Settling in and how you did it

[Jeraly 4]

Ok - I have a little ways to go yet but am beginning to feel the pressure!! Nervous tummy, panicky feelings... God only knows what I will be like when it gets to a week before I leave!!! One of the few things that makes me feel better is reading about people who are going through the same thing as me and who have come through the other side Ok - so this is a self-indulgent thread to make me feel better but I figured it might help others as well

So!! If you are still in your home country but moving soon, how are you feeling? Nervous? Excited? Both? What are you nervous about? What are you excited about? What are you most worried about? How do you cope with the rollercoaster of emotions you must be feeling?

If you have made the big leap across to the US and are living there already - how long have you been living there? How have you settled in? What are you finding easy? What are you enjoying? What are you not liking so much? Are you homesick? How are you coping with the changes of culture? How are you coping not being around your family and friends? What is the best part about the move? What is the worst? How did you feel when you actually did move?

Ok - loads of questions but I just think that for those of us about to make the move it might be useful

I guess I'll start!!

I am nervous about making friends. I don't make friends very easily and the two very close friends I have I have known for over 20 years. I am nervous about being house-bound. When I was out there for a couple months in 2006 I couldn't drive and we lived in the middle of nowhere so I couldn't really get out much. The highlight of my day was collecting the mail from the end of the road but then it was so hot it was all I could do to do that!!! I am nervous about missing my family. I have become very close to my mum - much more than I was when I was younger and I don't think I will really appreciate what I am going to miss until it isn't there anymore and that scares me.

I am excited about not having to be apart from Jeremy anymore. I am looking forward to being able to start anew - no-one has any preconceptions of me and the world is my oyster. I can make my life what I want it to be without the judgmental nature of people like we tend to get here in the UK. I can get a job doing anything and no-one will look down on me. I can follow my dreams, support Jeremy in chasing his dreams and build a life together that we love. I am looking forward to living in OUR house together - making it cosy and our own. I am looking forward to getting a mortgage, decorating, having children eventually. I am looking forward to exploring the States and visiting beautiful places. Going on road trips together and getting lost. Following roads that we think will be ok then finding they wind through mountains (done that before - was v funny). I am looking forward to having nice weather instead of miserable rain - a summer where it actually feels like summer (or an inferno)...

I am looking forward to more than I am nervous about and that cheers me up Still have that weird tummy-turning-over feeling though...

[VetsWife328 7]

Ya I'm nervous and sometimes worried to.

But I'm actually very fortunate as I don't have family nor friends left in Germany except for my twin sister and a cousin.

And I have my best friend in the US,in fact she lives about 10 minutes away from where we will live.

What gets me to worry is most of all my almost 7 ear old son who has ADHD and STILL doesn't like to speak English a lot even though he was always spoken English to,so at least there's no doubt about him understanding everything.

But ADHD is not very funny and I know he will have major problems at school and to adjust.

He loves James and our friends,luckily they have a huge Lab/St Bernard Mix named Galhad whom my son loves to death and since Ray is a child that gets along with animals better than he does with ppl it really helps a big deal to have that dog "waiting for him " in the US.

Other than that,I'm worried about how James will react to Ray's ADHD and all that comes from his condition in the long run.James is 36 and has never had kids and the longest he's ever been around Ray was a month at a time...........

Also,Ray grew up here and he will miss a lot of things /people from here.

Well and me myself and I? I'm just worried about driving since I too have ADHD and it's extremly hard for me to concentrate.Gee I can't even read a book unless there is absolute silence.

And ya I am worried whether I can be the wife James expects and wants me to be........But I guess that right there is just natural when you get married.

Still,even though I do worry at times,I KNOW I'm doing the right thing for all 3 of us.And I don't havea single doubt on my mind or in my heart that I love James more than anything on the face of this earth and want to spend the rest of my life with him.We have been through hell and back already and I know that man is the one for me.He loves me and we complete each other and he is willing to deal with a child that is not easy to handle even though he's not his.

Nat

[Emancipation 2]

I've been here for a few weeks shy of a year. I was anxious as you were about all those issues..

