JENDA: A JOURNAL OF CULTURE AND AFRICAN WOMEN STUDIES

[We_Destiny 1]

This is just some information I discovered on line regarding African struggles with the cultural differences. I am not trying to start a book club. I posted two articles and a book I discovered. Just some additional information.

You can read what ever books you choose to read. I do not have to run any books I suggest for reading past anyone. I stated that Oboma suggested reading inspired me to look up information on line regarding the topic in attempt to locate a book I might be interested in reading.

My goal is to understand my husbands possible struggles as he migrates into Western society. The bible will advise me on how to deal with his struggles. Basically with understanding (through reading), compassion, humar, patience, and love. Then I would like to figure out what traditions we can add to our family that will make him feel more at home when ever possible.

This book is actually suggested for the AFrican Immigrant. I didn't even suggest that you or a USC should read the book. I just posted the book and link in a post.

Again this post has nothing to do with the book club. So I am confused as to why you are insinuating that it is. I believe a poster suggested it might be a good book for th book club. Maybe you should suggest to her that she run it by Oboma, before she make a suggestion.

I love Oboma's idea for a book club, I look forward to participating when a book i am interested in reading comes out.

Yaada Yaada Yaada

[Enlighten one :) 5]

This is exactly how forums turn to negativity. When people assign meaning to your post.

You should be embarrassed by your assumptions, but then again you do not really know me well. hhhmmmm this is the same behavior I was attacked for in Obomas Book Club. i am not trying to divide anyone? I post all over this forum, not just in the African forum. Because my SO is from Nigeria they show up in this portal. I have recommended books to other people from other countries.

OK WE Destiny... from now on I will ask Oboma's permission to suggest books to my fellow VJer's I am sure she has time for that.

Oh did you know that I was excited about the other book Oboma suggested? Or do you think I am out to get her or something? Like what are you thinking?? I think the book forum is going wonderful. I wish I trusted the content of the the book they were reading, because the conversation and critique fo the book is wonderful. It is one of the best forums going outside of the needed visa threads.

Your message was oh so very presumptuous.

Well, we can randomly read books that have no correlation to our journey, and in a book club it is eventually done the subject matter will fluctuate. But at the inseption of a book club the goal is to keep people focused and interested to continue to participate. Would it not be wiser to focus on books that relatate to relationships between Americans and their foreign SOs.

Us participants of VJ are in mixed citizenship (culture) relationships. I for one can not relate to a Nigerian (Igbo) man and his Nigerian (Igbo) wife, and the hurdles they face living inside of Western culture together. Both coming from the same background, speaking the same language, and the primary catalyst is her becoming a physician earning more money then him. That is a totally different journey than the one we signed up for. Our SO's are potentially leaving everything behind them, leaving their country alone to come to a new world, and begin life again with us being the life line. We have to take the lead from men who are not accustomed to being led, we as srong independent women have to learn when to lead and when to follow. Pray they find their grounding and can then step up, stand out and be the men we know them to be.

Since Omoba came up with the book club, let anyone with book ideas submit them to her. Omoba can then come up with a list of books that can be agreed upon by the club participants.

It was a great idea not to disrupt the book club thread; but, starting a new one is premature and will only create division that could possibly create too much work for people to keep up with and potentially cancel out a good idea and a good deed.

[We_Destiny 1]

This is exactly how forums turn to negativity. When people assign meaning to your post.

You should be embarrassed by your assumptions, but then again you do not really know me well. hhhmmmm this is the same behavior I was attacked for in Obomas Book Club. i am not trying to divide anyone? I post all over this forum, not just in the African forum. Because my SO is from Nigeria they show up in this portal. I have recommended books to other people from other countries.

OK WE Destiny... from now on I will ask Oboma's permission to suggest books to my fellow VJer's I am sure she has time for that.

Oh did you know that I was excited about the other book Oboma suggested? Or do you think I am out to get her or something? Like what are you thinking?? I think the book forum is going wonderful. I wish I trusted the content of the the book they were reading, because the conversation and critique fo the book is wonderful. It is one of the best forums going outside of the needed visa threads.

Your message was oh so very presumptuous.

I don't have time to debate with a hypocrite. example: Just to mention you went into this big stink about the author of the book club thread and his diamonds. You presumed to make comments about him from a web-site blurb. Now you want to chastise me for presuming what a hypocrite you are .

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=104164

Quoted from Mrs Jibowu:

"Diamonds...

I do not think a single African should wear a diamond that was purchased in the US. Thousands have died, been crippled, and left homeless over diamond trade in West Africa. Just like oil, their community is not better for the riches their land bears.

