Loving the African male

[ebonyqueen 0]

WOW....I guess the issue was resolved as I was posting my $0.02.....go figure!!!!

THANK YOU!

[Ta Ta 1]

Nice guy who has been here in the US now for 25 years and has fought in the Desert Storm for our freedom.

He was pleasant to talk to on the phone so don't hesitate to call and order directly from him.

His first wife past away so he has his experiences to draw from several relationships. There is a pic of him and his cute little baby boy

on his lap, so he also has insight into the cultural differences in child rearing. He has great respect for his elders and thinks we should abolish all nursing homes and take our parents into our homes when they no longercan be on their own.

I like that about the African culture but how to do that here ? Who will take care of them here if we have to go to work and pay the mortgage ?

He states he faithfully sends a certain amount of money to his village every month and for the American wife to offer that once in a while on her own goes a long way.

He even touched on the red flags and green card scam and admonishes on other issues to throughly check your man out and then when you

have made the decision to trust that it will all work out and be optimistic.

I found it interesting to read on the early gender separation and how it evolves into the nature of the "invisible wives" where the separation

takes a new dimension and how this role modeling affects the African male today.

I liked how he calls on his fellow African brothers to be faithful , learn and compromise.

[Ta Ta 1]

And thank you everyone who has favorably encouraged the continuance of the discussion of the book content.

I really think it can be very helpful......besides it is fun to talk about what everyone gets out of it and what speaks to us and maybe what we have

already experienced or what we consider a real challenge and even what we didn't like reading about.

[Simply_Uno 1]

Salutations to all,

I, regretably, am not in a position to add another book to my reading list, with Joyce Meyers, Stormie Omartian, Joel Olsteen, and school, (you get the picture), is any one able to give me a brief synopsis of his major key points for the book?

One more thing before I go, has any one read the book in its entirety, analyzed his perspective, meditated on the content and found any of his insights/opinions to be credible or applicable to their current relationship?

thank you.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

Before I start, I apologize for derailing the thread and hope you all accept my sincere apology.

Okay, I also like the fact that African culture supports taking care of the elderly. And we can do it here. I do it. It takes a village, just like with our children. My mother (she's disabled) and grandmother live in a house together. We supplement their income as a family and those living nearby take turns driving them, taking them to appointments and things of the sort. Someone visits daily as well. Now, I have a large family and a large close knit extended family. I suppose it could be an issue for small families, only children, or people who aren't close to their extended families.

About the money issue, have people on VJ had discussions about that? Bassi and I have discussed it and agreed to send home money to his mother and father monthly. I was wondering if others have done anything similar or had any discussions. We are planning once he gets here to have a discussion with his sister in Holland cause she also sends money home to his mom and dad, but not on a regular basis, just whenever she has extra or they need something in particular.

Nice guy who has been here in the US now for 25 years and has fought in the Desert Storm for our freedom.

He was pleasant to talk to on the phone so don't hesitate to call and order directly from him.

His first wife past away so he has his experiences to draw from several relationships. There is a pic of him and his cute little baby boy

on his lap, so he also has insight into the cultural differences in child rearing. He has great respect for his elders and thinks we should abolish all nursing homes and take our parents into our homes when they no longercan be on their own.

I like that about the African culture but how to do that here ? Who will take care of them here if we have to go to work and pay the mortgage ?

He states he faithfully sends a certain amount of money to his village every month and for the American wife to offer that once in a while on her own goes a long way.

He even touched on the red flags and green card scam and admonishes on other issues to throughly check your man out and then when you

have made the decision to trust that it will all work out and be optimistic.

I found it interesting to read on the early gender separation and how it evolves into the nature of the "invisible wives" where the separation

takes a new dimension and how this role modeling affects the African male today.

I liked how he calls on his fellow African brothers to be faithful , learn and compromise.

[Ta Ta 1]

Salutations to all,

I, regretably, am not in a position to add another book to my reading list, with Joyce Meyers, Stormie Omartian, Joel Olsteen, and school, (you get the picture), is any one able to give me a brief synopsis of his major key points for the book?

One more thing before I go, has any one read the book in its entirety, analyzed his perspective, meditated on the content and found any of his insights/opinions to be credible or applicable to their current relationship?

thank you.

Welcome Uno to this thread.

I am almost done with the book. It is an easy read.

