Loving the African male

[chispas 0]

Just quick Zee is my lawyer who types friggin fast. Philly people don't waste time. Jomo's girl checks around VJ to bring back news.of what else is out there when we are fixed on our issues here. Sorry Mrs. J. whenever I think of your name I think of that guy on America's next top model. That is why I type Jabow****.

Edited January 17, 2008 by chispas

[Ta Ta 1]

Just quick Zee is my lawyer who types friggin fast. Philly people don't waste time. Jomo's girl checks around VJ to bring back news.of what else is out there when we are fixed on our issues here. Sorry Mrs. J. whenever I think of your name I think of that guy on America's next top model. That is why I type Jabow****.

[*JG* 2]

True dat ting. I like to point out different things just to see how many items are similar to our culture. One thing we eat is (coo-coo) which they call (corn foo-foo). Jalof rice with chicken is our (arroz con pollo) Eaten very much alike

We actually swap the two. Ghanaians make FuFu with cassava in the south and we call that provisions. But I think kenkey is also made with cassava and we make that with cornmeal in Guyana and its called Conkey. Even the name is similar really. We call jollof rice with chicken Pelau. And smoked fish, which isn't as popular here in the US, was back in style in my new second home. Coconuts being headed in the streets and you can drink the water before you eat the meat.....man, I thought I was back home. They also strip sugar cane to snack on.....heaven! I must admit it was nice because it was all so familiar even where it was different. But the reality is the slaves in Guyana were British slaves and probably came from the British Gold Coast of which Ghana was a part. I hope that DNA tests don't show I'm related to Bassi..... totally kidding! His people are from BF and migrated south years back.

We had steamed fish and crackers two nights ago. The similarities are mounting.

I admit it.....I'm lurking here. And, learning. Some of this stuff must be universal. My husband likes to say "you keep it".

Hey Jomo,

You are most definately not a lurker here. When I was in Africa, I was pleasantly surprised to notice we (from Latin America and the Caribe) acted very much like people there. Even some of the myths, gestures, foods, and habits were exactly the same. I tell everyone that it must be the DNA. That sucking of the teeth thing (tcho) was everywhere. So you fit in with us

I had to laugh I thought my husband was the only one who sucked his teeth.

I HATE the fact that I now suck my teeth.

[*JG* 2]

Hey Y'all,

I know this is about the "book club", but I have a question. Does the book address the "space" issues, I do believe you all touched upon the sending *cough* money *choke* back *cough* home issue (ahem) .

Moving on, does it also discuss things like helping our SO adjust to western world norms, social issues, politics, and the difference between what the media pumps in to their country (BET, Videos, and such) and what true reality is? Alot of my husbands family and friends seem to think that I eat spinach and ####### "benjamins" on a whim .

When I try to explain how things really are to them, I get the *feeling* that they think that I am lying about our "poverty". My husband has even told me "how can you compare poverty in the united states with poverty in africa ?" He just does not get "it ."

Another thing, and forgive me for rambling, but...my husband has a degree in engineering , he seems to think that he can just command a job because he is "educated." His english is okay, (I understand him), but his grammer could use some brushing up, how do I explain to him that he is still not upto par with our written language .

I suggested that he take an ESL class and he blew it off .

I am mighty afraid that he is going to have a cultural melt down due to his perceived notions about america .

Okay, I am done.

(next person, to the mic) .

p.s. is this book on tape or cd?

My husband did not have a meltdown; but it was (and still is sometimes) a rough adjustment. My husband always says every Jamaican should come to the US so they can see how it really is. He thought (his family and friends continue to think) the streets were paved with gold and I have a money tree in the back yard. Now that he sees how hard I work(ed) and how hard he must work to get what we need and want, his perceptions have changed. BET, Cable, Movies, Music..........are the DEVIL. The images they project create unrealistic expectations.

[*JG* 2]

Uno, no the book does not address space issues, nor does it cover "reality check we're not rich here issues."

It just covers the "money will get send period " issues.

The way I dealt with this was to tell him all my debt.........and income, over and over again. When he heard how much I owe he said for someone to have that much debt over here he would have to be a very rich person.

