Just found out husband chatting online with woman

[BarbSami 32]

Im not new here but rarely post and i hope i dont sound too dumd or rambling. He goes,

I found out yesterday that my husband has been chatting online with another girl. He told her hes not married but we have been married 4+ years. When i question him about it he thought someone had told this to me, in reality i found his chat log and i read the whole conversation he had with her. It hurt me too bad and now im wondering whatelse has he lied about. Also we own a business and he send lot of money back home without my knowledge. Anyone else has had this happen or happening to them.

Barb

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Im not new here but rarely post and i hope i dont sound too dumd or rambling. He goes,

I found out yesterday that my husband has been chatting online with another girl. He told her hes not married but we have been married 4+ years. When i question him about it he thought someone had told this to me, in reality i found his chat log and i read the whole conversation he had with her. It hurt me too bad and now im wondering whatelse has he lied about. Also we own a business and he send lot of money back home without my knowledge. Anyone else has had this happen or happening to them.

Barb

Depending upon the context of the chat, it could simply be an ego thing. However, to conceal it from you is wrong. What prompted you to look at a chat log? Are you sure there aren't other peculiarities that caused you to go on a find and seek mission? Also, it's certainly a violation of your trust to send money from an account to anyone without consulting with you. Are the two incidents unrelated?

[BarbSami 32]

Im not new here but rarely post and i hope i dont sound too dumd or rambling. He goes,

I found out yesterday that my husband has been chatting online with another girl. He told her hes not married but we have been married 4+ years. When i question him about it he thought someone had told this to me, in reality i found his chat log and i read the whole conversation he had with her. It hurt me too bad and now im wondering whatelse has he lied about. Also we own a business and he send lot of money back home without my knowledge. Anyone else has had this happen or happening to them.

Barb

Depending upon the context of the chat, it could simply be an ego thing. However, to conceal it from you is wrong. What prompted you to look at a chat log? Are you sure there aren't other peculiarities that caused you to go on a find and seek mission? Also, it's certainly a violation of your trust to send money from an account to anyone without consulting with you. Are the two incidents unrelated?

It wasnt an ego thing. I wont lie to myself. The reason i looked at his chat log was b/c about a week ago I was in our store the computer was up and he got an IM that said his name and that she missed him. Im sure a guy wouldnt send a message like this to another guy. The two incident are unrelated.

[Nutty 2]

Im not new here but rarely post and i hope i dont sound too dumd or rambling. He goes,

I found out yesterday that my husband has been chatting online with another girl. He told her hes not married but we have been married 4+ years. When i question him about it he thought someone had told this to me, in reality i found his chat log and i read the whole conversation he had with her. It hurt me too bad and now im wondering whatelse has he lied about. Also we own a business and he send lot of money back home without my knowledge. Anyone else has had this happen or happening to them.

Barb

Depending upon the context of the chat, it could simply be an ego thing. However, to conceal it from you is wrong. What prompted you to look at a chat log? Are you sure there aren't other peculiarities that caused you to go on a find and seek mission? Also, it's certainly a violation of your trust to send money from an account to anyone without consulting with you. Are the two incidents unrelated?

Dear Barb:

You must be feeling terrible and it's understandable...

Do you think that another woman out there, maybe in a similiar position to yours have some explanation that would somehow make what your husband doing ok?

I'm not in a similiar position...but I know what is WRONG BEHAVIOR.

There is no acceptable reason for your husband to be saying he is single on the internet.

If the tables were reversed and you were the one having online chats portraying yourself as "single," to men, would your husband mind? I think he would be extremely upset.

Secondly, if he is sending money back home without your knowledge....then where is it going???? To what purpose????

Please be very careful now. I don't know how to advice on how to proceed with your marital situation but please monitor your business and finances closely. I would even suggest that since your husband has shown deceptive behavior, then you should find out if he has other bank accounts or assets hidden (Tunisia or the US).

