Just Turkish

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Hello,

Welcome to here ;-))

We are in Washington State but right next to Portland, Oregon....seems most couples are on the east coast or inland a bit. My husband is from Antakya.

Stay warm ;-)

Best wishes,

Debbie

Hi everybody..

Finally I'm here..!! Entered Dulles Int on 26th December.

How R U all? how's getting with the icy cold? Fridge city. After Izmir, here comes to me as a North Pole.

I'm in Virginia / Fairfax,anyone here or near? Or anyone from Izmir?

I only know my lovely friend Gil&Pel but unfortunately she is so far away from me.

We all far away from our Country & City but glad to know that you all here. Keeps comfort.

Talk to soon ladies..

[Ctrl+alt+delete 0]

This wont be a problem. I too had a recent divorce and it never came up. The age difference never came up also. Try not fo freak out too much ;-))

Take care,

Debbie

I have a question. I read on another thread that it could be a red flag at the embassy if there has been a recent divorce. Necmi and I will both be in this situation. Has anyone heard this before?? Gosh I have such a long time to be freaking about this one!!

[Ctrl+alt+delete 0]

Happy New Year

This is my most busy time of year. No time for much these days to log on, it's 5 am now and gotta go to work ...Just wanted to say the above.

Best wishes everyone,

Debbie

[tanyakaraman 0]

Wow well I'd be excited if I were going to Turkey next month too! I miss it even though my hubby isn't living there anymore....

I don't mean to be discouraging....it's really not that bad but we have our moments. And who knows, maybe Necmi and your kids will be a perfect fit... He sounds like a very understanding person. I too worried about whether or not Ozzy could be happy here where I live in a small suburban town and him coming from huge İstanbul. I wondered if I was doing the right thing, etc., for myself and for him. I know now that I did but you're right, it is such a short time that they give you to 'be sure'. 90 days is nowhere near enough. I think its something you just have to dive into and make it work. Scary though for sure!

Yes I finally got my ATT....taking NCLEX on Feb 8th. So frustrating though 'cause they really emphasized that people score better if they take the exam within 30 days of graduation and I was determined to do that, then for that to not even be a possibility....grrr! It reminded me of the days of waiting for a NOA or an interview date...waiting and waiting for something to happen then when it does, you think ''Well damn it's about TIME!!!''

LOL well enough of my ranting!!

Sorry for the slow reply, work has been kicking me in the butt!! I'm working OT cuz I'm going to Turkey the 25 of February!! Sorry, a little excited:)

I can't imagine what it will be like for Necmi to walk into this family. My kids are so crazy:) I have sent him videos of our home life just so he can get an idea of what it will be like..but still nothing can prepare for this:) I am happy that the kids will be going to their dad's every other weekend and spending the evening with him on Tuesdays and Thursdays..it will give Necmi a little break from the chaos:) and us a little alone time.

Necmi has surprised me before. I was in Turkey and upset with a choice one of my older daughters had made while I was gone. He was so sweet in saying to me "Honey, you are older than me. Maybe you have forgotten what it is like to be a young person." I didn't know what to say to that:) He gave me some really good advice for such a young guy;) I have asked that we don't marry for at least 80 days. I think we need the time to make sure he will be happy living in such a different enviornment. I wish the visa process was different...90 days is not enough time.

Any luck on the job hunt? Did you get your ATT yet?

Have a good weekend!!

[Melinda&Necmi 0]

Wow well I'd be excited if I were going to Turkey next month too! I miss it even though my hubby isn't living there anymore....

I don't mean to be discouraging....it's really not that bad but we have our moments. And who knows, maybe Necmi and your kids will be a perfect fit... He sounds like a very understanding person. I too worried about whether or not Ozzy could be happy here where I live in a small suburban town and him coming from huge İstanbul. I wondered if I was doing the right thing, etc., for myself and for him. I know now that I did but you're right, it is such a short time that they give you to 'be sure'. 90 days is nowhere near enough. I think its something you just have to dive into and make it work. Scary though for sure!

