Loving the African male

[forchika 4]

So, has anyone gotten their book yet? I am getting imnpatient waiting for mine. They are freaking NJ!!! I could have driven there to get my book.

The wait is driving me crazy also!!!!!!

Hmm...looking at all the food comments had me thinking that it would be a good idea to start a recipes thread seeing as there seem to be a lot of good suggestions out there. I know there was another thread where some people posted websites.

What do people think?

Great idea!!!!!!

[chispas 0]

No book yet for me

[Simply_Uno 1]

It's not the disagreeing part, it's the ripping into each other part.

It's such a fine line. I get so caught up in my own thoughts and words sometimes that I come across too strongly. I've eaten more crow then I ever thought possible.

Does crow and kenkey go together?

So far, this one is pretty tame compared to some things I have read on this board.

Whenever I feel really ready to vent about what someone said, I go to the MENA thread. Those ladies on there teach me patience and holding my tongue all the time. They are incredibly gracious.

[*JG* 2]

It's not the disagreeing part, it's the ripping into each other part.

It's such a fine line. I get so caught up in my own thoughts and words sometimes that I come across too strongly. I've eaten more crow then I ever thought possible.

Does crow and kenkey go together?

So far, this one is pretty tame compared to some things I have read on this board.

Whenever I feel really ready to vent about what someone said, I go to the MENA thread. Those ladies on there teach me patience and holding my tongue all the time. They are incredibly gracious.

You will have to answer that one for ME!

Andre would just serve it with some white rice!!!!!

[Ta Ta 1]

This will be off topic. So I ask your forgiveness in advance ...... thank you.

Sorry - but I must get this off my chest ..........

Whether or not someone decides to read this book; whether or not you think the book is/is not helpful; whether or not you find the authors view points to be worthy; PLEASE be respectful of individuals rights to have an opinion.

It really concerns me that continously we are all in harmony as long as we are seeing eye to eye. People!!! What are you going to do when your SO arrives and his/her way of handling a task is totally different than what you've always known? Is it going to turn into a Cat Fight like it does here? Seriously!!! Some of you appear to be highly education, and well exposed individuals. But yet you choose to rip an individual apart the moment they do not agree with your thoughts. Come on!!

OK ....

This doesn't relate to my SO because if I'm taking a bubble bath and he doesn't like bubbles he doesn't go into a diatribe about why he doesn't like bubbles. He respects that I like them and moves on. It would be an issue if I tried to force him to like everything I like. However, I respect what you said. This is a public forum. I will have to learn ignore the regular unsolicited sharing of opinions that make me see fire and I apologize for anything offensive I may have posted.

Yes, we could ignore the onslaught but then the thread would get derailed like the last time. I received a pm from Ewok after the last splitt to remind everyone to stay on topic as the OP of the thread.

I chose to do that with a lengthy post to state my opinion that the books content was to be discussed and not his credentials

attacked.

If I read an opinion I also have the right to again voice my own opinion instead of ignoring it to keep on topic.

I don't respond to every hiccup in this thread but this I felt needed to be addressed or we will go in circles and derail over and over.

Zainab, there was nothing offensive that you have posted. If I offended anyone please take it to the pm and lets talk.

I am blunt and straightforward but do not rip anyone apart and try to be respectful. Nothing wrong with a heated but respectful

discussion to clear the air.

[Ta Ta 1]

The recipe thread is a great idea. For general chit chat we can also start a thread just to stay in touch without having to stay on a specific topic.

[ForeverAmen 0]

This will be off topic. So I ask your forgiveness in advance ...... thank you.

Sorry - but I must get this off my chest ..........

Whether or not someone decides to read this book; whether or not you think the book is/is not helpful; whether or not you find the authors view points to be worthy; PLEASE be respectful of individuals rights to have an opinion.

