Loving the African male

[ogele 0]

Oh no...maybe I wasn't clear...see I wasn't trying to be malicious at all....

The difference in him emigrating here 25 years ago vs now, is that he was most likely in his teens when he emigrated here. Looking at the man, he's no more than 40 years old. He's probably soaked up so much of the american culture since then, he just isn't comparable to our SO's who are fresh to this country. He's had a chance to adjust to women here, and who knows...some things that are acceptable to him may not be acceptable to someone who's been in Africa up until now. Huge difference to me. I am totally in line with the book's intent...I never said it was based on the struggles and issues of the African man coming to the U.S...just an example to support why I wouldn't purchase the book.

How do you know he's firmly rooted and grounded in his culture? Is it because the bling around his neck and in both of his ears? Is it because he's posing in front of a benz? Or because his last name is African? lol. I didn't read the book, so maybe the answer lies there. I'm not misguided at all, I was just giving my honest opinion, which happens to disagree with yours. No harm. This forum would be really boring if everyone walked in one single file line and all nodded and agreed with each other. No need to illustrate your age, congratulations for being in this country that long. Just saying that some could have saved their money and scrolled through some pages of VJ for less than 20 bucks. If you've got something out of the book, then your money was well spent, and happy reading.

Without prejudice to anyone,I do think I woould have to agree 99% with Nixz_Chi on this one.I will start by acknowledging that I have not read this book,have no plans to read same(simply because I am a Nigerian marrying a fellow Nigerian),and the fact that my not reading the book may deprive me of certain facts which the author may enunciate.Still,I believe Nixz_Chi captures my thoughts completely.

First,I am an unabashed conservative when it comes to our traditions.I have never seen or heard of diasporic Nigerians spotting pierced ears with diamonds studs being acknowledged as culturally aware by fellow Nigerians at home or abroad.My point?Piercing of ears by men is alien to the Nigerian cultural sphere and is categorically shunned by Nigerians as a sure sign of Americanization of the individual and thus,possible disconnectedness of the individual from his culture.The piercing of ears by men in Nigeria is reserved for touts and never do wells.Even the latter despise men with pierced ears.Don't get me wrong,this author may be a genius,but a pierced ear may not grab him much of a staunchly traditionalist Nigerian audience to lecture on culture.

Second,Nigeria is a very dynamic society.Ever in a state of flux,one can not legitimately claim to be a hundred percent sure of trends and moods in that country.I believe that the rest of Africa is the same.While culture is known to be constantly changing,Nigerian cultures may not lend themselves to very drastic or sudden transformations.The result is that Nigerians residing in Nigeria today may find themselves adjusting to foreign or alien cultures,without the liberty of adjusting their own traditional norms to that that alien culture.In order words,present day Nigerians will simply pick aspects of a foreign culture that suit them(enable their survival)and is not in disagreement with recognized cultural norms back home,while discarding those that would bring them ridicule.This is a difficult concept to expain,but I shall attempt to do so,using a scenario.

Imagine a Nigerian who arrived the United States as a teenager or adult,twenty five or more years ago,perhaps via a ship passage that lasted a month,without that much means of communicating with the kindred at home.This was the colonial and immediate post-colonial times when it was yet forgivable to live permanently abroad with occasional visits home.Now imagine in this year of globalization when the world has "shrunk",where travel and communication has become very easy,and the trend thus is for each diasporic Nigerian to communicate regularly and return home at some point in the future to settle down,in retirement.Given this scenario,the priorities for both sets of Nigerian immigrants is NOT the same as we Nigerians know.The same way that the mentalities that condition the thought processes for both sets is largely different.When I arrived the United States as a young adult,my Nigerian host "father",who has lived in the U.S.for over thirty five years,made every effort to convince me that the best option for me would be to forget returning to Nigeria,and that marrying American and making a home here would be the most blissful prospects for the future.He was as profoundly wrong as he was talking to the wrong person.Even in the few seconds I stayed with him,he appeared strange in his cultural orientation,obssessed with a culture I was even then convinced was not completely compatible with mine.I could not tell him he belonged to that few number we derided as "efulefu"or "lost souls"back home.

