Loving the African male

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

How long did they say it would take to receive the book from CB books distribution?

Zain my husband and I agree that our 1st responsibility is to each other and other lil ones that we may be blessed with, so we have in mind to add aid to his family in our budget but our responisibility to each other comes first . But I didnt know till reading the book that this was something to be expected. I just thought it was my husbands thing. See here in us if my bro or sister wants money all the time from me I would get mad but the book helped me to see it from a different perspective his family doesnt have the same prospects that my family does and a little help goes a long way there. I just had to get the right view and it was easier to see why we need to have it added to our budget.

I'll have to read more about what it says when I finally get the book. I really feel like helping is mom and dad is a no brainer. I help my own mom out. It's just giving back. But his brothers and sisters are on their own unless there is an emergency. They won't have a line in my budget. I feel they are old enough to get work. Maybe I'm being callous and short sighted.

[His Glory 25]

Zain

I agree with you about emergency. He has the same mind as me. If they are in need he will help but there are some nieces of his that were abandoned by there father so he regularly gives to his sister who is raising them. His brother is at the cape coast university and needs help once in awhile. I dont mind. If my brother-in-law ever comes to the states with the education he is getting he will make good money and he would be more than willing to help us if it came to that.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

Zain

I agree with you about emergency. He has the same mind as me. If they are in need he will help but there are some nieces of his that were abandoned by there father so he regularly gives to his sister who is raising them. His brother is at the cape coast university and needs help once in awhile. I dont mind. If my brother-in-law ever comes to the states with the education he is getting he will make good money and he would be more than willing to help us if it came to that.

I hear what you are saying. Abass is from a big family like many Africans, I think, though I may be stereotyping. He has 5 brothers and 2 sisters. One of his sisters and I are like sisters. We have become very close and talk all the time. I talk to her more and more intimately than I do my blood sisters. All of his brothers are working or searching for work except for one brother. This one is younger than us, but he is 30 years old, so not by much. He's always hanging out with friends. When one of his friends has to go to work, he finds another friend to play with. If he asks for anything, he'll get a lecture. So, I'm all about helping out, if we can, and if it's truly warranted. But most important of all, is that Bassi and I spoke about this ahead of time. We are open about communicating about things in our marriage, though he hates it if I appear to be getting "excited". He doesn't like arguing in the manner I'm accustomed to....he's no fun!

[We_Destiny 1]

Zain

I agree with you about emergency. He has the same mind as me. If they are in need he will help but there are some nieces of his that were abandoned by there father so he regularly gives to his sister who is raising them. His brother is at the cape coast university and needs help once in awhile. I dont mind. If my brother-in-law ever comes to the states with the education he is getting he will make good money and he would be more than willing to help us if it came to that.

I hear what you are saying. Abass is from a big family like many Africans, I think, though I may be stereotyping. He has 5 brothers and 2 sisters. One of his sisters and I are like sisters. We have become very close and talk all the time. I talk to her more and more intimately than I do my blood sisters. All of his brothers are working or searching for work except for one brother. This one is younger than us, but he is 30 years old, so not by much. He's always hanging out with friends. When one of his friends has to go to work, he finds another friend to play with. If he asks for anything, he'll get a lecture. So, I'm all about helping out, if we can, and if it's truly warranted. But most important of all, is that Bassi and I spoke about this ahead of time. We are open about communicating about things in our marriage, though he hates it if I appear to be getting "excited". He doesn't like arguing in the manner I'm accustomed to....he's no fun!

Girl tell me about it. Having to think about what you are saying when in an argument is soooo hard. Actually, for me it is a newly aquired skill, and I am greatful of being cured from my Tourettes Syndrome episodes (it could get real ugly) . I am still working on the rambling but hey it's a process .

[ForeverAmen 0]

I am greatful of being cured from my Tourettes Syndrome episodes (it could get real ugly) .

You are stepping on my toes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can totally relate. But thank God for deliverence! He is still working on me, and I'm taking it one day at a time. Especially considering that my husband just mainly sits still and remains quite.

Edited January 12, 2008 by Boaz

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

Girl tell me about it. Having to think about what you are saying when in an argument is soooo hard. Actually, for me it is a newly aquired skill, and I am greatful of being cured from my Tourettes Syndrome episodes (it could get real ugly) . I am still working on the rambling but hey it's a process .

My argument style is listen to me for 45 minutes then you have 4 minutes to respond!

He sits there silently and boy does that PISS ME OFF!!!

[Ta Ta 1]

Girl tell me about it. Having to think about what you are saying when in an argument is soooo hard. Actually, for me it is a newly aquired skill, and I am greatful of being cured from my Tourettes Syndrome episodes (it could get real ugly) . I am still working on the rambling but hey it's a process .

