Adopted or Birth Mother

[Enlighten one :) 5]

For Christmas I gave my mother (59) a book called "The Purpose Driven Life". She requested "Eat, Love & Pray" which was buy one get another book half off. This lead me right to "The Purpose Driven Life". My mom is very spiritual, but not faithful. She said this book was a Gift from God.

My mother and I are extremely close she knows everything about me and I about her so I thought. My gift was to discover that I have a half brother someplace out there. She stated that this book inspired to unlock her hidden suppressed pain of when her father ordered her to giver her baby up for adoption at the age of 16. WOW, that was a lot for me to swallow at the age of 39, But I am very excited to assist her in the search for him.

I just do not know where to search. I did so many searches, but feel there is a mixture of untrusted sites along with sites that are not longer there. Does anyone have any family members of friends that have utilized any of these type of resources in locating a family member. I just do not want to pay for something that is not proved helpful.

Thank you so much for any assistance you might be able to give me. I just think the people on VJ are so wise and helpful I felt this is where I could come for help outside of the visa journey.

Thank you and God Bless.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

My ex-wife was adopted and years ago, I helped find her surviving siblings (1 half brother, and 3 half sisters). This was back in '94 and I went with the limited information I knew (her location of birth, the agency, etc.). I called the agency (Catholic Social Services) in the city where she was born and by law at that time, they could give us basic information about the birth parents, whether she had any siblings, even the mother's first name, but not her last. The woman I contacted though was very sympathetic and gave me clues about the last name that I later figured out. From there, I started searching phone numbers for anyone in that area with that last name, explaining to whoever answered the phone that I'm trying to reunite my (ex)wife with her birth mom. I found one of her older half sisters who unfortunately told us that her mother died almost 20 years before.

One thing though is when she made contact with one of her siblings (an older sister who was teaching in Spain at the time), my ex-wife excitedly told the sister she'd never met that she loved her and I think it freaked her sister out a bit. They ended up never meeting each other in person. Reuniting doesn't always end up the way it often gets romanticized. It was beneficial though for my ex-wife to find out the circumstances behind the adoption.

Edited January 13, 2008 by Mister Fancypants

[Amby 490]

I have no suggestions since I've never went through the process but I just wanted to say good luck!

[Enlighten one :) 5]

Thank you so much for sharing that story Mr. Fancy. I appreciate you. I do not want to pressure him, I just want him to know we are there if he wants to meet us. I am so proud of my mom for revealing the story. This has been a blockage of her spiritual growth.

Closure is always a benefit to these situation, which we have to accept that it might never come.

Again that you for your time and your story.

My ex-wife was adopted and years ago, I helped find her surviving siblings (1 half brother, and 3 half sisters). This was back in '94 and I went with the limited information I knew (her location of birth, the agency, etc.). I called the agency (Catholic Social Services) in the city where she was born and by law at that time, they could give us basic information about the birth parents, whether she had any siblings, even the mother's first name, but not her last. The woman I contacted though was very sympathetic and gave me clues about the last name that I later figured out. From there, I started searching phone numbers for anyone in that area with that last name, explaining to whoever answered the phone that I'm trying to reunite my (ex)wife with her birth mom. I found one of her older half sisters who unfortunately told us that her mother died almost 20 years before.

One thing though is when she made contact with one of her siblings (an older sister who was teaching in Spain at the time), my ex-wife excitedly told the sister she'd never met that she loved her and I think it freaked her sister out a bit. They ended up never meeting each other in person. Reuniting doesn't always end up the way it often gets romanticized. It was beneficial though for my ex-wife to find out the circumstances behind the adoption.

Thank you Amber, I like the new picture.

I have no suggestions since I've never went through the process but I just wanted to say good luck!

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Thank you so much for sharing that story Mr. Fancy. I appreciate you. I do not want to pressure him, I just want him to know we are there if he wants to meet us. I am so proud of my mom for revealing the story. This has been a blockage of her spiritual growth.

Closure is always a benefit to these situation, which we have to accept that it might never come.

Again that you for your time and your story.

Your welcome. I hope you all do find closure...I believe my ex-wife did find some in just knowing.

[Enlighten one :) 5]

[Inquiring Mind 0]

I've read the Purpose Driven Life two years ago and I must say, it is a powerful book. It is also a good book to read with your spouse or a friend (one chapter a day).

Here are some resources I located on the internet to assist in your search:

Adoption Registry Connection

http://www.adopteeconnect.com/

Adoption Reunion Search to Find Birth Family, Parents, Adoptee Registry Databases

http://www.searchforbirthfamily.com/

Adopted Network

http://www.adoptednetwork.com/

I will keep you and your mother in my prayers doing your search.

Wishing you the best.