Yes I finally got my ATT....taking NCLEX on Feb 8th. So frustrating though 'cause they really emphasized that people score better if they take the exam within 30 days of graduation and I was determined to do that, then for that to not even be a possibility....grrr! It reminded me of the days of waiting for a NOA or an interview date...waiting and waiting for something to happen then when it does, you think ''Well damn it's about TIME!!!''

LOL well enough of my ranting!!

I'm too tired to look back at my postings:) but did I tell you..I took mine 5 months later:) First they had me pending under my maiden name:( I had been married 15 years and in the middle of a divorce:) Then after I FAXed my marriage cert, they forgot about me! I was the last to test in my class and the rest had passed at 100%! every one knew it was me they were waiting for. ohh the pressure! Before I went to turkey the second time I called the state BON. I was told my paperwork was some how over looked! So that was cleared up, had my ATT that day and scheduled my test for two days after I would arrive back home. i had grand plans to study while i was in turkey (dumb plan) then thought i would study my butt off when i got back (again dumb!) When i come home i wonder around for a couple of weeks missing Necmi like crazy. So I went in to take the test of my lifetime with no studying! I started out with two easy ones..then they went all pharm on me..and peds (i scored the lowest in peds..wonder how i have kept these kids alive) After about the 40th question I gave up. I just eliminated the two that didnt fit and best-guessed on the other two. It shut down at 75:( I was so freaking scared. I went to my car cried and IM'ed Necmi. I told him I failed and was going to have to take some sort of refresher. So the moral to this loooong story is. don't sweat it! knock out the two that dont fit and critically think through the last two. If you start to get the multiple guess ones you know your headed in the right direction, they make you feel stupid but you are in the higher level of thinking at that point and you are close to the "you can't fail" level. One of my profs said that BSN students hsitorically score lower than ADNs so if my dumb BSN self can do it then your golden:)

I can't wait for necmi to get here and see our home and get this life with him (on this side of the oacean) started! I think you are right, we just need to dive in and work together. I have told him I wont divorce a second time and that my friend has huge swamp;) So he knows what he's in for;)Oh btw, your test date is the same day as my court date for my divorce:) It's a lucky day for American women who love Turkish guys:D

Have a great day:) and happy studying!!

[ErikaAndHamit 73]

I took mine 3 months after...I just read up and studied my weak areas at my leisure...did not stress about it. Also, when we have had arguments (all 3 times) it was related to kids/ex stuff....never anything else...a little frustrating...but not too bad

[Jenn and Fuat 2]

Our interview is four weeks from tomorrow and I will be leaving for Turkey in about 3 weeks... I think we're ready, but both starting to get a little nervous.

I'm starting to reconsider how much proof I really should take with me. When I filed the petition I included every email, photo, MSN conversation, Skype SMS message, phone bill, facebook conversation, etc. from the day we met to the day I sent in the petition.

When we sent in Packet # 3, we included all the proof we had from the day of filing the petition to the day of sending packet # 3. The only thing they don't already have would be the phone bills, photos, MSN conversations, a few receipts from packages sent, SMS messages, etc. from the day we sent packet # 3 to the day we go to the interview... and some cards, etc. that we didn't send with the other stuff. We figured we would just take those with us.

Should I take copies of EVERYTHING with me, or just the proof from time of packet # 3 to the interview. I have everything prepared, and was going to take it ALL, but the MSN conversations alone fill a couple of binders... and we still have three weeks of daily MSN conversations ahead of us. It's a huge amount of stuff to try to take in there and they already have most of it.

But, if I should take it I definitely will! Any thoughts from the people who have gone through this already?

[Der Bücherwurm 1]

Oooh. Our case number appeared on the embassy website yesterday! We will be taking the overnight train on Sunday so we can show up at the embassy on Monday. They better be giving us the visa this time. My family still has the christmas decorations up so we can celebrate as soon as we arrive.

[Jenn and Fuat 2]

Oooh. Our case number appeared on the embassy website yesterday! We will be taking the overnight train on Sunday so we can show up at the embassy on Monday. They better be giving us the visa this time. My family still has the christmas decorations up so we can celebrate as soon as we arrive.