I've found the adjustment better than I expected. I lived in South Carolina a few years back and had a MUCH harder time adjusting to the culture there and the way of life. The North East is quite a bit like home for me, so I was blessed by "easing" in - in that regard! My husband has been VERY helpful just letting me vent about crazy things that I dont' understand and other than politics we've learned to see things from each others' perspective. I've taken the time to explain why I react to things the way I do, and he's taken time to explain his American way of reacting and responding to things. We have a different perspective and we've invested much time in listening to each other's perspective. Haven't found a way to discuss politics yet, without getting hot under the collar, but we'll get there!

I miss familiarity the most.. my favorite restaurants with all the great memories in them.. I miss knowing what to expect when you go into a store, and knowing where to find stuff. i really miss having friends in my day to day life - just popping in.. we dont' get phone calls, we don't get visitors, that I miss quite a bit.

Things I like about the move is TARGET!! Hands down!!!! I love that store!! HOLY FLIP.. I love the GREAT deals you can find here, much better than at home. We've also spent a lot of time getting to know our State, hiked through quite a bit of it.. I love that! I know more about the State than most Nutmeggers now!

But all in all I wouldn't change the move.. I love my husband and he has made this transition so easy on me.... He is the best thing that's ever happened to me!

[RosemarieL 0]

I haven't been in Michigan long, I moved over on the 8th of December, so most of the things I notice at the moment will be resolved in time. I moved some money over from the UK so the first issue was getting a social security number so that I could be added to his bank account and get my money moved into there. The bank would only add me on with my maiden name and said they would only change it to my married name when I get my social security number and passport altered to my married name.

I then looked at investments but the best ones are available only on-line and require you to have a State ID or Drivers License. I don't have either yet so I looked at what I need to get one of those and I need proof of residency. They seem willing to accept bank statements and utility bills, neither of which my husband has kept. He files them all in the bin so I am waiting for some of those to come in before I can move forward on that.

I shipped a HP pc printer over and it was working well until I tried to get print cartridges for it. The print cartridges are the same but have a different order/part number and the UK printer won't recognise them (I am angry with HP for not providing the same print cartridges in the US that they do in the UK. It seems they want you to buy new when you move).

These are small problems but are pretty annoying when added up. As each one is fixed I feel more settled here and feel like I am making progress towards establishing myself. The next step is to start building a credit history.

[pucklechurch 0]

Other side of the coin for me.....

Didn't adjust very well and don't like living in the US at all. It's mainly to do with where we where, what I left behind and where we are now.

When I met my wife she'd come over to England to study and she met me in my line of work as a Tour Director and Guide. My life, therefore, was to take people to London, Paris, Dublin, Rome, Edinburgh, Amsterdam, etc as well as trips around the countryside to Bath, Canterbury, Stratford, etc. Every day, somewhere different, horseback riding in the Brecon Beacons or taking a cruise down the Rhine. When my wife finished her PhD and got a great job teaching at a university we moved.........to Missouri. To Boringsville, Blandstown, Dull City. The name's not worth mentioning because they are all the same. They've had their life sucked out of them by WalMart. The once-thriving downtown is now dead, save for a few charity shops, unappealing bars and the noise of the railroad. Travel 30 miles and its the same story in the next town and the next. We do have friendly folk but you don't walk past them in the street on your way to the corner shop to buy bread because that way of life has long since died, you speak to them on the phone or bump into them in a parking lot. One thing I'm happy with is that crime is non-existant which is a blessing and the sky seems always blue, but blue with a bitter cold wind in winter, colder than anywhere in the UK and blue with blisteringly unbearably hot temperatures in the summer. Take your choice, freeze or burn. What frightens me more is healthcare, Christ, break a finger and you could be bankrupt!!

Anyway, my wife has worked hard at school to get this job and I would never try and pull her away from it, nor would I suggest leaving our home or the animals we've rescued, so she stays in the Midwest and I spend months away working. The pound is strong so my earnings go along way. For now, I'm back taking groups to view Paris from Montmatre or sample Belgian beer and chocolate in Brugge. It was either that or work long hours in a carpet factory at the edge of town....urgh!!

I'll miss her but I'll fly back as often as I can, off season when its quiet I can always find a cheap flight, and we can have the summer together when she gets over to accompany me on my trips. I can think of worse ways to spend a few weeks in July and August!!