LadyJ

[Amanda-Lise 0]

I started my search for my birth parents when I was 18. I started with collecting all the legal information that I could, like a copy of my adoption decree, the non identifying information from the agency that handled the adoption, and wrote down anythign and everything that my mother could remember from the time I came into their care. I did a lot of searching online, joined message boards, put ads in the paper asking for information, looked through old microfilms at the library from the time of my birth hoping to maybe find a birth announcement. I also put my name on the Canadian adoptee registry, hoping for a match up there. In the end, it was a group of local volunteers who were experienced in these kind of searches who found my birth family. It took them a grand total of two weeks, based on one unique thing in my case...my mother had played the accordion. So any bit of information, no matter how unimportant it may seem, can end up helping out immensely. The reunion didnt end well, but I got the information I needed out of it, and many questions were answered.

Maybe check out local support groups? Good luck on your journey!

[Fandango 1,440]

I have no suggestions since I've never went through the process but I just wanted to say good luck!

Ditto!

Will keep you in my prayers for your success in finding your bro...

[Enlighten one :) 5]

Thank you for the help. I was going to read the book after my mom, but she said she wants to start over after day 40. I will hav to get my own copy this week. I was at borders this weekend, but it was a mad hourse and my son kept saying home much longer mom. You you said a minute a minute ago. LOL Everyone must have been spending their gift certificates.

I have made some post I will check out your sites.

I've read the Purpose Driven Life two years ago and I must say, it is a powerful book. It is also a good book to read with your spouse or a friend (one chapter a day).

Here are some resources I located on the internet to assist in your search:

Adoption Registry Connection

http://www.adopteeconnect.com/

Adoption Reunion Search to Find Birth Family, Parents, Adoptee Registry Databases

http://www.searchforbirthfamily.com/

Adopted Network

http://www.adoptednetwork.com/

I will keep you and your mother in my prayers doing your search.

Wishing you the best.

LadyJ

[Enlighten one :) 5]

Thanks Amanda, I am excited to hit the library this weekend. What a great idea. My mom suggested support groups too. Since I am snowed in today I will do that.

I sent my mom the document she needed to fill out to open the closed case. The child has to be 18 before you can in the state of Maine.

Alcoholism runs ramped in my family so I hope he over came or avoided that hurdle, because I can see there being conflict if that is a problem for him. Awful to say, but a reality.

My mom doesn't want to pressure him. She just wants to put the word out there that she would like to meet him. My mom is an amazing mom. I joked with her and said "do we have to split the inheritance now"? LOL

Sorry thingsdid not go well, but that confirms that things happen for a reason. My half brother's father died tragicly in a fishing boat accident two months later. Their fishing net got caught on a bomb. I guess his job was done on this realm.

Again Thank you! I will keep you posted on my findings.

Missy

I started my search for my birth parents when I was 18. I started with collecting all the legal information that I could, like a copy of my adoption decree, the non identifying information from the agency that handled the adoption, and wrote down anythign and everything that my mother could remember from the time I came into their care. I did a lot of searching online, joined message boards, put ads in the paper asking for information, looked through old microfilms at the library from the time of my birth hoping to maybe find a birth announcement. I also put my name on the Canadian adoptee registry, hoping for a match up there. In the end, it was a group of local volunteers who were experienced in these kind of searches who found my birth family. It took them a grand total of two weeks, based on one unique thing in my case...my mother had played the accordion. So any bit of information, no matter how unimportant it may seem, can end up helping out immensely. The reunion didnt end well, but I got the information I needed out of it, and many questions were answered.

Maybe check out local support groups? Good luck on your journey!

[Enlighten one :) 5]

Thank you! I love your aviaters.

I have no suggestions since I've never went through the process but I just wanted to say good luck!

Ditto!

Will keep you in my prayers for your success in finding your bro...

[ya falaha! 0]

Do you know which agency he was adopted out of? I was adopted at three weeks (foster home from birth to three weeks). About 9 years ago I decided to try to find my birth mother. I contacted Catholic Social Services and after working with a mediator, I found my mother and her family about a month later. The reunion wasn't as I imagined but I was thankful to have found my birth family. One of my maternal aunts lived only a few blocks away from me at the time and has the same name (I spell mine with a "K", she spells hers with a "C")...weird, huh? I have three younger half sisters and was told I have a half brother from my father. I know my father's name but haven't looked for him yet. I talk to my birth mother and grandmother a couple times a year. We never really "bonded" but it is nice to keep in touch even if it's limited.

My brother is also adopted. He, too, tried to find his birth mother about the same time as I did. He also worked with a mediator but his birth mother refused to meet him. This hurt my brother terribly but he's ok with it now. He has an older half brother that may or may not know of my brother's existance.

Best of luck to you!