Believing the fantasies described in love songs can be unhealthy.

[Amby 490]

btw the lyrics to that song

I don't get many things right the first time

In fact, I am told that a lot

Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls

Brought me here

And where was I before the day

That I first saw your lovely face?

Now I see it everyday

And I know

That I am

I am, I am

The luckiest

What if I'd been born fifty years before you

In a house on the street where you live?

Maybe I'd be outside as you passed on your bike

Would I know?

And in a wide sea of eyes

I see one pair that I recognize

And I know

That I am

I am, I am

The luckiest

I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you

Next door there's an old man who lived to his nineties

And one day passed away in his sleep

His wife, she stayed for a couple of days

And passed away

I'm sorry, I know that's a

strange way to tell you that I know

we belong

That I know

That I am

I am, I am

The luckiest

[Marilyn. 340]

I think this is a bit more realistic song...

I Wanna Grow Old With You (Adam Sandler)

I wanna make you smile,

Whenever you're sad.

Carry you around when your arthritis is bad.

All I wanna do,

Is grow old with you.

I'll get you medicine,

When your tummy aches.

Build you a fire if the furnace breaks.

Oh it could be so nice,

Growin' old with you.

I'll miss you, kiss you,

Give you my coat when you are cold.

Need you, feed you.

Even let you hold the remote control.

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink.

Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink.

Oh I could be the man,

Who grows old with you.

I wanna grow old with you.

[Amby 490]

I think this is a bit more realistic song...

I Wanna Grow Old With You (Adam Sandler)

I wanna make you smile,

Whenever you're sad.

Carry you around when your arthritis is bad.

All I wanna do,

Is grow old with you.

I'll get you medicine,

When your tummy aches.

Build you a fire if the furnace breaks.

Oh it could be so nice,

Growin' old with you.

I'll miss you, kiss you,

Give you my coat when you are cold.

Need you, feed you.

Even let you hold the remote control.

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink.

Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink.

Oh I could be the man,

Who grows old with you.

I wanna grow old with you.

yeah haha..that song was at my friend's wedding a few weeks ago. the first time I didn't actually think the dance was cheesy. Neil and I skipped arm in arm to so happy together by the turtles it was so fun

[DeadPoolX 9]

I can live without you, no problem

"I can't live," wails the singer, "if living is without you." The emotion that fuels this kind of relationship isn't love; it's desperation. It can feel romantic at first, but over time it invariably fails to meet either partner's needs.

If this is how you feel, don't start dating. Start therapy. Counseling can teach you how to get your needs met by the only person responsible for them: you. "I can live without you" is an assurance that sets the stage for real love.

I agreed without everything in the original post except what I quoted up above. The reason isn't because I think people should be co-dependent on each other or desperate, but because I think the message here is somewhat skewed.

Yes, I could live without my SO. That's very true. I'm not some sort of deranged stalker who'd camp out at her front door (or at her car, as what happened to Lisa). However, just because I could live without her doesn't mean I'd want to live without her. Technically speaking, I could also live with one lung, one kidney, most of my intestines and all of my stomach removed as well, not to mention a couple of limps lopped off to boot. Would it be preferable, though? I don't think so. The same holds true in the case with my relationship regarding my SO. I could live without her, but it most certainly would not be something I choose.

I don't think the statement made up above was intended to convey that message, but the way it was written ("I can live without you, no problem") came off that way. It suggested that not only would one choose to break off from their partner, but find it be the optimal solution as well.

[almaty 19]

I can live without you, no problem

"I can't live," wails the singer, "if living is without you." The emotion that fuels this kind of relationship isn't love; it's desperation. It can feel romantic at first, but over time it invariably fails to meet either partner's needs.

If this is how you feel, don't start dating. Start therapy. Counseling can teach you how to get your needs met by the only person responsible for them: you. "I can live without you" is an assurance that sets the stage for real love.

I agreed without everything in the original post except what I quoted up above. The reason isn't because I think people should be co-dependent on each other or desperate, but because I think the message here is somewhat skewed.

Yes, I could live without my SO. That's very true. I'm not some sort of deranged stalker who'd camp out at her front door (or at her car, as what happened to Lisa). However, just because I could live without her doesn't mean I'd want to live without her. Technically speaking, I could also live with one lung, one kidney, most of my intestines and all of my stomach removed as well, not to mention a couple of limps lopped off to boot. Would it be preferable, though? I don't think so. The same holds true in the case with my relationship regarding my SO. I could live without her, but it most certainly would not be something I choose.

I don't think the statement made up above was intended to convey that message, but the way it was written ("I can live without you, no problem") came off that way. It suggested that not only would one choose to break off from their partner, but find it be the optimal solution as well.

excellent points...

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Thanks, brother for the post.

