~July 2007 K-1 Filers~

[Jeraly 4]

*sigh*

I dutifully run out to the mail in J's shirt to see what exciting joyful things we have in there and it is a gas bill. Ok - so fine - last month it was only about $20 or so with the setup fee that pushed it to just over $100. I was expecting a nice bill of about $20 without the setup fee.

Instead I see the "unpaid" watermark across it as Jeremy, despite saying I could file all the bills away, and despite us going through all the credit cards and bills we have, figuring out a budget, putting it all on a spreadsheet, including the dates due...

I call him at work. He "forgot" to pay the bill. I'm like, how can you "forget" to pay the bills!? Why tell me to file bills if they haven't been paid!? It drives me nuts and makes me wish I had a job so I could take control of the finances as he still seems to be in his trailer park mentality (ok this is prolly a gross generalisation and prolly just concerns his ENTIRE family who all live on trailer parks - no intent to offend trailer-park-livers) of thinking it is ok to not pay bills, go overdrawn, let bills slide and not contact companies when they are demanding money.

We still have a $160 verizon bill for the service we never received. He will never call them. He said there is no point - they don't have his money and we never received the service so they can't do anything about it. The $300 that was taken from us by B of A has not been sorted or even addressed in anyway aside from the letter I helped him write the day it happened. The $120 or so that a credit card company took straight from his B of A account without authorisation is still not sorted out - he is now that much overdrawn with B of A who are sending him nice letters about it. He can't close his account because of the overdraft that he will refuse to pay.

I don't know what to do - his perceptions of finance are beyond me - I don't understand how someone can be so disorganised with money. It is driving me up the wall

[bakofoil 27]

Maybe he doesn't want to deal with the bills? Some people (including myself in the past) find it difficult even facing them and would love to have the responsibility taken away from them.

Maybe, instead of getting worked up about it, you could offer to deal with the finances. You don't need to have a job to pay them - they need to be paid whichever one of you is earning. Do you have a joint account? Is his income paid into the account? Can you write checks on it? Can you write letters on his behalf to B of A and Verizon?

[StillThePrettiest 3]

I think that's all very good advice

it must be immensely frustrating... but see if you can turn it into a positive; he may just have a block about them (some people do about things) and may actually be really glad if you take the responsibility off his hands and get everything organised

I don't know if they are unaware of how to go about things the "proper" way or if they have the means...

I think this could well be an issue - as I've said to a number of people throughout this process, perhaps even to people in here: I am a post-graduate; I am bi-lingual; I consider myself well-read, intelligent and educated... and yet fumbling my way through all this immigration nightmare has befuddled me on more than one occasion; if you're not literate in English (or possibly not functionally literate in any language) and don't own a computer to go online and check things here and elsewhere, and maybe have a bit of a phobia about the authorities for whatever reason - I can totally see that being a reason why people don't go through the right channels

hell, sometimes people don't even know what the right channels are - if I wasn't an internet person, I may well have assumed I could just come over here when I was ready, and marry Dave; I would never have DREAMED it would all be so difficult... now I'm not saying for a second that many people are in ignorance of the fact that simply upping stakes and moving here isn't legal, but I'm just saying that we shouldn't underestimate how baffling it may well be for people

...does it mean you should just move to a new country illegally if you don't like your own?

ah, the six million dollar question... I don't have an answer, but a few things to ponder:

- what would YOU do if you were born into abject poverty in some third world country? denied an education, possibly no healthcare, very few job prospects... and say you had children - what would you want for them? if there was no legal way you could move elsewhere easily, would you just fold your hands and righteously say 'well, I'd better not disobey the law', or would you try to find some way around it? people here have talked about ways to earn a bit under the table while they're legally not allowed to work in this country - of course that differs in scale, but does it differ in intent?

- having worked in the field of social justice and global human rights for some time, something I heard over and over again was a variant on 'well, we aren't causing their problems; why should we have a hand in solving them?'

I would venture to say that both parts of that statement/question are incorrect... time and time again, the western world DID and DOES have a hand in creating the third world's problems; by stealing their people to be our slaves; or colonising them and taking all their resources, natural and otherwise; or by lending them money on exorbitant terms and demanding that money back even when natural disasters or wars or other catastrophes mean that to do so ensures that country has to deny its own people basic healthcare, education, services, infrastructure;, or even by simply trading with them on such completely unequal terms that millions of people struggle along on a pittance, so that we can have cheap clothing or plasticware or whatever

and for those reasons alone, we should be doing more to help the third world out, if humanitarian reasons alone aren't enough (and they bloody well should be )

I've ranted enough, I'll leave it there... not trying to have a go at anyone, but needless to say, these are issues close to my heart, and I like a good discussion

PS I've used the term 'third world' in this post, and I realise this can be a loaded term... I considered using 'developing world' which is sometimes seen as a better alternative, but in the end chose the one I thought would be best understood

again, no offence meant; quite the opposite

[kazuki 0]

Hi July filer. I applied my K1 visa in July 2007 and got a visa in May 2008. I married my husband on the 28th of June and applied for AOS on the 19th of July.