Third,I am a believer in the treasures that can be uncovered in a good book.To this end,I do believe that you can learn the basics of a culture within the pages of a well penned book.However,for a book that has to deal with the admirable quest most of you ladies are on(I hope it is to understand the needed cultural adjustments b/w you and your SOs),I believe that it is paramount to know the credentials of your author.If it is an author who has lost touch with his culture,he or she may not have much to teach you on how to relate to the present day Nigerian who arrives the U.S.,today.The one may have left simply as a choice out of many to attend school many moons ago while the latter may be leaving because they percieve that to be an only opportunity to escape "poverty".You will always find a longtime immigrant author's personal insights informative,but as long as the former does not go home often,or has watered down their own traditional convictions,they may provide very limited picture of how the recently arrived,or yet to arrive,strongly traditionalist Nigerian or African,will react to the American culture.

Now that I have confused you all with my thesis,might I suggest a remedy?I think that what Nixz_Chi was trying to state is that you must evaluate the current connectedness of your informer to his/her cultural topic.Kind of reminds me of a former American professor in graduate school who had lived in Botswana and Namibia in the 1960's,but who had a penchant to ascribe himself the title of "Expert in African Affairs." This was until some of us engaged him publicly in African contemporary affairs. :devil:He is a brilliant economist,but with regards to contemporary African political economy,his masquerade was unmasked.

My remedy?Yes,read the book wholeheartedly.Then discuss the issues raised therein on this forum so that other African members can agree,disagree,or clarify on any issues raised.This is an important learning process for many of you,and I believe neither I,Nixz_Chi,or any other decent African here would hold back any information necessary to complement what you extrapolate from the book(s).In addition,I would also suggest attending or even joining the national/ethnic organization(union)of you SO's country in your city.It would prove invaluable in bringing to life the reality of his/her culture.To all of you who are really making the effort,I wish you well,hang in there,and enjoy the beauty of the jewel you have discovered.

Chin up!

P/s:To all those who sent a PM requesting info on a possible intro to a decent Nigerian guy,I haven't responded because none of my friends who readily come to mind are readily available.My silence should not be misconstrued as a lack of courtesy.The moment I think of someone,I will do well to post same.

[His Glory 25]

I just hope when we start reviewing the book that those that choose not to read dont post any negative or personal attacks on the author for his views. It is a public forum but the thread is a book club and we happen to be reviewing the book by Pete Agbo at this time. I just want to enjoy discussing the book with you guys and not having to defend the author or why Im reading it anymore. Im sure as we are reading it we will disagree with him and each other at some point but at least those that are debating about it area actually reading it. I know this book will bring out a lot of great topics to fuel some interesting and enlightening discussions. Hope you all get your book soon.

[Ta Ta 1]

First,I am an unabashed conservative when it comes to our traditions.I have never seen or heard of diasporic Nigerians spotting pierced ears with diamonds studs being acknowledged as culturally aware by fellow Nigerians at home or abroad.My point?Piercing of ears by men is alien to the Nigerian cultural sphere and is categorically shunned by Nigerians as a sure sign of Americanization of the individual and thus,possible disconnectedness of the individual from his culture.The piercing of ears by men in Nigeria is reserved for touts and never do wells.Even the latter despise men with pierced ears.Don't get me wrong,this author may be a genius,but a pierced ear may not grab him much of a staunchly traditionalist Nigerian audience to lecture on culture

Third,I am a believer in the treasures that can be uncovered in a good book.To this end,I do believe that you can learn the basics of a culture within the pages of a well penned book.However,for a book that has to deal with the admirable quest most of you ladies are on(I hope it is to understand the needed cultural adjustments b/w you and your SOs),I believe that it is paramount to know the credentials of your author.If it is an author who has lost touch with his culture,he or she may not have much to teach you on how to relate to the present day Nigerian who arrives the U.S.,today.The one may have left simply as a choice out of many to attend school many moons ago while the latter may be leaving because they percieve that to be an only opportunity to escape "poverty".You will always find a longtime immigrant author's personal insights informative,but as long as the former does not go home often,or has watered down their own traditional convictions,they may provide very limited picture of how the recently arrived,or yet to arrive,strongly traditionalist Nigerian or African,will react to the American culture.