He totally gets it now. For some it will take cold hard reality to hit them when they are here and then some will sometimes go into a depression until they recoup from their busted bubble of an easy life. They don't get the constant work , work , work and little vacation time and the fact that they can't wander in late for work or get off as easy as in their home country. Once they realize this it will flow easier. I have heard a lot of complains from immigrants in this matter, not just Africans.

My fiance also understands that he will have to start at any job available and work himself up the ladder. The education level of an engineer just does not cut it here a lot of times and the humility and embarrassment about not getting hired can be great and can produce hostility and irritability.

They may be a big man there in front of everyone but here they can feel like a nobody and it takes great patience to stand behind them in support.

It is def an ego buster to a man.

ESL taken here would give him something to do while waiting for a job.

No, the book does not come in audio or video. You can get the author as a speaker though.

All I want to say to this is, saying he gets it and actually getting it, are two different things. Believe me when I say this. I, too talked over and over and over again about everything financial. Until he saw the bank balance, the bills, the actual paychecks, and wanted to buy something not in the budget that check, he really didn't get it.

Preparing them is a wonderful thing. Just don't take it too hard when you find out they really didn't get it as well as you thought. Just hold your tongue and explain it again. We are heading towards 2 years of living together and it still crops up from time to tome.

[Zee Bee 61]

Hey Y'all,

I know this is about the "book club", but I have a question. Does the book address the "space" issues, I do believe you all touched upon the sending *cough* money *choke* back *cough* home issue (ahem) .

Moving on, does it also discuss things like helping our SO adjust to western world norms, social issues, politics, and the difference between what the media pumps in to their country (BET, Videos, and such) and what true reality is? Alot of my husbands family and friends seem to think that I eat spinach and ####### "benjamins" on a whim .

When I try to explain how things really are to them, I get the *feeling* that they think that I am lying about our "poverty". My husband has even told me "how can you compare poverty in the united states with poverty in africa ?" He just does not get "it ."

Another thing, and forgive me for rambling, but...my husband has a degree in engineering , he seems to think that he can just command a job because he is "educated." His english is okay, (I understand him), but his grammer could use some brushing up, how do I explain to him that he is still not upto par with our written language .

I suggested that he take an ESL class and he blew it off .

I am mighty afraid that he is going to have a cultural melt down due to his perceived notions about america .

Okay, I am done.

(next person, to the mic) .

p.s. is this book on tape or cd?

Uno, let me tell you, from personal expereince, no matter how much you tell your husband and his family that money does not grow on trees here, they will not listen They think everything is available for the picking. I have talked until I am blue in the face from trying to keep it simplet o explaining how taxes/insurance/credit works and nothing. I don't think the mentality is ever going to change unless they see it for themselves.

Yes, they do not believe that there can be poverty/homelessness in America. They think that everyone drives around in some huge SUV, has their peeps around all the time, the food and drink is abundant and they play all night long. They try to use the lingo they hear in the movies and it either comes out wrong, offfensive or just plain stupid. They do not realize that America is much more than a 50 Cent music video. I have always told my cousins that giving up what they have in Ghana to come here and "hustle" to send a few $$ home every month is not worth it. I have a cousin, college educated, with a job that provides him free transport to and from work and a housing allowance. He is willing to give that up to come here and be a "house boy" because according to him the few dollars he would be able to save would convert to a lot of money back home

They take for granted the family sturcture that keeps them whole in spite of whatever it is that they are going through. In that kind of community where everyone knows everything about everyone else, people are willing to share whatever they have to make sure everyone else gets by. Besides the big cities in Ghana, if even there, I don't think anyone is homeless. You don't see people on the streets because someone somewhere is a friend of a relative of a friend twice removed and you can get shelter. Not so here; if you got nowhere to go you are sh!t out of luck. Unfortunately, all they see are the dollar signs and not everything else.

[ara 0]

About the language thing: My husband has been here a few months and is overwhelmed by the slang here. His English is really good but they learn the textbook English, proper english. After watching BET and different shows he always asks what this or that means we are constantly going over slang he said how can anyone keep up with that.

There have been too many to remember but a few are:

What is cheddar? (money)

What does Bounce mean? (to leave)

He met some guys he plays soccer with and when they were missing the ball they kept saying "My Bad"

he's like why are they saying that.

