Settling in and how you did it

[Krikit 1,164]

I remember calling him up crying because I was absolutely lost on Snell Island here in St Pete. It's like a beach neighborhood that once you're on, YOU CAN NEVER GET OFF OF.

Sorry, but that made me laugh.

((((((Athena))))))

I know the bridge you're talking about! (My Dad owned a condo on Madeira Beach when I was growing up.) Actually, we almost got married on Anna Maria Island. Love it there. Also love Siesta Key. We were there in September with friends. *sighs as she remembers* When I was growing up I swore I would never want to live here, never knowing that I would. I do think I'm lucky to live here at the moment. I really love it. There are so many wonderful places to explore so I'm going to take advantage while I have the opportunity.

Yep... any big move is traumatizing. I agree with you there. Trying to explain where you are when you have no idea is definitely a challenge. ("I see a big tree. And on my left is a brown building." ) I'm sorry your family was like that. I know what that feels like. I was confused because you would think people would be happy for you but, really, some of them were only thinking of themselves. I still don't understand it but I have to accept it.

As for the language difficulties.... well.... .... I have an almost-situation like that. Whenever we get together with his family I have to concentrate really hard to understand the accents and figure out the lingo. They speak English but a Southern version of it. It's easier for me to understand in person. When they're on the phone I'm just lost, and he can't hear the conversation to "translate".

[Krikit 1,164]

Yay!! It sounds like you're settling in slowly but then these things all take time - I can't believe that your family and friends would say that to you though - I can't imagine mine saying that of me *hugs* As for getting lost?! I am *so* going to do that... and driving?! Heh... Put it this way - I always carry a map with me *here* so over there I might take a little while to settle into that!!

Thanks Jeraly. It's definitely been a challenge, and there were/are many times when I wonder if I've lost my mind by moving here. And I still get lost.... I'm just not as traumatized about it as I was once.

[athena_ny 1]

I remember calling him up crying because I was absolutely lost on Snell Island here in St Pete. It's like a beach neighborhood that once you're on, YOU CAN NEVER GET OFF OF.

Sorry, but that made me laugh.

((((((Athena))))))

I know the bridge you're talking about! (My Dad owned a condo on Madeira Beach when I was growing up.) Actually, we almost got married on Anna Maria Island. Love it there. Also love Siesta Key. We were there in September with friends. *sighs as she remembers* When I was growing up I swore I would never want to live here, never knowing that I would. I do think I'm lucky to live here at the moment. I really love it. There are so many wonderful places to explore so I'm going to take advantage while I have the opportunity.

Yep... any big move is traumatizing. I agree with you there. Trying to explain where you are when you have no idea is definitely a challenge. ("I see a big tree. And on my left is a brown building." ) I'm sorry your family was like that. I know what that feels like. I was confused because you would think people would be happy for you but, really, some of them were only thinking of themselves. I still don't understand it but I have to accept it.

As for the language difficulties.... well.... .... I have an almost-situation like that. Whenever we get together with his family I have to concentrate really hard to understand the accents and figure out the lingo. They speak English but a Southern version of it. It's easier for me to understand in person. When they're on the phone I'm just lost, and he can't hear the conversation to "translate".

I've walked away from people at work because I was convinced they'd told me what they needed to, even though I didn't understand it. NO! They just talk so slow. I have no patience for it. And if it makes you feel better - a lot of Southern terminology and language, I don't get at all either.

I hope I didn't come across as trying to discount the experience of immigrants - I read it over and said, hmm I hope it doesn't sound that way, but my real thing is that with any amount of joy comes a massive amount of pain as well, in some form or another.

A lot of my reasons for not liking it here are purely practical - low wages, high living costs, too much congestions, one season that stretches on foreverrrr with a few cold days in January...but he doesn't like it here much either - the good thing is, education is dirt cheap compared to the Northeast so we're taking advantage of that.

And I will NEVER go back to Snell Island. I was picking up a dress for a wedding I was in, and thought, "Well, if I keep going straight I should hit [insert whatever street I thought I'd hit] and wound up on that island and it took me an hour to get off.

Madeira Beach is nice - I used to live between St. Pete Beach and Treasure Island so I know it well!

[Krikit 1,164]

I hope I didn't come across as trying to discount the experience of immigrants - I read it over and said, hmm I hope it doesn't sound that way, but my real thing is that with any amount of joy comes a massive amount of pain as well, in some form or another.

Nope. You didn't come across that way at all. I totally understood.

[melusine 5]

Jeraly, You are so cute asking yourself all thoses questions.

I understand a lot of them and already went passed a few of them too.

