child support arrearages, back taxes and dui's k 1visa

[gwenneh 7]

Why do people not go to an attorney when they have a really messed up legal situation?

Because attorneys cost money, which is probably in short supply.

That's why my ex's brother doesn't have one. Not like the guy has *anything* extra beyond the child support - and it's also not like he has much in the way of material goods to sell to even get a lawyer. She got everything.

[rebeccajo 14]

Why do people not go to an attorney when they have a really messed up legal situation?

Because attorneys cost money, which is probably in short supply.

That's why my ex's brother doesn't have one. Not like the guy has *anything* extra beyond the child support - and it's also not like he has much in the way of material goods to sell to even get a lawyer. She got everything.

I know that. The money people pay my boss for his service pays my salary.

I had to pay an attorney for my divorce. I didn't like it either. But I recognized the mess was out of my understanding.

Most lawyers take payments. If one won't, go find one who will.

You know what I see frequently with domestic matters? That a lot of the kvetching about how the system doesn't work or how unfair it is, is done by the people who attempt to handle their cases pro-se. Really.

[gwenneh 7]

Well, Chris has a choice - lawyer, or food. The pittance left to him after child support take the entirety of one paycheck and about 85% of the other leaves him in that position.

So if you can find a lawyer that will work for roughly $15, then point me in that direction so I can pass on the info - he'd be happy to not be living this nightmare.

[rebeccajo 14]

Gwen (and others) -

I understand really I do. Insofar as supporting my statements I can only offer this. Nearly every day I see fathers prevail in having either their support or custody arrangements modified. There has to be a reason they are successful and I tend to think it is because they have an advocate working for them. I know it isn't easy financially to find the means to hire the advocate, but if the situation they are in is so financially intolerable, then I don't understand how they can tolerate not to seek help.

I'm not trying to win a battle here. I'm only stating than in true situations of financial inequity, justice can prevail. For the good of the entire family.

[Fandango 1,440]

This may not be the absolute best idea...but how about a second job? Then speak to a lawyer who will work on a payment plan. Or how about father advocate groups?

[Krikit 1,165]

In Canada they have what's called "Legal Aid" wherein all lawyers/attorneys are required to provide a certain percentage of their services at no cost to those who can't afford the expense. Do they have something like that in the US?

[gwenneh 7]

This may not be the absolute best idea...but how about a second job? Then speak to a lawyer who will work on a payment plan. Or how about father advocate groups?

Okay, here's the situation in its' entirety:

-Chris did not start out devoid of legal aid. The initial legal expenses of the divorce and custody left a deep dent in his pocket. No savings, no checking, no credit card room left. The "deal" he got was pretty raw. The divorce cleaned him out, the child support finished it, and the expenses for the laywer - who did things at family rates - are still being paid off. The laywer has done what he can but will not extend any more help until the fees are paid.

-The few assets he did have - material things like a car, television, etc. all went to his ex. The guy literally has the clothes on his back and nothing else. He also doesn't have any expenses - no cell phone, no car insurance, no cable, internet, etc.

-His ex also demolished his credit, as he took out personal loans to pay for her schooling at non-accredited schools (massage therapist training, hypno-birth classes, and a few evening classes which I can't remember but definitely shook my head at at the time). She defaulted on the car loan (in his name), defaulted on student loans he co-signed on, ran up the cell phone bill - anything she could think of, she did. He can no longer function on his own because of this.

-Given that he could no longer afford rent, he moved in with his mother, who survives on a disability check because she has severe emphysima (sp?).

-He took a second job at the convenience store, and now works 18 of the 24 hours he possibly can, seven days a week.

-He has no one to beg/borrow/steal the money from - his family would give it if they had it, but his mom is on disability, his dad is also on disability, his sister is out of the question (personal reasons), and his brother (my ex) makes just about enough to cover the gap between his dad's rent and the checks the VA sends as well as put food on the table.

Then it gets interesting. Chris *tried* to get the deal re-worked. She fought back. Now they take something like 90% of one check and 85% of the other - the judge decided he wasn't paying enough before, so instead of getting a better deal, he wound up with less than he started with, and arrears to pay. Between taxes and paying for the children's health insurance, he wounds up with about $20 per week to spare. The bill collectors pound on the door, and find that they can't even garnish his wages because there's nothing left to garnish. I was there for this debacle - Chris didn't have a car, I got to drive him. He had legal aid in the form of public assistance, and this is the deal he got.

See, his ex's daddy is a lawyer, and goes golfing with the judge.

Oh, and what does his ex do? ####-all. She has custody of the kids, but what does she do with them? Drops them off every morning at Chris's mom's house (remember, the one that has emphysima?) so she can go home and sleep off the previous night's partying. Real winner.