He wants to understand our ways and language(slang) so bad. I reassure him he will it just takes time. It changes everyday these kids come up with something different all the time I don't even know.

I know I 'm rambling.

Another thing is He can't get over how celebrities are treated he watches videos and he sees the money in the videos and is like where do they get all that money I have to tell him that isn't real it's an image they don't own all them cars.

This is hilarious, like we have seen you know some performances on TV and concerts and the fans are just Crying because they are so excited or whatever. My husband goes crazy it is so funny he's like what are they crying for they don't even know that person...lol

[Simply_Uno 1]

Salutations everyone (I really mean hey y'all), but I'm at school... B)

I really want to thank you guys for answering my questions and y'all have no idea how much your sincerity, empathy, and understanding means to me. I am really an emotional person...

(and I'm going to leave it at that). As much as I love my husband, his african wisdom of american culture can be overwhelming. Its almost as if he discredits what I know, based upon the american myths he's inherited coupled with what he has seen on television. He has a beautiful mind and he is a very hard worker (6 a.m. to 5 a.m. mon-fri and half days on saturdays). But in the midst of his excellent qualities, those 30+ years of being in africa, has given him a tainted view of american life and I am praying for the strength to bridle my tongue

(restraint in saying "I told you so" ), and the courage to be the wife he needs me to be when reality kicks his #######! And again, thank you all.

Uno.

Edited January 17, 2008 by unononehigher

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

Hey Y'all,

I know this is about the "book club", but I have a question. Does the book address the "space" issues, I do believe you all touched upon the sending *cough* money *choke* back *cough* home issue (ahem) .

Moving on, does it also discuss things like helping our SO adjust to western world norms, social issues, politics, and the difference between what the media pumps in to their country (BET, Videos, and such) and what true reality is? Alot of my husbands family and friends seem to think that I eat spinach and ####### "benjamins" on a whim .

When I try to explain how things really are to them, I get the *feeling* that they think that I am lying about our "poverty". My husband has even told me "how can you compare poverty in the united states with poverty in africa ?" He just does not get "it ."

Another thing, and forgive me for rambling, but...my husband has a degree in engineering , he seems to think that he can just command a job because he is "educated." His english is okay, (I understand him), but his grammer could use some brushing up, how do I explain to him that he is still not upto par with our written language .

I suggested that he take an ESL class and he blew it off .

I am mighty afraid that he is going to have a cultural melt down due to his perceived notions about america .

Okay, I am done.

(next person, to the mic) .

p.s. is this book on tape or cd?

Depending on what type of engineer he is (you can have a evaluation of his credentials completed to facilitate his movement into the American job market), he may not need to be fluent in english to work here. Plenty of foreigners working here in that field. I try to talk some to Bassi about his expectations as well, but I think that some things he will just have to see for himself. For Bassi, it helps that he has family here, cause they can give him the real deal. But, he's a grown up, and if he feels overwhelmed when he gets here, I hope he'll know he can talk to me about it. Sometimes he bottles things up, so that my biggest worry.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

I HATE the fact that I now suck my teeth.

My mom used to smack me in the back of the head every time I sucked my teeth. I quickly dropped the habit. Need a hand.....

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

About the language thing: My husband has been here a few months and is overwhelmed by the slang here. His English is really good but they learn the textbook English, proper english. After watching BET and different shows he always asks what this or that means we are constantly going over slang he said how can anyone keep up with that.

There have been too many to remember but a few are:

What is cheddar? (money)

What does Bounce mean? (to leave)

He met some guys he plays soccer with and when they were missing the ball they kept saying "My Bad"

he's like why are they saying that.

He wants to understand our ways and language(slang) so bad. I reassure him he will it just takes time. It changes everyday these kids come up with something different all the time I don't even know.

I know I 'm rambling.

Another thing is He can't get over how celebrities are treated he watches videos and he sees the money in the videos and is like where do they get all that money I have to tell him that isn't real it's an image they don't own all them cars.

