Us Old Folks

[DerekJ 0]

Hi all,

I'm not sure if this belongs in another forum but I couldn't decide where it fits best. I have noticed that the majority of the couples on VJ are of the younger variety (20s - 30s). My fiance and I are a couple of middle aged folks who happened to meet and fall in love. I am interested to know how many VJers are of like vintage and what their experiences/challenges have been in this process. As you can imagine people in our age group usually have established families/obligations/careers that differ significantly from younger couples just starting out in life. While Fumie and I plan to file in a few months, just getting to this point has been a real challenge.

DerekJ

[KGSodie 0]

Depends on the definition of 'old' or even 'middle-aged'. I'm 46, though my angel is 'only' 31.

[Don E 0]

Derek,

I'm not sure exactly what you mean by "middle-aged", but my fiancee and I are both 45. Personally, I don't see that there's much difference in going through this process at our age vs. the younger folks going through it. What kinds of challenges have you faced or are you facing?

Don

[Jeraly 4]

I find that I have come across more "old folks" than "young 'uns" but then when you share a common interest and lifestyle choice it doesn't really matter. When I get on with someone well I make the (totally wrong) assumption that I am speaking to a female in their mid-20s from the UK. I have to keep reminding myself that I am speaking to people from all over the world who may be male or female of any age

Does anyone else do this?! Or am I the only one? (Same with reading books where I always read in my head in an English accent - the characters no matter where they are from always sound English in my head!)

[DerekJ 0]

By middle aged, I mean mid-40s and up. I'm not questioning the process itself, as it should be the same no matter the ages of the couple. I'm more looking for anecdotal information/stories on how you got to where you are and put things together. Example: I am a very busy trial attorney, she is very busy in the international trade arena. I have an ex-wife and child that I am responsible for. She has a grown son, daughter-in-law and grandchild. Somehow, we have managed to keep the ship steered on course toward a K-1 (or maybe even a K-3...we'll see). Has the international relationship caused problems in maintaining your careers, are you able to continue your career after the process is complete, how has it impacted families, what do you do with all your "stuff", etc. Like I said this may belong in another forum but I just wanted to give an opportunity for people to share/vent.

[Carlawarla 1]

Hi,

I'd like to share that I'm 50, my USC husband is 48. I think there are many challenges with someone in our age range going through this process, particularly someone my age moving. I have two young adult children, who are and were living on their own at the time I moved here last year, however I miss them SO much. We had agreed early on, given I could "early" retire (at age 50), that I would be the one to move here. My spouse and I have both worked for the government for more than 25 years. That being said, I retired, and left my employ and all the great people I worked with there. I'm fortunate maybe, because of our ages, that I don't have to work here. I'm currently volunteering. I am however having real difficulty meeting women my own age here. People who I've met through volunteering have been 60+. The few women my own age that I have met here, have actually much younger children, and are either working full time, or seem to have an established social network...usually with women with similar aged children.

So, being in the US now, I thought about maybe starting a new career path. One thing to remember is there are differences in education systems, so for some that might be a hurdle. The recognition of degrees from different countries. Starting a new job here, I will only be afforded a week or two vacation a year. Prior to moving, my husband and I both enjoyed around 8 weeks vacation leave a year, so we had the opportunity to see lots of each other, and the country! My husband of course is still getting the same amount of vacation, I on the other hand would be regulated to much lower wages (however that is not an issue), with little vacation time.

My kids were here for the wedding, and each has been here once, or will be here in another month or so. Going back to my hometown however, is not something we want to do with every vacation. However, that can cause some hurt feelings. Another thing, is my aging parents who are in their late 80's. They live in another province in my country, and I want to see them as much as I can as well before they pass away. So that means another journey back to see them.

I'd like to think that I've been pretty flexible leaving everything behind to move here to the USA. I left everything I owned to my children (furniture, vehicle) and came here with just my clothes, some momento's and important papers. I do get pretty homesick still, however I truly believe that nothing would make my life here in the US more complete than to have some really close girlfriends. This is one of those things that might still come yet, however I do believe that being younger, it may have been easier on that front.

[Ta Ta 1]

We are both vintage

I have career roots here and deep financial roots......a mortgage. I think to myself if I were younger I would just up and go and live with

my fiance over there until this process is over. But I can't just leave all this responsibility behind and start over at this age.