It really concerns me that continously we are all in harmony as long as we are seeing eye to eye. People!!! What are you going to do when your SO arrives and his/her way of handling a task is totally different than what you've always known? Is it going to turn into a Cat Fight like it does here? Seriously!!! Some of you appear to be highly education, and well exposed individuals. But yet you choose to rip an individual apart the moment they do not agree with your thoughts. Come on!!

OK ....

This doesn't relate to my SO because if I'm taking a bubble bath and he doesn't like bubbles he doesn't go into a diatribe about why he doesn't like bubbles. He respects that I like them and moves on. It would be an issue if I tried to force him to like everything I like. However, I respect what you said. This is a public forum. I will have to learn ignore the regular unsolicited sharing of opinions that make me see fire and I apologize for anything offensive I may have posted.

Yes, we could ignore the onslaught but then the thread would get derailed like the last time. I received a pm from Ewok after the last splitt to remind everyone to stay on topic as the OP of the thread.

I chose to do that with a lengthy post to state my opinion that the books content was to be discussed and not his credentials

attacked.

If I read an opinion I also have the right to again voice my own opinion instead of ignoring it to keep on topic.

I don't respond to every hiccup in this thread but this I felt needed to be addressed or we will go in circles and derail over and over.

Zainab, there was nothing offensive that you have posted. If I offended anyone please take it to the pm and lets talk.

I am blunt and straightforward but do not rip anyone apart and try to be respectful. Nothing wrong with a heated but respectful

discussion to clear the air.

Thanks to everyone for the responses. In addition to what I've mentioned, I like best what Jomo's girl stated "it's the ripping into each other". Nevertheless, (at the moment) I will not use the time nor energy to repeat what I've mentioned in very clear English. Nevertheless, in case it was over looked

"Whether or not someone decides to read this book; whether or not you think the book is/is not helpful; whether or not you find the authors view points to be worthy; PLEASE be respectful of individuals rights to have an opinion.

Zainab - personally I did not take offsense to anything you've said. My comments are not directed to any specific individual; or point of view. My statement is what it is ...... let's not start attacking someone because they have a different opinion. This applies to all of us, myself included.

Omoba - yes, as you've stated you do "have the right to again voice my own opinion instead of ignoring it to keep on topic". Once again ..... my comments are not directed to any specific individual, or point of view.

In summary - let's stop the attacks.

Any questions/comments feel free to PM me. My intentions are not to derail the thread.

Oh by the way - remember the Terms of Service as established by Ewok!

Edited January 18, 2008 by Boaz

[chispas 0]

Yes, we could ignore the onslaught but then the thread would get derailed like the last time. I received a pm from Ewok after the last splitt to remind everyone to stay on topic as the OP of the thread.

Thanks for putting this in your note. I feel it was necessary for everyone to know that the OP has the responsibility of keeping everyone on the topic that was started.

[Perseverance 1]

This will be off topic. So I ask your forgiveness in advance ...... thank you.

Sorry - but I must get this off my chest ..........

Whether or not someone decides to read this book; whether or not you think the book is/is not helpful; whether or not you find the authors view points to be worthy; PLEASE be respectful of individuals rights to have an opinion.

It really concerns me that continously we are all in harmony as long as we are seeing eye to eye. People!!! What are you going to do when your SO arrives and his/her way of handling a task is totally different than what you've always known? Is it going to turn into a Cat Fight like it does here? Seriously!!! Some of you appear to be highly education, and well exposed individuals. But yet you choose to rip an individual apart the moment they do not agree with your thoughts. Come on!!

OK ....

This doesn't relate to my SO because if I'm taking a bubble bath and he doesn't like bubbles he doesn't go into a diatribe about why he doesn't like bubbles. He respects that I like them and moves on. It would be an issue if I tried to force him to like everything I like. However, I respect what you said. This is a public forum. I will have to learn ignore the regular unsolicited sharing of opinions that make me see fire and I apologize for anything offensive I may have posted.

Yes, we could ignore the onslaught but then the thread would get derailed like the last time. I received a pm from Ewok after the last splitt to remind everyone to stay on topic as the OP of the thread.

