Mom sells rule-breaking son's car

[trailmix 77]

I don't even get the age discussion - he is 19, granted, some 19 year olds are mature, responsible adults.

I think she absolutely did the right thing. A sign of maturity would have been to NOT have alcohol in the car.

Everyone is different, he is obviously not mature enough to own a car.

[Empress of Groovy 373]

What if the offspring is making a financial contribution to the household? Is the basis of your argument financial, or blind parental reverence?

I'd say if the offspring is making a financial contribution then he wouldn't need Mommy to pay for his car.

Whether he is paying rent isn't really relevant to my argument, which is that the kid is a bit old for this to be a compelling tough-love- from-a-parent story. Basically, mom bought him a car with a couple of stipulations, which presumably he agreed to at the time. He didn't hold up his end of the bargain, so she sold the car. Makes sense, seems fair. But the kid is an adult!

Gwen and I were just exchanging views on parental dominion; I guess we took the thread a little bit away from the supposed "meanest mom in the world!"

[mustang-sally 8]

This doesn't prove that he was intending to DUI.

Maybe his car was his only sanctuary, a place he felt safe to hide things from a domineering parent who was likely to snoop round his room.

Without knowing the mother - son relationship here, I don't think we can judge.

[Dan J 277]

What if the offspring is making a financial contribution to the household? Is the basis of your argument financial, or blind parental reverence?

I'd say if the offspring is making a financial contribution then he wouldn't need Mommy to pay for his car.

Whether he is paying rent isn't really relevant to my argument, which is that the kid is a bit old for this to be a compelling tough-love- from-a-parent story. Basically, mom bought him a car with a couple of stipulations, which presumably he agreed to at the time. He didn't hold up his end of the bargain, so she sold the car. Makes sense, seems fair. But the kid is an adult!

Gwen and I were just exchanging views on parental dominion; I guess we took the thread a little bit away from the supposed "meanest mom in the world!"

Legally being an adult and actually having the maturity of an adult are two different things. Just being 18 doesn't necessarily make you a responsible adult.

[Amby 490]

[Krikit 1,165]

What if the offspring is making a financial contribution to the household? Is the basis of your argument financial, or blind parental reverence?

I'd say if the offspring is making a financial contribution then he wouldn't need Mommy to pay for his car.

Whether he is paying rent isn't really relevant to my argument, which is that the kid is a bit old for this to be a compelling tough-love- from-a-parent story. Basically, mom bought him a car with a couple of stipulations, which presumably he agreed to at the time. He didn't hold up his end of the bargain, so she sold the car. Makes sense, seems fair. But the kid is an adult!

Gwen and I were just exchanging views on parental dominion; I guess we took the thread a little bit away from the supposed "meanest mom in the world!"

I follow. My thinking was that she wouldn't have been able to take the car if he'd bought it himself, thereby nullifying any dominion the parent had over the car.

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Would this have been a story if the kid had been, say, 23? Aside from the suggestion that he get a life and move out of mom's house?

I'm not saying anything about his supposed maturity, just that a lot of 19-year-olds live on their own (I did). We often hear about how long it takes U.S. kids to grow up, how spoiled and infantilized the current generation is, and this is a prime example. This article was written as if the kid were much younger and still in need of learning lessons from his parents. I'm not sure his carelessness with the booze was immature so much as it was disrespectful. And now mom is enjoying all the congratulations she's receiving because her adult son did something careless.

If she really wants her little boy to grow up, she should suggest that he support himself and get his own place.

[Krikit 1,165]

If she really wants her little boy to grow up, she should suggest that he support himself and get his own place.

And buy his own car.

[Ban Hammer 13,636]

This doesn't prove that he was intending to DUI.

i don't know of too many people that do "intend" to get one.........

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Cut the apron strings, kid, and get your own car. Legal adult and all that.

This would have been more of a story if the kid had been 16, but 19 is a little old. I understand the points about liability and the mom paying for the car, but this story's "tough love" angle is kinda lame given his age.

Exactly.

I don't even get the age discussion - he is 19, granted, some 19 year olds are mature, responsible adults.

I think she absolutely did the right thing. A sign of maturity would have been to NOT have alcohol in the car.

Everyone is different, he is obviously not mature enough to own a car.

