Loving the African male

[Enlighten one :) 5]

<H2 class=date-header>Second Review of the book. All things I heard from people that were attacked for voicing their opinion by just analytical thinking.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007</H2><H3 class="post-title entry-title"><A href="http://feministreview.blogspot.com/2007/08/loving-african-male-what-every-woman.html">Loving the African Male: What Every Woman Must Know </H3>

By Pete “Oil King” Agbo

Coal City Entertainment

Pete “Oil King” Agbo’s guide on how American women can learn to love African immigrant men uses a conversational style to reminisce on his upbringing in Nigeria, his culture shock upon arriving in America, and the hardships, arguments and misunderstandings he has experienced and witnessed through his 25 years in the United States. While he intersperses these anecdotes throughout the book, the advice and cultural tips he offers are organized into sections: from dating advice and what to expect during sex to meeting the parents and raising children; complete with some recipes and an epilogue directed to other African men in America.

While this book clearly originates from a place of good will, its many shortcomings prevent me from recommending it for anything more than a superficial account of one man’s story migrating to and finding success in America.

First, the writing is generally weak and needs thorough editing. It contains many typos and formatting errors, and repeats similar statements—sometimes verbatim—multiple times throughout. The lack in stylistic tightness accounts for a lack in depth and exploration of the need to “love the African male.”

More sinister than the writing style of the book is the attitude behind it and the effects such a book might have. I have serious doubts that one middle-class Nigerian man’s personal anecdotes can speak to the multi-faceted racial, ethnic and cultural makeup of men throughout all of Africa, from Ethiopia to Morocco. Drawing from his memories of the '60s and '70s, he paints the gender dynamic in Africa as stark and disempowering. Many of his “tips” only explain why African men might act domineering, distant or even violent, and then quickly ask for women to be “patient.”

The most disturbing aspect of this book is that it is exactly what the American public wants to hear—that Africans are backwards and need our benevolent patience to become enlightened around gender. Considering the rich writing on masculinity, race and transnational cultures, this book is misguided and out of place. It undermines both immigrant communities in the United States and the home-grown feminist movements of Africa. The: don’t sniff food (it’s rude) and do not give people things with the left (or “unclean”) hand.

Perhaps Agbo might have done better writing a straightforward memoir or even a “how to” book for African men wanting to date American women. While the topic of intercultural dating, and specifically African/American dating certainly needs more exploration I am afraid engaged feminist readers will have to look elsewhere.

Review by k. terumi shorb

[Kanyiri 0]

This will be off topic. So I ask your forgiveness in advance ...... thank you.

Sorry - but I must get this off my chest ..........

Whether or not someone decides to read this book; whether or not you think the book is/is not helpful; whether or not you find the authors view points to be worthy; PLEASE be respectful of individuals rights to have an opinion.

It really concerns me that continously we are all in harmony as long as we are seeing eye to eye. People!!! What are you going to do when your SO arrives and his/her way of handling a task is totally different than what you've always known? Is it going to turn into a Cat Fight like it does here? Seriously!!! Some of you appear to be highly educated, and well exposed individuals. But yet you choose to rip an individual apart the moment they do not agree with your thoughts. Come on!!

OK ....

Honestly. Both those characterizing themselves as the good guys and those being characterized as the bad guys need to step back for a moment and read what they have written.

I've posted on these boards for quite some time and have seen some nasty little exchanges of words but this is the most disheartening.

[Ta Ta 1]

This thread will be closed.

I wish you all a good visa journey !

Cheers !

[forchika 4]

Sorry Omoba that the thread has to be closed, I think there was nothing wrong with posting it, and doing a review of the book.... too bad it went the way it did and we could not stay on topic , I thought it was something fun and it would also , help take away some of the stress for those who are currently on the visa journey or those that just wanted to participate..... .

[Simply_Uno 1]

Salutations to you all.

every one here, or most every one claims "christianity" or higher power guidance. we all know what "sin" is, it is knowledge of right and still doing wrong. I am truly not trying to jugde or condemn. if you all take the time to read the verse I have posted below, maybe you all can correct your errors.

Every thing is to be done with a "servants heart"

Romans 14:20-22 (New International Version)

20Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a man to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. 21It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother to fall.

22So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the man who does not condemn himself by what he approves.

p.s. yes, I double posted my reply.

