing when I put it on.. i really appreciated it!!

[Krikit 1,164]

For a personal shower my friends TOTALLY surprised me and put together one that i had NO clues about.... They orgainzed it behind my back and I totally walked into it..

Instead of embarassing me with who got me what skimpy outfit.. they just wrapped everything and didn't put tags on it.. that way everyone that was there gave me something but i didn't have to associate a name or face to a particular skimpy thing when I put it on.. i really appreciated it!!

My girlfriends did that too! They told me they were taking me out to dinner before I left. So when I got to the restaurant I found out it was a party and the gifts were from everyone. You know what females are like when they get together and sexy lingerie is involved. Well.... let's just say that the men visiting from Russia had a wonderful time. And I was made to wear sexy lingerie on my head. Whooo hooooo. Good times.

[MaRob 0]

Haha.. Well thanks everyone for the advice, even though it got a little derailed! I like the Macy's Idea, and Walmart, and maybe Bed Bath & Beyond... I live in a small town, so I want to register in at least one place where people don't have to drive for an hour to get to the store...

I have already had people asking me.. that is why I even brought it up, but there absolutely won't be anything about gifts in the invitation... it is open for anyone to come, regardless of gift... personally, when we go to others, we usually take a gift, but not always from their registry... no one has ever been rude enough to complain, so i'm sure I won't be either... just appreciate anything you get!

anyways.. just as a side note.. this is the longest thread I ever started hehe!! i'm usually ignored, so its kind of nice to see 5 pages of responses even though i wasn't really involved... so thanks!

[♥JP♥ 5]

Haha.. Well thanks everyone for the advice, even though it got a little derailed! I like the Macy's Idea, and Walmart, and maybe Bed Bath & Beyond... I live in a small town, so I want to register in at least one place where people don't have to drive for an hour to get to the store...

I have already had people asking me.. that is why I even brought it up, but there absolutely won't be anything about gifts in the invitation... it is open for anyone to come, regardless of gift... personally, when we go to others, we usually take a gift, but not always from their registry... no one has ever been rude enough to complain, so i'm sure I won't be either... just appreciate anything you get!

anyways.. just as a side note.. this is the longest thread I ever started hehe!! i'm usually ignored, so its kind of nice to see 5 pages of responses even though i wasn't really involved... so thanks!

Just be sure to register for items in every price range. I had items on my registry that were $5 and some that were $500. I got everything on my registry and many duplicates. You will be surprised by what people are willing to give. The most popular items on my registry were the ones in the $50 range, big ticket items were purchsed by close family and friends.