Just Turkish

[internetkafe 0]

Hello Debra,

Yes he can have it done in the consulate of your area. You can look it up from http://www.e-konsolosluk.net

The fees the consulates charge is considerably less than the fees charged in Turkey.

Did you get your marriage registered with Turkish Vital Records office? If not and if you need it you can do it at the consulate too. We are planning to have it done soon.

Thank you for your good wishes. I told her what you said. :-)

Our baby is growing yes. Thank God he is OK.

I am not sure if I am ever going to adjust to this country and its people.

How is Candemir doing?

Have a nice weekend.

[Ctrl+alt+delete 0]

Hello Ahmet,

Thank you for the information, I told Candemir about the link you listed. Thats great news to be able to do that here and also cheaper No we have not registered your marriage with Turkish Vital Records office...is this something we need to do and why? Anyone have any military issues to deal with?

Candemir is doing better with each passing day. Adjustment is Hard.... He too might never adjust as well. It is a matter of Religion, Morals, Respect...the important issues...very hard for my Muslim husband...

Your very welcome and thank you for telling Justine hello for me. Also great to hear your baby is doing great, Yes Thank God! Always

Best wishes,

Peace to All

Debra

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Hey...where is everyone?

I dont dance but this little guy does...anything exciting going on?

[internetkafe 0]

Hello Ahmet,

Thank you for the information, I told Candemir about the link you listed. Thats great news to be able to do that here and also cheaper No we have not registered your marriage with Turkish Vital Records office...is this something we need to do and why? Anyone have any military issues to deal with?

Candemir is doing better with each passing day. Adjustment is Hard.... He too might never adjust as well. It is a matter of Religion, Morals, Respect...the important issues...very hard for my Muslim husband...

Your very welcome and thank you for telling Justine hello for me. Also great to hear your baby is doing great, Yes Thank God! Always

Best wishes,

Peace to All

Debra

Hello Debra&John,

No you do not have to do that if you do not want to. I might have to do that because I will go back to Turkey for interview and if they ask for a certain type of birth certificate I will need it. In that form of birth certificate there is information about the marital status also. Since We got married in the US, Turkish authorities do not know it yet. That is why I might have to register our marriage at our consulate. And I was told that it might take 3 months to get it registered.

If we do not do this we also will not be able to get Turkish citizenship for our son. I think he should have it since he is a Turk

I completed my service with the Turkish Military. According to the Turkish Consualate's website they want to see the discharge document when you extend the validity period of your passport there. Otherwise they will not extend it more than 6 months.

It is the people and ways of living that are difficult to adjust to..at least for me. Yes, my religion is a big factor too. I do not hear 'ezan' here...there are no mosques here like the ones in Turkey. You do not celebrate my holidays. You do not eat my food. You do not talk like I do. You do not behave/react to certain situations like I do. Differences are innumerable.

I used to think people in this country would be civilized but I am disappointed.

Things like these...

Maybe I am exagerating. Maybe not.

Anyway...

Have a nice week!

[Mina76 0]

Hi Ahmet

I know that you don't know me as well as you know Debra and John, but I understand what you are going through because I'am seeing these same emotions and reactions from my husband Coskun as well.

I have lived this with him for 10 months now and soon it will be a year that he has been living here in America and I also don't think he will ever adjust or call America home.

He has already gone through a couple of depression periods where he had feelings of extreme sadness and unhappiness and wanted sooo badly to go back home and no matter what I did to keep his spirits up it could not keep him from missing his Motherland and its people which is understandable.

My husband was never a prejudice man before, but since being here he had to tolerate the behaviors of a certain group of people (whom I cannot mention here) but I'am sure you understand who they are.

But your last comment

"I used to think people in this country would be civilized but I am disappointed." was not completely true, believe me I know what you mean, but there are alot of good people here too. I'am only sorry that there are those that make the rest of us look bad.

Only time will heal and for now we need to help each other in this time of adjusting.