So, seriously. Tell me the system is fair, and it works.

[Krikit 1,165]

That post just made me feel nauseated. I am so sorry for his situation, Gwen. Absolutely sickening.

[gwenneh 7]

It's pretty amazing - I helped out all I could with getting him prepared, got him to court, and just kind of...watched, in amazement, as his ex's dad and the judge laughed, joked, and utterly destroyed a hard working, loving father's life.

It's also gotten better. Since she has full custody - well, he;s working two jobs, how can he have time for the kids was the logic on that one - she moved them clear across the country last month, before Christmas. There's 3000 miles between him and his children now, and he'll only see them if - IF - she deigns to bring them back.

Edited January 25, 2008 by Gwen666

[Jengles 0]

I'm getting 'dramatic' because you are generalizing about the system based upon the injustices you see in your own personal situation. And - because you are blaming the system on women.

How old are your kids? Here, kids can choose whom they live with at the age of 14. Could your children live with you?

Since the support is for your c h i l d r e n - how would you propose the system be changed? Should an ex provide an accounting each month of how they spend their money? Should haircuts and other 'non-essentials' be banned? Does a portion of the money spent on a mortgage payment, gasoline, groceries, and utilities (from a household budget) get factored into 'support'? Or would you contend not?

Why are you getting all dramatic? I have a need to support my children. Let me repeat slowly, my c h i l d r e n. If you read my previous post you will see, my child support is only more former wife support. My children receive no benefit from her new $100 haircuts. My point is this money should be used for my children exclusively. Oh, an BTW, my children see what their mother does with their money. I don't have to say a word. They are on my side.

Oh, really-!!! Would you like to see my support agreement? The government receives a nice percentage, in the form of an administrative fee, each and every time child support is stripped out of my check. How is that not taking for themselves? Obviously the more they levy, the more they line their own pockets.

As for sexist remark, I call the child support system as I see it, a huge sexist concept.

OMG.

Tell that to your kids. I bet they'll appreciate it.

Why is the notion of support such a big damn deal with MEN? Oh, wait a minute - I think I get it. Since you only contributed sperm to the creation of the child, you then feel you no other obligation beyond that point? Like typically you might have wasted it going down the shower drain?

My son knows his father always paid his support. He also knows how his dad wouldn't pay for one other damn thing beyond that because his father constantly told us that was 'plenty' to pay. Your kids REMEMBER what you say to them - how they see you act and behave towards them after the court has made mandates. When a child feels their love alone - their mere existence - isn't worthy of a few bucks - well no wonder they so often turn away from the person paying the support who also has a chip on their shoulder.

Boo hoo you have to pay child support. And an 'administrative fee' too. You make me want to cry rivers for you.

u child support hijackers ................. hey ! slow your roll.

and i think the system is biased truly, and i'm a woman. if half your wages are being taken every month, that is alot. to be honest most of the payment is not recieved by the beneficiary. in our case none of the halved wage check has every been recieved by his child. As for the cost of raising a child, it was never ever supposed to be just the man providing for the child it is supposed to be the woman too. it took two people to make that child. if you have a child work like my mother did. my father wasnt the best at paying ####, but we were fed clothed and loved. what we didnt have we waited for. i never thought at any time that i wasnt loved. children understand when their parents dont have alot of money, what they dont understaND is why mummy and daddy always bad mouth each other and feel torn by whom they should support.

child support is not merely financial, and if a the system deprives men or women supporting thier children emotionally because it only allows them as parents to barely survive, then it is wrong.

I'm getting 'dramatic' because you are generalizing about the system based upon the injustices you see in your own personal situation. And - because you are blaming the system on women.

How old are your kids? Here, kids can choose whom they live with at the age of 14. Could your children live with you?

Since the support is for your c h i l d r e n - how would you propose the system be changed? Should an ex provide an accounting each month of how they spend their money? Should haircuts and other 'non-essentials' be banned? Does a portion of the money spent on a mortgage payment, gasoline, groceries, and utilities (from a household budget) get factored into 'support'? Or would you contend not?

Why are you getting all dramatic? I have a need to support my children. Let me repeat slowly, my c h i l d r e n. If you read my previous post you will see, my child support is only more former wife support. My children receive no benefit from her new $100 haircuts. My point is this money should be used for my children exclusively. Oh, an BTW, my children see what their mother does with their money. I don't have to say a word. They are on my side.

Oh, really-!!! Would you like to see my support agreement? The government receives a nice percentage, in the form of an administrative fee, each and every time child support is stripped out of my check. How is that not taking for themselves? Obviously the more they levy, the more they line their own pockets.