I have 3 grown kids and 2 grandkids that I dearly love. They are my only family, I am a naturalized USC from Germany petitioning my fiance

from Sierra Leone. The process has taken almost 2 years and his 2. interview appointment is in April.

My children thought I lost my mind at first and are now in neutral about all this and I hope they kick it in gear and embrace him once he is here.

I really don't see any other age related issues other than grown children's responses and career related issues, but even young couples have

good careers.

I don't think age influences this process that much.

[Ta Ta 1]

Hi,

I'd like to share that I'm 50, my USC husband is 48. I think there are many challenges with someone in our age range going through this process, particularly someone my age moving. I have two young adult children, who are and were living on their own at the time I moved here last year, however I miss them SO much. We had agreed early on, given I could "early" retire (at age 50), that I would be the one to move here. My spouse and I have both worked for the government for more than 25 years. That being said, I retired, and left my employ and all the great people I worked with there. I'm fortunate maybe, because of our ages, that I don't have to work here. I'm currently volunteering. I am however having real difficulty meeting women my own age here. People who I've met through volunteering have been 60+. The few women my own age that I have met here, have actually much younger children, and are either working full time, or seem to have an established social network...usually with women with similar aged children.

So, being in the US now, I thought about maybe starting a new career path. One thing to remember is there are differences in education systems, so for some that might be a hurdle. The recognition of degrees from different countries. Starting a new job here, I will only be afforded a week or two vacation a year. Prior to moving, my husband and I both enjoyed around 8 weeks vacation leave a year, so we had the opportunity to see lots of each other, and the country! My husband of course is still getting the same amount of vacation, I on the other hand would be regulated to much lower wages (however that is not an issue), with little vacation time.

My kids were here for the wedding, and each has been here once, or will be here in another month or so. Going back to my hometown however, is not something we want to do with every vacation. However, that can cause some hurt feelings. Another thing, is my aging parents who are in their late 80's. They live in another province in my country, and I want to see them as much as I can as well before they pass away. So that means another journey back to see them.

I'd like to think that I've been pretty flexible leaving everything behind to move here to the USA. I left everything I owned to my children (furniture, vehicle) and came here with just my clothes, some momento's and important papers. I do get pretty homesick still, however I truly believe that nothing would make my life here in the US more complete than to have some really close girlfriends. This is one of those things that might still come yet, however I do believe that being younger, it may have been easier on that front.

Hey Carla, good to read you again

[rebeccajo 14]

Me 50. He 44.

For me, I have a son so we choose to live in the US. That was non-negotiable. My husband is childless. I thank heaven he was.

I actually think it's easier for the 'mature' folks to adjust to the 'small' hassles of immigrating. They seem to have a lot less trouble with things a lot of the youngsters get balled up over - like where to get good cheese, or missing TV shows from home.

My husband found looking for work to be frustrating. When you are a bit older you have maturity on your side so you probably won't get super antsy about finding work - most likely you've lived through some previous unemployment and realize you won't starve. But it can be 'degrading' to start over; to have your credentials not understood by american employers or your work experience diminished.

The flip side of 'maturity' is this - it's hard to teach an old dog a new trick. I think it took my husband a lot longer to adjust to our currency. He still goes to the other side of the car sometimes to get in. But he had 40 plus years of 'living' to 'undo'. Little things like that - I tease him about them and sometimes he gets mad! Really I think it's kind of cute.

[MissYoko 4]

hello

I'm 37 and Richard is 41 and you know what we're young!!!

[rebeccajo 14]

hello

I'm 37 and Richard is 41 and you know what we're young!!!

LOL.

I got fitted for my walker yesterday.

[DerekJ 0]

Me 50. He 44.

For me, I have a son so we choose to live in the US. That was non-negotiable. My husband is childless. I thank heaven he was.

I actually think it's easier for the 'mature' folks to adjust to the 'small' hassles of immigrating. They seem to have a lot less trouble with things a lot of the youngsters get balled up over - like where to get good cheese, or missing TV shows from home.

My husband found looking for work to be frustrating. When you are a bit older you have maturity on your side so you probably won't get super antsy about finding work - most likely you've lived through some previous unemployment and realize you won't starve. But it can be 'degrading' to start over; to have your credentials not understood by american employers or your work experience diminished.

The flip side of 'maturity' is this - it's hard to teach an old dog a new trick. I think it took my husband a lot longer to adjust to our currency. He still goes to the other side of the car sometimes to get in. But he had 40 plus years of 'living' to 'undo'. Little things like that - I tease him about them and sometimes he gets mad! Really I think it's kind of cute.

