child support arrearages, back taxes and dui's k 1visa

[mustang-sally 8]

It doesn't matter what your ex tells the child. What does the law say?

For example - if the law says 14, then the child could walk out of their mother's house on their 14th birthday and into their father's car waiting outside the mother's house, and there would not be squat the mother could do to stop them.

Well, RJ.....unless they file as emancipated minors or the parents return to court to adjust, wouldn't they fall under the divorce, custody, visitation and child support decrees until they are 18?

As far as we have been told, at 15 he has a choice. But we still have to go through the courts as he is under 18 and is classed as a minor.

[rebeccajo 14]

It doesn't matter what your ex tells the child. What does the law say?

For example - if the law says 14, then the child could walk out of their mother's house on their 14th birthday and into their father's car waiting outside the mother's house, and there would not be squat the mother could do to stop them.

Well, RJ.....unless they file as emancipated minors or the parents return to court to adjust, wouldn't they fall under the divorce, custody, visitation and child support decrees until they are 18?

I checked with the boss. Remember, this is the system in my state.

If the child wanted to move, the parent they were 'going to' would file a motion to have the custody issues raised. There would be a hearing. As the law allows for the change, the motion would likely be granted unless there were compelling reasons the 'new' parent were unfit. In other words, the child doesn't need the prior parent's permission.

So my statement was incorrect insofar as the kid cannot just pack their bags and go. But in essence the child prevails.

Edited January 22, 2008 by rebeccajo

[mustang-sally 8]

It doesn't matter what your ex tells the child. What does the law say?

For example - if the law says 14, then the child could walk out of their mother's house on their 14th birthday and into their father's car waiting outside the mother's house, and there would not be squat the mother could do to stop them.

Well, RJ.....unless they file as emancipated minors or the parents return to court to adjust, wouldn't they fall under the divorce, custody, visitation and child support decrees until they are 18?

I checked with the boss. Remember, this is the system in my state.

If the child wanted to move, the parent they were 'going to' would file a motion to have the custody issues raised. There would be a hearing. As the law allows for the change, the motion would likely be granted unless there were compelling reasons the 'new' parent were unfit. In other words, the child doesn't need the prior parent's permission.

So my statement was incorrect insofar as the kid cannot just pack their bags and go. But in essence the child prevails.

In other words, a child of 15 would get a say in where he/she lives? If so that is good news, we desperately want him away from his mothers bad influence, he needs some stability in his life as well as parents who will provide for his needs. We can give him that, my DF meets the lawyer on thursday, he will get things moving. I move over in approx 7 weeks, hopefully timings will be aprox spot on. I move, he gets custody.

[rebeccajo 14]

It doesn't matter what your ex tells the child. What does the law say?

For example - if the law says 14, then the child could walk out of their mother's house on their 14th birthday and into their father's car waiting outside the mother's house, and there would not be squat the mother could do to stop them.

Well, RJ.....unless they file as emancipated minors or the parents return to court to adjust, wouldn't they fall under the divorce, custody, visitation and child support decrees until they are 18?

I checked with the boss. Remember, this is the system in my state.

If the child wanted to move, the parent they were 'going to' would file a motion to have the custody issues raised. There would be a hearing. As the law allows for the change, the motion would likely be granted unless there were compelling reasons the 'new' parent were unfit. In other words, the child doesn't need the prior parent's permission.

So my statement was incorrect insofar as the kid cannot just pack their bags and go. But in essence the child prevails.

In other words, a child of 15 would get a say in where he/she lives? If so that is good news, we desperately want him away from his mothers bad influence, he needs some stability in his life as well as parents who will provide for his needs. We can give him that, my DF meets the lawyer on thursday, he will get things moving. I move over in approx 7 weeks, hopefully timings will be aprox spot on. I move, he gets custody.

Every state writes their laws differently Sally, but this is how it works where I live. Yes - the child gets a say.

[MissusM09 1]

I'm getting 'dramatic' because you are generalizing about the system based upon the injustices you see in your own personal situation. And - because you are blaming the system on women.

How old are your kids? Here, kids can choose whom they live with at the age of 14. Could your children live with you?

