Husband MAY have another child...

[TracyLuis 0]

I received a call today from my husband's nephew in Lima. He told me that he ran into my husband's ex-girldfriend and that she had a small child with her. He was very surprised to see her, especially with a child, because the last anyone had heard, she had moved to Spain (in 2005) to have an abortion. This nephew didn't know what to do, so he thought it was best to call me first.

Prior to my husband and I meeting in late 2005, he had apparently knocked this girl up. He told her he didn't want to be with her, but that he would gladly take care of his child. She freaked out and left the country. Again, he was told that she had had an abortion. This devastated him, but he moved on. I knew all this story from day one of meeting my husband, so there were no secrets.

Fast forward 2 1/2 years...now he and I have been married for 2 years and are expecting our first child together in April. He has no idea that I've been told this information. And I have no idea what to do with this information. I FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN HIT WITH A TON OF BRICKS.

Should I tell him about this phone call and devastate him even further for something that may or may not even be valid? Or should I try to get more information? Or should I just leave it alone?

I believe that if this girl wants him to know, she should tell him herself.

I HATE DRAMA. THIS SUCKS.

[no name 1]

Whoa.

You should tell him. Your husband's nephew should've told HIM, not you.

Good luck with it all.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Ah, that is a shock. I am sorry that you are having to deal with this.

I think it would be a good idea to tell your husband about the phone call. If you are shocked, just think how shocked he will be, but it is better he find out from you rather than discovering later that you knew and didn't tell him. It isn't as if either of you have been trying to hide anything from each other. He sounds like he is a good man as he had no hesitation in planning to take care of 'his' child originally. If it turns out this young lady didn't have an abortion and it is his child, then he would want to know. If it isn't his child, he is the best person to check into this and find out for sure. It could be that she became pregnant with another man's child afterwards and that this child is not your husband's. Before panicking, it would be best to find out for sure, and this is something you and your husband would be best discussing together. Good luck.

[Alex+R 0]

If you want your husband to know, call your husband's nephew and tell him you're uncomfortable being in this position and that you'd like him to tell your husband. But consider who your husband is and whether he'd want to know.

Remember that you don't know anything definitive yet. It could have just been someone she was babysitting, you know? If I were you, I'd wait to have absolute proof it was his kid before burdening him with something like that. On the other hand, you're burstingly pregnant, and it is his responsibility to deal with it.

See I'm all over the place, either way, good luck, and I sympathize.

[mawilson 2,133]

The more, the merrier!

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Oh man. Take a deep breath.

I'd tell him about the phone conversation with his cousin, but leave it to his cousin to talk to him about it.

[churipu 4]

I would tell him the truth...

[Nizzy 1]

Why did the nephew decide to tell you and not him? It could all be a mistake on his nephews part.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

I received a call today from my husband's nephew in Lima. He told me that he ran into my husband's ex-girldfriend and that she had a small child with her. He was very surprised to see her, especially with a child, because the last anyone had heard, she had moved to Spain (in 2005) to have an abortion. This nephew didn't know what to do, so he thought it was best to call me first.

Prior to my husband and I meeting in late 2005, he had apparently knocked this girl up. He told her he didn't want to be with her, but that he would gladly take care of his child. She freaked out and left the country. Again, he was told that she had had an abortion. This devastated him, but he moved on. I knew all this story from day one of meeting my husband, so there were no secrets.

Fast forward 2 1/2 years...now he and I have been married for 2 years and are expecting our first child together in April. He has no idea that I've been told this information. And I have no idea what to do with this information. I FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN HIT WITH A TON OF BRICKS.

Should I tell him about this phone call and devastate him even further for something that may or may not even be valid? Or should I try to get more information? Or should I just leave it alone?

I believe that if this girl wants him to know, she should tell him herself.

I HATE DRAMA. THIS SUCKS.

You could tell him, factually, that the nephew spoke to you and said he'd bumped into his ex-girlfriend and she had a child with her. Whatever he draws from that information wouldn't be coloured by anyone's speculation and if he were curious he could probe the nephew further.

[~krakatoa~ 27]

It's best to tell your husband, he has to know.

[chnst 6]

oh wow.. That must be very hard on you! I'd definitely tell my husband. After all he was always concerned about this child and he'd want to know! Assuming it really is his child, he'll find out either way and I think it's better if you're the one telling him because he'll be shocked and he'll need you to be there for him (and vice versa)

Good luck!

[bora bora 1]

You know your husband best - I think I'd probably be indecisive like you but don't think I could keep it in.

Your husband needs to talk to his nephew, that I believe....maybe you can just tell him the nephew called and then they can talk from there..

Good luck.

[Krikit 1,164]

I'm sure this must be highly stressful and hurtful to you, Tracy. I am sorry you are having to deal with this.

When it comes right down to it, the child has a right to know his or her parent, so your husband must be told. I like Mermaid's suggestion. Obviously, the child may or may not be his so this will need to be investigated. Hopefully, the mother may be able to clear things up and/or be willing to allow a DNA test. I wish you all the best.

[Danno 1,228]

This is the type of info you might protect a child from knowing about .. not a spouse.

You have an obligation to see that he gets this info, ......sooner or later he will find out and you will look like a person who will keep a secret from him if "You" think it's ok.

If he is the father... He has a *right* to know.

[Marry American 0]

I think you should be honest with your husband. Let him get to the bottom of the entire situation. He should call his nephew and then the ex-girlfriend. If it goes any further, they should have a DNA test.

Maybe she did have an abortion, maybe she was never pregnant. Maybe it is another man's child. I can't see a woman wanting to raise a child alone.