Have U Ever Hid Your Relationship w/ A Foreigner To Avoid Criticism?

[Amby 490]

nope never

[Dr. Obvious 49]

I don't care at all what other people may think or say. We're not living for them. And our future will have nothing to do with them. There's currently a 70+% divorce rate among Americans. Let them worry about their own problems. Chances are they are in a bad "local" marriage anyway.

A little dangerous to say that when you are an American, therefore, part of the 'problem' by default, and we don't know what the divorce rates actually are for American and X nationality couples compared to marriages between US citizen only couples at the time of marriage. Then we would need to group them by first, second, third, fourth, etc, marriage, and grouped by citizen gender. It could be made progressively more specific as needed. For all we know, the US citizen/foreigner divorce rate could be higher than the normal rate for US citizen marriages after 5, 10, 15 years for each # marriage it was and gender of the US citizen/foreigner.

More important than nationality is whether or not the couple was right for each other and marriage the correct decision. I think people tend to know this, so putting the immigration argument aside, there is the seeming problem that you have not seen each other much as a couple and may not know all there is to know. You may not be able to live together and only find this out too late. It is easier to hide things about yourself from far and away. It really is a leap of faith, bigger than just moving across town to your boyfriend/girlfriend's apartment to play house. So, some amount of skepticism is to be expected.

At anyrate, I am not out to prove anyone right or wrong about my marriage. I know there was a significant group of friends of my husband and ILs who didn't think it would last a month. Well, now it is 3.5 years and we have a kid, so they have basically all eaten their hats about it and gotten over it. I think my family never mentioned the green card thing because I spent 3 years in Germany (I was there for several months before I married). It was pretty obvious that it wasn't why we were getting married. My FIL had some very bizarre ideas relating to my immigration to Germany. I could fill a book, I think.

Edited January 20, 2008 by Wacken

[panamania79 2]

I have only once heard the last of your sample criticisms. (and it came from my former wife, so I only consider the source) Everyone I know and talk too, thinks it is cool. Hell, even two people started up their own long distance relationships. I would never hide my relationship from anyone. Don't like it? I really don't care.

Well stated brother

I had someone ask me "you dont think she is just after a green-card?" being the smarta$$ that I am replied "Yep! thats all she wants. But oh well" B)

Good one. My best friend had that happen to him.So he thinks it will happen to everybody else also.

[panamania79 2]

But really, whats the major difference between marrying an azzhole from your own country and marrying one from another country?

American girls can't make roti....

What's roti ?

It's an Indian thing. This flatbread-type stuff that can be eaten with all kinds of goodies:

(image from here)

Is that similar to naan ? I can make tortillas and arepas,they look just like what's in the picture.

[Jesse and Hema 2]

But really, whats the major difference between marrying an azzhole from your own country and marrying one from another country?

American girls can't make roti....

What's roti ?

It's an Indian thing. This flatbread-type stuff that can be eaten with all kinds of goodies:

(image from here)

Is that similar to naan ? I can make tortillas and arepas,they look just like what's in the picture.

Almost identical!

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Have u ever hid your relationship w/ a foreigner to avoid criticism? Some people would rather keep their relationship w/ a foreigner to themselves so that they don't have to hear unwanted comments such as:

Long distance relationships don't last.

Why couldn't u just find love in your own country?

Are u sure they're not only after you for a green card?

I have heard all of these things from "friends",family,and co-workers.All of these miserable people who are not content with their own lives and love to make these comments should be ignored.I have never hid my relationship,if people don't like it,that's just too bad.

I wouldn't discount those who ask like that. Let's face it, all of us carry our own biases and accept a lot of generalizations about other people and situations. It was disheartening for me the way my parents reacted initially (they both mailed me letters telling me to "forget about the Philippines"). But it's all water under the bridge.

[Sheriff Uling 3]

Have u ever hid your relationship w/ a foreigner to avoid criticism?

I sure didn't hide my relationship but I am sure my family thought I was crazy specially after I told them I was going to fly down to meet him all by myself....

No way! I would place my bets that on that the majority of VJ couples have received the response described by MarilynP (including us). But don't be mistakened, my wife's family also thought she was nuts (until they got to know me).

Why couldn't u just find love in your own country?

I believe that love finds you and not the other way around. It's a wonderful blessing to have and to hold on to love whether it's from another USC or not. In our case, neither one of us were looking for a mate and found something much greater than the both of us. Now that's a good deal...

Are u sure they're not only after you for a green card?

Absolutely, that's exactly why you court and take the time to get to know the person. It doesn't take long to see through fake people. Not to mention, you have to trust your instincts as well...

[yassmine2878 1]

But really, whats the major difference between marrying an azzhole from your own country and marrying one from another country?

American girls can't make roti....

Touche

[hoot17 0]

"Are u sure they're not only after you for a green card?" A: I'm not sure. Can you recommend some good spy equipment I can use?