Since the support is for your c h i l d r e n - how would you propose the system be changed? Should an ex provide an accounting each month of how they spend their money? Should haircuts and other 'non-essentials' be banned? Does a portion of the money spent on a mortgage payment, gasoline, groceries, and utilities (from a household budget) get factored into 'support'? Or would you contend not?

Why are you getting all dramatic? I have a need to support my children. Let me repeat slowly, my c h i l d r e n. If you read my previous post you will see, my child support is only more former wife support. My children receive no benefit from her new $100 haircuts. My point is this money should be used for my children exclusively. Oh, an BTW, my children see what their mother does with their money. I don't have to say a word. They are on my side.

Oh, really-!!! Would you like to see my support agreement? The government receives a nice percentage, in the form of an administrative fee, each and every time child support is stripped out of my check. How is that not taking for themselves? Obviously the more they levy, the more they line their own pockets.

As for sexist remark, I call the child support system as I see it, a huge sexist concept.

OMG.

Tell that to your kids. I bet they'll appreciate it.

Why is the notion of support such a big damn deal with MEN? Oh, wait a minute - I think I get it. Since you only contributed sperm to the creation of the child, you then feel you no other obligation beyond that point? Like typically you might have wasted it going down the shower drain?

My son knows his father always paid his support. He also knows how his dad wouldn't pay for one other damn thing beyond that because his father constantly told us that was 'plenty' to pay. Your kids REMEMBER what you say to them - how they see you act and behave towards them after the court has made mandates. When a child feels their love alone - their mere existence - isn't worthy of a few bucks - well no wonder they so often turn away from the person paying the support who also has a chip on their shoulder.

Boo hoo you have to pay child support. And an 'administrative fee' too. You make me want to cry rivers for you.

u child support hijackers ................. hey ! slow your roll.

and i think the system is biased truly, and i'm a woman. if half your wages are being taken every month, that is alot. to be honest most of the payment is not recieved by the beneficiary. in our case none of the halved wage check has every been recieved by his child. As for the cost of raising a child, it was never ever supposed to be just the man providing for the child it is supposed to be the woman too. it took two people to make that child. if you have a child work like my mother did. my father wasnt the best at paying ####, but we were fed clothed and loved. what we didnt have we waited for. i never thought at any time that i wasnt loved. children understand when their parents dont have alot of money, what they dont understaND is why mummy and daddy always bad mouth each other and feel torn by whom they should support.

child support is not merely financial, and if a the system deprives men or women supporting thier children emotionally because it only allows them as parents to barely survive, then it is wrong.

I'm getting 'dramatic' because you are generalizing about the system based upon the injustices you see in your own personal situation. And - because you are blaming the system on women.

How old are your kids? Here, kids can choose whom they live with at the age of 14. Could your children live with you?

Since the support is for your c h i l d r e n - how would you propose the system be changed? Should an ex provide an accounting each month of how they spend their money? Should haircuts and other 'non-essentials' be banned? Does a portion of the money spent on a mortgage payment, gasoline, groceries, and utilities (from a household budget) get factored into 'support'? Or would you contend not?

Why are you getting all dramatic? I have a need to support my children. Let me repeat slowly, my c h i l d r e n. If you read my previous post you will see, my child support is only more former wife support. My children receive no benefit from her new $100 haircuts. My point is this money should be used for my children exclusively. Oh, an BTW, my children see what their mother does with their money. I don't have to say a word. They are on my side.

Oh, really-!!! Would you like to see my support agreement? The government receives a nice percentage, in the form of an administrative fee, each and every time child support is stripped out of my check. How is that not taking for themselves? Obviously the more they levy, the more they line their own pockets.

As for sexist remark, I call the child support system as I see it, a huge sexist concept.

OMG.

Tell that to your kids. I bet they'll appreciate it.

Why is the notion of support such a big damn deal with MEN? Oh, wait a minute - I think I get it. Since you only contributed sperm to the creation of the child, you then feel you no other obligation beyond that point? Like typically you might have wasted it going down the shower drain?