[*JG* 2]

Other side of the coin for me.....

Didn't adjust very well and don't like living in the US at all. It's mainly to do with where we where, what I left behind and where we are now.

When I met my wife she'd come over to England to study and she met me in my line of work as a Tour Director and Guide. My life, therefore, was to take people to London, Paris, Dublin, Rome, Edinburgh, Amsterdam, etc as well as trips around the countryside to Bath, Canterbury, Stratford, etc. Every day, somewhere different, horseback riding in the Brecon Beacons or taking a cruise down the Rhine. When my wife finished her PhD and got a great job teaching at a university we moved.........to Missouri. To Boringsville, Blandstown, Dull City. The name's not worth mentioning because they are all the same. They've had their life sucked out of them by WalMart. The once-thriving downtown is now dead, save for a few charity shops, unappealing bars and the noise of the railroad. Travel 30 miles and its the same story in the next town and the next. We do have friendly folk but you don't walk past them in the street on your way to the corner shop to buy bread because that way of life has long since died, you speak to them on the phone or bump into them in a parking lot. One thing I'm happy with is that crime is non-existant which is a blessing and the sky seems always blue, but blue with a bitter cold wind in winter, colder than anywhere in the UK and blue with blisteringly unbearably hot temperatures in the summer. Take your choice, freeze or burn. What frightens me more is healthcare, Christ, break a finger and you could be bankrupt!!

Anyway, my wife has worked hard at school to get this job and I would never try and pull her away from it, nor would I suggest leaving our home or the animals we've rescued, so she stays in the Midwest and I spend months away working. The pound is strong so my earnings go along way. For now, I'm back taking groups to view Paris from Montmatre or sample Belgian beer and chocolate in Brugge. It was either that or work long hours in a carpet factory at the edge of town....urgh!!

I'll miss her but I'll fly back as often as I can, off season when its quiet I can always find a cheap flight, and we can have the summer together when she gets over to accompany me on my trips. I can think of worse ways to spend a few weeks in July and August!!

Too bad she didn't land that job in more of a bustling Missouri town.

[pucklechurch 0]

Yes, Branson would have been better. At least I could have got a job as a song-and-dance man. Straight over from Old Blighty, it's Jimmy Jingo and his five piece quartet!!

[~krakatoa~ 27]

I've been here for almost 9 months. Like you, I was excited and nervous to be in a new place and meeting new people. I found it hard to find really good friends who you can call at 3 AM or share your worst fears. But I did, after several months. The first one was by pure coincidence. The other one was through work.

Indeed, everything's a rollercoaster ride of emotions. I had my fair share of tears and joys, but the best thing is I celebrate my life now with my husband. I am still adjusting and if I may guess, it will probably take me 2 years to fully feel at home here. There's just too many things to learn, too many things to adapt to, too many things that are so different from what I have been exposed to. I am out of my comfort zone. The top two things that I find quite challenging is adapting to my in-laws' passive lifestyle, my family back home's outgoing. Secondly, the work. I haven't worked in such a diverse work environment before, at least not so much, as I am in right now. And I'd like to think that here, I can grow professionally. So far, I've been blessed with good opportunities.

I am looking forward to that day that I wake up and feel like I'm no stranger to this country anymore. Until that time, I wish you the best and good luck.

Edited January 16, 2008 by krakatoa

[britty 1]

I have been here in Northern Virginia for 20 months now. The first few weeks were really really terrible and I had an awful time adjusting. I really missed my mum back in London, and the rest of my family for that matter. I started to think that I had made a big mistake in moving to the US, and started to think about moving back to the UK. I didn't want to worry my husband with how I felt and didn't want to tell him that I wanted us to move to the UK after being in the US for only a few weeks. Slowly I started to adjust, and began doing routine things like going to the store, doing chores, and visiting the gym regularly. My husband was wonderful and I did explain to him how I felt. He bought me my own car and put me on his insurance, helped me find voluntary work in the area to keep me occupied, and let me restyle his home and put my mark on everything. When I finally got my greencard, I immediately enrolled for a real estate licence class. At that class I met my now closest friend in the US, and through real estate work, I have made many friends and contacts, and currently work with two other British women which is a real hoot.