My wife is Chinese, so I understand mostly the Chinese way. If a Chinese woman loves you, she has to be a good actor for a long time to fool you. They can treat you very very good at first but eventually it will become less and less good treatment and they will ask many questions about money and what you are willing to give them, if they are not serious. You need to meet their family and children if they have any. Go to their home. Many Chinese tend to live with their boyfriend or ex-husband to save money. Immigration is very expensive so if your spouse or fiancee is constantly demanding money and promises of money, you may have one looking for a green card. The percentage of fraud marriages are big so make sure you are not wanting to find someone so bad that you overlook the red flags and warnings. I know about some situations because some women have tried to use my wife to lie for them while cheating their fiancee. She has lost some, what she thought were good friends, for not helping them to cheat their husbands or fiancee's. Amyway , just be alert and watch for warnings. they shoud be obvious if you pay attention.

There are millions of very good women in China and this world and I was lucky enough to find one . I think it is our responsibilty to help with the immigration process to alert immigration or other spouses and fiancee's if we are sure fraud is involved.

[caybee 21]

I've never hidden my relationship from anyone I know. I was waiting alone in the Social Security office to change my name and a very chatty woman next to me asked me if it didn't worry me that so many of "those people" were coming into the country (nodding toward a couple of men who may have been of MENA origin -- that was apprarently her assumption). I almost responded, "Why no; actually my husband is one of 'those people,'" but instead I responded with a simple "No, it doesn't," and let it drop. This woman had started telling me her medical history within 60 seconds of me sitting down, so there were obvious personal boundary issues with her, and I didn't feel like getting into my personal life with her in a room full of strangers. I wouldn't have talked about my husband in that setting even if my marriage weren't "controversial" in the eyes of some.

Edited January 20, 2008 by mona_jamie

[sj5 4]

We don't hid relationship they're not worth. we do not bring people into our relationship they aren't source of our daily life.

Those couples who are divorced must had long distance relationship too.

My husband said "I'm not worrying about you"

[BabyBlueSusie 1]

i never hid my relationship from anyone, but i have hid the extent of it...my family honestly doesnt know that adriano and i will marry very soon after he arrives here...they know that we want to get married, but they dont know that it will be within 90 days of his arrival in the US...they have never met him, and im not going to tell my family that i am marrying a man that none of them have ever met...he cant come here to visit (because hes albanian), and my family cannot afford to go visit him and his family in italy/albania...so basically, i will let them know the score once he arrives here...im positive that they will be 100% ok with it

i have heard the usual annoying questions that everyone else here has mentioned, but not as much as i had expected...i think most of the talking must go on behind my back, because theyre not coming to me with it...my family and friends know that hes not using me for a green card though, because they see how often we talk on the phone and what not...they love him even though they have never met him...its really quite cute, especially since he barely speak any english

[Chica Yeyé 41]

not with a furnier..and i dated in colle..a malyasian..almost married her..a girl from hong kong..a girl from japan ...later..married a lady from honduras..lived with a lady from mexico city...

Deano, we had agreed to keep that part of our miserable lives under wraps.... :blink: now the world will know about the birth of Commies for Christ.

[sj5 4]

I don't care at all what other people may think or say. We're not living for them. And our future will have nothing to do with them. There's currently a 70+% divorce rate among Americans. Let them worry about their own problems. Chances are they are in a bad "local" marriage anyway.

A little dangerous to say that when you are an American, therefore, part of the 'problem' by default, and we don't know what the divorce rates actually are for American and X nationality couples compared to marriages between US citizen only couples at the time of marriage. Then we would need to group them by first, second, third, fourth, etc, marriage, and grouped by citizen gender. It could be made progressively more specific as needed. For all we know, the US citizen/foreigner divorce rate could be higher than the normal rate for US citizen marriages after 5, 10, 15 years for each # marriage it was and gender of the US citizen/foreigner.

More important than nationality is whether or not the couple was right for each other and marriage the correct decision. I think people tend to know this, so putting the immigration argument aside, there is the seeming problem that you have not seen each other much as a couple and may not know all there is to know. You may not be able to live together and only find this out too late. It is easier to hide things about yourself from far and away. It really is a leap of faith, bigger than just moving across town to your boyfriend/girlfriend's apartment to play house. So, some amount of skepticism is to be expected.

At anyrate, I am not out to prove anyone right or wrong about my marriage. I know there was a significant group of friends of my husband and ILs who didn't think it would last a month. Well, now it is 3.5 years and we have a kid, so they have basically all eaten their hats about it and gotten over it. I think my family never mentioned the green card thing because I spent 3 years in Germany (I was there for several months before I married). It was pretty obvious that it wasn't why we were getting married. My FIL had some very bizarre ideas relating to my immigration to Germany. I could fill a book, I think.

[sj5 4]

Who gives a sh!t what everyone else thinks ... geez ...