I will say that, IMO, romantic love does serve a purpose though - to give couples a foretaste of mature love. It's necessary that we experience the euphoria of romantic love as long as we realize it for what it is.

[Alex+R 0]

Thanks, brother for the post.

I will say that, IMO, romantic love does serve a purpose though - to give couples a foretaste of mature love. It's necessary that we experience the euphoria of romantic love as long as we realize it for what it is.

If romantic love goes away, then why is it necessary?

[AnewKINDofFEELIN 0]

Thanks, brother for the post.

I will say that, IMO, romantic love does serve a purpose though - to give couples a foretaste of mature love. It's necessary that we experience the euphoria of romantic love as long as we realize it for what it is.

If romantic love goes away, then why is it necessary?

Because it's a component of sexual desire, which is necessary to ensure the survival of the species.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Thanks, brother for the post.

I will say that, IMO, romantic love does serve a purpose though - to give couples a foretaste of mature love. It's necessary that we experience the euphoria of romantic love as long as we realize it for what it is.

If romantic love goes away, then why is it necessary?

My understanding is that Romantic Love is the belief or feeling that our partner will 'complete' us or make us whole again. But over time, one disappointment after another, the veil is lifted and we come to the realization that our partners will not be everything we hoped for. That's when mature love begins - the challenge to love a flawed human being unconditionally. I believe the purpose of the romantic love is that it gives us an idea of the potential of a mature love where we may heal from the emotional baggage that we all carry.

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

Man, I don't know about the rest of y'all but I ain't no flawed human being. I'm perfect! Perfect, you hear!

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

Man, I don't know about the rest of y'all but I ain't no flawed human being. I'm perfect! Perfect, you hear!

you're a cat?

[almaty 19]

Man, I don't know about the rest of y'all but I ain't no flawed human being. I'm perfect! Perfect, you hear!

you're a cat?

you a woman/.//

[Alex+R 0]

Thanks, brother for the post.

I will say that, IMO, romantic love does serve a purpose though - to give couples a foretaste of mature love. It's necessary that we experience the euphoria of romantic love as long as we realize it for what it is.

If romantic love goes away, then why is it necessary?

My understanding is that Romantic Love is the belief or feeling that our partner will 'complete' us or make us whole again. But over time, one disappointment after another, the veil is lifted and we come to the realization that our partners will not be everything we hoped for. That's when mature love begins - the challenge to love a flawed human being unconditionally. I believe the purpose of the romantic love is that it gives us an idea of the potential of a mature love where we may heal from the emotional baggage that we all carry.

Steve I think you've been reading waaaay too many self-help books. I still don't get it. Romantic love is fun, but it's not realistic and you're not going to one day feel that way again through "mature love."

[~Jackie~ 30]

My head hurts after reading all this. Where's my happy pills....?

JJ

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Steve I think you've been reading waaaay too many self-help books. I still don't get it. Romantic love is fun, but it's not realistic and you're not going to one day feel that way again through "mature love."

Don't discount all books on relationship that are out there. How else are we to gain insight into such mysteries beyond our own experiences?

Actually, this one author, Dr. Harville Hendrix, is a marriage counselor, and has written several books on relationships. He started Imago Therapy for couples and I actually went to an Imago therapist with one of my earlier relationships.

Anyhow, here is Dr. Hendrix talking about Romantic love: (his theory is that in fact through unconditionally loving one another and a good amount of work, couples can help each other heal from the emotional baggage that all of us bring to our relationship.)

The Mystery of Romantic Attraction

The ultimate reason you fell in love with your mate is not that he or she was young and attractive, had an impressive job, had a "point value" equal to yours, or had a kind disposition. You fell in love because your old brain had your partner confused with your parents! Your old brain believed that it had finally found the ideal candidate to make up for the psychological and emotional damage you experienced in childhood.

I am not suggesting that each of us had serious childhood traumas such as sexual or physical abuse or the suffering that comes from having parents who divorced or died or were alcoholics. Even if you were fortunate to grow up in a safe, nurturing environment, you still bear invisible scars from childhood, because from the very moment you were born you were a complex, dependent creature with a never-ending cycle of needs. And no parents, no matter how devoted, are able to respond perfectly to all of these changing needs. Tired, angry, depressed, busy, ill, distracted, afraid -- parents often fail to sustain our feelings of security and comfort.

Every unmet need causes fear and pain and, in our infantile ignorance, we have no idea how to stop it and restore our feelings of safety and wholeness. Desperate to survive, we adopt primitive coping mechanisms.

We cope as well as we can with the world and our relationships by using the feeble set of defenses born of the pain of childhood, a time when parts of our true nature were suppressed in the unconscious. We look grown up -- we have jobs and responsibilities -- but we are walking wounded, trying desperately to live life fully while unconsciously hoping to somehow restore the sense of joyful aliveness we began with.

http://www.lovegevity.com/marriage/collect...rticle15-2.html