I chose to do that with a lengthy post to state my opinion that the books content was to be discussed and not his credentials

attacked.

If I read an opinion I also have the right to again voice my own opinion instead of ignoring it to keep on topic.

I don't respond to every hiccup in this thread but this I felt needed to be addressed or we will go in circles and derail over and over.

Zainab, there was nothing offensive that you have posted. If I offended anyone please take it to the pm and lets talk.

I am blunt and straightforward but do not rip anyone apart and try to be respectful. Nothing wrong with a heated but respectful

discussion to clear the air.

Thanks to everyone for the responses. In addition to what I've mentioned, I like best what Jomo's girl stated "it's the ripping into each other". Nevertheless, (at the moment) I will not use the time nor energy to repeat what I've mentioned in very clear English. Nevertheless, in case it was over looked

"Whether or not someone decides to read this book; whether or not you think the book is/is not helpful; whether or not you find the authors view points to be worthy; PLEASE be respectful of individuals rights to have an opinion.

Zainab - personally I did not take offsense to anything you've said. My comments are not directed to any specific individual; or point of view. My statement is what it is ...... let's not start attacking someone because they have a different opinion. This applies to all of us, myself included.

Omoba - yes, as you've stated you do "have the right to again voice my own opinion instead of ignoring it to keep on topic". Once again ..... my comments are not directed to any specific individual, or point of view.

In summary - let's stop the attacks.

Any questions/comments feel free to PM me. My intentions are not to derail the thread.

Oh by the way - remember the Terms of Service as established by Ewok!

While yes everyone is entitiled to thier opinion it is frusterating for those of us who HAVE actually read the book, when judgements and opinions are formed not out of fact but out of assumptions. Even more frusterating when those assumptions are formed from a picture from the cover of the book. Since this thread is about discussing the book it is "crazy making" to read such comments that have nothing to do with the contents of the book. It is your choice to not read the book based on your own assumptions, great, good for you, but do you have to come into this thread and de-rail it? An opinion can be expressed without being nasty. I am the first to admit that I was one of the first to "take off the gloves" and defend the author (last post of the split thread) I felf compelled to defend him after he was being repeatedly "thrown under the bus" and for what his picture? Hopefully we can stay on topic about the contents of the book. Best Wishes and happy reading should you choose to do so.

[Perseverance 1]

I have to disagree with the fact that since the author has not been living in Nigeria for the past 25 years has no bearing on the fact if he is qualified to write a book based on American/Nigerian relationships. Again reading the book would shed some light on this doubt...but that is your choice not too.

Hopefully everyone will have thier books soon and we can get this discussion moving...it is an easy quick to read book.

[ogele 0]

The only thing I agreed with in your post is that before making a decision about the quality of a book, one should read the book. And I personally plan to do so. I respect that there are many who will not read the book for whatever reason, I don't respect premature or unfounded judgements based on ignorance.

I would also add that a thesis is based on fact which can then be backed up with research. Your post is a series of hypotheses based on your personal experiences and belief systems. Hypotheses based on your personal paradigm are little more than interesting stories. Hmmmm.....oddly similar to this book which you find personally useless. Perhaps you should write a book and we could read it?

The only thing I agreed with in your post is that before making a decision about the quality of a book, one should read the book. And I personally plan to do so. I respect that there are many who will not read the book for whatever reason, I don't respect premature or unfounded judgements based on ignorance.

I would also add that a thesis is based on fact which can then be backed up with research. Your post is a series of hypotheses based on your personal experiences and belief systems. Hypotheses based on your personal paradigm are little more than interesting stories. Hmmmm.....oddly similar to this book which you find personally useless. Perhaps you should write a book and we could read it?

