child support arrearages, back taxes and dui's k 1visa

[MissusM09 1]

Ohhh. Interesting! So because she has her own income, she has the right to spend child support money on $100 haircuts while the children are deprived new clothes and told, by her, to "Earn it on your own." - ???

She never started getting $100 haircuts until after she started receiving child support.

She makes more than me and has better benefits!

Does your ex have her own income separate from the child support?

Then, sorry.... no offense intended.... she has every right to spend her income on $100 haircuts. You cannot complain or dictate what she spends her money on if she earns it herself.

u know.................. all i said was......................about child support and arrearages and taxes and the affidavit of support. u have all cleared that up now. this is now becoming something quite bitter. women will have one point of view and men will have another. i personally have only the experience of my fiance's ex, not wanting to work and getting welfare, which he has now to pay back. there was an immediate assumption that he didnt want to support his children even though he actually was taking physical care of them at the time. not having the financial means to address the repayment imbalance, through the courts, lawyers and such this situation has continued for four years. things are a bit better now, after all he has me but i would dearly desire a change for him. it is very discouraging to work so hard and have the decision to support your kids being assumed for you. in fact i would say it demeans some men, greatly. and if there are women who have to pay this without deciding for themselves i think it does for them too

[rebeccajo 14]

You know, Prima, if (and I only use the word 'if' because - well none of knows both sides of the story) things happened with your fiance' the way you say, then I hope he is going to try and counter the inequities you say happened by hiring counsel to represent him.

In our state, if the birth mother has custody and is drawing welfare benefits, and the birth father is not paying support, then yes he will have to pay the state back.

But you are also speaking about him having them in his custody. So things are very unclear to me. (That's another reason I used the word 'if').

I work in a small law firm (for two honest lawyers - a rare commodity these days) and as a result I am a great believer in the system working the way it should. If your fiance has some mitigating circumstances for his non-payment, or if the children were really in his care when the state thought they were in hers, AND HE CAN PROVE THESE THINGS, I believe that with proper representation he can find the courts sympathetic to him.

There is a reason that the figure of justice wears a blindfold yet hold scales in her hand. But sometimes it takes a good attorney to help out.

To Jeffrey - If you feel things are inequitable in your case or if your children want to live with you, why aren't you making the system work for you to make that happen? If you detest paying the 'admin fee' for your support and you don't have to participate in that system, then why are you doing it? It really seems to me like you are just complaining about your situation rather than being pro-active about it.

[Fandango 1,439]

When D left his ex, he gave her pretty much everything...signed the equity in house over to her, gave her the new car, took all the debt (cept the mortgage), and paid her a crazy figure of child support. Had he gone to the CSA, they would have assessed peanuts compared to what he was paying. And no, it wasn't easy at first...he had all their debt, none of the stuff, and he was starting over with pretty much nothing.

My response: 'wow that's pretty amazing of you'

His: 'No it's not, they're my kids'

His ex makes a v decent wage on her own, and we are all friendly....and yes, it's easy to say 'oh well she just got a new expensive outfit' but at the end of the day, she's still caring for those kids 24/7 (cept when he has them)....they still eat, grow out of clothes, need stuff, etc. The outfit could have legitimately come from HER money....the financial responsibility to the kids don't stop because the custodial parent goes on a shopping spree

Edited January 22, 2008 by LisaD

[rebeccajo 14]

My response: 'wow that's pretty amazing of you'

His: 'No it's not, they're my kids'

That's a pretty rare statement for a guy to make.

I think the older partner in our firm feels that way. His FIVE daughters are all grown now, but he paid support for all of them. I've known him for over 15 years and I never once have heard him complain about paying his support.

[MissusM09 1]

My response: 'wow that's pretty amazing of you'

His: 'No it's not, they're my kids'

That's a pretty rare statement for a guy to make.

I think the older partner in our firm feels that way. His FIVE daughters are all grown now, but he paid support for all of them. I've known him for over 15 years and I never once have heard him complain about paying his support.

my fiance doesnt quibble about supporting his children. some of you are so quick to jump in. he quibbles because it doesnt allow him to live as he could. without going into too much detail here, some of you should nt bring your own prejudice to my case its got nothing to do with evasion.