For the little story, i already left my family 8 years ago when i moved from france to canada alone.

And in a few months, i'm about to leave canada (north/east) to join my fiance in los angeles (south/west).

If you are still in your home country but moving soon, how are you feeling? Nervous? Excited? Both?

I am very excited (finally we will leave together, it's a big move, an adventure) and also very nervous about the language difference (even tho i'm not THAT bad in english) and the fact of getting a job.

For now I'm taking all that relax because i still have a few months in front of me but i think i will realise it when i will have the letter for the interview (because it will probably be when i will tell my job i'm leaving in a few weeks).

Since you are talking about it, i am also nervous about the friends i will make (8 years in canada and i hardly have less than 10 friends, most of them came in canada the same week and we met at some immigration meating)

I am not very excited with the prospective of beeing stuck at home for a few weeks/months during the AOS (perhaps the first month will be cool... making my resume, putting together my portfolio etc.) but out from that.... bleh...

About the family/mom thing i would highly suggest to put her online and install skype with a headset and webcam.... you will see it will be wayyy easier for both of you !

For the excited part.... i look forward the same things.... and some weather change too from freezing montreal to hot los angeles (well i'm in LA right now and it's quite cold...)

Emancipation, when you said

"My husband has been VERY helpful just letting me vent about crazy things that I dont' understand and other than politics we've learned to see things from each others' perspective. I've taken the time to explain why I react to things the way I do, and he's taken time to explain his American way of reacting and responding to things."

I think this is a key to a good integration. I already started that with my soon to be husband and it helps a lot too.

And you will also probably tend to compare EVERYTHING with your home country for the first year and a half (whatever you want it or not)... (i already told my futur husband to not get mad (wich he would never) at it or anything but it's something we all have to go through to adapt...point the differences and share them )

[egyptiancowboy 0]

i read jeraly topic and i felt like i am who wrote this topic .i moved here in america from my country(egypt) about 10 months ago with my wife .she is american.since i got here i did not have any friends and my problem that i dont trust people easily (same like jeraly)plus that i am not patient to give people chance to get to be my friend i want my friends my friends that i know them from long long time and i know thier families and they know my family ,the friends we allready had many tests to see if we are a real friends or not and we were real.i miss them .i stayed at my wife's mom house about 4 months ,but after this 4 monhs it does not work becoz her mom wanted me american man and i am egyptian man eastern man so we moved and rent an appartment.i work now from 4 months at department store and i have alot of people works there but i did not make any friends .i find it so hard to make friends ,i really did not want to.i stay my spare time alone or with my wife.my wife is my only real friend here in amereica and she is trying to dont make me miss egypt and my family so much but i just canthelp it.i am afraid from the same thing that i get call from egypt says that some bad happened to my mom and she is old woman ,it is my nightmare.my mom stood by me milions times and she is my friend and i am her friend,i really miss her the most.i am trying to get over this feelings but ...........,does any one same like me?

[Jeraly 4]

@Melusine - what part of LA? I am going to be about 90 minutes east of LA

@Egyptiancowboy - I know how you feel - my stepdad had a heart attack a couple of years ago and I am worried that something will happen to him. My gran had skin cancer and my grampy had angina - my family are getting older and I am scared that I won't be able to be there. I have every intention when I am out there to have an emergency fund so I can fly home at the drop of a hat - if anything happens then I will always have enough money for a flight home to be with my family, even if Jeremy can't come with me. That makes me feel a lot better.

I know that I am going to find it hard to make friends - I trust people but I struggle socially (mild Asperger's tendencies) and get paranoid that people are saying mean things about me (when most likely it is just me reading into things wrongly). I am hoping to join a gym, join clubs and get out there as much as I can to try and make friends that way - I know it will take time - I am not going to fall into a deep and meaningful friendship right away (who knows - maybe I will!) but I am confident that this will all happen in time.

I'm sorry your wife's family aren't as supportive as they could be. Just tell yourself that the fact they feel like that and your wife married you anyway shows how much she loves you *hugs*

[egyptiancowboy 0]

oh thank you GERALY for replying to me and i understand how you feel sooo much and to know your topic who made me post reply here .

my wife kept telling me to go visajourney.com you will find people like you there and i did not care really but yesterday i she saved me your topic and told me thats you becoz she knows about my fears about my mom and my family and hoiw i cant make friends here and how i cany trust anyone easiley

,so thank you really

[Marilyn. 340]

I never have been good at making friends my whole life I have had only 3 good friends and all at different stages of my life....

right now my hubby is my only friend... I used to be able to talk to my awesome mother-in-law but she died back in October , she was kind of like my fill-in mother...

