In despair

[Sparkles 0]

i just want to voice this out as i am in despair for the past couple of days

i came here in the US to find a job on a B2 visa and to meet my online chatmate whom i've been chatting with for as long as i can remember. things turned out well. he wanted to get married, i don't to yet because i'm not ready. since the quota for H1B Visa was already full, at some point i decided to go home and try my luck in other countries. he was so persistent about marrying me so i agreed to marry him in the end and because i truly love this guy.

before we got married, he didnt have a steady paying job and he didnt go to work during the time i was with him so we can spend time together more. i ended up paying for most of our expenses (groceries, meals when we go out etc). i was just so inlove with him that i overlooked that tiny fact. but i kept on asking him when he'll get back to his job and since he's still a student, he just can't work fulltime. i admit, a mistake on my part.

now, i'm suffering the consequences of my decision to get married. my husband only worked 1 day of his life for the past two months. how we survive? we're living with his mother which kills me. Not that i have anything against my mother in law, she's really nice. i'm stuck here in the house for days. and do nothing while my husband sleeps all day, not do anything to have means of sustenance. i can't drive yet, can't go to work yet, can't go anywhere by myself because we do not live in the city. i am seriously just wanting to go back home. i am an ambitious, hardworking person. this situation right now is just killing me. i know, marriage is not all peaches and cream but it just kills me that my husband turned out to be like this.

if i go home, what would be the adverse effect on my pending AOS? I still have my return ticket but i am so broke.

[Chris/Ghel 0]

I think you need to do some serious soul searching. Something you should think about is whether or not you can live like this for the rest of your life. Remember, you cannot change anyone. Only they can change themselves. And then, only if they want to. When I went to college, I also worked full time. I've always believed that "Where there is a will, there is a way". If he REALLY wanted to work, then he would. I wouldn't worry about the effect of your pending AOS. Just do what will make you happy and chalk this time up as lesson learned.

Sorry!

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

*BIG HUGS TO YOU!*

I'm so so sorry.

Have you sat down with your husband and expressed to him how truly unhappy you are?

If you haven't, do it. Don't yell or get angry, just tell him how you don't want to live like this and the way you two are living is not how a family should be living. You are a team. Living with his mother while he does nothing and you sit at home must be awful.

Maybe suggest marriage counseling or going to just talk to someone.

I understand you love him but sometimes just love isn't enough.

I've been in a relationship where I felt dead, your words reflect so much of my past pain. I know where you are coming from.

If he can't be a man and get his butt in gear for himself and you, I wouldn't stand for it. He sounds like he has a lot of soul searching to do, completely depressed but ultimately, only he can help himself. No matter how much you love and support him, if he still sits, it has to come from him.

You can't expect to give give give give give and get nothing in return. It's not fair to you at all.

If you have spoken with him and he still isn't facing reality, I have to agree with Chris/Ghel. Get out while you still can.

All you have is you. Follow your heart and do what makes you happy.

I know you married him but if you are as unhappy as your sad post displays, best to pick yourself up and move on before you have children and are tied to him for the rest of your life.

I wouldn't worry about the AOS process if you truly want to leave, I would be on that plane back home where I have family and friends to support me. You only live this life once...make sure it's a happy one.

Best of luck to you.

Edited January 9, 2008 by ~Laura and Nick~

[Sparkles 0]

*BIG HUGS TO YOU!*

I'm so so sorry.

Have you sat down with your husband and expressed to him how truly unhappy you are?

If you haven't, do it. Don't yell or get angry, just tell him how you don't want to live like this and the way you two are living is not how a family should be living. You are a team. Living with his mother while he does nothing and you sit at home must be awful.

Maybe suggest marriage counseling or going to just talk to someone.

I understand you love him but sometimes just love isn't enough.

I've been in a relationship where I felt dead, your words reflect so much of my past pain. I know where you are coming from.

If he can't be a man and get his butt in gear for himself and you, I wouldn't stand for it. He sounds like he has a lot of soul searching to do, completely depressed but ultimately, only he can help himself. No matter how much you love and support him, if he still sits, it has to come from him.

You can't expect to give give give give give and get nothing in return. It's not fair to you at all.

If you have spoken with him and he still isn't facing reality, I have to agree with Chris/Ghel. Get out while you still can.