Well, hang in there Ahmet and if you ever need to talk to a fellow turk let us know for Coskun too misses to talk with his turkish brothers as well. Take Care

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It is the people and ways of living that are difficult to adjust to..at least for me. Yes, my religion is a big factor too. I do not hear 'ezan' here...there are no mosques here like the ones in Turkey. You do not celebrate my holidays. You do not eat my food. You do not talk like I do. You do not behave/react to certain situations like I do. Differences are innumerable.

I used to think people in this country would be civilized but I am disappointed.

Things like these...

Maybe I am exagerating. Maybe not.

Anyway...

Have a nice week!

*************************************

You said that Perfectly!

The Religion issue that you’re having is the same for my husband also. Very simply said. He too misses to hear ‘ezan’ and going to the mosque. His talking way is so very different than I can explain...which I understand what you’re talking about so perfectly. His Honor...deepness.... Faith & Religion.... it’s breathtaking and it is this that makes him so very different than men here...this way of living that I respect beyond of everything.

I am also learning Islam...My husband is teaching me so very much every day. In doing so I also understand him more "Thank God".... Yes the differences are innumerable...and adjusting for both of us has not been easy.….I pray as the days pass it will.

Yes, people here are truly so{insert what you feel here}. But I agree with mina76. Not ALL of us are in the same way. Between all of them stand a few of "US" and to see "US" is hard because the rest simply are so overwhelming that it leaves a bad taste in your mouth. (sorry for the slang) Believe it or not we too are shocked by what we see and hear. We are also Not agreeing with life styles, choices being made, laws, government issues...I can go on and on. But I honestly feel there are some civilized people here. All Cultures have some good and some bad…even the Culture can be wrong, I agree.

I think it is good to talk about these issues because it can affect a marriage. We are two very different Cultures coming together. We both need understanding. We both need respect and I also believe it is OK to disagree.

I believe my husband and I found each other in this way....

as a single drop in a vast ocean

I was the one drop that he saw

and He was the one drop that I saw

Take care everyone,

Peace to All,

Debra

Hey Mina….thinking about you

Also I am sorry if this post offends anyone, I dont mean to.... these are my feelings on this subject...

[Mina76 0]

Hi Debra

Thank you for adding your feelings and thoughts to what I was trying to explain to Ahmet.

You said much more of what I wanted to say, but didn't because this is also a sensitive subject for all of us, yet we still need to talk more and help each other in this time period for adjusting to America and to make it better for our husbands.

We need not to deal with these problems alone and we can do our best to help each other also adjust.

With time and our faith in Allah everything will work out for us all.

Take care always

Mina

[Ctrl+alt+delete 0]

Just stopped in real quick to say Hello How is everyone doing?

Your welcome Mina Maybe I did say tooo much, I don't know....those were just my feelings and I can relate to those issues.. I just cant say too much here.

On another note::

I was wondering if anyone has any easy recipes to share??? I need to learn how to cook my man some serious Turkish food. Turkish Dinner anyone??? John is missing it soooo bad!

We are having a sunny Spring day

Take care,

Peace to All,

Debra

[SOlcayto 0]

I can understand missing your country and it's traditions and normal everyday cultural things but did any of the Turks who moved here actually expect something different from what they got? I'm not trying to sound mean or anything but I know if I move to France, it's going to be different from Texas and there aren't going to be the same foods or hardly any American culture there for me. It is scary uprooting your life and moving to another country and I hope that no one misled any of the Turks who moved here to believe that the US is like Turkey in any way bc it's not at all.

With that said, I hope that the adjustment is a smooth peaceful one for everyone involved and I hope that the ones here who are not finding it so easy soon will.

Good Luck to everyone.

SOL

[internetkafe 0]

Thank you Debra&John, Mina for your replies&support. I needed some more venting.

Maybe I needed the knowledge that I am not the only one trying to adjust.

Noone misled me about the culture and ways here, Solcayto.. I was not surprised at all. Most of the things I have come accross to were things I knew about.

However knowing something and facing it and having to live with it are two different things.

I do not think it is possible for Turkish spouses to be misled about the cultural difference or anything. As a matter of fact Turks in general are more tolerant and accepting of the different cultures and ways of living. It may be because we live on a land between three continents, we have our own cultural differences in our society... we have borders with 8 countries. Athens,Damascus,Rome,Jerusalem,Cairo.... are closer to Istanbul than Texas is to Washington.