Now that I have confused you all with my thesis,might I suggest a remedy?I think that what Nixz_Chi was trying to state is that you must evaluate the current connectedness of your informer to his/her cultural topic.Kind of reminds me of a former American professor in graduate school who had lived in Botswana and Namibia in the 1960's,but who had a penchant to ascribe himself the title of "Expert in African Affairs." This was until some of us engaged him publicly in African contemporary affairs. :devil:He is a brilliant economist,but with regards to contemporary African political economy,his masquerade was unmasked.

Ogele, I believe you are taking this book way too seriously. It is not a master thesis and he is not a professor. His intent

is not educating the Nigerian audience , his intent is a light hearted sharing of how he found a compromising approach to

his relationship with Western woman. It is about him arriving in America and how by trial and error he became successful years later in merging two cultures in his realtionships. To him it is not all about his way or all about the American way but he is helpful in sharing what works for him and what didn't. It is not intented to "grab a staunchly traditionalist Nigerian audience to lecture on culture." No not at all.

I keep repeating myself that without reading the book no one will "get it " what the book conveys.

I stand on what I have said earlier, earings in the ear , even though shunned by his own people for that, is not an indicator

of how well his thoughts are captured on paper.

He has openly stated that he is being critisized for the way he choses to live his life by fellow Nigerians. That is nothing new to him.

This man has spend long periods of time away on the sea and his only socialisation was that of fellow Navy men for this country.

For you to enjoy your right to freedom and chose your own life style. I hope that counts for something to fight in a war to keep you save and free.

Not exactly the ideal way of life for the average traditional Nigerian. So he is americanised, that is his choice, yet still he has never forgotten where he came from and urges to keep culture alive in children. He does not see himself as a traditionalist but one who loves his country Nigeria but choses to merge with the Western culture and prefers Western woman. And that qualifies him to advice me on how he solved problems in his marriage.

That does not mean he does not embrace his roots. It means to him, he came to this country and appreciated the gift

of freedom to be whoever he chose to be in his own words and not let traditionalists force their values on him.

Obviously he was influenced by our Western ways and he decided he liked it.

It is not his intention to be a lecturer of traditional culture to fellow Nigerians but a help from his experience to Western woman

in relationships with African men. The little things in life..........who takes the trash out and why........who changes the babies diaper.........how long can Mom stay with us ......how much money do we send to the village to improve their community......practical small everyday things.

It is precisely this experience I want to hear because I am in it. I do not want to hear it from an African that has not been married to an American woman as he can not relate. I don't care if he is a professor !

There are times when I will draw from the cultural teachings of a traditional African as I have done in the past to shed light

on something I can not understand about my man.

That is a completely separate issue than this book of merging cultures. Traditionalists for the most part remain separate, they don't merge too easily and you have chosen an African woman. That is great. However there are all kinds of relationships and

not enough books have been written in this wonderful style by this author addressing our issues as American woman.

I want it from someone who has lived it for years ! I don't care what his credentials are or how he looks from the outside.

So please, do not take it as serious as an African studies class or an African lecture of deeper things. There is a place for that but not here in this thread. This is a light hearted book discussion to exchange issues, stories, challenges as Western woman with our African men.

Thank you for your input and graceful style of posting it and I respectfully have received and thoughts about it but feel it does not apply to the book. And no you have definitely not confused me with your post. I am very clear on what this book and this thread is about and the fun we are having coming together and the laughs we share here. I have received many pm's and people like this thread.

We realize we are not alone and relish in that common bond.

I want to get this back on topic as I feel I have given a sufficient background on the author and don't feel like I have to defend the author, his book or this thread constantly to people who do not wish to read the book.

So please let us get back to our easy going chit chat of everyday life with our guys to pass the time.

Thank you B)

[Simply_Uno 1]

and with that...next person to the mic

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

Back to the topic of the book....

Hmmm...I doubt that I'll invest money in purchasing this book. Its seems as if this man's point of view would be slightly different from the views of our significant others'. I'm only saying this because the man hasn't lived in Africa for more than 25 years. A majority of the ladies on here are getting married to men that recently left Africa within the last year. Some of our SO's haven't left yet. Different mentality if you ask me. In my own observations, the mentalites of the african men that have been living in the states for some time is a bit watered down. Some of them tend to try to behave like americans if you ask me. I'm sure this guy isn't saying anything different than what we've heard from the few men that contribute on this board. He lived in Nigeria in the 80's...does he really know the struggle and the issues that our men face in this day and age? Can he really relate? Or is he basing it off of what he hears from his folks back home. Who knows?