My response: 'wow that's pretty amazing of you'

His: 'No it's not, they're my kids'

That's a pretty rare statement for a guy to make.

I think the older partner in our firm feels that way. His FIVE daughters are all grown now, but he paid support for all of them. I've known him for over 15 years and I never once have heard him complain about paying his support.

my fiance doesnt quibble about supporting his children. some of you are so quick to jump in. he quibbles because it doesnt allow him to live as he could. without going into too much detail here, some of you should nt bring your own prejudice to my case its got nothing to do with evasion.

oh and half of a lawyers salary compared to half of a hardworking blue collar salary is a great deal of difference.

[rebeccajo 14]

My response: 'wow that's pretty amazing of you'

His: 'No it's not, they're my kids'

That's a pretty rare statement for a guy to make.

I think the older partner in our firm feels that way. His FIVE daughters are all grown now, but he paid support for all of them. I've known him for over 15 years and I never once have heard him complain about paying his support.

my fiance doesnt quibble about supporting his children. some of you are so quick to jump in. he quibbles because it doesnt allow him to live as he could. without going into too much detail here, some of you should nt bring your own prejudice to my case its got nothing to do with evasion.

My response: 'wow that's pretty amazing of you'

His: 'No it's not, they're my kids'

That's a pretty rare statement for a guy to make.

I think the older partner in our firm feels that way. His FIVE daughters are all grown now, but he paid support for all of them. I've known him for over 15 years and I never once have heard him complain about paying his support.

my fiance doesnt quibble about supporting his children. some of you are so quick to jump in. he quibbles because it doesnt allow him to live as he could. without going into too much detail here, some of you should nt bring your own prejudice to my case its got nothing to do with evasion.

oh and half of a lawyers salary compared to half of a hardworking blue collar salary is a great deal of difference.

Prima, I wasn't judging you at all and I don't think Lisa was either. We were just talking. And yes there's a good deal of difference between what a blue collar person earns and an attorney - but my boss was supporting five girls. So I felt the analogy was equitable.

[Fandango 1,439]

Prima, I wasn't judging you at all and I don't think Lisa was either. We were just talking. And yes there's a good deal of difference between what a blue collar person earns and an attorney - but my boss was supporting five girls. So I felt the analogy was equitable.

I wasn't judging you either, Prima. Actually, I was addressing the notion of counting the custodial parent's actions with his/her own money when child support is also being paid.

And yeah, Becca...I thought it was rare as well. That was the start to me falling in love with him, actually....

Edited January 24, 2008 by LisaD

[MissusM09 1]

Prima, I wasn't judging you at all and I don't think Lisa was either. We were just talking. And yes there's a good deal of difference between what a blue collar person earns and an attorney - but my boss was supporting five girls. So I felt the analogy was equitable.

I wasn't judging you either, Prima. Actually, I was addressing the notion of counting the custodial parent's actions with his/her own money when child support is also being paid.

And yeah, Becca...I thought it was rare as well. That was the start to me falling in love with him, actually....

your avatars are way cool. sweet

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

Lisa, you aren't going to hurt my feelings. The judgment was directed straight at me. You can say it.

I applaud D for what he did, truly. I would have loved to walk away with my head held high like he did. But not every divorce ends in a way that works out so rosey. Some walk away with only the clothes in their closet, no car, no money, and that still is not good enough.

I love my children and they know it! They see what their mother is doing. I don't have to prove my case to you or any of the other VJ ladies club members here. The ones that are being affected, by this inappropriate spending, understand what's going on and that's what matters.

You have a fine man in D and I fully understand why you love him. I am grateful my fiancée considers me a good father because she has seen how I am with my children and her children. Finding a good dad for her children was very, very important. I am honoured to always have her in my corner.

I wasn't judging you either, Prima. Actually, I was addressing the notion of counting the custodial parent's actions with his/her own money when child support is also being paid.

And yeah, Becca...I thought it was rare as well. That was the start to me falling in love with him, actually....

[Fandango 1,439]

KT, trust me, I am not pussyfooting around in order to not offend. My comment was just another POV as to the support issue...it was not a 'judgment' on you and how you handle your affairs....and it absolutley wasn't a comment on whether you're a good father or not.