All you have is you. Follow your heart and do what makes you happy.

I know you married him but if you are as unhappy as your sad post displays, best to pick yourself up and move on before you have children and are tied to him for the rest of your life.

I wouldn't worry about the AOS process if you truly want to leave, I would be on that plane back home where I have family and friends to support me. You only live this life once...make sure it's a happy one.

Best of luck to you.

yes, i've expressed my sentiments to him numerous times. he just told me not to worry that much. yet he still doesnt have that motivation to get a job.

you're right. the hell with the AOS. it's not worth this anger, depression, frustration & hopelessness. i'm just reminded once again that you really can't depend on anyone but yourself.

thanks so much.

[Sparkles 0]

I think you need to do some serious soul searching. Something you should think about is whether or not you can live like this for the rest of your life. Remember, you cannot change anyone. Only they can change themselves. And then, only if they want to. When I went to college, I also worked full time. I've always believed that "Where there is a will, there is a way". If he REALLY wanted to work, then he would. I wouldn't worry about the effect of your pending AOS. Just do what will make you happy and chalk this time up as lesson learned.

Sorry!

thank you so much..

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

I wish you all the happiness in the world.

Be proud of yourself for being so strong and have a safe journey home.

[pushbrk 13,117]

I don't envy your situation. It appears you are currently regretting one decision. I hope you'll be carefull enough not to make another decision you'll later regret and compound your despair. You're in a tough spot.

[desert_fox 32]

This will be his pattern throughtout his adult life as long as mommy is there to rescue him and not let/make him grow up to be responsible.

[zqt3344 21]

Why don't you just put it straight to him and tell him what he is about to do to you and cause in your new young marriage, maybe he will change, or maybe you should realize marriage is not a revolving door to get in an out of just because you have a few bad months or days in a relationship. You need to give it time and talk to him, then if after another 3 months you see no improvement or honest effort on his part to get a job and grow up then you tried. By the way if he is under the age of 25 and if he is a student as you say he simply may not have matured enough yet, have seen many young guys in USA behave the way your husband does when at that age, sadly it happens.

i just want to voice this out as i am in despair for the past couple of days

i came here in the US to find a job on a B2 visa and to meet my online chatmate whom i've been chatting with for as long as i can remember. things turned out well. he wanted to get married, i don't to yet because i'm not ready. since the quota for H1B Visa was already full, at some point i decided to go home and try my luck in other countries. he was so persistent about marrying me so i agreed to marry him in the end and because i truly love this guy.

before we got married, he didnt have a steady paying job and he didnt go to work during the time i was with him so we can spend time together more. i ended up paying for most of our expenses (groceries, meals when we go out etc). i was just so inlove with him that i overlooked that tiny fact. but i kept on asking him when he'll get back to his job and since he's still a student, he just can't work fulltime. i admit, a mistake on my part.

now, i'm suffering the consequences of my decision to get married. my husband only worked 1 day of his life for the past two months. how we survive? we're living with his mother which kills me. Not that i have anything against my mother in law, she's really nice. i'm stuck here in the house for days. and do nothing while my husband sleeps all day, not do anything to have means of sustenance. i can't drive yet, can't go to work yet, can't go anywhere by myself because we do not live in the city. i am seriously just wanting to go back home. i am an ambitious, hardworking person. this situation right now is just killing me. i know, marriage is not all peaches and cream but it just kills me that my husband turned out to be like this.

if i go home, what would be the adverse effect on my pending AOS? I still have my return ticket but i am so broke.

[Nutty 2]

If you think you will be happier back home in your country. Then seek information about a divorce in your area and present it to your husband.

Two things can happen:

1) He will change and you two can stay married

2) He will not change and then you know that he will never change. So it is best to get a divorce.

I don't know how old you are, but you sound far more mature than your husband.

Another option is to seek marriage counseling. Try this for a few months and if does not work out then divorce him. This route could also be one way of staying in the USA even if you divorce. Because it shows you entered into the marriage in good faith and even went to marriage counseling to save the marriage. But that even with these efforts the marriage failed. You could more than likely keep your immigrant visa and later adjust status. That is just my opinion. But it is something to check into.

[tito 1]

Have a safe trip home, and good luck.

[JJWashington 0]

You are in a tough situation. Good luck