Just found out husband chatting online with woman

[akatagirl 0]

Barb I am sorry that this has happened to you...If I were in your shoes I would confront him and see his reaction and excuses he comes up with. Like others have stated, I take chatting with other people online under the guise of a single unattached person very seriously and would feel just as you do very hurt and upset. He has broken your trust and its important when you feel the time is right, to discuss this him. Or if before you told of your discovery try to bring up a conversation of how he would feel if you were the one talking to other people online or make a story about a couple arguing over this same issue to see his mindset on this....

[Nutty 2]

Dear Barb,

Can you please tell me what your relationship is like with your Tunisian in-laws? This does have some bearing on marriages at times. By this I mean, if they don't like you, they are more inclined to encourage him to find another wife. Or if they do like you, then they can be a support in chiding him and reminding him he has a wife and to treat her right.

Western people often don't realize that muslim families are very tight and do exert a lot of influence on individual members. This can be a benefit or a detriment depending on how the family likes you.

To be honest im not sure where i stand with them. when i visited there i was treated like family. I dont speak with them much thier english is not good and i really been too busy b/c i have full time job and business. Im not sure about the situation b/c one can never tell what one is really thinking

If you're not close, then yes, it would be hard to tell where they stand with you. I thought they might be able to provide insight to the transfer of money. Additionally, if they were aware of his bad behavior, pull him aside and set him straight. However, Tito has a point, your husband has put a lot of distance between him and his family...

I hope you're feeling better today...

Nutty

[SaadBell 0]

Oh I am so sorry to hear this, I feel your pain. Do you think you two could go to some counseling? I agree with you that it is wrong to be chatting it up on the net as a single man. My first husband did the same thing, only with him it was straight out porn and paid sites. I remember pulling up the history and was just sick. I am here if you need a shoulder to lean on.

[BarbSami 32]

Dear Barb,

Can you please tell me what your relationship is like with your Tunisian in-laws? This does have some bearing on marriages at times. By this I mean, if they don't like you, they are more inclined to encourage him to find another wife. Or if they do like you, then they can be a support in chiding him and reminding him he has a wife and to treat her right.

Western people often don't realize that muslim families are very tight and do exert a lot of influence on individual members. This can be a benefit or a detriment depending on how the family likes you.

To be honest im not sure where i stand with them. when i visited there i was treated like family. I dont speak with them much thier english is not good and i really been too busy b/c i have full time job and business. Im not sure about the situation b/c one can never tell what one is really thinking

If you're not close, then yes, it would be hard to tell where they stand with you. I thought they might be able to provide insight to the transfer of money. Additionally, if they were aware of his bad behavior, pull him aside and set him straight. However, Tito has a point, your husband has put a lot of distance between him and his family...

I hope you're feeling better today...

Nutty

It has nothing to do with distance Nutty. He was here 3 years before we met. Its not so much about the money its the way he has handled it. He does it without discussing it with me. We had discussed having a baby. I guess remodeling his family home, buying them new furniture and adding anotther bathroom is more important to him. I feel its a huge financial responsibility to be parents. So i wanted to be prepared. Anyways thanks.

Barb

[Stryker 0]

Dear Barb,

I understand your worries, but you have to look for the problem from the other side.

I'm tunisian, and i understand what's going on with your husband,it's something related with tunisian's tradition.

People from Tunisia have strong ties with their family.Your husband want to share the fruit of his success with his family, it's something it runs in his blood and you can't change it.

Beside, Tunisian man still consider that his wife should not interfere with what he give to his family(usualy, because wife and family in law does'nt have a good relationship) and that would explain why he's did'nt tell you about the money transfert he make.

About the flirt on the net, it's something that you will have to discuss with him to see what's wrong.(Maybe you have been busy with work and you did'nt have time to share with him some romance)

I advice you to have a direct and frankly talk with him to understand what's going on.

For the money you should try to find a way to calculate the amount he can get from the buisness (by considering him as an associate or as a worker) and a part of that amount will be for the house expenses and the other part he can do it what he want to.