I think the looking for work issue is big for those who have/want to work. That is a big worry for Fumie. For a while it looked like she would be able to carry her job with her and telecommute but she has recently been downsized and it looks like they are going to want to have someone in Japan doing her job. So, she'll likely be out of work once she gets here permanently. The problem with that is that she is still learning English so finding work will be difficult despite her business skill set.

[rebeccajo 14]

Me 50. He 44.

For me, I have a son so we choose to live in the US. That was non-negotiable. My husband is childless. I thank heaven he was.

I actually think it's easier for the 'mature' folks to adjust to the 'small' hassles of immigrating. They seem to have a lot less trouble with things a lot of the youngsters get balled up over - like where to get good cheese, or missing TV shows from home.

My husband found looking for work to be frustrating. When you are a bit older you have maturity on your side so you probably won't get super antsy about finding work - most likely you've lived through some previous unemployment and realize you won't starve. But it can be 'degrading' to start over; to have your credentials not understood by american employers or your work experience diminished.

The flip side of 'maturity' is this - it's hard to teach an old dog a new trick. I think it took my husband a lot longer to adjust to our currency. He still goes to the other side of the car sometimes to get in. But he had 40 plus years of 'living' to 'undo'. Little things like that - I tease him about them and sometimes he gets mad! Really I think it's kind of cute.

I think the looking for work issue is big for those who have/want to work. That is a big worry for Fumie. For a while it looked like she would be able to carry her job with her and telecommute but she has recently been downsized and it looks like they are going to want to have someone in Japan doing her job. So, she'll likely be out of work once she gets here permanently. The problem with that is that she is still learning English so finding work will be difficult despite her business skill set.

Well then - your a big lovey dovey dude, right? You surely can convince her that while she's out of work, learning english is just going to help her in the long run, right?

[MissYoko 4]

btw, yes its a BIG decision, i have 2 daughters.

The bigger one is from my first mariage, she is know alsmot 20. She studies psychoterapy at the university, and she live with her BF. She will not come with me as she has her own life. But. Its not easy to let her. Even if she will be able to come as often she wants.

The little one is 5. She is the half sister of my first one. She will come with me as her father is ok (it was the point as if he said no i will not come to the US).

But i feel really guilty about that.

Why we choose US against France? Cause i speak english (ok really bad) and Richard dont speak French...

About work... yes its hard for me as i have a really good work in France. I'm in the same company since 7 years and so...

It's a big decision, and if i was younger i think i will be not enough "old" to manage all an expatriation mean.

Kisses

Yoko

ps: i try to imagine Jeraly reading my bad english with her UK accent

Edited January 14, 2008 by MissYoko

[DerekJ 0]

Me 50. He 44.

For me, I have a son so we choose to live in the US. That was non-negotiable. My husband is childless. I thank heaven he was.

I actually think it's easier for the 'mature' folks to adjust to the 'small' hassles of immigrating. They seem to have a lot less trouble with things a lot of the youngsters get balled up over - like where to get good cheese, or missing TV shows from home.

My husband found looking for work to be frustrating. When you are a bit older you have maturity on your side so you probably won't get super antsy about finding work - most likely you've lived through some previous unemployment and realize you won't starve. But it can be 'degrading' to start over; to have your credentials not understood by american employers or your work experience diminished.

The flip side of 'maturity' is this - it's hard to teach an old dog a new trick. I think it took my husband a lot longer to adjust to our currency. He still goes to the other side of the car sometimes to get in. But he had 40 plus years of 'living' to 'undo'. Little things like that - I tease him about them and sometimes he gets mad! Really I think it's kind of cute.

I think the looking for work issue is big for those who have/want to work. That is a big worry for Fumie. For a while it looked like she would be able to carry her job with her and telecommute but she has recently been downsized and it looks like they are going to want to have someone in Japan doing her job. So, she'll likely be out of work once she gets here permanently. The problem with that is that she is still learning English so finding work will be difficult despite her business skill set.

Well then - your a big lovey dovey dude, right? You surely can convince her that while she's out of work, learning english is just going to help her in the long run, right?

Definitely. She's getting there with the English..she is better than she thinks she is. I tell her she is fine (in more ways than one) but she's thinking of trying to cram an English course.