GREAT NEWS!!!! Hope it all goes well and you will have the visa soon! INSALLAH

[Der Bücherwurm 1]

GREAT NEWS!!!! Hope it all goes well and you will have the visa soon! INSALLAH

Thanks! More great news: It snowed in Istanbul all day yesterday. Hubster and I went out to throw snowballs at each other. This morning the snow is still covering the sidewalks, roofs and cars. The weather forecast says it should snow today and tomorrow too. Also, the father in law promises to come visit as soon as we get back from Ankara so he can see his son off to America. Just wish hubby could see his brother and sister again but his brother is still fulfilling his military service and so can not leave the country and his sister is studying in Paris. Hopefully, it won't take us long to find jobs in the states so we can start saving for a trip to visit his sister in Paris and cousin in the south of France. I don't think he's been able to see his sister in 2 years. I'd love for us to be able to go to Iran too to meet the rest of his extended family that hasn't had a chance to visit us in Turkey but unfortunately it is too dangerous right now with all that is going on there.

[tanyakaraman 0]

If I were in your place, unless it is all too much to carry (or a ridiculously huge pile of papers ), I would bring it all...or bring what you feel comfortable carrying. You probably will not need to show any of it to the CO but it will make you feel reassured to have it with you and will make you appear very professional and prepared. Of course that is just my opinion ...you should do what feels right for you!

Good Luck!!

Tanya

Our interview is four weeks from tomorrow and I will be leaving for Turkey in about 3 weeks... I think we're ready, but both starting to get a little nervous.

I'm starting to reconsider how much proof I really should take with me. When I filed the petition I included every email, photo, MSN conversation, Skype SMS message, phone bill, facebook conversation, etc. from the day we met to the day I sent in the petition.

When we sent in Packet # 3, we included all the proof we had from the day of filing the petition to the day of sending packet # 3. The only thing they don't already have would be the phone bills, photos, MSN conversations, a few receipts from packages sent, SMS messages, etc. from the day we sent packet # 3 to the day we go to the interview... and some cards, etc. that we didn't send with the other stuff. We figured we would just take those with us.

Should I take copies of EVERYTHING with me, or just the proof from time of packet # 3 to the interview. I have everything prepared, and was going to take it ALL, but the MSN conversations alone fill a couple of binders... and we still have three weeks of daily MSN conversations ahead of us. It's a huge amount of stuff to try to take in there and they already have most of it.

But, if I should take it I definitely will! Any thoughts from the people who have gone through this already?

[Ctrl+alt+delete 0]

Hi Jenn,

We had proof from the beginning, middle and toward the interview date. Also photos and all the other stuff submitted (a full 2 inch Binder) I am the type that cuts out the "what if's"...better safe than sorry. So my husband took tons of proof.

Maybe cut back on the MSN chat stuff and just include some up to the interview date.

Best wishes,

Debbie

Our interview is four weeks from tomorrow and I will be leaving for Turkey in about 3 weeks... I think we're ready, but both starting to get a little nervous.

I'm starting to reconsider how much proof I really should take with me. When I filed the petition I included every email, photo, MSN conversation, Skype SMS message, phone bill, facebook conversation, etc. from the day we met to the day I sent in the petition.

When we sent in Packet # 3, we included all the proof we had from the day of filing the petition to the day of sending packet # 3. The only thing they don't already have would be the phone bills, photos, MSN conversations, a few receipts from packages sent, SMS messages, etc. from the day we sent packet # 3 to the day we go to the interview... and some cards, etc. that we didn't send with the other stuff. We figured we would just take those with us.

Should I take copies of EVERYTHING with me, or just the proof from time of packet # 3 to the interview. I have everything prepared, and was going to take it ALL, but the MSN conversations alone fill a couple of binders... and we still have three weeks of daily MSN conversations ahead of us. It's a huge amount of stuff to try to take in there and they already have most of it.

But, if I should take it I definitely will! Any thoughts from the people who have gone through this already?