As for sexist remark, I call the child support system as I see it, a huge sexist concept.

OMG.

Tell that to your kids. I bet they'll appreciate it.

Why is the notion of support such a big damn deal with MEN? Oh, wait a minute - I think I get it. Since you only contributed sperm to the creation of the child, you then feel you no other obligation beyond that point? Like typically you might have wasted it going down the shower drain?

My son knows his father always paid his support. He also knows how his dad wouldn't pay for one other damn thing beyond that because his father constantly told us that was 'plenty' to pay. Your kids REMEMBER what you say to them - how they see you act and behave towards them after the court has made mandates. When a child feels their love alone - their mere existence - isn't worthy of a few bucks - well no wonder they so often turn away from the person paying the support who also has a chip on their shoulder.

Boo hoo you have to pay child support. And an 'administrative fee' too. You make me want to cry rivers for you.

u child support hijackers ................. hey ! slow your roll.

and i think the system is biased truly, and i'm a woman. if half your wages are being taken every month, that is alot. to be honest most of the payment is not recieved by the beneficiary. in our case none of the halved wage check has every been recieved by his child. As for the cost of raising a child, it was never ever supposed to be just the man providing for the child it is supposed to be the woman too. it took two people to make that child. if you have a child work like my mother did. my father wasnt the best at paying ####, but we were fed clothed and loved. what we didnt have we waited for. i never thought at any time that i wasnt loved. children understand when their parents dont have alot of money, what they dont understaND is why mummy and daddy always bad mouth each other and feel torn by whom they should support.

child support is not merely financial, and if a the system deprives men or women supporting thier children emotionally because it only allows them as parents to barely survive, then it is wrong.

They only take 50% when you owe back child support

[Jengles 0]

Gwen66 - just read all your posts...I belive he can have the procedings moved to a different court, there is definate bias here. It sounds like the case is in divorce court and not child support court. good luck. they do have free lawyers or i should say most lawyers have to do a certain number of pro bono work every year. Search the net for someone in your area.

Good Luck!

[tmma 467]

I'm getting 'dramatic' because you are generalizing about the system based upon the injustices you see in your own personal situation. And - because you are blaming the system on women.

How old are your kids? Here, kids can choose whom they live with at the age of 14. Could your children live with you?

Since the support is for your c h i l d r e n - how would you propose the system be changed? Should an ex provide an accounting each month of how they spend their money? Should haircuts and other 'non-essentials' be banned? Does a portion of the money spent on a mortgage payment, gasoline, groceries, and utilities (from a household budget) get factored into 'support'? Or would you contend not?

Why are you getting all dramatic? I have a need to support my children. Let me repeat slowly, my c h i l d r e n. If you read my previous post you will see, my child support is only more former wife support. My children receive no benefit from her new $100 haircuts. My point is this money should be used for my children exclusively. Oh, an BTW, my children see what their mother does with their money. I don't have to say a word. They are on my side.

Oh, really-!!! Would you like to see my support agreement? The government receives a nice percentage, in the form of an administrative fee, each and every time child support is stripped out of my check. How is that not taking for themselves? Obviously the more they levy, the more they line their own pockets.

As for sexist remark, I call the child support system as I see it, a huge sexist concept.

OMG.

Tell that to your kids. I bet they'll appreciate it.

Why is the notion of support such a big damn deal with MEN? Oh, wait a minute - I think I get it. Since you only contributed sperm to the creation of the child, you then feel you no other obligation beyond that point? Like typically you might have wasted it going down the shower drain?

My son knows his father always paid his support. He also knows how his dad wouldn't pay for one other damn thing beyond that because his father constantly told us that was 'plenty' to pay. Your kids REMEMBER what you say to them - how they see you act and behave towards them after the court has made mandates. When a child feels their love alone - their mere existence - isn't worthy of a few bucks - well no wonder they so often turn away from the person paying the support who also has a chip on their shoulder.

Boo hoo you have to pay child support. And an 'administrative fee' too. You make me want to cry rivers for you.

u child support hijackers ................. hey ! slow your roll.

and i think the system is biased truly, and i'm a woman. if half your wages are being taken every month, that is alot. to be honest most of the payment is not recieved by the beneficiary. in our case none of the halved wage check has every been recieved by his child. As for the cost of raising a child, it was never ever supposed to be just the man providing for the child it is supposed to be the woman too. it took two people to make that child. if you have a child work like my mother did. my father wasnt the best at paying ####, but we were fed clothed and loved. what we didnt have we waited for. i never thought at any time that i wasnt loved. children understand when their parents dont have alot of money, what they dont understaND is why mummy and daddy always bad mouth each other and feel torn by whom they should support.

child support is not merely financial, and if a the system deprives men or women supporting thier children emotionally because it only allows them as parents to barely survive, then it is wrong.

