~July 2007 K-1 Filers~

[rae_and_scott 1]

Okay, new topic. As many of you know, I am planning my "real" wedding now. What do you do with people who automatically assume they're invited but you weren't going to invite them? I have this friend; we're really not that close and we only talk occasionally. I emailed her recently and mentioned that Scott and I got married at city hall. She wrote back and said she wishes I had told her b/c she would have come. I will write back to her and tell her not to worry, that in fact none of my friends were there, b/c none of them were invited (which is true). Do you all think it's wrong to simply not mention the fact that I'm planning my real wedding now? I feel really kinda bad about it. But we're figuring out our guest list now and I'm totally seeing how cutting it saves you money. I guess more important than that is that I really just want the people closest to me there, and she is not one of them, yet I am afraid to offend her. *sigh*

[Jeraly 4]

It's a bit obvious but I like the name Salem for black cats.

You're a closet fan too!? Good name choice!!

Okay, new topic. As many of you know, I am planning my "real" wedding now. What do you do with people who automatically assume they're invited but you weren't going to invite them? I have this friend; we're really not that close and we only talk occasionally. I emailed her recently and mentioned that Scott and I got married at city hall. She wrote back and said she wishes I had told her b/c she would have come. I will write back to her and tell her not to worry, that in fact none of my friends were there, b/c none of them were invited (which is true). Do you all think it's wrong to simply not mention the fact that I'm planning my real wedding now? I feel really kinda bad about it. But we're figuring out our guest list now and I'm totally seeing how cutting it saves you money. I guess more important than that is that I really just want the people closest to me there, and she is not one of them, yet I am afraid to offend her. *sigh*

I totally had this with my original maid of honour wanting to invite her friend along. I was firm and refused and she got arsey with me about it. At the end of the day, it is *your* wedding so you should do what you want. I personally wouldn't mention the second wedding (if you see her again) and if she finds out eventually through the grapevine, explain that it is only very small so you are only inviting very close family friends and immediate family. You could also bring budget into it as well. Maybe suggest having a bachelorette party and invite her?

[rae_and_scott 1]

I agree with you Aly that it is *my* wedding! I think I will do what I want but I still feel saddled with guilt. I guess another good thing (that I forgot to mention) is she doesn't live anywhere near me; she lives in Virginia. So perhaps not mentioning the second wedding is the best route to go, as it seems like I can most likely get away with her not finding out... Aaah, but I feel like a bad person!! I hate that.

[Jeraly 4]

Don't feel bad - I felt bad for the worst time, but at the end of the day, who should have the right to dictate to you who can go to your wedding? Ours being here made it easier, then we just had a big evening reception in the UK where we invited everyone

[VisaJourneyLady 33]

I agree with you Aly that it is *my* wedding! I think I will do what I want but I still feel saddled with guilt. I guess another good thing (that I forgot to mention) is she doesn't live anywhere near me; she lives in Virginia. So perhaps not mentioning the second wedding is the best route to go, as it seems like I can most likely get away with her not finding out... Aaah, but I feel like a bad person!! I hate that.

Maybe you could tell her about the wedding, but really over emphasize how small it will be, due to budget among other things. Family only. If I was going to be economical with the truth on any level it would be how small the wedding will be. That way if she sees any pictures of you on the day, like on facebook or something, it seems less like you were keeping it from her.

[Jeraly 4]

@ all: i am starting to realize that i might never be able to call this my home and we are considering moving to germany next year. i feel guilty for feeling this way, but the last couple of days i was on the verge of tears 24/7 and i am so homesick that i am afraid of flying home for christmas because i know that i will not get back on the plane.

Aww hun - didn't you want to try moving to a different State sometime next year? Will miss you if you go home!!! I did think you would find it hard when you go home for Christmas, but if you make plans for your family to come out and visit you again then maybe it will give you something to look forward to. I have my mum's trip in April to look forward to although it does seem like forever right now And this will be my first Christmas without my family as well so that is also hard as we normally have about 20 of us. I've found pretty cheap tickets but it is unlikely we will be able to afford it unless I get a good job as soon as my EAD arrives

Maybe a new neighbourhood with new people and surroundings will be better? I know where you are right now is a little out of the way(!!!!!) so I don't know if you ever see or speak to your "neighbours" but maybe a closer-knit community will help you settle a bit more. Not only that but moving back East will be closer to home as well Shorter plane flights - woohoo!!!

