i-601: General Moral Support, i-601 app

[Bootylicious!! 2]

Elvia: Benita has a point. Wouldn't want you to have to pay some unGodly amount of money. I still can't believe he had to pay that much money.

Benita: I have that book too. I didn't get very far in it though. I think it is a very good resource.

[elvia 0]

Well here is my plan.... and feel free to chime in!

We will drive to CDJ and then do all the stuff we need to do there and drive to Zacatecas. Since my MIL is going in June I figured I'd send her with some of our stuff down there. This way we can have transportation to and from his real mom's house.....(the one I call MIL is actually his aunt but raised him) which is about two hours away.

[Bootylicious!! 2]

That sounds like a pretty good plan to me. I would definitely send some stuff with her.

What do you girls think about Javier's brother living with us? If they don't make a decision on the immigration stuff by the end of the month he is coming here the first of April. I don't really think it is a good idea for him to stay with us. I have tried to talk Javier out of it but he keeps bringing it up. Javier's dad is going back to Mexico sometime in the near future so Jaime won't have anyone to live with. I have mixed emotions about it and was just wondering what you all would do if you were in the same boat. It wouldn't be a temporary thing.

[elvia 0]

I think both of us are on the same page Charity. I think the saying in spanish that goes "el Casado casa quiere" holds true anywhere. I wouldn't like the idea of anyone living with us at all.

What does Javier say when he brings it up? is he insistent? what about telling him that you will be okay with is as long as he is out of there by a certain date? Well before I go on what are Javiers feelings on this?

[Bootylicious!! 2]

He isn't so insistent on it that I couldn't talk him out of it but I really don't know where Jaime will go if he doesn't live with us. His dad refuses to let Jaime live by himself. Which, in my opinion, if he can't live by himself he doens't need to be coming in the first place. You know how these guys are. They think it is their responsibility to help out their families. It's not so much that I just don't want him to live there, it's the other "let's not mention" thing that prevents me from wanting him to live there. I just don't want to jeoporidize Javier's status and stuff. He would be working with Javier and riding to and from work with him. If they got pulled over or what ever I don't know how they would explain the issue to the police officer. Please go on about it because I really need some ammo when I argue the cons with Javier.

[chagalafamilia 0]

Charity: The ONLY way that you should agree, is if the situation is temporary? Why is Javier's dad going back so soon. I thought they only returned in December, sort of like a migration thing. Go down for the holidays and come back in Jan or Feb. So here are some obvious reasons.

#1 - "THE ONE WE DON'T WANT TO MENTION"

#2 - this will greatly affect your relationship with Javier

#3 - problem is if you dispute toooo much this will also affect your relationship with Javier

#4 - you guys are trying to have a baby, this is not the best situation

#5 - you are not Jaime's mother and belive me he will soon forget this and have you doing everything for him.

#6 - financially it will burden you even though he may end up getting work, you buy extra food, do laundry, etc...

#7 - how will he learn responsibility and indendance if he is constantly depending on you and Javier.

SO IF YOU ARE ASKING ME----------NOOOOOOOOO

Edited March 23, 2006 by chagalafamilia

[Bootylicious!! 2]

Benita: His dad is going back because his sister's quinceanera (not sure of spelling) is in December and he needs to get things together for it. He may not be leaving until July or August but it is still near enough in the future that Javier would want Jaime to just live with us. I also think Jaime needs to learn his independence. He especially needs to learn how to handle money. He is very irresponsible when it comes to that. He spends it like it grows on trees. He would help with groceries and would pay rent but still. With the issues that Javier and I have had lately, I just don't want any more added to that. I think I am just going to have to tell Javier, it's just not a possibility. I don't know how he is going to react to that though.

[elvia 0]

Charity... You might just have to put it out there and check how he reacts. I am sorry that you are being put through this. It just irks me thinking that they just expect this. Doesn't he have any friends or anyone else that's SINGLE? He'll be having his buddies over and have no consideration for you. Tough call but I would say no.