I think that if you really read my post dispassionately,you may have reached a different conclusion than you put down here.There is a fallacy in discourses when a person's integrity or personality is attacked rather than the quality of his arguments.It is called an argumentum ad hominem.I do not engage in such nonsense,as it is beneath me.When a previous post criticized the author's Benz car and dark sunglasses,did you see me respond?Certainly not!The reason is that for the purpose you are reading his book(inter-cultural relations and adjustments)references to his wearing sunglasses or driving a Benz are inconsequential,even petty.My reason for posting was to find common ground between the two contrasting views of Omoba and Nixz-Chi(hope I got that right).If you prefer to raise up arms rather than find common ground in controversial issues,that is certainly within your right .But I hope that many out there do not discountenance what an African woman has to say regarding current trends with the thinking of his African brother.I know I don't,personally.I think that I clearly posed the teaser that whatever information in the book,anyone who want a balanced view in the end would do well to share their concerns on this forum.Where exactly did I reject the author's views?If you believe that Nigerians who have succeeded in life are waived from the cultural requirements of not wearing earings,you may not really know that country,and perhaps,many other parts of Africa.Even then,I stressed the importance to read the author's book.

Also,your reference to my "thesis" is most unfortunate.Again,which aspect of the so called hypothesis is unfounded?You would not know because you are not privy to the real thoughts,views,gossips and prejudices of many African communities at home and abroad.Trust me,for as long as you rise in attack of every single person who may suggest a balanced view,even let you in on certain guarded thoughts,you may never really know.Certain issues will always be kept secret from you.Sometimes,all you may see and feel will only be a scratch on the surface.It is in recognition of this that I suggested to those who can:join your SO's national or ethnic organizations.In the end,it is the African who truly knows the genuine reason why his or her kinsman has undertaken a journey.We all know from the moment a brother steps foot here from home when exactly he plans to bale from a marriage.No one will divulge this secret,the same way none ever reveals the secrets of the masquerade,but they may certainly steer you towards a path that can lead to such a freshly arrived spouse exclaim,"I never believed I would end up falling in love with her!"All of what you called my non-factual hypothesis remain solid facts.But again,I do not expect you to accept them,there is no price here.

Forgive me,but I have one more response to make and I am done for good on posting here.I wish you the best in your journey,and married life.

[JJWashington 0]

I have refrained from posting until now since I have not received my book yet.

I agree with Boaz that everyone needs to be cautious when stating disagreements. While one may not intend to be sarcastic, rude, etc., some of the posts sound this way. I can look at this objectively because I don't have an opinion. I understand what ogele and Nixz-Chi were trying to say, but I also understand what others were saying.

I am disappointed at some of the comments made to Ogele and Nixz-Chi. Yes, their posts were probably a bit off topic, but their comments were not totally unrelated, just not book content related. (Which has not started yet) I believe they were both simply trying to be helpful and join in the discussion.

I am not referring to any specific comment or poster. I receive alot of pms and many of them are complaints from certain VJ members who are afraid to post because they are afraid they will be "attacked."

Just something to think about - in my opinion.

[ogele 0]

Ogele, I believe you are taking this book way too seriously. It is not a master thesis and he is not a professor. His intent

is not educating the Nigerian audience , his intent is a light hearted sharing of how he found a compromising approach to

his relationship with Western woman. It is about him arriving in America and how by trial and error he became successful years later in merging two cultures in his realtionships. To him it is not all about his way or all about the American way but he is helpful in sharing what works for him and what didn't. It is not intented to "grab a staunchly traditionalist Nigerian audience to lecture on culture." No not at all.

I keep repeating myself that without reading the book no one will "get it " what the book conveys.

I stand on what I have said earlier, earings in the ear , even though shunned by his own people for that, is not an indicator

of how well his thoughts are captured on paper.

He has openly stated that he is being critisized for the way he choses to live his life by fellow Nigerians. That is nothing new to him.

This man has spend long periods of time away on the sea and his only socialisation was that of fellow Navy men for this country.

For you to enjoy your right to freedom and chose your own life style. I hope that counts for something to fight in a war to keep you save and free.

Not exactly the ideal way of life for the average traditional Nigerian. So he is americanised, that is his choice, yet still he has never forgotten where he came from and urges to keep culture alive in children. He does not see himself as a traditionalist but one who loves his country Nigeria but choses to merge with the Western culture and prefers Western woman. And that qualifies him to advice me on how he solved problems in his marriage.