I'm sure its a really good book, and I'm not trying to discredit the message this guy is trying to put out. I'm just saving my $20. I have an african father, uncles, brothers that can probably give me the same insight this dude will. And in my opinion, you don't learn how to love a man through a book.

Not trying to cause a stir, just giving my honest opinion.

I don't think I really understand what you are saying. Someone can't relate experiences regarding differences and issues that affect a relationship unless they have gone through it. That's pretty basic. So saying that this occurred 25 years ago is actually a credit because it gives a long term point of view rather than a we've made it for 1 year! Making it in a relationship for 1 year is certainly not as difficult a trial as making a relationship last for 25 years. Experience usually provides even greater wisdom, so I wouldn't discredit it. Additionally, you stated that "you don't learn how to love a man through a book". Well, because I've been in other relationships, I already know that there is a HUGE difference between being in love and staying in love. Between the wedding and the marriage. The wedding and being in love is FUN! Staying in love, maintaining a long term healthy relationship, and making a strong marriage is HARD WORK. If you go into it without being willing to look at all ideas, consider all input and really apply yourself to making your relationship work, you are going into it blind. It's a common mistake of the young. I've made it myself. But it is one where you can spare yourself some pain by learning from the life experiences of others around you.

[Zee Bee 61]

Wow. A lot going on between going to bed last night and getting to work this morining

Just my $0.02 and I promise I will shut up about this

While some on this board are fortunate enough to be first/second generation Americans with African roots, for some, their first experience with anyone from Africa has been their SO. We know how it goes, you talk online/phone/whatever, and your first meeting to Africa is to meet your SO/get married, and then you come back here to wait out the process. We all know that traveling to Africa costs $$ and while we would like to go back and spend time we cannot. The intention of the book is not to teach us about culture, men whatever, it is giving us insight to one African man's expereinces with American women and his suggestions. Period.

I don't know why so many people feel the need to discredit his authenticity. So his ears are pireced and he has some bling bling and what have you. So what? In African movies, when people are rich they go about sporting in their Benz, the kids wear their sunglasses everwhere, wearing basketball jerseys and midriff tops and are flashing stuff anywhere. He is no differenet. The fact that he sought out to write this book, to lend some insight to people who bothered to read it, to me, says that he has not forgotten his roots, and is in fact, proud of them. Being in America and conforming to American norms is different from disregarding your culture and denouncing it. There is nothing wrong with that.

And while I appreciate everyone's input I would love it if an African male SO would read the book and tell us what they think. So far I think it is only women on here that have ordered the book. When I am finished with it (when I finally get it) I am going to send it to my fiance and see what he thinks about it.

OK

So, has anyone gotten their book yet? I am getting imnpatient waiting for mine. They are freaking NJ!!! I could have driven there to get my book.

Hmm...looking at all the food comments had me thinking that it would be a good idea to start a recipes thread seeing as there seem to be a lot of good suggestions out there. I know there was another thread where some people posted websites.

What do people think?

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

Nix the book is really entertaining. If you want to save your money, cool but the book is good. I wasnt really thrown off by the cover because I know when some men get some success they like to show it. I think it will help to encourage some young african men to see that he is successful and open the book and see what he has to say, which is very good because he has a section just for them. he really gives some good advice to them about not scamming and about counting their blessings. I thought he would have a bit of an ego though from the pic but in the book he is very warm. He tells his experiences as he has gone through them but with the benefit of hindsight we are invited to see the humor, the pain and the evolution. This is book didnt teach me how to love my man more but it did open my eyes some to situations that I had been in with my husband and it helped me to remember to be alert to the possiblity that we may be misinterpreting each other's actions. I enjoyed reading it and look forward to participating in the book club. Personally I think its pretty cool. I havent seen any other books like this on this topic. Sort of like a male version Bsangin's future book. Im glad it was recommended.