My son knows his father always paid his support. He also knows how his dad wouldn't pay for one other damn thing beyond that because his father constantly told us that was 'plenty' to pay. Your kids REMEMBER what you say to them - how they see you act and behave towards them after the court has made mandates. When a child feels their love alone - their mere existence - isn't worthy of a few bucks - well no wonder they so often turn away from the person paying the support who also has a chip on their shoulder.

Boo hoo you have to pay child support. And an 'administrative fee' too. You make me want to cry rivers for you.

u child support hijackers ................. hey ! slow your roll.

and i think the system is biased truly, and i'm a woman. if half your wages are being taken every month, that is alot. to be honest most of the payment is not recieved by the beneficiary. in our case none of the halved wage check has every been recieved by his child. As for the cost of raising a child, it was never ever supposed to be just the man providing for the child it is supposed to be the woman too. it took two people to make that child. if you have a child work like my mother did. my father wasnt the best at paying ####, but we were fed clothed and loved. what we didnt have we waited for. i never thought at any time that i wasnt loved. children understand when their parents dont have alot of money, what they dont understaND is why mummy and daddy always bad mouth each other and feel torn by whom they should support.

child support is not merely financial, and if a the system deprives men or women supporting thier children emotionally because it only allows them as parents to barely survive, then it is wrong.

[*JG* 2]

Never said it shouldn't be both parents supporting the child. All I said was I would not do well if my ex required an accounting of how I spent my money, especially when his portion was not even near the cost of raising the child.

[Krikit 1,164]

er whats or who is "the OP". is that some short hand for new post ......... should i be offended hahahah

OP = Original Poster

Why are you getting all dramatic? I have a need to support my children. Let me repeat slowly, my c h i l d r e n. If you read my previous post you will see, my child support is only more former wife support. My children receive no benefit from her new $100 haircuts. My point is this money should be used for my children exclusively. Oh, an BTW, my children see what their mother does with their money. I don't have to say a word. They are on my side.

Does your ex have her own income separate from the child support?

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

Nice to see someone else understands.

u child support hijackers ................. hey ! slow your roll.

and i think the system is biased truly, and i'm a woman. if half your wages are being taken every month, that is alot. to be honest most of the payment is not recieved by the beneficiary. in our case none of the halved wage check has every been recieved by his child. As for the cost of raising a child, it was never ever supposed to be just the man providing for the child it is supposed to be the woman too. it took two people to make that child. if you have a child work like my mother did. my father wasnt the best at paying ####, but we were fed clothed and loved. what we didnt have we waited for. i never thought at any time that i wasnt loved. children understand when their parents dont have alot of money, what they dont understaND is why mummy and daddy always bad mouth each other and feel torn by whom they should support.

child support is not merely financial, and if a the system deprives men or women supporting thier children emotionally because it only allows them as parents to barely survive, then it is wrong.

[*JG* 2]

I have a little problem with the "barely survive" statement.

[rebeccajo 14]

Here the courts used a legislated 'formula' for computing child support.

It takes into account the wages of both parents, and the anticipated expenses of the household where the child will live.

I won't go so far to say it's a 'perfect' system, but it does tend to weigh out in favor of the child - as it should. Sometimes the 'paying' parent will get caught paying more than they like.

In my case, I had a house to raise my son in that his father had overbuilt and over-borrowed against. That was the home I had to make payments on in order for my son to have a roof over his head after the divorce. If the mother and child stay in the original marital home, I'd say MOST of the time one wage-earner couldn't afford that home on their own. Married couples make decisions everyday to buy houses that are out of their budget if both aren't working. When the marriage breaks down, are the kids supposed to move to a lesser house because Mom and Dad had champagne taste on a beer budget?

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

She makes more than me and has better benefits!

Does your ex have her own income separate from the child support?

[Krikit 1,164]

She makes more than me and has better benefits!

Does your ex have her own income separate from the child support?

Then, sorry.... no offense intended.... she has every right to spend her income on $100 haircuts. You cannot complain or dictate what she spends her money on if she earns it herself.

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

Ohhh. Interesting! So because she has her own income, she has the right to spend child support money on $100 haircuts while the children are deprived new clothes and told, by her, to "Earn it on your own." - ???

She never started getting $100 haircuts until after she started receiving child support.