That does not mean he does not embrace his roots. It means to him, he came to this country and appreciated the gift

of freedom to be whoever he chose to be in his own words and not let traditionalists force their values on him.

Obviously he was influenced by our Western ways and he decided he liked it.

It is not his intention to be a lecturer of traditional culture to fellow Nigerians but a help from his experience to Western woman

in relationships with African men. The little things in life..........who takes the trash out and why........who changes the babies diaper.........how long can Mom stay with us ......how much money do we send to the village to improve their community......practical small everyday things.

It is precisely this experience I want to hear because I am in it. I do not want to hear it from an African that has not been married to an American woman as he can not relate. I don't care if he is a professor !

There are times when I will draw from the cultural teachings of a traditional African as I have done in the past to shed light

on something I can not understand about my man.

That is a completely separate issue than this book of merging cultures. Traditionalists for the most part remain separate, they don't merge too easily and you have chosen an African woman. That is great. However there are all kinds of relationships and

not enough books have been written in this wonderful style by this author addressing our issues as American woman.

I want it from someone who has lived it for years ! I don't care what his credentials are or how he looks from the outside.

So please, do not take it as serious as an African studies class or an African lecture of deeper things. There is a place for that but not here in this thread. This is a light hearted book discussion to exchange issues, stories, challenges as Western woman with our African men.

Thank you for your input and graceful style of posting it and I respectfully have received and thoughts about it but feel it does not apply to the book. And no you have definitely not confused me with your post. I am very clear on what this book and this thread is about and the fun we are having coming together and the laughs we share here. I have received many pm's and people like this thread.

We realize we are not alone and relish in that common bond.

I want to get this back on topic as I feel I have given a sufficient background on the author and don't feel like I have to defend the author, his book or this thread constantly to people who do not wish to read the book.

So please let us get back to our easy going chit chat of everyday life with our guys to pass the time.

Thank you B)

Omoba:

First,I am categorically not taking this book seriously,at all.What I have taken seriously is my now misinformed desire to ensure that many out their have all the views and ideas needed to find happiness.You are right,this is not some scholarly work.But you are profoundly wrong if you accuse me of taking it as one.The way I write represents years of hardwork that has influenced my thought processes and how I articulate them for the public.I never write to impress.I write to convey my humble thoughts.I wish I could still write like I used to in elementary school,but then many would deride me as one more uneducated immigrant who needs to learn english.

This is your thread,and I respect that.It is precisely the reason why I will post this and be done for good on the Sub-Saharan Forum.I have been a regular browser on the forum since over a year now but I never posted until the alarming arguments on relationships gone sour.It occured to me that many here have no clue what they were getting themselves into,culture-wise.That was the advent of my posting to clarify certain misgivings and suggest paths that would help us all avoid the failed relatonship syndrome in the future.I see now that I have made a dumb error.Like the proverb goes,"the man who places himself between onions,will soon have the smell on him."

A few clarifications.I never suggested that the author was writing to a Nigerian audience.I used Nigeria because that is the closest unit of analysis I find that will not have me accused of generalizing.You consistently claim that he has served in Irag and defended the freedom I now enjoy enjoy.I salute him.May I also suggest that I have served in the United States Infantry,A Co 2ND Inf.Regiment,Fort Benning,Georgia was my initial baptism of fire.Many out there do not have the privelege to reveal much about themselves.But there are also those of us who took up arms in defense of this Republic,yet remain staunchly traditionalist.So,I fail to grasp your point there.My sister,the cyberspace is so impersonal that we are quick to attack anyone simply because we feel they are about to spread a virus.If you were sitting across a table from me,perhaps you may have responded differently.