Nutty

[Nutty 2]

Im not new here but rarely post and i hope i dont sound too dumd or rambling. He goes,

I found out yesterday that my husband has been chatting online with another girl. He told her hes not married but we have been married 4+ years. When i question him about it he thought someone had told this to me, in reality i found his chat log and i read the whole conversation he had with her. It hurt me too bad and now im wondering whatelse has he lied about. Also we own a business and he send lot of money back home without my knowledge. Anyone else has had this happen or happening to them.

Barb

Depending upon the context of the chat, it could simply be an ego thing. However, to conceal it from you is wrong. What prompted you to look at a chat log? Are you sure there aren't other peculiarities that caused you to go on a find and seek mission? Also, it's certainly a violation of your trust to send money from an account to anyone without consulting with you. Are the two incidents unrelated?

It wasnt an ego thing. I wont lie to myself. The reason i looked at his chat log was b/c about a week ago I was in our store the computer was up and he got an IM that said his name and that she missed him. Im sure a guy wouldnt send a message like this to another guy. The two incident are unrelated.

PS...Even though these two incidents are seperate from each other....They are both bad and warrent your investigation.

[BarbSami 32]

Im not new here but rarely post and i hope i dont sound too dumd or rambling. He goes,

I found out yesterday that my husband has been chatting online with another girl. He told her hes not married but we have been married 4+ years. When i question him about it he thought someone had told this to me, in reality i found his chat log and i read the whole conversation he had with her. It hurt me too bad and now im wondering whatelse has he lied about. Also we own a business and he send lot of money back home without my knowledge. Anyone else has had this happen or happening to them.

Barb

Depending upon the context of the chat, it could simply be an ego thing. However, to conceal it from you is wrong. What prompted you to look at a chat log? Are you sure there aren't other peculiarities that caused you to go on a find and seek mission? Also, it's certainly a violation of your trust to send money from an account to anyone without consulting with you. Are the two incidents unrelated?

Dear Barb:

You must be feeling terrible and it's understandable...

Do you think that another woman out there, maybe in a similiar position to yours have some explanation that would somehow make what your husband doing ok?

I'm not in a similiar position...but I know what is WRONG BEHAVIOR.

There is no acceptable reason for your husband to be saying he is single on the internet.

If the tables were reversed and you were the one having online chats portraying yourself as "single," to men, would your husband mind? I think he would be extremely upset.

Secondly, if he is sending money back home without your knowledge....then where is it going???? To what purpose????

Please be very careful now. I don't know how to advice on how to proceed with your marital situation but please monitor your business and finances closely. I would even suggest that since your husband has shown deceptive behavior, then you should find out if he has other bank accounts or assets hidden (Tunisia or the US).

Nutty

Thanks for your reply Nutty. I cant excuse that nor can i look the other way. Trust is very strong key to a strong marriageand all he has done is destroyed our marriage. I will monitor very closely my business and finances. I think looking for an excuse as to why he did this would be like blaming myself I accept no blame Iv been a good supporting wife.

[tito 1]

For some people, 4 years is a long time to be in a monogamous relationship. On the other hand, internet games (and other anonymous on-line interludes) are not uncommon in ANY relationship, and don't always lead to and aren't indicative of infidelity.

[BarbSami 32]

For some people, 4 years is a long time to be in a monogamous relationship. On the other hand, internet games (and other anonymous on-line interludes) are not uncommon in ANY relationship, and don't always lead to and aren't indicative of infidelity.

maybe so tito but it raises trust issues. Its not so much the chatting but claiming hes not married would indicate hes searching for something.

[Nagishkaw 510]

The question is, why does he feel the need to hide all of this from his wife??

[BarbSami 32]

The question is, why does he feel the need to hide all of this from his wife??

Exactly Nagishkaw. I think you feel me.

[Nagishkaw 510]

I think the answer is because he is doing something he knows he has no business doing.