She makes more than me and has better benefits!

Does your ex have her own income separate from the child support?

Then, sorry.... no offense intended.... she has every right to spend her income on $100 haircuts. You cannot complain or dictate what she spends her money on if she earns it herself.

[Krikit 1,164]

Ohhh. Interesting! So because she has her own income, she has the right to spend child support money on $100 haircuts while the children are deprived new clothes and told, by her, to "Earn it on your own." - ???

I'm going to bow out of this one. It's a no-win situation when there's an angry ex-spouse involved. Just be careful of karma. You may just get what you're wishing for.

Edited January 22, 2008 by Krikit

[mustang-sally 8]

I'm getting 'dramatic' because you are generalizing about the system based upon the injustices you see in your own personal situation. And - because you are blaming the system on women.

How old are your kids? Here, kids can choose whom they live with at the age of 14. Could your children live with you?

Since the support is for your c h i l d r e n - how would you propose the system be changed? Should an ex provide an accounting each month of how they spend their money? Should haircuts and other 'non-essentials' be banned? Does a portion of the money spent on a mortgage payment, gasoline, groceries, and utilities (from a household budget) get factored into 'support'? Or would you contend not?

Why are you getting all dramatic? I have a need to support my children. Let me repeat slowly, my c h i l d r e n. If you read my previous post you will see, my child support is only more former wife support. My children receive no benefit from her new $100 haircuts. My point is this money should be used for my children exclusively. Oh, an BTW, my children see what their mother does with their money. I don't have to say a word. They are on my side.

Oh, really-!!! Would you like to see my support agreement? The government receives a nice percentage, in the form of an administrative fee, each and every time child support is stripped out of my check. How is that not taking for themselves? Obviously the more they levy, the more they line their own pockets.

As for sexist remark, I call the child support system as I see it, a huge sexist concept.

OMG.

Tell that to your kids. I bet they'll appreciate it.

Why is the notion of support such a big damn deal with MEN? Oh, wait a minute - I think I get it. Since you only contributed sperm to the creation of the child, you then feel you no other obligation beyond that point? Like typically you might have wasted it going down the shower drain?

My son knows his father always paid his support. He also knows how his dad wouldn't pay for one other damn thing beyond that because his father constantly told us that was 'plenty' to pay. Your kids REMEMBER what you say to them - how they see you act and behave towards them after the court has made mandates. When a child feels their love alone - their mere existence - isn't worthy of a few bucks - well no wonder they so often turn away from the person paying the support who also has a chip on their shoulder.

Boo hoo you have to pay child support. And an 'administrative fee' too. You make me want to cry rivers for you.

u child support hijackers ................. hey ! slow your roll.

and i think the system is biased truly, and i'm a woman. if half your wages are being taken every month, that is alot. to be honest most of the payment is not recieved by the beneficiary. in our case none of the halved wage check has every been recieved by his child. As for the cost of raising a child, it was never ever supposed to be just the man providing for the child it is supposed to be the woman too. it took two people to make that child. if you have a child work like my mother did. my father wasnt the best at paying ####, but we were fed clothed and loved. what we didnt have we waited for. i never thought at any time that i wasnt loved. children understand when their parents dont have alot of money, what they dont understaND is why mummy and daddy always bad mouth each other and feel torn by whom they should support.

child support is not merely financial, and if a the system deprives men or women supporting thier children emotionally because it only allows them as parents to barely survive, then it is wrong.

I totally agree with you Prima, the system is biased and there is no thought towards the emotional support of the child, it is all to do with financial "support".

In our case, the mother spends the child support she gets inappropriately. When things get tough and she runs out of money she phones my DF and sometimes even his mum to beg for money, using his son as a bargaining weapon. "If I don't get then he goes without!!!!" how can my DF refuse? He never wants his son to go without.

That is why he has said enough is enough, I get there in 7 weeks and there will be an adult to look out for him while my DF is at work. We can give him all the backing and stability he needs to finish his education and see him into adulthood as well as food, clothing and lots of love. Everything he needs both emotionally and physically, everything hes not getting now.

The child support system in the UK is the same, it stinks!!!!