I'm getting 'dramatic' because you are generalizing about the system based upon the injustices you see in your own personal situation. And - because you are blaming the system on women.

How old are your kids? Here, kids can choose whom they live with at the age of 14. Could your children live with you?

Since the support is for your c h i l d r e n - how would you propose the system be changed? Should an ex provide an accounting each month of how they spend their money? Should haircuts and other 'non-essentials' be banned? Does a portion of the money spent on a mortgage payment, gasoline, groceries, and utilities (from a household budget) get factored into 'support'? Or would you contend not?

Why are you getting all dramatic? I have a need to support my children. Let me repeat slowly, my c h i l d r e n. If you read my previous post you will see, my child support is only more former wife support. My children receive no benefit from her new $100 haircuts. My point is this money should be used for my children exclusively. Oh, an BTW, my children see what their mother does with their money. I don't have to say a word. They are on my side.

Oh, really-!!! Would you like to see my support agreement? The government receives a nice percentage, in the form of an administrative fee, each and every time child support is stripped out of my check. How is that not taking for themselves? Obviously the more they levy, the more they line their own pockets.

As for sexist remark, I call the child support system as I see it, a huge sexist concept.

OMG.

Tell that to your kids. I bet they'll appreciate it.

Why is the notion of support such a big damn deal with MEN? Oh, wait a minute - I think I get it. Since you only contributed sperm to the creation of the child, you then feel you no other obligation beyond that point? Like typically you might have wasted it going down the shower drain?

My son knows his father always paid his support. He also knows how his dad wouldn't pay for one other damn thing beyond that because his father constantly told us that was 'plenty' to pay. Your kids REMEMBER what you say to them - how they see you act and behave towards them after the court has made mandates. When a child feels their love alone - their mere existence - isn't worthy of a few bucks - well no wonder they so often turn away from the person paying the support who also has a chip on their shoulder.

Boo hoo you have to pay child support. And an 'administrative fee' too. You make me want to cry rivers for you.

u child support hijackers ................. hey ! slow your roll.

and i think the system is biased truly, and i'm a woman. if half your wages are being taken every month, that is alot. to be honest most of the payment is not recieved by the beneficiary. in our case none of the halved wage check has every been recieved by his child. As for the cost of raising a child, it was never ever supposed to be just the man providing for the child it is supposed to be the woman too. it took two people to make that child. if you have a child work like my mother did. my father wasnt the best at paying ####, but we were fed clothed and loved. what we didnt have we waited for. i never thought at any time that i wasnt loved. children understand when their parents dont have alot of money, what they dont understaND is why mummy and daddy always bad mouth each other and feel torn by whom they should support.

child support is not merely financial, and if a the system deprives men or women supporting thier children emotionally because it only allows them as parents to barely survive, then it is wrong.

They only take 50% when you owe back child support

In TX it's 20%. In TX also, if there are children involved, an attorney MUST be hired to represent THE CHILD'S best interests. If the judge is a close friend of one of the litigants, couldn't you get that judge recused (sp) from the case for conflict of interest?

Personally...

Despite the fact that my ex and I had a messy, nasty divorce; and subsequently we cannot abide eachother; ...I can say that [ as far as matters concerning our son] we put the BS aside, he is involved, there is no emotional/financial blackmail or extortion. He pays even though he knows that I don't "need" the money. Our past problems are an issue between US, no one else....least of all our son who NEEDS to grow up knowing that his Dad is still actively and WILLINGLY involved in his life and well-being even though we are no longer married, moved on and he no longer lives with us.

- to me that's more important than getting in a pizzing contest over anything, especially money.

And you can bet your butt if I was the non custodial parent, I would pay wether I thought my ex "needed" it or not.

If anyone feels that the amount they are paying is extreme; there are avenues of recourse. If the judge is close friends with a litigant; get that judge recused. If you feel like you should have custody because you TRULY feel you are the better parent, able to provide a more stable home-apply for custody....The child's wishes are taken into consideration after the child reaches 13, I think.

Fratching on a message board and bad mouthing your child's parent is proving nothing more than there is obviously something unresolved left there [albeit negative]. The fact that there is a new marriage/possible remarriage makes all the bitching more suprising. Maybe all the unresolved issues concerning the prior marriage and more importantly children [ be it financial, emotional...or whatever] need sorting out first?

JMO.