How is everyone? I am sooooo bored everyday. I have no EAD and I cannot even work. I hate it so much. It sucks to live with only my husband's income. I need to move out when I get a job.

I am planning to move to very close to my work, so I do not have to buy a car. It is really expensive to live here.

[bakofoil 27]

hell, sometimes people don't even know what the right channels are - if I wasn't an internet person, I may well have assumed I could just come over here when I was ready, and marry Dave; I would never have DREAMED it would all be so difficult... now I'm not saying for a second that many people are in ignorance of the fact that simply upping stakes and moving here isn't legal, but I'm just saying that we shouldn't underestimate how baffling it may well be for people

This is something I've pondered myself. Knowledge sometimes can dissuade you from taking risks which can be beneficial or make life easier. On the other hand, not having the relevant knowledge can put you in dangerous and irreversible situations. There is no doubt that this is one of the most complicated processes I have ever undertaken and it confuses the heck out of me at times - one thing I am glad about, having taken the visa route, is that my position here is pretty secure.

- what would YOU do if you were born into abject poverty in some third world country? denied an education, possibly no healthcare, very few job prospects... and say you had children - what would you want for them? if there was no legal way you could move elsewhere easily, would you just fold your hands and righteously say 'well, I'd better not disobey the law', or would you try to find some way around it? people here have talked about ways to earn a bit under the table while they're legally not allowed to work in this country - of course that differs in scale, but does it differ in intent?

You know, i'm looking into this work situation and even volunteering is frowned upon. That was just an aside from this general story but I agree that the priniciple is the same, you are intending to defraud the govt somehow. But the fact remains, that the US govt perpetuates the market for illegal workers. If it wasn't for the illegal population none of us would have the things we enjoy paying a bargain price for. Plus the laws change over the years - and parents have brought children here in the past when it wasn't so difficult to do so and they needed to work, returned to their home countries at some point later and then their children face having to file a waiver for being here illegally. It's nuts!

[Jeraly 4]

StP - I am a notorious fence-sitter and completely agree with everything you say - I get very frustrated when arguments can be argued feasibly in more than one way so tend to just agree with both sides for completely different reasons because I can (unfortunately ) not solve the problems of the world, no matter how much I would like to! As much as I jested about the beauty queen speech, I really do wish there was something that could be done more easily to rectify the problems of the world - I hate seeing people struggle and get more upset when I can do little to help. So things like the environment and volunteering and all the little things - I just try and stick to that and hope that more of the world will open its eyes eventually

As for the Jeremy issue - I think it is something we will work through - I am surprisingly not too mad about it - marginally annoyed, of course because the bill we were going to pay (and struggle to do so) has now increased by $100... We have a joint savings account but separate checking accounts - I might suggest that he puts money into my account to pay the bills or something each week - that way we know we have it there... of course, then he will go overdrawn but

Ok - well he's home now Everything is groovy but we need to sort out this finance stuff - stupid thing is he is talking to me about the budget they are having to deal with at his work

Oh - as for volunteering, I think the nono is if it leads to paid employment when you get your EAD but don't quote me on that

[StillThePrettiest 3]

my understanding is that volunteering is fine if it isn't in a role or covering any duties that would normally attract a salary... guess I could be wrong though

[Jeraly 4]

Haha - do we get a prize if we guess correctly?! Or would that be considered paid employment?!

[StillThePrettiest 3]

yes, our prize is to not be deported

[bakofoil 27]

*bites fingernails*

[rae_and_scott 1]

Well said StP!

Wish I could have joined the discussion more but I was too busy at work to type anything... and now I'm too dang tired.

G'night all.

[Jeraly 4]

Aww g'night Rae

And babbles (sorry - it's just kinda stuck ) - I have volunteered since I have been here and have no problem with it - no social security details were submitted or anything so it's not like they are going to hound me and deport me for giving up some of my time to sell film festival merchandise to furriners

I'm a stickler for the rules though, so short of babysitting or doing something with Jeremy in his name, I wouldn't want to tie my SS into anything paid... but that is just me

[bakofoil 27]

Yeah I agree with that

I don't mind babbles either

[BabyBlueSusie 1]

Hey y'all!!

FINALLY got the AOS papers mailed off on Wednesday...they arrived today in Chicago. =]

We had to wait so long because silly me didn't have a thousand bucks lying around the house.

Thank god that's over with...sorta.

To check case status, is it the same place we checked for I-129F? (ie: USCIS website under 'case status')

Hope everyone is doing just swell.

Adriano's ESL class is helping, although he is frustrated because every single person in his class is Mexican and they all speak Spanish together when they are doing their work. I can definitely see how that could be annoying, but I told him to just ignore them and focus on him. I can tell it's helping him though because we practice what he learns everyday, and he has picked up a good deal just this week. =]

[Ovaltine Jenkins 5]

and i got to finally feel the baby move inside Gretch two nights ago...

hehe that´s funny we have been feeling it for weeks now and it´s one of our most fav things