Cultural Adjustment

[brownnskinn 0]

Adjustment was hard. And, I'm not sure it's all said and done yet.

Andre was bored and restless for the 7 months it took him to get a full-time job. I was crazed trying to find stuff for him to do and, luckily, the "cash" job a friend offered.

Explaining to him why he couldn't pee in the back yard, walk down the street with the machette, spliff, or an open container of alcohol, call JA whenever and for however long he pleased, drive without a license, how to budget and responsibly use an ATM/Debit card, when we could send money back and when we couldn't, etc.....those were challenges.

Andre's sister lives in New York. Close enough to be of some support and comfort; not nearly far enough away on some days. He's had a few friends pass through town.

Today, it's almost two years later and all has pretty much worked itself out. You have to be really patient, able to look at the situations through their eyes and understand a bit, and communicate more then you ever thought possible.

Right on

Ditto!! Ditto!

[Shemmy 4]

DWL @ jomo & kimmi....I know my man think US have 2 many rules too...when I went to visit him he pissed anywhere he wanted. I told him that he can't do that in US...they will lock your a$$ up...he has a few family here, but she think she all that, told him I was too OLD...mi afi tell her fi more her Cl*&(#$*&$#. I didn't want to be rude, but she had no right. She didn't even know me at all and I was so polite to her. I drove 4 R*#$ hours to New York to bring her fish and ackee and rum. Soon as mi left, di ooman ago call im seh mi too old fi im...and im nufi deh wid no ooman weh have pickney already. He don't need a readymade family. I had to PRAY on my 4 hour drive back. I didn't even get out Queens good before she called him. She called 10mins after I left.

DWL @ pee'in in the backyard

Not to sound at all negative; but you are going to really have long talks with him on how you feel about this. For you to face this so early on is not a good thing. Believe me when I say it will be a constant thing you will deal with. IMO....that was kind of a rude and ungrateful thing for her to say and do without really knowing you.

I had children going into this. We will have no more unless we adopt our orphaned nephew, which I really want to do. This has not been an issue with us. Andre always said my kids are his kids and he's stood up to that.

Age is just a number too, girly. If the two of you can make it work, who is anyone else to tell you differently. Keep the faith!

No NEGATIVITY taken. I'm here for advice, so I'll take it. Besides, eventhough I don't know you, my spirit take you. He put her in her PLACE when she said that...she had no right and he stood up for me. He said he's not putting anyone before me and I'm not putting anyone before him. His people back in Montego Bay was also upset about her comments. They told me to pay her no mind, just to ignore her. I did her a great favor and well, she's a (I won't say it here) I'll do as you suggest and keep the faith.

That is a giant step in the right direction. Good for him.

You just watch your back now. Mama sounds like a real piece of work.

OMG...sounds like my mother-in-law. A true piece of work.

I did not meet her until last May when we visited her in Aruba. She moved there 7 years ago so I never had the pleasure of meeting her while Damien and I dated. Until our visit, she would say mean things about me. And she was really rude to me whenever she called our house. I would bite my tongue and kill her with kindness. Boy, was that hard. She didn't like the fact I was an American older who already had a child. Even made comments about my size when she's a turkey sandwich away from my weight.

The first few days were hard in Aruba but got better toward the end. She even said I had a good soul and was much prettier in person. I guess I wasn't the old fat hag she was expecting. We talk every once in awhile.

My family and friends LOVES Damien...they think he's great.

The ajustment...four words....PRAYER, PATIENCE, PATIENCE, and PRAYER. Overall, Damien has adjusted well. It's been 3 years and he's still adjusting to everything like - driving, directions, banking, paying bills, doctor appointments, etc.

[Marvsgirl 0]

DWL @ jomo & kimmi....I know my man think US have 2 many rules too...when I went to visit him he pissed anywhere he wanted. I told him that he can't do that in US...they will lock your a$$ up...he has a few family here, but she think she all that, told him I was too OLD...mi afi tell her fi more her Cl*&(#$*&$#. I didn't want to be rude, but she had no right. She didn't even know me at all and I was so polite to her. I drove 4 R*#$ hours to New York to bring her fish and ackee and rum. Soon as mi left, di ooman ago call im seh mi too old fi im...and im nufi deh wid no ooman weh have pickney already. He don't need a readymade family. I had to PRAY on my 4 hour drive back. I didn't even get out Queens good before she called him. She called 10mins after I left.