[Bootylicious!! 2]

No actually he doesn't have any friends. Then see, we will leave for a week in December for his sister's birthday and he would be in the house by himself for a week. I just don't like that idea at all. He's 19, would be almost 20 by then, and he could find trouble real easy. Plus he better not even think about bringing some skanky girl into my house. That ain't happening. I think I am just going to have to put my foot down on this one. What really irks me is Javier's dad expects it. He keeps pressuring Javier to let Jaime live with us. He also keeps telling Jaime it's okay for him to come here in the first place and I think he, as a father, should tell him to keep his butt in Mexico.

[mnmex 0]

It is a hard thing because living with family is looked at so differently culture to culture. Miguel has a young brother whom he has talked about living with us sometime in the future (not near) and the only way I would do it is if we had a house (and he could be in the basement) and he had his own car. My step-dad’s brother moved in next door to my mom & step-dad and my step-dad was always over there and finally my mom said, are you married to me or to him?? I think of this too, while an extra person around is nice for company at times, I think it would be easy for Javier to hang out with Jaime all the time and you guys might miss out on the important regular conversation you have now. I believe you two may (maybe because we somewhat still are) still be in the re-adjusting phase and throwing a third body (not made from you two) in there might add more confusion than help.

I would also say no, at least not now. BTW, how old is Jaime? Isn’t it time he venture out on his own?

[Bootylicious!! 2]

Stephanie: He is 19. It is about time he venture out on his own. The problem is, his dad won't allow it. Javier was here on his own when he was 16. He lived by himself for about 6 months. They baby Jaime for some reason. It really ticks me off. His dad is really partial to Jaime and Javier's little sister, Gabby. He expects Javier to be a man but he won't give Jaime the same opportunity. He would be right there in the middle of everything too. We have two extra bedrooms so he would use one of those. He would work the same hours as us so he would be there in the evening. He does have his own car but doesn't have a license and has already been pulled over 2 or 3 times for driving without one when he was here before. Basically, he would do everything with us. And I know, for a fact, he would take Javier's time from me. Which may sound childish and selfish but he just got back from being gone for 6 months and I want all his attention. I don't think that is to much to ask.

[elvia 0]

I'ts not selfish. You are married and for a marriage to work both of you should be communicating equally so like Stephanie said with him there it would compromise your relationship. I always forget about the re-adjustment phase so that is another thing Javier and you could discuss.

take him out now so he can meet a single girl and move in with her (even is she's a skank)

Edited March 23, 2006 by elvia

[mnmex 0]

It isn’t too much to ask and seriously I would put my foot down and say “no”, he can’t live here. Totally understandable and FAR from childish. He is your husband, you have just been through a huge stressful process and have been separated for 6 months. Javier got married to YOU and you are now his immediate family. He needs to think how things affect you and your marriage before making rash decisions. However I bet he’ll be understanding once you are able to speak with him. Seems from what you are saying, it is his father that wants to push this arrangement the most. Well, Jaime isn’t your son so if Javier’s father needs to make living arrangements for his son and the place he thought would work won’t (your place) then he needs to keep searching…or have Jaime do it on his own. 19 is plenty old…shoot most kids are on their own at 18, I know I was. And Miguel, like Javier, was on his own at 15.

[Bootylicious!! 2]

Elvia: Great idea! Well he has the idea that he is going to come here and get married and do like Javier. I wonder what his intentions are. I think he would marry anyone just to get to stay. I really don't think he needs to be here in the first place. I will just have to tell Javier it's a bad idea, I don't want to do it and he will have to live with it. I just wish his dad would step up and tell Jaime it's not a good idea.

[elvia 0]

well..... his dad does not have your best interest in his mind. He is thinking "Javier, handle this" This though is like a domino effect.... if you start it now, it either never stops or when it does it won't be without resentment and huge strain. (did I say that right or is my mind backwards again?)

Edited March 23, 2006 by elvia