Thank for your input, which truly has significantly more value. I find it interesting that this is the second posting from a person who passed judgement based on images portrayed on the internet. I almost feel like I'm talking to my daughter when I have to say, not everything you see on tv is real. You have to read, research and learn the truth for yourself. If you choose not to do that, then why do you feel it is necessary to tell everyone? I'm missing something. Silence, truly is golden. There are days when I don't post anything on any of these boards. It doesn't mean I wasn't here. Not every opinion needs to be shared.

[*JG* 2]

Back to the topic of the book....

Hmmm...I doubt that I'll invest money in purchasing this book. Its seems as if this man's point of view would be slightly different from the views of our significant others'. I'm only saying this because the man hasn't lived in Africa for more than 25 years. A majority of the ladies on here are getting married to men that recently left Africa within the last year. Some of our SO's haven't left yet. Different mentality if you ask me. In my own observations, the mentalites of the african men that have been living in the states for some time is a bit watered down. Some of them tend to try to behave like americans if you ask me. I'm sure this guy isn't saying anything different than what we've heard from the few men that contribute on this board. He lived in Nigeria in the 80's...does he really know the struggle and the issues that our men face in this day and age? Can he really relate? Or is he basing it off of what he hears from his folks back home. Who knows?

I'm sure its a really good book, and I'm not trying to discredit the message this guy is trying to put out. I'm just saving my $20. I have an african father, uncles, brothers that can probably give me the same insight this dude will. And in my opinion, you don't learn how to love a man through a book.

Not trying to cause a stir, just giving my honest opinion.

I see your point. And, I struggle with this a bit too.

I'm on another website strictly for Jamaica talk and I frequently talk to an older man who has been out of Jamaica for over half his life. Talk is probably a nice way to put it. We frequently clash on opinions. And, my main argument is that Jamaica has changed a lot since he left and he has also changed. He's stuck in this old traditional mentality that is not really how Jamaica is anymore and he has rose colored glasses on.

What I have learned over the last year or so is that even if our opinions are different, he has many wonderful insights that I have learned from, especially since it is from a man's point of view. He loved his country and continues to support it in any way he can. When he does visit, he comes back to me and tells me I was right about some things or he still disagrees with me. We learn from each other.

I don't think you can completely discredit him because he's been out of Africa for so long. He has a basis for what he is speaking And, I think you can learn how your own man may change as well.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

Oh no...maybe I wasn't clear...see I wasn't trying to be malicious at all....

The difference in him emigrating here 25 years ago vs now, is that he was most likely in his teens when he emigrated here. Looking at the man, he's no more than 40 years old. He's probably soaked up so much of the american culture since then, he just isn't comparable to our SO's who are fresh to this country. He's had a chance to adjust to women here, and who knows...some things that are acceptable to him may not be acceptable to someone who's been in Africa up until now. Huge difference to me. I am totally in line with the book's intent...I never said it was based on the struggles and issues of the African man coming to the U.S...just an example to support why I wouldn't purchase the book.

How do you know he's firmly rooted and grounded in his culture? Is it because the bling around his neck and in both of his ears? Is it because he's posing in front of a benz? Or because his last name is African? lol. I didn't read the book, so maybe the answer lies there. I'm not misguided at all, I was just giving my honest opinion, which happens to disagree with yours. No harm. This forum would be really boring if everyone walked in one single file line and all nodded and agreed with each other. No need to illustrate your age, congratulations for being in this country that long. Just saying that some could have saved their money and scrolled through some pages of VJ for less than 20 bucks. If you've got something out of the book, then your money was well spent, and happy reading.

Without prejudice to anyone,I do think I woould have to agree 99% with Nixz_Chi on this one.I will start by acknowledging that I have not read this book,have no plans to read same(simply because I am a Nigerian marrying a fellow Nigerian),and the fact that my not reading the book may deprive me of certain facts which the author may enunciate.Still,I believe Nixz_Chi captures my thoughts completely.