How can he sit there with that diamond necklace around his neck.

Oh wait here come the vehemence. My first post did not, but as you make think deeper out comes my passion for humanity. I will never support people who do not support their community and their people." end of quote

If you look at the pictures of you and your son, he has a diamond earring in his ear, and you are both wearing chains and medallions. From what you were saying in the previous thread, you should have sold your worldly goods and purchased some necessities for your husband's community to better their lives.

Now if you want to talk about embarrassing; Ewok had to break the thread and post your JUDGEMENTAL hypocritical comments in their own thread , because, it was disrupting the book club thread. Now talk about embarrassing you got your bum-bum spanked .

I won't assume, I will ask. So does it go that every time you think of something to add, or something you wish you would have said to an old post, you have previously made a rebuttal to, you will keep making random post in reference to it? Either way it is your own business, but don't expect me to have a ####### for tat with you .

Now I will assume! Obviously you have this obsessive need to continue to dialogue about the same thing over and over and over. I posted my opinion, you responded, and then you responeded again with the same information, now I will respond. THE END

Edited January 13, 2008 by We_Destiny

[Enlighten one :) 5]

i am very pleased that Ewok split the topic. I think the forum has moved along forward and was proud that everyone ignored another recent bump in the road. As I apologized to Omoba the very next day, for interrupting such a wonderful idea! I am not going to explain what I said to her, because GOD knows the reason. That is who I aim to please. God always puts test to challenge me. and strengthen my faith, I accepted them and learn and grow from everyone. My goal in life is to deal with every situation that disturbs or disrupts me with a gentle kind piece of mind. Wow, it takes practice. I get better every time.

I am not where I need to be, but I thank GOD I am not where I used to be.

Isn't my son so cute. What a great smile too! My husband was way to generous with those earrings. He just loves to spoil his new son. even hired a table tennis coach while we were at the hotel. Insisted on increasing his weekly spending (allowance) money from $10 to $15 then transfered $150 in my checking account to cover 10 weeks of spending money. I told him that people in his country do not make that much money a week in your country so please do not send any more money. Did you see that $30 Boston hat my son purchased for the trip? He paid for that with his own money. He gave that and the earrings to a boy he befriended that took the pictures of us when we were visiting Badagry. His name "ELIJAH" could not have suite my son better.

I work for a non profit compnay by choice. I do not own one piece of clothing with a name brand. I shop at thrift stores and clearance. My goal in life is to own a large farm house with a small amount of animals. Then I would love to fill those extra rooms with 2-3 foster children that I can eventualy adopt. Saving a room for children that need to be place in an emergency. If I won the lottery my son and I would be working in a third world country rebuilding a community at a time. Those are my life dreams and passions. I just wanted you all to know a little bit about me while I was here.

I am sure Obama appreciates you sticking up for her. She is intelligent, kind , and thoughtful woman who has established some wonderful trusting friendships on this site. She is a blessing to the VISAJOURNY website.

Again your post regarding my 2 Articles and Book, which had no comments from me, Just cut and pasted articles was condescending presumptuous and purposefully placed. Unfortunately for you was way off base of my intention.

Isn't your SO home? I am sorry that your heart his filled with so much clutter that you are focusing even an ounce of your time on me. I appreciate your energy, but I suggest it could be better spent. You should spend this passion and time on your SO .. Not me, I am not worthy of your attention.

[Enlighten one :) 5]

More great pictures of my son. I know this is off topic, but hey you mentioned my son so I can use that as an excuse to post some pictures of him.

[We_Destiny 1]

i am very pleased that Ewok split the topic. I think the forum has moved along forward and was proud that everyone ignored another recent bump in the road. As I apologized to Omoba the very next day, for interrupting such a wonderful idea! I am not going to explain what I said to her, because GOD knows the reason. That is who I aim to please. God always puts test to challenge me. and strengthen my faith, I accepted them and learn and grow from everyone. My goal in life is to deal with every situation that disturbs or disrupts me with a gentle kind piece of mind. Wow, it takes practice. I get better every time.

I am not where I need to be, but I thank GOD I am not where I used to be.

Isn't my son so cute. What a great smile too! My husband was way to generous with those earrings. He just loves to spoil his new son. even hired a table tennis coach while we were at the hotel. Insisted on increasing his weekly spending (allowance) money from $10 to $15 then transfered $150 in my checking account to cover 10 weeks of spending money. I told him that people in his country do not make that much money a week in your country so please do not send any more money. Did you see that $30 Boston hat my son purchased for the trip? He paid for that with his own money. He gave that and the earrings to a boy he befriended that took the pictures of us when we were visiting Badagry. His name "ELIJAH" could not have suite my son better.