It is not solely related with adjustment either. It is equally related with the frustration born out of (mostly) immigration bureacuracy's inefficiency and aversion to reason and common sense.

[Ctrl+alt+delete 0]

Your welcome internetkafe. We need to be able to vent and express our self in this process...the process as a whole...the good, the bad and the ugly.

I too don’t believe it is about misleading anyone. Most people know about the United States and see how the Culture/society is...watch it on TV and so forth.

"However knowing something and facing it and having to live with it are two different things."

Again, perfectly said internetkafe!

We all live very different things in our daily lives and go through the pains of adjusting, immigration issues and so forth. It's frustrating as well as disappointing at times...but we have Faith

“Everyone’s degree of understanding is different from another’s.

What I can explain is only as much as you can understand.”

Mawlana

Always wishing everyone All the best.

Peace to All,

Debra

http://sufizmveinsan.com/sozeng6.html

[SOlcayto 0]

"It is the people and ways of living that are difficult to adjust to..at least for me. Yes, my religion is a big factor too. I do not hear 'ezan' here...there are no mosques here like the ones in Turkey. You do not celebrate my holidays. You do not eat my food. You do not talk like I do. You do not behave/react to certain situations like I do. Differences are innumerable."

I'm sorry, I must have misunderstood but to me that sounded like you were upset bc things are so different here and not like it is in Turkey. Almost, like you expected all those things you miss to be here somehow.

I have never started a new life in a new country so I cannot fully understand what any of the foreign spouses from any country are going through and I do hope it gets easier for everyone. I guess I don't understand what's so difficult about it bc my husband is adjusting just fine. He does not understand why it's so hard for some people as well. But he also has uprooted his life and moved to a new country before. This is the second time for him but he said it wasn't that difficult for him the first time either. I guess it just depends on the person.

Anyhow, good luck to all and I do hope it gets easier.

SOL

P.S. It great to have a place like VJ to vent, so vent away!

[Ctrl+alt+delete 0]

SOlcayto,

Thank you for your posts, it is great to be able to talk about these things so that a greater understanding can come about.

"It is the people and ways of living that are difficult to adjust to..at least for me. Yes, my religion is a big factor too. I do not hear 'ezan' here...there are no mosques here like the ones in Turkey. You do not celebrate my holidays. You do not eat my food. You do not talk like I do. You do not behave/react to certain situations like I do. Differences are innumerable."

I'm sorry, I must have misunderstood but to me that sounded like you were upset bc things are so different here and not like it is in Turkey. Almost, like you expected all those things you miss to be here somehow.

I don't believe anyone is upset because those things are not here, sure they are. They are just different. I think the message trying to be said is that for a Muslim man coming too such a free USA is difficult. And as an American I know perfectly how free people are here and it is very shocking even to me at times....

I am happy to hear your husband is adjusting great. That is perfect news and I wish the best for you both and much, much happiness

Take care,

Debra

[Mina76 0]

Debra, I agree with you that it is great that we can talk this way about all the things that we need to understand and to make life easier here for our spouses.

So far Coskun has been trying his best to adapt to some of the cultural differences and is also trying to make new friends. Right now he is working (eventhough it is not exactly the job he had in mind ) but this is keeping him busy and at the same time he is meeting and talking to new people everyday, so little by little he is getting better.

Sol, I'am glad to also hear that your husband is adjusting just fine, I'am happy for both of you

Ahmet, we are all here for you and don't worry things will get better :energetic:

P.S. if you ever in need to talk to one of your turkish brothers just IM Coskun, he would love to say Merhaba for he misses to talk turkish!

Take care always

Mina

P.S.S. getting nervous and anxious now because it's just one more day before our AOS interview!

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P.S.S. getting nervous and anxious now because it's just one more day before our AOS interview!

Best wishes Mina and Coskun

Please let us know how thing go

Take care,

Debra

ps....We got 3 emails today from USCIS...they are going to send Candemir his new green card....I-90 was approved.....LOL..."no really" I told Candemir they must have found your photo because we didnt send one with the I-90... Ohhhh the fine work of USCIS....Praying they get it right this time around