Secondly,you may need to review what I posted previously.No mention was made about his wealth,his wearing glasses et al.That post was to mediate a common ground bewteen you and Nixz-Chi(I believe).Did you read my comment on believing that his lifestyle per se has nothing to do with his integrity, and that a well penned book always contains treasures?Did you read the part about a wholehearted reading of the book,and sharing the info on this forum for debate?Do these seem like a wholesale rejection of the author,an author whom I may perhaps know more personally than you?

Thirdly,the rest of your comments here went overboard and do have elements of taking things personal,whatever your reason.Please read on:

Quote:..........That does not mean he does not embrace his roots. It means to him, he came to this country and appreciated the gift

of freedom to be whoever he chose to be in his own words and not let traditionalists force their values on him.

Obviously he was influenced by our Western ways and he decided he liked it.It is not his intention to be a lecturer of traditional culture to fellow Nigerians but a help from his experience to Western woman. in relationships with African men. The little things in life..........who takes the trash out and why........who changes the babies diaper.........how long can Mom stay with us ......how much money do we send to the village to improve their community......practical small everyday things.It is precisely this experience I want to hear because I am in it. I do not want to hear it from an African that has not been married to an American woman as he can not relate. I don't care if he is a professor !

That is a completely separate issue than this book of merging cultures. Traditionalists for the most part remain separate, they don't merge too easily and you have chosen an African woman. That is great. However there are all kinds of relationships and

not enough books have been written in this wonderful style by this author addressing our issues as American womanlacy.

I want it from someone who has lived it for years ! I don't care what his credentials are or how he looks from the outside.

So please, do not take it as serious as an African studies class or an African lecture of deeper things. There is a place for that but not here in this thread.....unquote.

In my respons,no one said he does not embrace his roots.What I said is that experiences from even 5 years ago,may not work 100% with what the recently arrived African will be like.My sister,a good many of us changed diapers,mowed the lawn,while back home.It has nothing to do with being traditionalist.I think you mistake my term for a more strict observance of certain cultural moral codes with believing in gender equityAlso,you chose to not understand the context in which I used the anecdote of my professor.Traditionalists do not remain seperate.That is a fallacy.Traditionalist attempt to embrace and balance foreign cultures on the strong foundation of their own personal cultural values.Many who don't become conflicted,either in the present or as they age.Go visit African community organizations.There you will find all those so called "modernists" who suddenly switch their story.I am a Nigerian who has learned to speak english,japanese,spanish,french languages and cultures,while remaining rooted in my own culture.I have dated decent foreign women outside my race(if not I would not be praying for the success of your marriages),but I just wasn't ready for marriage at that time.If you strongly believe that reading this book and then discussing it among foreign significant others only will be the panacea,I wish you many blessings.As for me,I am done with the Sub-Saharan Forum as this postings have suddenly begin to cost me valuable time.I will now return to obtaining whatever info I need while remaining mute and invisible.

I truly wish you and everyone else,many blessings!

[forchika 4]

After all things said Ogele,I personally hope that you will stay and contribute to the African Sub-Saharan Forum. I like reading your post and have found them so informational. I think that you have so much more to contribute Please reconsider!!!!!!!!

[Enlighten one :) 5]

Review of the book discovered for those who do not have the book. Loving the African Male: What Every Woman MUST Know

Link to article : http://blackstarnews.com/?c=123&a=2845

Hey ladies, still haven’t found Mr. Right? Maybe Pete “Oil King†Agbo has the answer for you in his new book, Loving the African Male: What Every Woman MUST Know.

No doubt most of us have been curious about what it would be like to have a hot, chiseled hunk of Mandingo chocolate in our lives. Well sisters, Mr. Agbo has uncovered the secrets to landing and keeping that Black stallion you dream about in his new book, Loving the African Male: What Every Woman MUST Know. Cliché as it may sound ladies, be careful what you ask for because if you think you and your new boo are about to ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after just like a fantasy novel, think again.

According to Mr. Agbo, you've got a lot to learn about Loving the African Male, and believe me – the way Agbo tells it, it’s no American dream.