[Ctrl+alt+delete 0]

Ready made families....... ;-) umm this is a hard one. Very, Very hard and difficult.

My American children / teenage girls meet Turkish Muslim man (Culture/Religion shock for everyone)

My children talked on msn chat, emailed..I tried to get them ready for change. BUT, it just didn’t happen the way I thought it would. "Caught in the middle" is a huge understatement...Huge ;-))

My youngest moved out right away and moved in with her father.

My eldest.......I thought for sure my eldest, a Basketball star for most of her childhood. Which was being scouted for college basketball would be fine. Then high school starts....she became a lesbian, started cutting, became a huge pot head then dropped out of basketball and barley graduated from high school. My perfect honor role daughter with scholarships and a bright future. Who would have thought......

Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk......TALK before he comes about everything, don’t sugar coat it because american children can be Nasty! They have sex in middle school, smoke, drink...everything starts young. Parents don’t have control like we use to. It is sad!

Mind you, our problems in this area are really intense, not all ready made families get in this type of situation...but it can happen, just know that. I guess that is all I am trying to say.

I just wish people would share more about the issues of adjusting, Religion, culture, families and so on. It is not all peaches and cream.. but yet I think most wanted it to be perfect ;-) I know I did.

Sorry if this causes any discomfort.

Best wishes,

Debbie

I'd say that counts. I'm sure they know it's difficult...not to mention expensive... to get kids halfway around the world to meet someone. I did manage to bring my kids to Turkey to meet Ozzy once, but it was only because I already had their passports...and that was only for a week, hardly enough for them to really know each other. I think the efforts to maintain a long term relationship via phone and IM and sending gifts count even more...and mention his attempts to get a visa to come here and meet them.

They certainly don't make it easy to ease kids into the new relationship with someone and there's not a lot you can really do about it other than what you're already doing.

It's not so much an issue for getting the visa, I think, as it will be something you may need to be sensitive to once he is here and you are married. There is a huge difference culturally between the way kids are raised in Turkey and here and that has been a big clashing point between my kids and Ozzy. He expects a lot of them and while I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing, its difficult for them to understand that he is trying to help them become better people and not just being bossy or mean... I am kind of caught in the middle of that sometimes, trying to explain them to him and him to them, and I'm not sure if they'll ever really come to understand each other, which makes me sad...

[awaterlily 0]

Deb, I am so glad you posted this - in fact, I feel there should be a whole thread on VJ dedicated to this topic. It's a huge dilemma. It would be helpful to hear from others about what works for them, what doesn't in terms of meshing the family.

So many on VJ do talk about the positive and joyous aspects of getting their foriegn loved ones here and adjusted to life in the US but never say a word on the sour side. I know a few divorces (discussed off board). This needs to be openly addressed.

We are dealing with spouses who speak a foriegn language first, add to fact of vastly different cultures, religious beliefs and then American kids. And surely, you can add to the issues if your spouse or kids or both have had little to no close exposure to different ethnic groups, cultures, foreigners or international travel. But sometimes that does not matter.

Some back ground: My entire family including extended family is a mix of ethnicities, races and cultures and my husband, is educated, worldly in that he has travelled to several different countries and speaks five languages. He even lived in South Africa for one year. As much as I tried to make our relationship and marriage a smooth transition for my teenage kids, it has been any thing but. Now, most kids struggle with a parent's new marriage. Throw a foriegner from a muslim country in the mix. I, too, have struggled with my teen/young adult daughters and my husband's relationship. That all said, my husband has been a super trooper!!!

It has not created any wedge in our marriage, in fact, we anticipated these issues and he has been so understanding and tolerant. We love each other tremendously and continue to brainstorm ideas to work through this. Believe me, it is not easy as I have one very mouthy, tell it like it is, no holding back, beautiful and smart 19 year old teenage daughter who really hates her mother right now. (God love her so that she may find a way to channel all of that in a more appropriate, productive and useful way.)

So if anyone here ever needs to talk about dynamics of blended families I think Deb and I would be great resources for that. Feel free to send me a PM any time.

