Loving the African male

[Zee Bee 61]

I can't even contribute about the book because I am also in the 2 week window for arrival. Shucks

I think a lot of us are.

[chispas 0]

I may have missed it, but will the format be Chapter by Chapter and for how long before moving on to the next? (This is the teacher side of me talking)

[chispas 0]

Kids are back. Gotta stop reading now. Darn

[Ta Ta 1]

Teacher, the format will be chapter by chapter.

I will wait a little longer since the majority do not have the book yet. Starting last week in January.

Meanwhile keep it rolling with on topic comments please.

We are currently discussing communication style.

Or add anything else you like relative to your African/Western relationships and how you two are finding ways to merge for a better relationship

and what you still have difficulty with and what gives the knee jerk response like what just happened ?

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Omoba You made me laugh loudly! (kids doing seatwork right now.) One of the girls in the front asked if I am still blogging. I guess my cover is blown here so now I have to fake work another way.

[taurean 0]

I REALLY need to come around here more often. Why is that while I am away things heat up???

I haven't had time to read all of the comments in this thread, but so far I can add that my husband also says "I don't want to talk about this again." I am glad that I am not the only one dealing with that. His saying that doesn't stop me from re-hashing something, but after reading the posts of those experience this same thing, I understand him a little more.

I'll be watching this thread very carefully. I hope to participate in the discussion as well! Omoba...you are wonderful to start this thread and book club!

[Ta Ta 1]

Welcome my sister Taurean !

Omoba You made me laugh loudly! (kids doing seatwork right now.) One of the girls in the front asked if I am still blogging. I guess my cover is blown here so now I have to fake work another way.

At least you didn't have a drink in your mouth at the time ....

[chispas 0]

The not talking about something doesn't bother me that much, but leaving anything without resolution troubles me greatly.

[Zee Bee 61]

The not talking about something doesn't bother me that much, but leaving anything without resolution troubles me greatly.

Same with me. As long as we come to come kind of resolution/understanding, I am good.

[We_Destiny 1]

I have not gotten the book yet, I am looking very forward to reading it. My comments are just general stuff I think to mention.

In my marriage what I find amusing, is that my husband does not bite his tongue when he has an issue with something, he does not formulate a nice way to say it. HE JUST SAYS IT.

He won't complain or criticise about something I have done in front of most people. But, in front of my mother, sister and my best friend he gets right into my butt about stuff. He says the reason is that, I am so close to them and should be able to openly talk about any issue or concern in front of them; they are the ones that will help guide us out of problems.

I know that it is true and the right perspective to have, but, sometimes you don't want people all in your business. I know I don't

My mother LOVES this new found closeness and bonding.

Edited January 14, 2008 by We_Destiny

[chispas 0]

Welcome my sister Taurean !

Omoba You made me laugh loudly! (kids doing seat work right now.) One of the girls in the front asked if I am still blogging. I guess my cover is blown here so now I have to fake work another way.

At least you didn't have a drink in your mouth at the time ....

Did I tell you about the Chai tea incident? A few weeks ago I was tutoring while drinking my venti, soy, chai, extra hot tea. I am not sure what one of the kids said, but I wound up spitting a mouthful of tea across the table at them. They were both grossed out and I was mortified. They joke about it now, but I know they cringe when then see me with something in my mouth.

[taurean 0]

Sister Omoba: thanks for the welcome!

I too value resolution!! You can't have issues just hanging out there ready to rear their ugly heads at another time. Moussa does ususally get very quiet when he is angry, upset or whatever the case may be. It took a while for me to deal with that because I like to have it out and get things resolved. However I now value the silence, because it prevents him from maybe saying something he regrets later. On the other hand, I put my foot in my mouth on the regular. The positive aspect is that we always end up talking things out at a later time after we have both cooled off and can communicate rationally.

[Zee Bee 61]

Sister Omoba: thanks for the welcome!

I too value resolution!! You can't have issues just hanging out there ready to rear their ugly heads at another time. Moussa does ususally get very quiet when he is angry, upset or whatever the case may be. It took a while for me to deal with that because I like to have it out and get things resolved. However I now value the silence, because it prevents him from maybe saying something he regrets later. On the other hand, I put my foot in my mouth on the regular. The positive aspect is that we always end up talking things out at a later time after we have both cooled off and can communicate rationally.

Sounds exactly like me and my SO

[Ta Ta 1]

I have not gotten the book yet, I am looking very forward to reading it. My comments are just general stuff I think to mention.

In my marriage what I find amusing, is that my husband does not bite his tongue when he has an issue with something, he does not formulate a nice way to say it. HE JUST SAYS IT.

He won't complain or criticise about something I have done in front of most people. But, in front of my mother, sister and my best friend he gets right into my butt about stuff. He says the reason is that, I am so close to them and should be able to openly talk about any issue or concern in front of them; they are the ones that will help guide us out of problems.

I know that it is true and the right perspective to have, but, sometimes you don't want people all in your business. I know I don't

My mother LOVES this new found closeness and bonding.

in a kind of blunt way ? Yeah, I have heard that is the African and also the German culture.........so that makes for a lot

of " straightforward talk " for us. Americans use more fluff and sprinkle it with sugar I think.

When I asked him do you like my hair this way I get a very straight answer, no wear it the other way ......well I did ask.

Sweet that he has bonded with your Mom that way.

It is also common to call upon the elders to help resolve a really tough issue

Sister Omoba: thanks for the welcome!

I too value resolution!! You can't have issues just hanging out there ready to rear their ugly heads at another time. Moussa does ususally get very quiet when he is angry, upset or whatever the case may be. It took a while for me to deal with that because I like to have it out and get things resolved. However I now value the silence, because it prevents him from maybe saying something he regrets later. On the other hand, I put my foot in my mouth on the regular. The positive aspect is that we always end up talking things out at a later time after we have both cooled off and can communicate rationally.

Sounds exactly like me and my SO

Yep, same here.

[Simply_Uno 1]

Salutations all,

I know I said I can't fit this book into my schedule right now, but you all are touching on a very sensitive issue for me and "Peace". First of all, I am an only child and he is the eldest son. When we argue, its like thunder and lightning. He will ask me what is on my mind, and I will say, "I don't want to talk about it!" to that he'll reply "You can't keep telling me that!". Hmmm, I'm like, okay, "well how about I don't have my thoughts formulated yet!" to that he will say "I have asked you, my ears and eyes are ready to receive and you refuse to tell me, so never you speak of it again. When you feel ready to speak, tell it to the wind, 'cuz I no longer care to hear of it!"

Okay, now 99.999% of what he has said has just pissed me off to no end. Then, he will change the subject. What kinda mess is that? The other thing he is notorious for is saying "oh, a baby, it has passed, so lets not discuss it any longer." Is that avoidance, or manipulation? I don't get the "tell me whats on your mind now" stuff. I'm used to gathering my evidence and presenting my case, he wants discuss the case as the evidence presents it self. Is that a cultural thing or just him. But on a lighter note, when I am having a terrible day and ranting to no end, he can zero in on the main issue of my distress and just soothe me and calm my spirit. I have never had such man like him in all of my life. In the midst of it all, I count my blessings and thank God every day for creating him just for me.

Okay, next speaker to the mic!