Nigerian born Pete “Oil King†Agbo, who came to the U.S. in 1982, feels that African American women need to be educated on how to accommodate African men.

In Agbo’s book, Loving the African Male: What Every Woman MUST Know, he depicts African men as coming from a culture where women had better be seen and not heard, are good for nothing but to cook food, clean house, make babies and be full-time servant – a duty that frequently includes being a warm host for the African man to satisfy his sexual appetite any time he pleases with absolutely no knowledge or concern for the woman’s need for mutual satisfaction.

"African men are quite unused to American women’s outspokenness. In my native country of Nigeria, women were seen and not heard. American women do not understand why an African male tends to be dismissive of a woman’s opinion. Many American women come from a comfortable world that they take for granted. This book helps broaden their perspectives on how cultural differences translate to behavior they may not understand,†Agbo explains.

Subsequently, one might ask why any woman in her right mind would have the desire to relinquish what Agbo calls a ‘comfortable world’ to be in a relationship with such a barbaric person as he describes.

Agbo’s Loving the African Male: What Every Woman MUST Know has the potential to quench a lot of curiosity regarding many African customs. From language barriers to dining etiquette, Agbo addresses the issues from real-life situations he has witnessed and/or experienced through dating African American women here in the United States. For example, once you get deeply involved with your African man, and you possibly decide to move in together, try asking your licorice love to take out the trash one day and you may, in his language, be asking for a painful lump on the head. In his book, Mr. Agbo teaches how to alleviate such possible misunderstandings during the dating process and throughout the African man/African American woman relationship.

According to Mr. Agbo, “The African male is not at all prepared for dating a woman who knows her mind and is not afraid to speak it.†Mr. Agbo says the African male doesn’t believe in wining and dining women or giving romantic gifts. So ladies, you can forget about those Valentine’s day Godivas or the long stemmed roses. And the dinner? You can forget that too, because on the rare occasion the two of you may go out to a restaurant to eat, you'd better be ready to pay the check because your boo doesn’t believe in "wasting" money on taking you out to nice places when he could use that money to buy himself a new pair of shoes and send the rest home to support his entire village.

And if somehow you do decide you’d like to become friends with this guy and see if a spark develops later on, you’d better be ready to put out on the first date or you’ll probably be seeing the last of him. You see, according to Agbo, if an African man comes to your house and you don’t put out, more than likely, he won’t waste his time coming back to see you again -- especially if it means shelling out gas money.

Full of facts and hopefully lots of fiction about what really goes on in some African communities, Loving the African Male: What Every Woman MUST Know is a must read to believe. See what Mr. Agbo has to say about hugging and kissing in African culture. What is your African love possibly hiding that can seriously concern you and how do you find out if he's hiding something and if so, what? What happens when your African man’s mother comes to visit (Whoo girls! this one's priceless.)? What can you expect from him between the sheets? What is your “place†when his friends come over? How will he discipline your children – even if they’re not his?

“American women do not have a 'context' (?) for understanding the upbringing of the African male and how it impacts the relationship,†says Agbo.

After two marriages and several failed relationships, Agbo says he has finally found true love with an African American woman. “I think that two people from different cultures have much to learn from each other,†he says. “This book will help couples discover the richness each of them brings to the relationship.â€

What seems to have been omitted is what could the “African male†or any man possibly bring to the releationship that's so hot it would drive a woman to give up her liberty and self respect.

Okay, let’s talk about the real deal now -- what I know for fact -- which, thank God, is quite contrary to what's in Mr. Agbo's book:

