An apology and an explanation

[Together4ever 1]

I am not one who loves or thrives on drama, and really have troubles with myself when I start or participate in it, but as am I sure you all know well, this separation and waiting for a cherished one can tear you down. I am not the person right now in my life I want to be and am struggling to find her again. I apologize for my outrage, some of it was misplaced. I don't know, however, if I will spend as much time here. I don't think it has become a positive thing for me.

I do not enjoy much when I witness separation between cultures and religions turn people against each other. I don't like line drawing. Yes it is human nature, but this is just who I am. If I was any different I would have never found the love of my life because my view would have been too narrow to ever even speak to him. Everything about him has been a gift to me and an enrichment of my own personality and alhamdulellah for him.

I want to say that I did not attack the religion of anyone. I stated that the quran did not specify women to cover their hair. It speaks of covering the bosom and modesty. That is the truth. I will NOT tell anyone how to interpret that although I will consider the views of others. That is the lovely thing about religion, ANY religion. You are served a guide book. By your free will you make decisions about how you interpret the concepts set forth in it and how you apply them in your life. I have never been able to accept what is spoon fed to me. I have to turn it over, examine it, and understand it in my way before I can either embrace it or disgard it. This is who I am.

Yes I am Muslim and Muslim by choice. I was baptised Christian as a child, but it never made sense to me. I will never look down my nose at another religion, we all make sense of the abstract in our own unique ways and its not for me to say what is right for another. My interpretations of Islam are not well excepted by some of the fundamentalists because again I use my own eyes and my own mind. Religion is a silent thing and sits in the heart. How else can it truly belong to you, be a part of you, if you don't look at with your own open eyes? If you don't understand the intentions behind your own actions how can you hope to understand your own religion? I dislike defending my religion. I feel I should be my religion and there is nothing to defend. I do not wave it like a flag. I will not brandish it like a sword. It just walks in my shoes and enshaa Allah it will remain that way the rest of my life.

If I come across condescending, its not my intention. If I have come across as "loose" because I had made light of the "laundry" joke, I can assure you I am a modest woman and never at any time did I disclose or discuss my intimate and personal life with my husband. I would never do that. We are all adults here. Intimacy is a part of marriage, a part of life, and also condoned by our respective religions as part of the life of husband and wife.

I allowed words to hurt me, and that is my own fault. I am still a bit angry. As I said before, I am not who I want to be these days. The strength it takes to get through the days sometimes leaves me little energy for much else then just getting through it. No one else can know what my husband means to me and what his absence is doing to me. Yes we all share on some level the same agonies. I just think I need to bear mine quietly for awhile. That's enough "drama" from me.

I wish all those here waiting for their loved ones a speedy conclusion to their visas and happy reunions.

[gimygirl 0]

When you live in reaction, you give your power away. Then you get to experience what you gave your power to.

~N Smith~

[Jasman0717 9]

I suggest you live your live like today is the last day. Stand for what you believe in

[noura 0]

Dear Jenn,

I heartily embrace your words... on many levels I share your feelings and thoughts, altho I'm not so eloquent in expressing them. I do hope you find what you need in the way of peace thru this journey and that it is resolved quickly for you. I also hope that you will not disappear completely, but perhaps just take a hiatus and come for what you need here, leaving the rest (the drama) behind. I get rather aggravated w/ some of the stuff that goes on here, but I just leave for awhile and then lurk for awhile, then meander back in when I'm ready. Inch'allah, you will be recieving the peace and the energy you need to bring your husband home. My thoughts and prayers are with you always...

B'salama...

Noura

[MaryandMian 1]

I also hope that you will not disappear completely, but perhaps just take a hiatus and come for what you need here, leaving the rest (the drama) behind. I get rather aggravated w/ some of the stuff that goes on here, but I just leave for awhile and then lurk for awhile, then meander back in when I'm ready.

Jean,

Noura could not of said it better. I have had to do this in the past too just to be able to function and still come and cheer on my friends or keep abreast of events from the certain embassies and consulates. Take a breather if you must and I am praying that your AR finsihes soon. This journey is not an easy one and we do get caught up in it and we lose sight of whom we are sometimes. It is just like you have your life in another persons hands and you are in the dark waiting for a light to shine at the end of a tunnel. Take care and realize you are not alone in your journey.