First,I am an unabashed conservative when it comes to our traditions.I have never seen or heard of diasporic Nigerians spotting pierced ears with diamonds studs being acknowledged as culturally aware by fellow Nigerians at home or abroad.My point?Piercing of ears by men is alien to the Nigerian cultural sphere and is categorically shunned by Nigerians as a sure sign of Americanization of the individual and thus,possible disconnectedness of the individual from his culture.The piercing of ears by men in Nigeria is reserved for touts and never do wells.Even the latter despise men with pierced ears.Don't get me wrong,this author may be a genius,but a pierced ear may not grab him much of a staunchly traditionalist Nigerian audience to lecture on culture.

Second,Nigeria is a very dynamic society.Ever in a state of flux,one can not legitimately claim to be a hundred percent sure of trends and moods in that country.I believe that the rest of Africa is the same.While culture is known to be constantly changing,Nigerian cultures may not lend themselves to very drastic or sudden transformations.The result is that Nigerians residing in Nigeria today may find themselves adjusting to foreign or alien cultures,without the liberty of adjusting their own traditional norms to that that alien culture.In order words,present day Nigerians will simply pick aspects of a foreign culture that suit them(enable their survival)and is not in disagreement with recognized cultural norms back home,while discarding those that would bring them ridicule.This is a difficult concept to expain,but I shall attempt to do so,using a scenario.

Imagine a Nigerian who arrived the United States as a teenager or adult,twenty five or more years ago,perhaps via a ship passage that lasted a month,without that much means of communicating with the kindred at home.This was the colonial and immediate post-colonial times when it was yet forgivable to live permanently abroad with occasional visits home.Now imagine in this year of globalization when the world has "shrunk",where travel and communication has become very easy,and the trend thus is for each diasporic Nigerian to communicate regularly and return home at some point in the future to settle down,in retirement.Given this scenario,the priorities for both sets of Nigerian immigrants is NOT the same as we Nigerians know.The same way that the mentalities that condition the thought processes for both sets is largely different.When I arrived the United States as a young adult,my Nigerian host "father",who has lived in the U.S.for over thirty five years,made every effort to convince me that the best option for me would be to forget returning to Nigeria,and that marrying American and making a home here would be the most blissful prospects for the future.He was as profoundly wrong as he was talking to the wrong person.Even in the few seconds I stayed with him,he appeared strange in his cultural orientation,obssessed with a culture I was even then convinced was not completely compatible with mine.I could not tell him he belonged to that few number we derided as "efulefu"or "lost souls"back home.

Third,I am a believer in the treasures that can be uncovered in a good book.To this end,I do believe that you can learn the basics of a culture within the pages of a well penned book.However,for a book that has to deal with the admirable quest most of you ladies are on(I hope it is to understand the needed cultural adjustments b/w you and your SOs),I believe that it is paramount to know the credentials of your author.If it is an author who has lost touch with his culture,he or she may not have much to teach you on how to relate to the present day Nigerian who arrives the U.S.,today.The one may have left simply as a choice out of many to attend school many moons ago while the latter may be leaving because they percieve that to be an only opportunity to escape "poverty".You will always find a longtime immigrant author's personal insights informative,but as long as the former does not go home often,or has watered down their own traditional convictions,they may provide very limited picture of how the recently arrived,or yet to arrive,strongly traditionalist Nigerian or African,will react to the American culture.

Now that I have confused you all with my thesis,might I suggest a remedy?I think that what Nixz_Chi was trying to state is that you must evaluate the current connectedness of your informer to his/her cultural topic.Kind of reminds me of a former American professor in graduate school who had lived in Botswana and Namibia in the 1960's,but who had a penchant to ascribe himself the title of "Expert in African Affairs." This was until some of us engaged him publicly in African contemporary affairs. :devil:He is a brilliant economist,but with regards to contemporary African political economy,his masquerade was unmasked.

My remedy?Yes,read the book wholeheartedly.Then discuss the issues raised therein on this forum so that other African members can agree,disagree,or clarify on any issues raised.This is an important learning process for many of you,and I believe neither I,Nixz_Chi,or any other decent African here would hold back any information necessary to complement what you extrapolate from the book(s).In addition,I would also suggest attending or even joining the national/ethnic organization(union)of you SO's country in your city.It would prove invaluable in bringing to life the reality of his/her culture.To all of you who are really making the effort,I wish you well,hang in there,and enjoy the beauty of the jewel you have discovered.

Chin up!