No one knows your sitch other than you...but to just generally say that child support is really spousal support is shortsighted imo. D's ex has every right to go out and blow hundreds of £££s if she so chose. and it is not D's place to count her money. Her shopping spree has nothing to do with the financial obligation he made to his kids. I decided to post D's story as an alt pov...many old timers who know me can tell you that I never being up D's kids...I don't feel it is my place to use them as fodder for a msgboard. But I was quite aghast at your sweeping generalizations about how you seem to think custodial parents should live. I immediately called D and asked if it was ok for me to share.

I'm sure there are exceptions...but your opin could be flipped around...could your spending and trips abroad be seen as u not giving enough? what if your ex started counting your spending? I don't bring this up to start a poop fling, I bring it up to show how anything can be linked even though they are seperate.

thank you for your comments about D, btw....I happen to think he's a helluva man.

Oh, I'm nettin on my fone so hope this doesn't come out all mucked up!

[Toshtishtash 1]

The punitive nature of the child support system? What punitive nature is that? That the non-custodial parent pay up?

It can be pretty vicious, frankly. Speaking from close experience, I've seen some *very* unfair deals enacted under the name of "child support". It all depends on who has a better lawyer, mommy or daddy.

My ex's brother is currently getting reamed in the name of "child support", the situation is pretty dire, and he is ANYTHING but a deadbeat dad. I've had the "privilege" of being present at some of the court hearings (as ex's brother can no longer afford a car, gas, or insurance) and, frankly, it's a joke.

Re-evaluation? Total joke. He's been trying to get this re-evaluated for several years now, with no success - god knows he can't afford a lawyer better than the mother's (who isn't footing the bill for it, her parents are). He is working two to three jobs to meet the amount they require of him and has nothing - and I mean NOTHING - to live on afterwards. The court doesn't seem to be interested in the fact that this makes him unable to support himself at all, even though he lives with his blind and disabled dad (along with my ex, who works two jobs to pay for the both of *them*).

So yes, I think the OP could possibly be correct in that the system might have a bit of a punitive nature, and it's a slippery slope, too.

I have to agree too, sorry.

My fiance has been fighting his child support for years and years. They just don't seem to want to listen. His ex wife moved to West Virginia and he still lives in Maryland... And my fiance has been trying to get them to listen and bring the payments down to a more reasonable level. Everytime he calls Maryland, he gets told that West Virginia are dealing with it. Everytime he calls West Virginia, they say Maryland are dealing with it. He has been sent form upon form from different people, he has sent them back to BOTH agencies, called to get an update and the paperwork has mysteriously disappeared. In my opinion, the agency needs a COMPLETE revamp. It also needs to send some of their agents on customer care courses.

I can feel my heckles rising just talking about it.

The system seems to be good at sorting out people who evade their child support. But for people who genuinely want to pay but are having problems... They are terrible.

[rebeccajo 14]

The punitive nature of the child support system? What punitive nature is that? That the non-custodial parent pay up?

It can be pretty vicious, frankly. Speaking from close experience, I've seen some *very* unfair deals enacted under the name of "child support". It all depends on who has a better lawyer, mommy or daddy.

My ex's brother is currently getting reamed in the name of "child support", the situation is pretty dire, and he is ANYTHING but a deadbeat dad. I've had the "privilege" of being present at some of the court hearings (as ex's brother can no longer afford a car, gas, or insurance) and, frankly, it's a joke.

Re-evaluation? Total joke. He's been trying to get this re-evaluated for several years now, with no success - god knows he can't afford a lawyer better than the mother's (who isn't footing the bill for it, her parents are). He is working two to three jobs to meet the amount they require of him and has nothing - and I mean NOTHING - to live on afterwards. The court doesn't seem to be interested in the fact that this makes him unable to support himself at all, even though he lives with his blind and disabled dad (along with my ex, who works two jobs to pay for the both of *them*).

So yes, I think the OP could possibly be correct in that the system might have a bit of a punitive nature, and it's a slippery slope, too.

I have to agree too, sorry.