My argument style is listen to me for 45 minutes then you have 4 minutes to respond!

He sits there silently and boy does that PISS ME OFF!!!

[We_Destiny 1]

My argument style is listen to me for 45 minutes then you have 4 minutes to respond!

He sits there silently and boy does that PISS ME OFF!!!

You give four minutes, your a saint . That silent ####### is the pits , but I sometimes become in awe of his ability to keep his composure.

See ladies we are so used to men that will argue and scream with us . Now were dealing with men and this silence #######. We get more angry than we did with the male screamers.

[Ta Ta 1]

To rally in the troops about this book......... I thought we can wait a bit longer until most everyone has received the book and then discuss it

chapter by chapter.

Maybe next week start with the foreword where he gives his background. Any suggestions ? Or just everyone add something about whatever chapter they are reading whenever ? Feedback please B)

[Ta Ta 1]

My argument style is listen to me for 45 minutes then you have 4 minutes to respond!

He sits there silently and boy does that PISS ME OFF!!!

You give four minutes, your a saint . That silent ####### is the pits , but I sometimes become in awe of his ability to keep his composure.

See ladies we are so used to men that will argue and scream with us . Now were dealing with men and this silence #######. We get more angry than we did with the male screamers.

Wow mine does that too.......he informed me that whenever he gets very upset I will find him very, very quiet.

I prefer it though because I need to calm down.

[Ta Ta 1]

Question that is NOT brought out in the book but very relevant.

What about ' saving face ' . Like something happend that he is embarrassed about and now he beats around the bush, saving face.

There was a whole thread about this from someone with a Thai SO and it was very interesting.

I think the same goes for the African culture..........a kind of unspoken understanding something something, don't know how to even verbalize it

or formulate my question correctly ......lol.

[His Glory 25]

Girl tell me about it. Having to think about what you are saying when in an argument is soooo hard. Actually, for me it is a newly aquired skill, and I am greatful of being cured from my Tourettes Syndrome episodes (it could get real ugly) . I am still working on the rambling but hey it's a process .

My argument style is listen to me for 45 minutes then you have 4 minutes to respond!

He sits there silently and boy does that PISS ME OFF!!!

Oh my gosh! This is just like my husband, at first. Im used to things happening a certain way....I get mad and loud and then you get made and loud back and then we calm down and make up. Imagine our first argument and he was just quite and calm. I guess he didnt know how it was supposed to go...its sort of dance, if you will. It made me even more mad....do I have to teach him everything? Guess so, cause now we go at it pretty proper Cept the make up part is not as sweet when we are not together. Reminds me in the book about how he couldnt understand why we throw things and slams doors.

[JJWashington 0]

My argument style is listen to me for 45 minutes then you have 4 minutes to respond!

He sits there silently and boy does that PISS ME OFF!!!

You give four minutes, your a saint . That silent ####### is the pits , but I sometimes become in awe of his ability to keep his composure.

See ladies we are so used to men that will argue and scream with us . Now were dealing with men and this silence #######. We get more angry than we did with the male screamers.

Wow mine does that too.......he informed me that whenever he gets very upset I will find him very, very quiet.

I prefer it though because I need to calm down.

My husband is the exact same way. He remains calm and I am finding myself actually learning to "calm myself" more quickly, which I think helps ALOT

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

To rally in the troops about this book......... I thought we can wait a bit longer until most everyone has received the book and then discuss it

chapter by chapter.

Maybe next week start with the foreword where he gives his background. Any suggestions ? Or just everyone add something about whatever chapter they are reading whenever ? Feedback please B)

I emailed and asked Carol at CB how long it would take to get us the books and she said about two weeks.

I like the free for all, because some things will strike me stronger than others. I'm sure I'll read chapters and have NO input at all. But I'll go with whatever the majority opinion is.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

Question that is NOT brought out in the book but very relevant.

What about ' saving face ' . Like something happend that he is embarrassed about and now he beats around the bush, saving face.

There was a whole thread about this from someone with a Thai SO and it was very interesting.

I think the same goes for the African culture..........a kind of unspoken understanding something something, don't know how to even verbalize it

or formulate my question correctly ......lol.

Bassi beats the damn bush to death!!!

God bless him....eventually he gets to it, but it takes FOREVER. And whenever I interrupt to try to speed it along because I get it....he says, "Baby wait, Let me land. I'm getting there, just let me land." I'm ready to shoot the airplane down! That'll get it to land. I've noticed though that he'll only address it with me or with his parents. If it's between he and his siblings or his friends, forget it! He's not giving an inch. He'll just fall silent on the issue. Stubborn as a mule!