Be aware that he should'nt have free hand on the buisness, he could mess it up!!!

Finally,If he's honest with you, he will tell you all the truth with no hesitation.

Hope he deserve your love.

God be with you Barb

[CarolineM 0]

My ex fiance did the same thing. It started with innocent chatting, then non-innocent chatting (and saying he was single) and then porn sites and eventually cheating on me. I caught him EVERY step of the way but chose to believe it was not intentional, he didn't want to hurt me, he could change...

He didn't. Finally enough was enough and I left him and my only regret is that I didn't leave him sooner. What i've discovered is that I was settling for his behavior. I was comprimising what I wanted in a relationship and kept making excuses for him...and we weren't even married yet.

You should NEVER comprimise what you want out of a relationship. You deserve to be with a man who is loving, honest, and trustworthy. Period. If your husband can't do that - then you need to find someone who can.

Good luck...and just be careful that you don't make excuses for him. Someone saying "it's a Tunisian thing." I don't buy that for a second.

[sarahaziz 0]

Im not new here but rarely post and i hope i dont sound too dumd or rambling. He goes,

I found out yesterday that my husband has been chatting online with another girl. He told her hes not married but we have been married 4+ years. When i question him about it he thought someone had told this to me, in reality i found his chat log and i read the whole conversation he had with her. It hurt me too bad and now im wondering whatelse has he lied about. Also we own a business and he send lot of money back home without my knowledge. Anyone else has had this happen or happening to them.

Barb

This is what I warn American women about from Arabian countries. Yeah it's wrong to pinpoint one race in general but my origins are from there and I am honestly telling women alot of men just need a way out of their country/villages for a better life here. I hope other women pending on bringing fiances or spouses think everything throughly before marriage.

Husband is obviously cheating you need to talk to the other woman online as your husband and get whatever information you need then you need to confront him about it and Ask him face to face all the questions and make him understand a divorce is Real. Maybe he will start to be loyal to you afterwards. If he doesn't change kick him to the curb.

[BarbSami 32]

My ex fiance did the same thing. It started with innocent chatting, then non-innocent chatting (and saying he was single) and then porn sites and eventually cheating on me. I caught him EVERY step of the way but chose to believe it was not intentional, he didn't want to hurt me, he could change...

He didn't. Finally enough was enough and I left him and my only regret is that I didn't leave him sooner. What i've discovered is that I was settling for his behavior. I was comprimising what I wanted in a relationship and kept making excuses for him...and we weren't even married yet.

You should NEVER comprimise what you want out of a relationship. You deserve to be with a man who is loving, honest, and trustworthy. Period. If your husband can't do that - then you need to find someone who can.

Good luck...and just be careful that you don't make excuses for him. Someone saying "it's a Tunisian thing." I don't buy that for a second.

Never I would make excuses for him. It has absolutely nothing to do with me working, and if it is a so called Tunisian thing it really doesnt show good character or good values. It does however shows they are cheaters and liars.

If its true they are so close to family why not just stay there with them why disrupt someone life for thier own selffish reasons.

Barb

[BarbSami 32]

Im not new here but rarely post and i hope i dont sound too dumd or rambling. He goes,

I found out yesterday that my husband has been chatting online with another girl. He told her hes not married but we have been married 4+ years. When i question him about it he thought someone had told this to me, in reality i found his chat log and i read the whole conversation he had with her. It hurt me too bad and now im wondering whatelse has he lied about. Also we own a business and he send lot of money back home without my knowledge. Anyone else has had this happen or happening to them.

Barb

This is what I warn American women about from Arabian countries. Yeah it's wrong to pinpoint one race in general but my origins are from there and I am honestly telling women alot of men just need a way out of their country/villages for a better life here. I hope other women pending on bringing fiances or spouses think everything throughly before marriage.

