~Off Topic Thread~

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

I miss New England. Can I stay out here?

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

*a big vat of fruity punch spiked with loads of coconut rum*

when it comes to the family and the holidays, the coconut rum is definitely needed

good morning uk people!

Good morning, Charles

Useful insight since we are all trying to suceed at our own relationships. (And Muffin, I'm thinking of you in all of this too)

I definitely learned a lot about what not to do from them, that's for sure

I miss New England. Can I stay out here?

for the winter? crazy woman

[*julez* 124]

Robin, I can totally relate to the problems you have with your mother. My parents split up in 84, and in 94 my dad remarried to a woman other than the one he left my mom for. To this day she is still bitter and angry. It has consumed her life in such a negative way and has caused many a row between us. i in no way condone my father's actions that lead to their breakup, but I do believe that my parents were not right for eachother. What my mom is most bitter about is that he has the money and she doesn't. Which does suck, but she picked the wrong lawyer and my dad didn't.

Like you, I went for a period of time with no contact with my dad, but realized that life is just too short. I feel sad for my mom, knowing how she has missed out on so much be being so bitter and angry all these years.

Anyhow, it really stinks when one parent just can't move on. Being stuck in the middle of it is no good, either. Its such a terrible thing to do to your kids, whatever age they are. My mom still grills me every time she knows I've spent time with my dad, and she always makes snarky comments about him. My siblings and I hate it. In fact, its gotten so bad that many years ago we said that my mother has PMS - Perennial martyr Syndrome, cos she always wants everyone to feel sorry for her over what happened between her and my father. BUT, as the 25 year anniversary of this event rapidly approches, it gets harder nad harder to do.

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

Julez - are you my sister posting? Aside from the breakup year, your situation sounds exactly the same, especially with regards to the money.

I'm not sure what the exact details were of the divorce agreement but she is of the belief that he owes her some money from his retirement that he is not giving to her. A view he does not share. Of course, if I ask him about he will go on at length about how "she got the house." My mother has tried to get my into guilting him into giving her the money. I told her I would not do that and if she wanted the money to go through the court. She will not. I tell her if that's how she feels she needs to let it go.

In fact, my mother will always comment on any gifts he buys for me or my siblings or trip he takes to visit us. The presents he buys are nice but never extravagant so I'm not sure if he's never supposed to buy us birthday or christmas presents or what.

My dad was fairly bitter for some time (though didn't really deserve to be) but he's over it now. He's 70 and got prostate cancer (though has been dealing well with treatment) so I do need to get quality time in with him when I can.

[*julez* 124]

OK, Robin. This is really getting freakish! My Dad will be 70 next month and several years ago had a battle with prostate cancer. He's doing very well now, so all the best for your dad that he recovers as well.

My Mom (who also got the house!) actually tried to see if she could take my dad back to court for more money as she also did not get anything of my dad's pension. Unfortuantely for her the divorce agreement is aritight, so it was a big no go.

During the times when I don't hear from my dad , which is fairly often as he is a pretty busy guy on the golf course and perpetual vacations, my mom complains that he ignores me/my sibs and my kids. when he is in contact, she is angry too. Like how can we possibly spend time with him?? And even worse, how can we possbly talk to his wife. All the bitterness from my mom has really affected the relationship I have with my stepmom in such a bad way. Its very strained and I feel bad about it. but then guilty too, for betraying my mom (which I am not, really) since I have the Catholic guilt!

When we don't get gifts from my dad, he's a jerk. when we do, she thinks the gifts aren;t generous enough. I feel like, for God's sake, I am nearly 39 years old ....do my parents really need to buy me gifts???? No matter what he does, according to my mom, its never the right thing. And I suppose that is a big part of why he left in the first place. There's definitely 2 sides to the story and as I know from personal experience, when a marriage breaks down, both parties contributed to its demise.

I know my dad did some crappy things, but it all happened a long time ago and I have moved on. If only my mom could too. Recently, she started yelling at my 43 yr. old bro, accusing him of being "just like your father". My sister told her off about it. About how we all know how she feels and that its unfair for her to keep saying things like that and how we're all sick of it. She cooled off for a few weeks, but is back in action. I am convinced that she'll never get past it. Its sad.

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

Was your dad a school teacher too?

I'm now trying to find deeper meaning in the life insurance dream as symbolic of some shared connection, or something!

Anyway, my mother had got a little bit better about stuff, after I told her my stance on the money issue, but she's slipping back into old ways. I do like my dad's new wife, and she is very good for him, but I am frightened of letting it slip to my mother that this is the case because I know any progress she has made in recent years will be lost. She will just never get over the divorce.

I'm particularly worried that I (or H) might let slip what a great cook stepmother is (she is unbelievably good) because this will wound my mother whose great comfort when dad left her for the other woman (not current stepmother) was that my dad said she wasn't a good cook.

[*julez* 124]

My dad sells insurance!!! Including life insurance. Before that he was a fire fighter for the City of Buffalo. His only connection to teaching is that a for about a year he taught an arson investigation class.

The similarities are weird, indeed. Makes me wish more than ever I was near the VJ UK/LA crew! Drinks and karaoke with you guys would be great!

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

well you need to arrange some sort of business trip here or something

speaking of business trips, my hong kong trip next week has turned into a grand asian tour - stopping off in singapore and (my favorite) tokyo. need to get to get jet lag pills and practice my bowing and business card accumen

[*julez* 124]

well you need to arrange some sort of business trip here or something

speaking of business trips, my hong kong trip next week has turned into a grand asian tour - stopping off in singapore and (my favorite) tokyo. need to get to get jet lag pills and practice my bowing and business card accumen

*envious* I've never been to any of those places!

I tried the No Jet Lag pills and they didn't help one bit! Do they work for you, or do you use a different brand?

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

They never work for me - though my mother swears by them.

my best bet is usually to take an ambien and get as much sleep as possible on the plane

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

my best bet is usually to take an ambien and get as much sleep as possible on the plane

Amen to that. It was the only way I survived coming back to New York from Seoul. I'll be doing it again next year when I have to go to Sydney. Lest anyone think I hit all the cosmopolitan spots like Ms Robin, I'm off to Delaware next month.

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

Mind you - I still take the jet lag pills in the vain hope they will work.

[VisaJourneyLady 33]

C normally improvises, combining benadryl with a little wine/beer. He hates flying and if he takes some before the flight, he can sleep. Don't know if it's very 'doctor recommended' but it works for him.

(oh that or xanex - great stuff)

[no name 1]

Hey - so when's our Xmas party? We gotta do it inbetween all the jet-setting to Delaware & the Far East.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

I am back in Burbank next Tuesday the 2nd, then I'm off from the 9th-11th in Delaware. Are we all available any time in there?

Julez -- we'll prop up a picture of you at the bar and give a toast in your honor.