I work for a non profit compnay by choice. I do not own one piece of clothing with a name brand. I shop at thrift stores and clearance. My goal in life is to own a large farm house with a small amount of animals. Then I would love to fill those extra rooms with 2-3 foster children that I can eventualy adopt. Saving a room for children that need to be place in an emergency. If I won the lottery my son and I would be working in a third world country rebuilding a community at a time. Those are my life dreams and passions. I just wanted you all to know a little bit about me while I was here.

I am sure Obama appreciates you sticking up for her. She is intelligent, kind , and thoughtful woman who has established some wonderful trusting friendships on this site. She is a blessing to the VISAJOURNY website.

Again your post regarding my 2 Articles and Book, which had no comments from me, Just cut and pasted articles was condescending presumptuous and purposefully placed. Unfortunately for you was way off base of my intention.

Isn't your SO home? I am sorry that your heart his filled with so much clutter that you are focusing even an ounce of your time on me. I appreciate your energy, but I suggest it could be better spent. You should spend this passion and time on your SO .. Not me, I am not worthy of your attention.

Oh yes, your son is a very handsome African / American boy, he is adorable. I only used the picture as an example to point out to you the hypocritical stance you took on the diamond scenario. So are you saying your Nigerian husband the preacher / pastor / deacon / elder / brother is materialistic, and instead of spending his hard earned money to assist you with your farm thing, he purchased diamonds and gave your son a hat that (could feed 3 children for a month). HUH that's your argument point (try that one again, I will give you a do over).

This is my last comment regarding this issue, we all are blessed no one more than the other. One only needs to appreciate and acknowledge the blessings bestowed.

Don't get it twisted My HUSBAND is well taken care of, and I choose to remain active on VJ. Since we are networking let me give you my CV. I work in a local university in the Office of International Programs, I facilitate students from abroad that want to come to the US to study, as well as US citizens that want to go abroad to fulfill their educational endeavors. I have traveled to Africa 7 times in the last year. So, when I was going through the process, I saw my man every two two months for a month at a time. I also am involved with a program through the US government; in the nest year we will provided over 3 million text books to the children of Ghana (primary through third grade) so am well aware of realistic philanthropy endeavors. To mention, at this moment my husband is participating in a meeting with people from his village that live in our area, to establish college funds, improve the infrastructure and roads in the village and to assist a the family return a body home for burial.

I don't shop at thrift stores, nor do I wear second hand anything. That is you own business you can try and save the world by wearing second hand clothes all you like, that is not my ambition. I think making a mark on world’s inequities requires more than dressing tacky and talking a bunch of rhetoric.

I am not saying what you should do and or judging your actions. But, your attempt to continually check me is pathetic, and you should cease and desist. As you previously mentioned about not deserving my time, you don’t, my schedule is filled, and therefore, I am done with you and your childlike, simple, evangelistic, and or judgmental perspective.

We-Destiny

[Enlighten one :) 5]

Do I have doubt about our relationship. Sometimes i do, because i do not think he is fruitful enough with his time and he thinks more about making money in America then how he can help people. i said it. those are my doubt. i think that is his cultural differences, but will that be acceptable for me.

Yes, that is my husbands mind around western civilization around money. That is a quote about that I made around December 1, 2007. So yes I had to express concern to my husband choices around money. It was confusing to me at the time, but I believe he thought that is what I expected as being an American. So I do not make this up as I go. LOL

I have not an argument just an explanation and interpretation. I am not trying to make you out to being anything. It is what it is. If you think that is how I am making this to be, maybe it is. Because my motive is just to explain that this was not a "book club" as you insinuated & that I am always looking for way to reduce, reuse, and recycle. That the world has too much stuff in it already. Life is not about looking good, its about making people feel good. If you can do both that is just a bonus.

Oh yeah, I have already started the goal of being a Foster parent, but we can not move to the next step until my husband is in the US to finish the process.

My son saved his money to paid for the hat, not my husband. I am just so proud of my son's action that itwas an opportunity to share one of many stories of just how thoughtful and giving my son is.