Edited January 19, 2008 by unononehigher

[Enlighten one :) 5]

I posted two reviews of a book people are discussing. One was a positive review and one was a negative. I am not off topic in this forum. It is a review of the book. I have not touched this forum until I came across book review. The book in subject.

I read in a post to me from one of the book club member "did you read any reviews". I found a couple and posted them. This can also help in the discussion of the book where one might agree or disagree with the book.

Why does everyone take stuff personal or assign meaning to someones purpose for posting.

So the book club is being closed , because I posted two reviews of the book? I guess I am asking this because of Uno's post.

I do not want to assign meaning or make assumptions. WOW, I can see how scary it can get posting in the African sub Sahara forum.

So now I am a sinner, because I posted two book reviews. What do you think my purpose was to posting the good review and the bad review? I do not want to get off topic, but I feel this assignment of meaning takes the forum off topic.

I give up, because I am tired of people picking apart a piece of my post. I am tired of defending my post or myself. People respond condescendingly not inquisitively.

For examply/// Missy I can see why you can make that assertion regarding the authors website, but I have to disagree with you on your points. What is your meaning behind the authors choice of clothing that makes you chose to not read the book?

Well maybe I was being a little hasty with assumptions when I visited his website, but i guess I was expecting something different so I was shocked at what I discovered. I should not had made an assumption. I think that is where i made my mistake. Sorry if it confused people.

No my post was picked apart and ridiculed, which lead me to defend myself in a way I was not proud of, because I stooped to the level of people attacking me.

I am not where I need to be, but I thank god I am not where I used to be.

Salutations to you all.

every one here, or most every one claims "christianity" or higher power guidance. we all know what "sin" is, it is knowledge of right and still doing wrong. I am truly not trying to jugde or condemn. if you all take the time to read the verse I have posted below, maybe you all can correct your errors.

Every thing is to be done with a "servants heart"

Romans 14:20-22 (New International Version)

20Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a man to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. 21It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother to fall.

22So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the man who does not condemn himself by what he approves.

p.s. yes, I double posted my reply.

Edited January 19, 2008 by MrsJibowu

[Simply_Uno 1]

I posted two reviews of a book people are discussing. One was a positive review and one was a negative. I am not off topic in this forum. It is a review of the book. I have not touched this forum until I came across book review. The book in subject.

I read in a post to me from one of the book club member "did you read any reviews". I found a couple and posted them. This can also help in the discussion of the book where one might agree or disagree with the book.

Why does everyone take stuff personal or assign meaning to someones purpose for posting.

So the book club is being closed , because I posted two reviews of the book? I guess I am asking this because of Uno's post.

I do not want to assign meaning or make assumptions. WOW, I can see how scary it can get posting in the African sub Sahara forum.

So now I am a sinner, because I posted two book reviews. What do you think my purpose was to posting the good review and the bad review? I do not want to get off topic, but I feel this assignment of meaning takes the forum off topic.

I give up, because I am tired of people picking apart a piece of my post. I am tired of defending my post or myself. People respond condescendingly not inquisitively.

For examply/// Missy I can see why you can make that assertion regarding the authors website, but I have to disagree with you on your points. What is your meaning behind the authors choice of clothing that makes you chose to not read the book?

Well maybe I was being a little hasty with assumptions when I visited his website, but i guess I was expecting something different so I was shocked at what I discovered. I should not had made an assumption. I think that is where i made my mistake. Sorry if it confused people.

No my post was picked apart and ridiculed, which lead me to defend myself in a way I was not proud of, because I stooped to the level of people attacking me.

I am not where I need to be, but I thank god I am not where I used to be.

Salutations to you all.

every one here, or most every one claims "christianity" or higher power guidance. we all know what "sin" is, it is knowledge of right and still doing wrong. I am truly not trying to jugde or condemn. if you all take the time to read the verse I have posted below, maybe you all can correct your errors.

Every thing is to be done with a "servants heart"

Romans 14:20-22 (New International Version)

20Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a man to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. 21It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother to fall.

22So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the man who does not condemn himself by what he approves.

p.s. yes, I double posted my reply.

First of all, from a christian stand point, we are all a "sinner" so don't go persecuting your self on my behalf. And I posted to attempt to restore the order. Next, I never commented on any of your posts. I, personally, don't care if you or any one reads the book, but if someone does, I will be more than happy to "glean" some wisdom from their inmputs. Thank you very much.

Next person to the mic!

[Captain Ewok 1,900]

This topic has been closed per the request of the original poster. Thank you for your understanding.