Life is totally different now from when I first arrived here, and I don't rely entirely on my husband for everything. We have independent friends and interests, and he is really happy that I am settled. We live in a lovely house with lovely neighbours, and are 15 mins from DC and lots of great restaurants, nightlife etc. I go back to the UK twice a year and my family come here twice a year. My friends visit once a year and we call eachother each week without fail to catch up. My husband and I have decided however that we may go back to the UK in 5 years (god willing) to spend a few years there. To think that we could do 5 years in each country at a time seems bizarre I know but I still do miss home and friends & family, and my husband loves the UK.

My advice would be to get out and about, and try to meet people. Find interests of your own and develop a routine. Good luck !!

[Jeraly 4]

Thanks so much for all these - they are really lovely to read and so informative and reassuring!!

[athena_ny 1]

I'm not trying to burst anyone's bubble but ... as far as no one judging, as US citizen I can say that EVERYONE judges EVERYONE here. My husband and I were both in the US, but I'm the USC. When I visited FL from NY, people judged the fact he got a hotel room for me to stay in. When I moved here, they judged that we lived together before getting married, then they judged because we got married "too soon" (I must have been pregnant...then when I wasn't, they kept asking when we'd have a baby!), then they judged me because I'm quiet when I don't know people well - I must be jealous! (Don't ask, I'm not.) I got judged because I left school, I got judged when I went back, and the list goes on and on and on.

I'm quiet and still don't have a friend in Florida. That's more a personal failing and the fact apartment living and part time school doesn't lend to friend-making, though.

[Jeraly 4]

Oh I am sure people judge there - it is part of people - I just don't notice it so much when I am there - of course that is likely to change

[Krikit 1,164]

I moved to the US on Wednesday, November 8, 2006. One of the most painful week's of my life.

This is me last year.... just six months later.

This is me this year.... just over a year later.

I'll check back in next year.

[Jeraly 4]

Yay!! It sounds like you're settling in slowly but then these things all take time - I can't believe that your family and friends would say that to you though - I can't imagine mine saying that of me *hugs* As for getting lost?! I am *so* going to do that... and driving?! Heh... Put it this way - I always carry a map with me *here* so over there I might take a little while to settle into that!!

[athena_ny 1]

I moved to the US on Wednesday, November 8, 2006. One of the most painful week's of my life.

This is me last year.... just six months later.

This is me this year.... just over a year later.

I'll check back in next year.

Aside from the government issues, I went through some of the same stuff you talk about when I moved from NY to FL. Our situation was backward, I guess, since we were both in the country and I, the USC moved.

I remember calling him up crying because I was absolutely lost on Snell Island here in St Pete. It's like a beach neighborhood that once you're on, YOU CAN NEVER GET OFF OF. Or it felt like it. And he didn't know where it was (didn't live in the St Pete area long) so I had to call my MOM IN NY to calm me down and help me think clearly.

I can't tell you how many times I got on the bridge going to Tampa (a 10 mile bridge) when I wanted to get to work, and wound up late for work.

I didn't have a car for the first four months I was here. I was dependent on his car to go to interviews, and most of the time, I was just stuck at home. His mom didn't speak English and I didn't speak Spanish, and I laid in bed crying most days. When I did get the car, even though I had no money, I would go to the mall and walk around from the time it opened to the time it was time to pick him up. I had to completely relearn how to approach driving - driving in FL is a totally different beast from where I'm from.

My husband is from South America, and has a lot of friends from Spanish speaking countries. We were go to parties and get togethers and everyone was speaking Spanish, and I couldn't keep up at that point, and didn't understand half of what was going on.

I had family members tell me straight up, I was an awful person and selfish and just awful things. I still won't talk to them. Apologies got deleted, because I couldn't read the emails without having an anxiety attack.

It doesn't match moving to a new country, but I guess my point is - any big move is absolutely traumatizing. We all think that it's going to be hunky dory, and while I'm absolutely tickled to be with my husband, I still don't like Florida. I still miss my mom. I had to go through a lot of agony to get to a place that had any kind of balance.