DWL @ pee'in in the backyard

Not to sound at all negative; but you are going to really have long talks with him on how you feel about this. For you to face this so early on is not a good thing. Believe me when I say it will be a constant thing you will deal with. IMO....that was kind of a rude and ungrateful thing for her to say and do without really knowing you.

I had children going into this. We will have no more unless we adopt our orphaned nephew, which I really want to do. This has not been an issue with us. Andre always said my kids are his kids and he's stood up to that.

Age is just a number too, girly. If the two of you can make it work, who is anyone else to tell you differently. Keep the faith!

No NEGATIVITY taken. I'm here for advice, so I'll take it. Besides, eventhough I don't know you, my spirit take you. He put her in her PLACE when she said that...she had no right and he stood up for me. He said he's not putting anyone before me and I'm not putting anyone before him. His people back in Montego Bay was also upset about her comments. They told me to pay her no mind, just to ignore her. I did her a great favor and well, she's a (I won't say it here) I'll do as you suggest and keep the faith.

That is a giant step in the right direction. Good for him.

You just watch your back now. Mama sounds like a real piece of work.

OMG...sounds like my mother-in-law. A true piece of work.

I did not meet her until last May when we visited her in Aruba. She moved there 7 years ago so I never had the pleasure of meeting her while Damien and I dated. Until our visit, she would say mean things about me. And she was really rude to me whenever she called our house. I would bite my tongue and kill her with kindness. Boy, was that hard. She didn't like the fact I was an American older who already had a child. Even made comments about my size when she's a turkey sandwich away from my weight.

The first few days were hard in Aruba but got better toward the end. She even said I had a good soul and was much prettier in person. I guess I wasn't the old fat hag she was expecting. We talk every once in awhile.

My family and friends LOVES Damien...they think he's great.

The ajustment...four words....PRAYER, PATIENCE, PATIENCE, and PRAYER. Overall, Damien has adjusted well. It's been 3 years and he's still adjusting to everything like - driving, directions, banking, paying bills, doctor appointments, etc.

that is too funny being a turkey sandwich away

[Shemmy 4]

Hi Trelawny, don't worry about a thing. You will always find a negative person out there. I dated a guy for 10 years and I got along with everyone except for 1 sister. She was just a miserable person. People are very jealous and back stabbing. It's good that she revealed herself early so you know not to be bothered with her. She'll need you before you'll need her. Women are very lonely and desperate and don't want to see others happy. When I first told people about Marvin, I received neg. vibes from my family so I don't discuss him with them. My parents are coming around though because they asked what was going on with the case but my info. is still limited. You love your SO, so the heck with everybody else. We only live once so be happy. Go for it!!! If someone would have told me that I would be in love with someone from another country, I would have laughed but when it's your destiny, no one or nothing can stop it from happening.

Bridget

Well said.

People will always have something negative to say. I hear them almost everyday...I think some people didn't expect for Damien to do so well. It's like damned if do and damed if you don't...we don't pay those people no mind.

[JA Tam 7]

Mi out fi kill Aaron....ah joke mi ah mek. It's been about 3 months since he moved here and I would say he is adjusting well (but then wi deh ah likkle Jamaica). He tells everyone that Miami is like Jamaica, only cleaner and the stores likkle bigga .

I have had to sit him down and explain that we can't pee on the road (I hope yu nevah pass wi outta Orlando when him ah pee pon di highway ) and he is surely not afraid to ask questions. Thanksgiving weekend we went to Georgia to visit friends and he drove all the way. We had a discussion on how much faster over the speed limit you can go without getting a ticket. I said 5 miles, my BF's husband said 10. The very loving husband approached a cop in the mall when we got home and posed the question to him (Police tell him 5, but him mus' go di speed limit).

Anyways, nuh mind MIL. Mi happy him put har inna har place...bright and facety. Mi tank Jah-Jah seh fi mi in-laws dem treat mi good and mi love dem bad. Hol' di faith yah mi girl, him proving himself to yu.

Edited January 10, 2008 by JA Tam

[brownnskinn 0]

Hope everyone had a good day! I'm tired. Hubby say he wants me to take out my IUD. I don't mind, but I'm tellin U all this "stuff" is wearing on me Speaking of adjustment. He has my head spinnin.