Ugandan born Milton Allimadi, Publisher of The Black Star and author of The Hearts of Darkness: How White Writers Created the Racist Image of Africa, is my good friend, mentor, and the best boss I've ever had in my entire life (and no, I'm not sucking up for a raise, thank you). Milton is one of the most charming and gracious men I’ve ever known in my entire life -- a true gentleman from whom many men from all walks of life can learn a lot. Milton and I work very closely together and while we’re not lovers, we do work closely enough that if he had the types of characteristics listed above, I would have noticed and our working relationship and friendship would not have lasted one day. Quite contrary to Mr. Agbo's description of African men, Milton is THE kindest, most caring and sensitive man I have ever known – not just with women, but with everyone. Milton has an international reputation by both men and women as a gentleman, a scholar, and a wonderful person. When I come to the office, the first thing Milton and I do is give each other a big warm hug and a kiss. He embraces me, my daughter, even the lady in the office down the hall like close family. Milton is a king of men. He walks the walk, he talks the talk and he flosses GQ style. Yes, we have our little spats, but we work them out like two professionals and we keep it moving and making it happen for The Black Star News. Milton has so much appreciation for women. So much that he even makes it his business to profile exceptional African American women each week in The Black Star. Make no mistake, though. Just because Milton is nice, doesn't mean he's a pushover. Allimadi is a strong leader who is not to be reckoned with. Milton is a hero in our fight for human rights. He has travelled nationally and abroad fighting cases of human injustice and atrocities. Ugandan born Milton Allimadi is a warm and wonderful man who represents Africans and African Americans with regal prowess.

Aziz Gueye Adetimirin, CEO of The Network Journal is another man of great distinction, also an African male. Aziz honors scores of women in business at The Network Journal's annual gala. His Editor-In-Chief is a woman – Ms. Rosalind McLymont. I’ve known Aziz for a couple of years and his charisma and charm is kingly, as is that of my friend, Sidique Wai, President and CEO of the United African Congress, who I've known for over a decade.

I have attended African celebrations where dozens of African people come together and never have I witnessed any of these types of behaviors that I’ve seen in this book, Loving the African Male: What Every Woman MUST Know. Moreover, I personally, have never noticed a bad odor from an African person’s body.

Still, I have to grant that I doubt Mr. Agbo is making this stuff up and I definitely recommend Loving the African Male: What Every Woman MUST Know, even if you’re not necessarily seeking to date an African man, because the book is very enlightening about customs among certain African communities and it can help people understand a lot about some African customs, enabling us to try to be as accommodating as comfortably possible for the sake of Friendship (Oops! Dare I say the "F" word?).

The world is a plethora of diversity and there is beauty in all people. We must try to embrace each other and learn to live together. We all have something wonderful to offer in a barrage of cultures and customs.

Loving the African Male: What Every Woman MUST Know. The book is definitely going to tick a lot of people off -- African American women and African men, alike. Oh yes! I'm letting you know right now -- Agbo says some things in that book about his countrymen you will not believe. The way I see it, he might not be talking what we want to hear, but you've got to give it up for Pete the “Oil King†-- at least he's saying SOMETHING. Communication is a great way to start.

Pete “Oil King†Agbo was born and raised in Nigeria and came to the U.S. in 1982. Now CEO of Coal City Entertainment, Pete joined the United States Navy in 1986 and served in the first Persian Gulf War. After his Honorable Discharge, he worked full time while attending California State University in Long Beach. He graduated with a degree in film and television production. Pete now lives with his fiancée and adorable young son in Los Angeles, California.

To get your copy of Pete "Oil King" Agbo's Loving the African Male: What Every Woman MUST Know, logon to www.lovingtheafricanmale.com .

We would like to know your opinion after reading Pete "Oil King" Agbo's book, Loving the African Male: What Every Woman MUST Know. Please send your questions and comments to brenda@blackstarnews.com .

Loving the African Male: What Every Woman MUST Know by Pete “Oil King†Agbo;

ISBN: 0-9788068-0-8; $19.95; soft cover; 5½ x 8½; 200 pages; COAL CITY ENTERTAINMENT PUBLISHING

Brenda Jeanne Wyche, Advocate for Solutions and Results is Managing Editor for The Black Star News and Harlem Business News, CEO of Winning Strategies & Associates and VP of PR for The Professionals. If you have a solution, contact Brenda@blackstarnews.com . Maybe we’ll talk.

Edited January 19, 2008 by MrsJibowu