I love Joyce Meyers by the way and have her books and tapes ( and TD Jakes ! ).

Yes, I analyze his perspective as I read , I do that to all the books I read , I savor it, meditate on what he says and

yes I apply it where approriate and do not apply it where I felt it is inapropriate for me as a Christian. This is a secular book and some pages I wholeheartily disagree with as a Christian. It is like stew, pick the best stuff out and digest it and spit the bad parts out. Like everything else in life, we can only take in what we feel is good for us.

I applied something I already knew but was reminded of in the book ...... my tendency to overtalk when I feel passionate

about a subjest with my SO. I just ramble on and on and he is like are you finished now ? Or he

just has a long silence when I finally am finished. When we have an argument ....forget it I am like a run away caboose.

Poor guy ! I am learning though ! And really I think of the ticking minutes and ching ching dollars of the phone bill.

So I try to get it ALL in rambling.

Reading the book reminds me of his upbringing where the woman were quiet more or less but didnt carry on like I am with my sometimes big mouth.

I want to be more respectful in that way. There are many other things, just keep reading and I will share them. Got to go to work now.

[Ta Ta 1]

Zainab, about the elderly issue I agree with you. However I am an only child and my mother refused to come here and she is now all alone at age 93

and still living by herself. It makes me crazy. I can't leave my life here now and go back there to care for her so I do all I can with 1-2 visits

and long distance arrangements. It is very, very hard. I have debt and a mortgage.

I have to work to survive and can't just up and leave. But with extended family everyone can pull together, I wish I had that.

We will send money monthly to Africa for Stephen's daughter until she will join us. Most of his family has been murdered in the war so

there are no in laws, sisters or brothers or parents, a few extended family members, a step brother but otherwise very few. We do have several

great friends there we will occassionaly help out and the church. We have always agreed on financial issues but since we are not together yet

that all can change

[Ta Ta 1]

As the author puts it there is no way money will not be send over and we have to accept and respect that. It is the way it is.

That is our compromise and sacrifice to our African man.

More to follow later.

[chispas 0]

Yes excellent idea. I tried to order at Amazon and it was out of stock. I ordered from C and B Books. It allowed me to use paypal so I did not have to use a credit card with an unknown site.

http://www.cbbooksdistribution.com/suggfeb07.html

This is where I ended up ordering my copy too.

Yeah, so I ordered this book last night and this morning I got an e-mail that they did not recieve my payment for shipping and handling. They had a screwy system, but anyways, you can pay with Paypal, which is awesome. Don't know if anyone else had the same problem but just a heads up

I just had the same thing happen to me. Got an email saying that I didn't pay for shipping. Did you go back and choose a different receiver the for shipping?

[Zee Bee 61]

Yes excellent idea. I tried to order at Amazon and it was out of stock. I ordered from C and B Books. It allowed me to use paypal so I did not have to use a credit card with an unknown site.

http://www.cbbooksdistribution.com/suggfeb07.html

This is where I ended up ordering my copy too.

Yeah, so I ordered this book last night and this morning I got an e-mail that they did not recieve my payment for shipping and handling. They had a screwy system, but anyways, you can pay with Paypal, which is awesome. Don't know if anyone else had the same problem but just a heads up

I just had the same thing happen to me. Got an email saying that I didn't pay for shipping. Did you go back and choose a different receiver the for shipping?

If you go to Paypal, go to "Send Money" and you should be able to enter the e-mail address for the book store. It should come up a a recognized Paypal member and then just put the amount to send as $4.75.

[chispas 0]

gracias

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

How long did they say it would take to receive the book from CB books distribution?

[chispas 0]

I didn't get a date. I chose regular shipping.

[His Glory 25]

How long did they say it would take to receive the book from CB books distribution?

Zain my husband and I agree that our 1st responsibility is to each other and other lil ones that we may be blessed with, so we have in mind to add aid to his family in our budget but our responisibility to each other comes first . But I didnt know till reading the book that this was something to be expected. I just thought it was my husbands thing. See here in us if my bro or sister wants money all the time from me I would get mad but the book helped me to see it from a different perspective his family doesnt have the same prospects that my family does and a little help goes a long way there. I just had to get the right view and it was easier to see why we need to have it added to our budget.

[idocare 3]

Omoba

NO Book or counseling will help when a man/woman wants out of a relationship.

however wouldn't be too bad to read for those that want a nigerian man point of view.