P/s:To all those who sent a PM requesting info on a possible intro to a decent Nigerian guy,I haven't responded because none of my friends who readily come to mind are readily available.My silence should not be misconstrued as a lack of courtesy.The moment I think of someone,I will do well to post same.

The only thing I agreed with in your post is that before making a decision about the quality of a book, one should read the book. And I personally plan to do so. I respect that there are many who will not read the book for whatever reason, I don't respect premature or unfounded judgements based on ignorance.

I would also add that a thesis is based on fact which can then be backed up with research. Your post is a series of hypotheses based on your personal experiences and belief systems. Hypotheses based on your personal paradigm are little more than interesting stories. Hmmmm.....oddly similar to this book which you find personally useless. Perhaps you should write a book and we could read it?

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

OK

So, has anyone gotten their book yet? I am getting imnpatient waiting for mine. They are freaking NJ!!! I could have driven there to get my book.

Hmm...looking at all the food comments had me thinking that it would be a good idea to start a recipes thread seeing as there seem to be a lot of good suggestions out there. I know there was another thread where some people posted websites.

What do people think?

Thanks for bringing me back. I'll try to behave.

You know I'm all for a recipe thread. We definitely should start one. And I'd like if people post the origin of their recipe. Meaning, primarily the country of origin. I'm still looking for a recipe for kenkey....that happens to be my fiance's favorite and I don't know how to make it. I don't need advice to know that learning how to make my sweetie's favorite food is a plus! I'm gonna teach him how to make three cheese mac n' cheese. His Queen and his Princess love it!

[ForeverAmen 0]

This will be off topic. So I ask your forgiveness in advance ...... thank you.

Sorry - but I must get this off my chest ..........

Whether or not someone decides to read this book; whether or not you think the book is/is not helpful; whether or not you find the authors view points to be worthy; PLEASE be respectful of individuals rights to have an opinion.

It really concerns me that continously we are all in harmony as long as we are seeing eye to eye. People!!! What are you going to do when your SO arrives and his/her way of handling a task is totally different than what you've always known? Is it going to turn into a Cat Fight like it does here? Seriously!!! Some of you appear to be highly education, and well exposed individuals. But yet you choose to rip an individual apart the moment they do not agree with your thoughts. Come on!!

OK ....

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

This will be off topic. So I ask your forgiveness in advance ...... thank you.

Sorry - but I must get this off my chest ..........

Whether or not someone decides to read this book; whether or not you think the book is/is not helpful; whether or not you find the authors view points to be worthy; PLEASE be respectful of individuals rights to have an opinion.

It really concerns me that continously we are all in harmony as long as we are seeing eye to eye. People!!! What are you going to do when your SO arrives and his/her way of handling a task is totally different than what you've always known? Is it going to turn into a Cat Fight like it does here? Seriously!!! Some of you appear to be highly education, and well exposed individuals. But yet you choose to rip an individual apart the moment they do not agree with your thoughts. Come on!!

OK ....

This doesn't relate to my SO because if I'm taking a bubble bath and he doesn't like bubbles he doesn't go into a diatribe about why he doesn't like bubbles. He respects that I like them and moves on. It would be an issue if I tried to force him to like everything I like. However, I respect what you said. This is a public forum. I will have to learn ignore the regular unsolicited sharing of opinions that make me see fire and I apologize for anything offensive I may have posted.

[*JG* 2]

It's not the disagreeing part, it's the ripping into each other part.

It's such a fine line. I get so caught up in my own thoughts and words sometimes that I come across too strongly. I've eaten more crow then I ever thought possible.

So far, this one is pretty tame compared to some things I have read on this board.

Whenever I feel really ready to vent about what someone said, I go to the MENA thread. Those ladies on there teach me patience and holding my tongue all the time. They are incredibly gracious.

[Zee Bee 61]

Yummm...so I am going to start a recipes thread

Zainab, I am going to get my mom to send me her recipe for kenkey. It is my favorite food too I know that there is a place in NY that a friend of mine gets his from and I would share that with you if he ever gets back to me

I am hungry now

[*JG* 2]

I'd be interested in seeing how African foods differ from what we eat as a Jamaican household.

And, yes, you guys are making me hungry just thinking about food.