Hi Trelawny, don't worry about a thing. You will always find a negative person out there. I dated a guy for 10 years and I got along with everyone except for 1 sister. She was just a miserable person. People are very jealous and back stabbing. It's good that she revealed herself early so you know not to be bothered with her. She'll need you before you'll need her. Women are very lonely and desperate and don't want to see others happy. When I first told people about Marvin, I received neg. vibes from my family so I don't discuss him with them. My parents are coming around though because they asked what was going on with the case but my info. is still limited. You love your SO, so the heck with everybody else. We only live once so be happy. Go for it!!! If someone would have told me that I would be in love with someone from another country, I would have laughed but when it's your destiny, no one or nothing can stop it from happening.

Bridget

Well said.

People will always have something negative to say. I hear them almost everyday...I think some people didn't expect for Damien to do so well. It's like damned if do and damed if you don't...we don't pay those people no mind.

True

[Shemmy 4]

Hope everyone had a good day! I'm tired. Hubby say he wants me to take out my IUD. I don't mind, but I'm tellin U all this "stuff" is wearing on me Speaking of adjustment. He has my head spinnin.

Dee is gonna have a baby soon Are you ready?

[Marvsgirl 0]

Just wanted to add another thing. I met Marvin when I went to JA with some co-workers. One of my co-workers is an older JA women. When I was leaving, Marvin came by to say goodbye. She said boy, you made an impression on him. She drilled him the night before. Another co-worker metioned that things were going well between Marvin and I. She made a comment that really surprised me. She said she made sure that all of her children married Jamaicans because American women are sneaky and keep a nasty house. I was surprised, shocked, and hurt because this is a Christian women. She didn't say this to me because when we were going to the airport she said don't forget about my Jamaican brother. This just gave me another reason to keep my mouth shut and to invite her to my home when Marvin comes.

Bridget

[brownnskinn 0]

Hope everyone had a good day! I'm tired. Hubby say he wants me to take out my IUD. I don't mind, but I'm tellin U all this "stuff" is wearing on me Speaking of adjustment. He has my head spinnin.

Dee is gonna have a baby soon Are you ready?

No not really. I want a masters first, no time will be the right time, but my bio clock is ticking. All of a sudden em ask when mi gone have a little boy pickeny fi em. You have enough madness going on right now, why u thinking about a baby now.

[Shemmy 4]

Just wanted to add another thing. I met Marvin when I went to JA with some co-workers. One of my co-workers is an older JA women. When I was leaving, Marvin came by to say goodbye. She said boy, you made an impression on him. She drilled him the night before. Another co-worker metioned that things were going well between Marvin and I. She made a comment that really surprised me. She said she made sure that all of her children married Jamaicans because American women are sneaky and keep a nasty house. I was surprised, shocked, and hurt because this is a Christian women. She didn't say this to me because when we were going to the airport she said don't forget about my Jamaican brother. This just gave me another reason to keep my mouth shut and to invite her to my home when Marvin comes.

Bridget

I heard these comment more than once. My MIL made a few comments about cleanliness when I met her...only because Damien's suitcase was packed neater than mine and we didn't clean the hotel bathroom before housekeeping

[jawi876 2]

WOW! Great topic. I don't have much to add...but great topic.

[SupportOAFJF 0]

Mi can tell oonuh bout MONSTER IN LAWS !!!

[clairern 0]

WOW! Great topic. I don't have much to add...but great topic.

Hey Baby; how are you doing? Good to see you on "your" thread. We all just dominate it suh!!!

WOW! Great topic. I don't have much to add...but great topic.

Hey Baby; how are you doing? Good to see you on "your" thread. We all just dominate it suh!!!

Bwoy, me confuse. Ah weh me deh, eehhhh?? A nuh Jawi tread dis!! A wha rong wid me ehhh?

[jawi876 2]

WOW! Great topic. I don't have much to add...but great topic.

Hey Baby; how are you doing? Good to see you on "your" thread. We all just dominate it suh!!!

WOW! Great topic. I don't have much to add...but great topic.

Hey Baby; how are you doing? Good to see you on "your" thread. We all just dominate it suh!!!

Bwoy, me confuse. Ah weh me deh, eehhhh?? A nuh Jawi tread dis!! A wha rong wid me ehhh?

Hey honey. It's not my thread anyway...it belongs to all of we. I love to see all the bantering and laughs.

[SupportOAFJF 0]

hahahahaa...woiieeeee..mi tell oonuh seh Claire mad....ahahahhaa....it's ok darling...u tiyad gwaan go res....hahahhaa u gave me a great laugh dough