Husband is obviously cheating you need to talk to the other woman online as your husband and get whatever information you need then you need to confront him about it and Ask him face to face all the questions and make him understand a divorce is Real. Maybe he will start to be loyal to you afterwards. If he doesn't change kick him to the curb.

I dont feel its so much about the country but the individual. I cant judge all by one actions.

Barb

[sarahaziz 0]

Hang in there friend this life is very short ask God to help you to know the truth. But Americans marrying with other american they both have everything at their fingertips they can get work, school, food, immediate hospital care, etc...

If you look around you will see many many 3rd world countries and Arabs in particular they chat almost 24/7 on the internet. This is how ALMOST ALL the women on here married to arabian males met them via online. They are looking for love and not only love they want a better future. They are looking to get out of their current situations and also to help support their families backhome like a mother or a sister to pay for their sisters marriages. This is the typical arab male and because you are married with a tunisian thats why I speak only strictly about Arabs. If you are supporting him and his family and he is not taking care of you it's hard to say but you cant lie to yourself that the situation will get better. Nobody can change another. That individual has to change. If your husband trusts and loves you he won't hide something about his family from you. Wife is first remember that, then comes family. God bless.

[morocco4ever 63]

For some people, 4 years is a long time to be in a monogamous relationship. On the other hand, internet games (and other anonymous on-line interludes) are not uncommon in ANY relationship, and don't always lead to and aren't indicative of infidelity.

Thats a load of #######!

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

My ex fiance did the same thing. It started with innocent chatting, then non-innocent chatting (and saying he was single) and then porn sites and eventually cheating on me. I caught him EVERY step of the way but chose to believe it was not intentional, he didn't want to hurt me, he could change...

He didn't. Finally enough was enough and I left him and my only regret is that I didn't leave him sooner. What i've discovered is that I was settling for his behavior. I was comprimising what I wanted in a relationship and kept making excuses for him...and we weren't even married yet.

You should NEVER comprimise what you want out of a relationship. You deserve to be with a man who is loving, honest, and trustworthy. Period. If your husband can't do that - then you need to find someone who can.

Good luck...and just be careful that you don't make excuses for him. Someone saying "it's a Tunisian thing." I don't buy that for a second.

Never I would make excuses for him. It has absolutely nothing to do with me working, and if it is a so called Tunisian thing it really doesnt show good character or good values. It does however shows they are cheaters and liars.

If its true they are so close to family why not just stay there with them why disrupt someone life for thier own selffish reasons.

Barb

I think its all individual However i met an american married to a tunisian who has a 2 year old and they have been seperated about a year and shhe was telling me he spent 25000 on credit cards while they have been seperated and had been buying alot of jewelry.... sounds like someone is setting up a new wife back home... she was so sad... be very very very careful if he is siphoning money off the top f your busniess. If you catch him again.. ( install spy ware on the computer... get very smart... install spyware ad start looking at his phone) divorce him because if hes done it one time then does it again.... it s all over... start protecting yourself and fast before he steals everything and sends it back home

[*JG* 2]

Dr. Phil is having an episode on "Internet Mistresses" today.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

Your husband want to share the fruit of his success with his family, it's something it runs in his blood and you can't change it.

Beside, Tunisian man still consider that his wife should not interfere with what he give to his family

There is a correct way to do this shareing, he is married now. (period) this man needs to realize where he is now and here it is not considered interferring but a part of marriage to confide and share what is happening in their lifes, its not much of a marriage if one is subtracting from the pot and the other not knowing

[ya falaha! 0]

Exactly. The culture thing is a total cop out. Giving to the family is fine and dandy but hiding it is #######. Just total #######.

Your husband want to share the fruit of his success with his family, it's something it runs in his blood and you can't change it.

Beside, Tunisian man still consider that his wife should not interfere with what he give to his family

There is a correct way to do this shareing, he is married now. (period) this man needs to realize where he is now and here it is not considered interferring but a part of marriage to confide and share what is happening in their lifes, its not much of a marriage if one is subtracting from the pot and the other not knowing