This is hilarious, like we have seen you know some performances on TV and concerts and the fans are just Crying because they are so excited or whatever. My husband goes crazy it is so funny he's like what are they crying for they don't even know that person...lol

Thanks so much for sharing that. I also think there are probably words and phrases used in individual cities or regions that are different from others as well. Bassi laughs all the time because I use vocabulary from slang but also because I have a five year old and use kiddie slang. He finds it hilarious that I say, "Do you have to go potty?" I explained to him what a potty is and why she relates the restroom to the potty. He thinks I should say, "Do you have to urinate?" He just can't get over the phrase. But I keep telling him, Be your own person. Don't change yourself to be more "american" be Bassi living in america. That's totally acceptable. But I know he's not even listening to me.

[*JG* 2]

I HATE the fact that I now suck my teeth.

My mom used to smack me in the back of the head every time I sucked my teeth. I quickly dropped the habit. Need a hand.....

Ummmm....no....think I'll pass this time. (And, yes, I did just suck teeth when I read that!) Hee hee.....

Edited January 17, 2008 by Jomo's girl

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

I HATE the fact that I now suck my teeth.

My mom used to smack me in the back of the head every time I sucked my teeth. I quickly dropped the habit. Need a hand.....

Ummmm....no....think I'll pass this time. (And, yes, I did just suck teeth when I read that!) Hee hee.....

I wish I could've passed too.

[Simply_Uno 1]

Hey Y'all,

I know this is about the "book club", but I have a question. Does the book address the "space" issues, I do believe you all touched upon the sending *cough* money *choke* back *cough* home issue (ahem) .

Moving on, does it also discuss things like helping our SO adjust to western world norms, social issues, politics, and the difference between what the media pumps in to their country (BET, Videos, and such) and what true reality is? Alot of my husbands family and friends seem to think that I eat spinach and ####### "benjamins" on a whim .

When I try to explain how things really are to them, I get the *feeling* that they think that I am lying about our "poverty". My husband has even told me "how can you compare poverty in the united states with poverty in africa ?" He just does not get "it ."

Another thing, and forgive me for rambling, but...my husband has a degree in engineering , he seems to think that he can just command a job because he is "educated." His english is okay, (I understand him), but his grammer could use some brushing up, how do I explain to him that he is still not upto par with our written language .

I suggested that he take an ESL class and he blew it off .

I am mighty afraid that he is going to have a cultural melt down due to his perceived notions about america .

Okay, I am done.

(next person, to the mic) .

p.s. is this book on tape or cd?

Depending on what type of engineer he is (you can have a evaluation of his credentials completed to facilitate his movement into the American job market),

How do I go about the creditial evaluation??

he may not need to be fluent in english to work here.

He's fluent in "english" its his GRAMMER that is the issue.

Plenty of foreigners working here in that field. I try to talk some to Bassi about his expectations as well, but I think that some things he will just have to see for himself. For Bassi, it helps that he has family here, cause they can give him the real deal. But, he's a grown up, and if he feels overwhelmed when he gets here, I hope he'll know he can talk to me about it. Sometimes he bottles things up, so that my biggest worry.

I HATE the fact that I now suck my teeth.

My mom used to smack me in the back of the head every time I sucked my teeth. I quickly dropped the habit. Need a hand.....

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

Depending on what type of engineer he is (you can have a evaluation of his credentials completed to facilitate his movement into the American job market),

How do I go about the creditial evaluation??

he may not need to be fluent in english to work here.

He's fluent in "english" its his GRAMMER that is the issue.

Plenty of foreigners working here in that field. I try to talk some to Bassi about his expectations as well, but I think that some things he will just have to see for himself. For Bassi, it helps that he has family here, cause they can give him the real deal. But, he's a grown up, and if he feels overwhelmed when he gets here, I hope he'll know he can talk to me about it. Sometimes he bottles things up, so that my biggest worry.

The most popular and well respected place is called World Education Services. and it's in NYC. I think they have a website. You send your transcripts and they evaluate and if it's found to be comparable to an american degree, they send you a certificate. You can use the certificate to apply for licensure. There are many others though, so you can probably do a google search or check the website, but it matters that they have a reputation or the certificate is not worth the ink to print it. As an HR professional, I can vouch for WES, but I don't know every one that's acceptable. Your licensure agency might also have a list. It's usually a State office. In NY it's the Education dept. But I think in many other states it's the actual Dept of State for the state, not the federal department of state. I hope I didn't confuse you.