Mary

[noura 0]

May Allah bless us all and may we all learn peace and patience thru this journey...

Thanks Mary

Noura

[myfellah 0]

I appreciate you sharing your thoughts with us. I know I can identify with your words and maybe others can too. It's nice that the door on VJ swings open and shut at our own will. I enjoy returning and seeing where others are in their journey and helping to cheer some new members and give them hopes of obtaining their dreams. Sometimes I might even be able to share some good advice. Some people thrive on drama so that will never end. Do what you need to do for you. I hope to return one day and see your approval and reunion!

Doreen

[MaryandMian 1]

May Allah bless us all and may we all learn peace and patience thru this journey...

Thanks Mary

Noura

Your very welcome and what you said was so true! I also know that us in the ME/Asian forums need to support each other.

Mary

[AngelK96 0]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts!!

Good Luck on your journey!

[Dixie_Peach 1]

Jean... I wish you the best in whatever you do.

Like Doreen and others have said... this is a very stressful and difficult process. No matter what difference of opinion - I am here to give support to each and every lady.

May God smile upon you always.

Lynne

[~Jackie~ 30]

I may seem happy and carefree now, but during our 2 years apart, this was not always the case.

The first year, it was normal, anxious for the NOA2 and planning on being reunited. After a mis-filing by our lawyer and an RFE, I was ready for good news....any day....but then came RFE #2 during our 2nd year apart. I was numb and felt like I was having a nervous breakdown. It was affecting my job, which I ended up losing. I had a few good VJ friends that helped me alot thru this time,,,Zen, Darb & Reba. I almost went to a doctor for medication, the pain was that great. There were days I came to VisaJourney, but was too depressed to even type.

So when I say that I know what you are feeling, really I do. I truly hope each and everyone of you here find the hapiness you deserve and expect.

Jackie

[MaryandMian 1]

Jackie it means alot from someone that has been through this process and can relate and help uplift spirits. Your coming back and cheering others on and being able to say okay this happened but I got through it and you will be reunited in time. Gives us all hope that one day our journeys will end with us reunited with our loved ones.

[~Jackie~ 30]

Two months before Mohammed's interview, I let myself believe that it would never happen. I envisioned all kinds of things going wrong---212g, denial, failed medical. more RFE's...the list went on.

After the interview and he called and said he was on Admin. Processing, I lost it. I gave up thinking he was ever coming at all. Our daily 'dates' at 5pm kept me sane thru that.

What I can share from experience is this, once you are reunited, the pain will become a memory and you can begin to share the rest of your lives together. You will never want to leave his side again and you two will cling together forever.

Jackie

[portsaid 0]

I've missed something and that's okay. I'm in a different place and that can be good and bad, but for what's it's worth I am really sorry to see you hurting and that's what is happening in my opinion. I remember waiting and it was awful, my moods changed from one second to the next and I cried a lot. Again, IMO everyone comes here for support and everyone intends to offer that, sometimes for whatever reason what is offered doesn't come across as well intended and feelings get hurt or tempers flair. Waiting for someone you love is not fun and dare I say none of you have any idea what to expect, just reading this forum is proof that anything can happen. The unknown is scary. We are want to know what to expect and we all want someone to tell us, but that's impossible.

My heart goes out to everyone who is waiting, who is adjusting and of course my heart still breaks for myself because my dreams didn't come true. It saddens me to see bickering here, but I do understand.

I hope everyone can take a step back and mark it up to stress, remember you're all on the same team.

Now, I hope I'm not going to get yelled at for my remarks. I really feel that since I'm no longer in a relationship I can offer some objective advise, not that I know it all, I don't.

[kerewin21 2]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I definitely had to take some breaks from VJ when I was going through some of the darkest times of waiting; I just didn't have the emotional energy to worry all the time that what I was saying in the forum might somehow offend someone. I think everyone here has experienced that emotional exhaustion at least to some degree, and I think most of us here understand that everyone has bad days sometimes. It is also true, as Jacque says, that that pain you thought you could never forget becomes kind of a foggy memory when you are finally together, and what that is left is this gratitude that you are finally together.

I hope that in your journey you can come back to us at times and check in, as all opinions are valuable, at least in my opinion.

Sharon