[In Gods Hands 0]

Im so sorry to hear about what has happened. I have had this happen to me in previous relationships..they fooled around on me by internet & phone chatting with other women (for some posing as single & some not). It hurt. It damaged trust..and took a lot to win some of it back. However, those who betrayed me in such a way.. at first denied..then excused..and then got very angry at me..(this is a common scheme to try to get the other to back off and shift the tables or change the subject).

I don't take chatting online or talking on the phone lightly. I mean after all.. this is how my relationship developed between my husband and I. Communication is valuable and powerful. Words can build or tear down. Whether he was just doing it out of curiosity or playfulness.. With what you have shared.. It is infidelity..even if they may have never touched physically. Some men and women do not agree with this..especially the ones who are doing it. Some are open to their spouses/fiance(es) talking and playing around with another in a teasing and ongoing way..and say its all ok bc at least he/shes doing it out in the open. This is dangerous ground..and playing with fire. Like I said "Words can build or tear down" ... Words are powerful. So I will pray for you and your husband. I pray that words of healing and honesty will come forth for both of you. Words that will build and help your relationship to become stronger. And that your husband will understand that it is with his tongue that he can speak life or death, love or hate, wisdom or ignorance. We all know that when we give our hearts to someone in marriage or in romance.. we reserve ourselves for & to them.

Edited January 23, 2008 by AhmadGwen4evr

[BarbSami 32]

Im so sorry to hear about what has happened. I have had this happen to me in previous relationships..they fooled around on me by internet & phone chatting with other women (for some posing as single & some not). It hurt. It damaged trust..and took a lot to win some of it back. However, those who betrayed me in such a way.. at first denied..then excused..and then got very angry at me..(this is a common scheme to try to get the other to back off and shift the tables or change the subject).

I don't take chatting online or talking on the phone lightly. I mean after all.. this is how my relationship developed between my husband and I. Communication is valuable and powerful. Words can build or tear down. Whether he was just doing it out of curiosity or playfulness.. With what you have shared.. It is infidelity..even if they may have never touched physically. Some men and women do not agree with this..especially the ones who are doing it. Some are open to their spouses/fiance(es) talking and playing around with another in a teasing and ongoing way..and say its all ok bc at least he/shes doing it out in the open. This is dangerous ground..and playing with fire. Like I said "Words can build or tear down" ... Words are powerful. So I will pray for you and your husband. I pray that words of healing and honesty will come forth for both of you. Words that will build and help your relationship to become stronger. And that your husband will understand that it is with his tongue that he can speak life or death, love or hate, wisdom or ignorance. We all know that when we give our hearts to someone in marriage or in romance.. we reserve ourselves for & to them.

Thank you AhmadGwen for being kind with your words and understanding with your heart. All you have said is how i feel but im so emotional right now I cant even think straight.

Barb

[Sylvia_n_Joseph 3]

I have been there ... Foreign hubby chatting online. Finds job that involves travel, ends up seeing his chat "friend" during the evenings. She has been told he is single. She gets pregnant . He marries her , racks up credit in my name to support her ( sending the bills to a PO box so I don't know ) I find out and throw him out. They stay together ... guess what .. he is at it again this time he wiped out his retirement to set up the second home.

My advise get a good lawyer and run as fast as you can

[BarbSami 32]

I have been there ... Foreign hubby chatting online. Finds job that involves travel, ends up seeing his chat "friend" during the evenings. She has been told he is single. She gets pregnant . He marries her , racks up credit in my name to support her ( sending the bills to a PO box so I don't know ) I find out and throw him out. They stay together ... guess what .. he is at it again this time he wiped out his retirement to set up the second home.

My advise get a good lawyer and run as fast as you can

Im sorry for your pain Sylvia_n_Joseph. maybe you are right but right now im waiting for my head to clear some.

Hows thing with you now? I pray that you are well and all is good for you.

Barb