Ready made families....... ;-) umm this is a hard one. Very, Very hard and difficult.

My American children / teenage girls meet Turkish Muslim man (Culture/Religion shock for everyone)

My children talked on msn chat, emailed..I tried to get them ready for change. BUT, it just didn't happen the way I thought it would. "Caught in the middle" is a huge understatement...Huge ;-))

My youngest moved out right away and moved in with her father.

My eldest.......I thought for sure my eldest, a Basketball star for most of her childhood. Which was being scouted for college basketball would be fine. Then high school starts....she became a lesbian, started cutting, became a huge pot head then dropped out of basketball and barley graduated from high school. My perfect honor role daughter with scholarships and a bright future. Who would have thought......

Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk......TALK before he comes about everything, don't sugar coat it because american children can be Nasty! They have sex in middle school, smoke, drink...everything starts young. Parents don't have control like we use to. It is sad!

Mind you, our problems in this area are really intense, not all ready made families get in this type of situation...but it can happen, just know that. I guess that is all I am trying to say.

I just wish people would share more about the issues of adjusting, Religion, culture, families and so on. It is not all peaches and cream.. but yet I think most wanted it to be perfect ;-) I know I did.

Sorry if this causes any discomfort.

Best wishes,

Debbie

Edited January 25, 2010 by awaterlily

[Melinda&Necmi 0]

Deb, I am so glad you posted this - in fact, I feel there should be a whole thread on VJ dedicated to this topic. It's a huge dilemma. It would be helpful to hear from others about what works for them, what doesn't in terms of meshing the family.

So many on VJ do talk about the positive and joyous aspects of getting their foriegn loved ones here and adjusted to life in the US but never say a word on the sour side. I know a few divorces (discussed off board). This needs to be openly addressed.

We are dealing with spouses who speak a foriegn language first, add to fact of vastly different cultures, religious beliefs and then American kids. And surely, you can add to the issues if your spouse or kids or both have had little to no close exposure to different ethnic groups, cultures, foreigners or international travel. But sometimes that does not matter.

Some back ground: My entire family including extended family is a mix of ethnicities, races and cultures and my husband, is educated, worldly in that he has travelled to several different countries and speaks five languages. He even lived in South Africa for one year. As much as I tried to make our relationship and marriage a smooth transition for my teenage kids, it has been any thing but. Now, most kids struggle with a parent's new marriage. Throw a foriegner from a muslim country in the mix. I, too, have struggled with my teen/young adult daughters and my husband's relationship. That all said, my husband has been a super trooper!!!

It has not created any wedge in our marriage, in fact, we anticipated these issues and he has been so understanding and tolerant. We love each other tremendously and continue to brainstorm ideas to work through this. Believe me, it is not easy as I have one very mouthy, tell it like it is, no holding back, beautiful and smart 19 year old teenage daughter who really hates her mother right now. (God love her so that she may find a way to channel all of that in a more appropriate, productive and useful way.)

So if anyone here ever needs to talk about dynamics of blended families I think Deb and I would be great resources for that. Feel free to send me a PM any time.

Debbie and awaterlily, thank you so very much for sharing this. I can't imagine how hard it is going to be for all of us. With the enviornment that my kids have grown up in (NO respect for their abusive dad) I don't see them giving Necmi any respect right away. I have told him to be prepared for the "Your not my dad..you can't tell me what to do..." We are just now learning how to behave becuase it is the right thing to do..not because Dad will be mad. I have told him my two oldest are sexually acitve. He is trying to get use to the idea. He asked if this is normal for America..I gave him the latest stats on virgins graduating form HS. He was speechless. I have told him my kids are naughty naughty naughty. He thinks my 9 year old is cute in her naughtyness:) Ohhh, when that misconception is found out:) My husband is of nooo help here. He calls Necmi racial slurs in front of the kids:( I am comforted by the fact that I am not the first to go through this and that all of you are here to act as a sounding board and for adivce. Sagol!!

Pray..Pray...Pray for us!! Luften!!