My fiance has been fighting his child support for years and years. They just don't seem to want to listen. His ex wife moved to West Virginia and he still lives in Maryland... And my fiance has been trying to get them to listen and bring the payments down to a more reasonable level. Everytime he calls Maryland, he gets told that West Virginia are dealing with it. Everytime he calls West Virginia, they say Maryland are dealing with it. He has been sent form upon form from different people, he has sent them back to BOTH agencies, called to get an update and the paperwork has mysteriously disappeared. In my opinion, the agency needs a COMPLETE revamp. It also needs to send some of their agents on customer care courses.

I can feel my heckles rising just talking about it.

The system seems to be good at sorting out people who evade their child support. But for people who genuinely want to pay but are having problems... They are terrible.

Has your fiance hired an attorney to help him sort his issues? Or is he trying to wade through the system on his own?

[Toshtishtash 1]

The punitive nature of the child support system? What punitive nature is that? That the non-custodial parent pay up?

It can be pretty vicious, frankly. Speaking from close experience, I've seen some *very* unfair deals enacted under the name of "child support". It all depends on who has a better lawyer, mommy or daddy.

My ex's brother is currently getting reamed in the name of "child support", the situation is pretty dire, and he is ANYTHING but a deadbeat dad. I've had the "privilege" of being present at some of the court hearings (as ex's brother can no longer afford a car, gas, or insurance) and, frankly, it's a joke.

Re-evaluation? Total joke. He's been trying to get this re-evaluated for several years now, with no success - god knows he can't afford a lawyer better than the mother's (who isn't footing the bill for it, her parents are). He is working two to three jobs to meet the amount they require of him and has nothing - and I mean NOTHING - to live on afterwards. The court doesn't seem to be interested in the fact that this makes him unable to support himself at all, even though he lives with his blind and disabled dad (along with my ex, who works two jobs to pay for the both of *them*).

So yes, I think the OP could possibly be correct in that the system might have a bit of a punitive nature, and it's a slippery slope, too.

I have to agree too, sorry.

My fiance has been fighting his child support for years and years. They just don't seem to want to listen. His ex wife moved to West Virginia and he still lives in Maryland... And my fiance has been trying to get them to listen and bring the payments down to a more reasonable level. Everytime he calls Maryland, he gets told that West Virginia are dealing with it. Everytime he calls West Virginia, they say Maryland are dealing with it. He has been sent form upon form from different people, he has sent them back to BOTH agencies, called to get an update and the paperwork has mysteriously disappeared. In my opinion, the agency needs a COMPLETE revamp. It also needs to send some of their agents on customer care courses.

I can feel my heckles rising just talking about it.

The system seems to be good at sorting out people who evade their child support. But for people who genuinely want to pay but are having problems... They are terrible.

Has your fiance hired an attorney to help him sort his issues? Or is he trying to wade through the system on his own?

He did speak to a guy from legal aid, but at the moment, we just don't have enough cash to hire a lawyer. So, yes... At the moment, he is trying to wade through it himself. It's been an absolute nightmare

[rebeccajo 14]

He did speak to a guy from legal aid, but at the moment, we just don't have enough cash to hire a lawyer. So, yes... At the moment, he is trying to wade through it himself. It's been an absolute nightmare

I understand.

People frequently attempt to traverse the legal system on their own due to cost. I kind of look at it like someone trying to prescribe their own treatment when they have a chronic medical condition.

You wouldn't NOT go to a doctor (if you really needed one) when you were really sick.

Why do people not go to an attorney when they have a really messed up legal situation?

[mustang-sally 8]

My DF, Randy, his ex-wife has moved 3 different states in as many years, even though she is supposed to ask first, she never has. He pays child support on the dot but it never goes to his son, he still ends up paying extra for all his clothes, books, summer camps, in fact anything he needs or wants.

Randy was never in a position to pay for a lawyer to represent him until now.

He is now hiring a lawyer to try and get custody of his son. In my opinion his ex doesn't have a leg to stand on. I remember once when he agreed to lend her some money as she was broke!!!! She called him back and asked him to buy a crate of beer with the money he was lending her, on his way to pick his son up

I'm sure that many responsible mothers/fathers have a good agreement with child care but the system stinks for some parents who end up paying out and the child/children see no benefit.

We won't be chasing child support from his ex should we get custody. She would not pay and it will just add to the debts she already owes. She has no pride and the debts would be owed forever.

Our priority is to get his son out of there and into a stable family home where he will be able to continue his education and live as a child his age should do.