OH! I also forgot to mention! I don't know what German provisions are like out there in Tucson, but there is a German deli in Yucaipa where Jeremy's family live It's been there for years since the family that owns it emigrated from Germany - if you let me know anything you might be missing then we can pop in next time we are there and send you some goodies

[BabyBlueSusie 1]

thanks for all of your advices and support guys...i know that it would be better for adriano to wait until our green card interview, but its not going to happen...after his biometrics appt, he is hitting the road...i cant bear to watch him suffer anymore, so i have to let him go...if i told him to stay here, he most definitely would, but i dont want to be that kind of wife...if this will make him happy (although i know he is sad to leave me) then i have to let him do it...he left his life in europe for me, so now it is turn for me to sacrifice for him...i know that it is a smart thing to do, because he is a bit more practical, i suppose...basically we can remain dirt poor, living on my student stipend, and remain together, or he can go to ny and we can actually start a savings account (what a novel idea), and get our life started...i would choose poor and with him, but i understand his logic...so yea, there are other things i can discuss, but thats it for now i guess

oh btw - i got the job that i was talking about teaching a seminar over spring break in march...i am really excited about it...the subject is 'children and poverty' which is awesome because i basically get to show people around brooklyn (my hometown!) and other places in nyc...i love when i get to show ppl 'the real ny' and not just times square lol =] at least i can immerse myself in that work while adriano is away from me...plus, i get to write the course content, and tailor it to what i think is the most important material...woot woot

congrats rae on the green card, i hope ours is as quick!!

[Jeraly 4]

Great news about the job Susie!!! At least that is something to look forward to as well - it always helps when you have shorter term goals

[rae_and_scott 1]

Thanks for your points of view. The facebook thing has me worried though, b/c if she saw a picture she'd see that we're inviting over 100 people (I want it smaller than that and my side is smaller but what can ya do with a Jewish mother and her wishes oy vei). I'm not sure if I'll tell her about it or not at this point but for now I'll concentrate on not feeling too guilty.

Awesome news about the job Susie. I know just what you mean about showing people the real NY! Every time I have a visitor here I get through Times Square as quickly as I can b/c I hate that place. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you guys that you get transferred to CSC and get your GC quickly too.

[Jeraly 4]

Now I'm all jealous - I only went to NY for six days in 2001 but was based in Manhattan. I loved it of course, but now I want to see more!! Well, I'll be paying a visit sometime!!!

[BabyBlueSusie 1]

Now I'm all jealous - I only went to NY for six days in 2001 but was based in Manhattan. I loved it of course, but now I want to see more!! Well, I'll be paying a visit sometime!!!

I'm sure that Rae or I would be more than happy to show you around if you ever took a trip to NY.

I could see the allure of Times Square if it is one's first time to NY, it's definitely a site, but there is no real depth to it, its just a bunch of lights and large chain restaurants and shops that are solely there to appeal to tourists. Many of those places aren't found anywhere else in NYC, although they are present all over America (ie: The Olive Garden).

[rae_and_scott 1]

Yes for sure! Better come in the next year or so though or I'll be back in Canada.

And Susie, I totally agree with you, that Times Square is cool to see. But now that I've shown it to lots of people and lived here for a long time, it just really annoys me to wade through the crowds of people there! But I dutifully trek through it every time someone wants to see it.

[StillThePrettiest 3]

my mother-in-law lived in Manhattan, and worked on Wall Street, in the 30's

she has all these stories... when she was growing up, her mother took in boarders, and for years they had three Rockettes living with them... and the fashions! I've seen a couple of photos, and she was GORGEOUS

I've never been to NYC... will though, some day

[rae_and_scott 1]

I've never been to Australia and I *really* want to go.

Julez, this is for you:

http://www.nytimes.com/imagepages/2008/09/...oped_ready.html

[StillThePrettiest 3]

where in Aus do you want to go?

it's a great country... I'm proud to be an Australian... but my heart lies in Europe