Let me take this time to thank those who have sent me letters of support. Your time, thoughts and consideration are greatly appreciated. I am honored that I have been blessed with your kind words.

i am very pleased that Ewok split the topic. I think the forum has moved along forward and was proud that everyone ignored another recent bump in the road. As I apologized to Omoba the very next day, for interrupting such a wonderful idea! I am not going to explain what I said to her, because GOD knows the reason. That is who I aim to please. God always puts test to challenge me. and strengthen my faith, I accepted them and learn and grow from everyone. My goal in life is to deal with every situation that disturbs or disrupts me with a gentle kind piece of mind. Wow, it takes practice. I get better every time.

I am not where I need to be, but I thank GOD I am not where I used to be.

Isn't my son so cute. What a great smile too! My husband was way to generous with those earrings. He just loves to spoil his new son. even hired a table tennis coach while we were at the hotel. Insisted on increasing his weekly spending (allowance) money from $10 to $15 then transfered $150 in my checking account to cover 10 weeks of spending money. I told him that people in his country do not make that much money a week in your country so please do not send any more money. Did you see that $30 Boston hat my son purchased for the trip? He paid for that with his own money. He gave that and the earrings to a boy he befriended that took the pictures of us when we were visiting Badagry. His name "ELIJAH" could not have suite my son better.

I work for a non profit compnay by choice. I do not own one piece of clothing with a name brand. I shop at thrift stores and clearance. My goal in life is to own a large farm house with a small amount of animals. Then I would love to fill those extra rooms with 2-3 foster children that I can eventualy adopt. Saving a room for children that need to be place in an emergency. If I won the lottery my son and I would be working in a third world country rebuilding a community at a time. Those are my life dreams and passions. I just wanted you all to know a little bit about me while I was here.

I am sure Obama appreciates you sticking up for her. She is intelligent, kind , and thoughtful woman who has established some wonderful trusting friendships on this site. She is a blessing to the VISAJOURNY website.

Again your post regarding my 2 Articles and Book, which had no comments from me, Just cut and pasted articles was condescending presumptuous and purposefully placed. Unfortunately for you was way off base of my intention.

Isn't your SO home? I am sorry that your heart his filled with so much clutter that you are focusing even an ounce of your time on me. I appreciate your energy, but I suggest it could be better spent. You should spend this passion and time on your SO .. Not me, I am not worthy of your attention.

Oh yes, your son is a very handsome African / American boy, he is adorable. I only used the picture as an example to point out to you the hypocritical stance you took on the diamond scenario. So are you saying your Nigerian husband the preacher / pastor / deacon / elder / brother is materialistic, and instead of spending his hard earned money to assist you with your farm thing, he purchased diamonds and gave your son a hat that (could feed 3 children for a month). HUH that's your argument point (try that one again, I will give you a do over).

This is my last comment regarding this issue, we all are blessed no one more than the other. One only needs to appreciate and acknowledge the blessings bestowed.

Don't get it twisted My HUSBAND is well taken care of, and I choose to remain active on VJ. Since we are networking let me give you my CV. I work in a local university in the Office of International Programs, I facilitate students from abroad that want to come to the US to study, as well as US citizens that want to go abroad to fulfill their educational endeavors. I have traveled to Africa 7 times in the last year. So, when I was going through the process, I saw my man every two two months for a month at a time. I also am involved with a program through the US government; in the nest year we will provided over 3 million text books to the children of Ghana (primary through third grade) so am well aware of realistic philanthropy endeavors. To mention, at this moment my husband is participating in a meeting with people from his village that live in our area, to establish college funds, improve the infrastructure and roads in the village and to assist a the family return a body home for burial.

I don't shop at thrift stores, nor do I wear second hand anything. That is you own business you can try and save the world by wearing second hand clothes all you like, that is not my ambition. I think making a mark on world's inequities requires more than dressing tacky and talking a bunch of rhetoric.

I am not saying what you should do and or judging your actions. But, your attempt to continually check me is pathetic, and you should cease and desist. As you previously mentioned about not deserving my time, you don't, my schedule is filled, and therefore, I am done with you and your childlike, simple, evangelistic, and or judgmental perspective.

We-Destiny

[chispas 0]

A gentle reminder of the Terms of Service.

[ebonyqueen 0]

A gentle reminder of the Terms of Service.

[princessC 0]

A gentle reminder of the Terms of Service.

You couldnt of said it better.

[ForeverAmen 0]

A gentle reminder of the Terms of Service.

[Enlighten one :) 5]

When you're able to transcend an aversion to silence, you'll also transcend many other miseries. And it is in this silence that the remembrance of GOD will be activated.

Dr. Wayne Dyer

[ForeverAmen 0]

When you're able to transcend an aversion to silence, you'll also transcend many other miseries. And it is in this silence that the remembrance of GOD will be activated.

Dr. Wayne Dyer