Snooping around on an adult son is overstepping, IMO. At some point, you gotta treat your adult children like adults.

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

I'm with AOS Despair and Mr. Fancypants here. An adult is an adult and responsible for their own decisions and the consequences that may arise from them. If this mother did this for her 16 year child, hurray! But 19? Nope, he's a big boy now, time to learn life. Mommy, it's time to let the bird fly. He might fall on his rear a few times, but guess what? That will only build his character.

Cut the apron strings, kid, and get your own car. Legal adult and all that.

This would have been more of a story if the kid had been 16, but 19 is a little old. I understand the points about liability and the mom paying for the car, but this story's "tough love" angle is kinda lame given his age.

Exactly.

I don't even get the age discussion - he is 19, granted, some 19 year olds are mature, responsible adults.

I think she absolutely did the right thing. A sign of maturity would have been to NOT have alcohol in the car.

Everyone is different, he is obviously not mature enough to own a car.

Snooping around on an adult son is overstepping, IMO. At some point, you gotta treat your adult children like adults.

[gwenneh 7]

I'm with AOS Despair and Mr. Fancypants here. An adult is an adult and responsible for their own decisions and the consequences that may arise from them. If this mother did this for her 16 year child, hurray! But 19? Nope, he's a big boy now, time to learn life. Mommy, it's time to let the bird fly. He might fall on his rear a few times, but guess what? That will only build his character.

Cut the apron strings, kid, and get your own car. Legal adult and all that.

This would have been more of a story if the kid had been 16, but 19 is a little old. I understand the points about liability and the mom paying for the car, but this story's "tough love" angle is kinda lame given his age.

Exactly.

I don't even get the age discussion - he is 19, granted, some 19 year olds are mature, responsible adults.

I think she absolutely did the right thing. A sign of maturity would have been to NOT have alcohol in the car.

Everyone is different, he is obviously not mature enough to own a car.

Snooping around on an adult son is overstepping, IMO. At some point, you gotta treat your adult children like adults.

He can fly when he leaves the nest. Still in the nest, still subject to the rules thereof. And a 19 year old having alcohol is still illegal...damned right I'd be snooping if I had the suspicion my kids were breaking the law!

[one...two...tree 2,762]

He can fly when he leaves the nest. Still in the nest, still subject to the rules thereof. And a 19 year old having alcohol is still illegal...damned right I'd be snooping if I had the suspicion my kids were breaking the law!

I agree with setting rules even for adult children when they live in your home and expecting them to follow them, provided they are general rules that everyone follows. Snooping on your adult children is a violation of their right to privacy, unless you'd give them the same equal opportunity to snoop on you if they had their suspicions.

They're either adults or their children. If you agree that your children are now adults, but you don't put them on equal footing with yourself as an adult, then I think you're not really letting them be adults.

Edited January 9, 2008 by Mister Fancypants

[gwenneh 7]

Well, the fundamental basis of my position is that I don't believe that a 19-year-old who lives at home is an adult at all(and therefore doesn't have an expected right to privacy, particularly in the case of a car someone else purchased for them). A 19-year-old living on their own and supporting themselves might be, but a 19 year old living at home receiving that degree of financial assistance from their parents just isn't an adult. Not yet. Numerical age doesn't play into it in the slightest - he could be 65, and as long as he was still living off of his parents' dime I'd say the same.

Edited January 9, 2008 by Gwen666

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Well, the fundamental basis of my position is that I don't believe that a 19-year-old who lives at home is an adult (amd therefore doesn't have an expected right to privacy, particularly in the case of a car someone else purchased for them). A 19-year-old living on their own and supporting themselves might be, but a 19 year old living at home receiving that degree of financial assistance from their parents just isn't an adult. Not yet. Numerical age doesn't play into it in the slightest - he could be 65, and as long as he was still living off of his parents' dime I'd say the same.

I can see your point on that. For me though, that transition from dependent child to adult is difficult for everyone...I wouldn't want to inhibit that transition while the adult child is still living at home. Not an easy thing to do for any parent. One thing I would definitely NOT do for my 19 yr. old is buy him a car. If he's able bodied and living at home, he can save up and buy it himself. Some parents, perhaps unconsciously, aren't helping their adult children become independent when they do things like that.

Edited January 9, 2008 by Mister Fancypants