I have been here almost 3 years already...

I am hoping to get a job soon so maybe I will meet more people that way.....

I really miss my family, specially my younger sibs hopefully my mom and dad are coming down for a visit in a few months....

[Collie 122]

I came to Texas in November 2005 and although I had pangs of missing my family and friends at times, I felt like I was at home in the US. I lived in the Netherlands for 6 months a few years ago and never settled but i felt like I was home whe I got here to the US. Even now when I go back to Northern Ireland, I am itching to get back home to Texas.

I didn't have friends my own age when I moved here but I had my dog and she was my best friend and companion when i didn't have human friends. While the AOS process was going on, I volunteered at a local animal shelter and made friends and had a place to go every day. I treated it as my job pretty much. When I got my GC and got the job on my first job interview, I made lots of friends. I also do competetive obedience and agility in addition to Search and Rescue with my dog and when I joined these teams and classes, I made even more friends and contacts.

I have to admit that I settled very fast into the American way of life. My husband and I have worked really hard to get where we are at. My parents came to see the new house that we built in August and said over and over how hard work had paid off and that we were living an all American dream because of that.

I love my life in the US. I would not go back to live in the UK for anything. I love having the freedom to be who I want to be and do what I want to do. I work for a great company as an Emergency Veterinary Nurse and have my own business as a Canine Behaviorist and am very content in my life. My husband and I are planning to start a family this year and we are so excited at that prospect. Life couldn't be better!

To sum it up, It IS scary to leave all that you know behind, but life is what you make of it. If you don't follow your heart, you will never know if you will be happy in life. Of course, you have to work hard to get to where you want to be in life, but its a short life and its worth working hard for.

[Jeraly 4]

Wow - sounds amazing! You built your own house?!? If you could PM me any details that would be awesome! Jeremy and I are looking at doing that in a couple years' time when things settle down a bit but I wouldn't have a clue where to start (I am sure he would but at least I can provide him with a bit of preliminary info!!)

Glad to hear it is all going so well - makes me feel more positive

[TexaswithLove 0]

I have been here in the US for 1 year and 3 months, so far so good. But for the first few months that I was here in the US, i felt really lonely and alone since I don't have my family with me. I come from a very big family with 11 siblings and two wonderful parents. Its very hard for me to be away from my younger siblings and my parents. I keep on crying the moment I arrived here in the US together with my husband but then I am very happy that my husband was there for me all the time to understand how i felt and just being supportive. He was the one who look for filipino/filipina friends for me at his working place. He was able to introduce me with a filipina teacher whom I become my best friend and another filipina to whom I consider as my sister here in Texas. I am grateful to know them and very thankful for my husband for being so good and for helping me adjust my new environment. And now I have a lot of friends at my working place and I am not really sad that often when it comes to my family. But of course I am still looking forward to be with my family this year as we planned to visit them very soon. I love my husband very much and that makes me stronger and more eager to adjust with my surroundings. Of course every now and then we have get together parties with my filipino/filipina friends as well as I am able to find new friends.

I am grateful to be here and always thankful for my husband for his support on my journey here in the US.Though I will embrace some of the western culture right now, but I am still very proud to say that I will always be filipino in my heart and I will continue to educate and teach my future children about my heritage.

[Krikit 1,164]

I have been here in the US for 1 year and 3 months, so far so good. But for the first few months that I was here in the US, i felt really lonely and alone since I don't have my family with me. I come from a very big family with 11 siblings and two wonderful parents. Its very hard for me to be away from my younger siblings and my parents. I keep on crying the moment I arrived here in the US together with my husband but then I am very happy that my husband was there for me all the time to understand how i felt and just being supportive. He was the one who look for filipino/filipina friends for me at his working place. He was able to introduce me with a filipina teacher whom I become my best friend and another filipina to whom I consider as my sister here in Texas. I am grateful to know them and very thankful for my husband for being so good and for helping me adjust my new environment. And now I have a lot of friends at my working place and I am not really sad that often when it comes to my family. But of course I am still looking forward to be with my family this year as we planned to visit them very soon. I love my husband very much and that makes me stronger and more eager to adjust with my surroundings. Of course every now and then we have get together parties with my filipino/filipina friends as well as I am able to find new friends.

I am grateful to be here and always thankful for my husband for his support on my journey here in the US.Though I will embrace some of the western culture right now, but I am still very proud to say that I will always be filipino in my heart and I will continue to educate and teach my future children about my heritage.

Awwwww. Your husband sounds like a wonderful man, Texas.

[Alex & Rachel 78]

He really does!

[weedebz 0]

texas, you have a great man there. I wish you a long and happy future