Just Turkish

[Mina76 0]

Hi Everyone

I thought I start a new topic for a different type of discussion other then just culinary, culture, moving, religion, travel and so on where we can share some thoughts on how we are all dealing with being married to a muslim man and what is expected of us as wives of these Turkish men. This was something that I thought to ask because of a thread that was started on "Regional Discussion > Africa: Sub-Saharan" where they asked "How do you split the housework?" This hit me so close to home and it's sort of a sensitive subject for me.

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=1011

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Selams....

[SOlcayto 0]

My husband and his family do not associate themselves with any religion so our situation may be different bc of that but my turkish husband cooks almost every meal and he cleans the bathrooms and does the laundry. I clean the kitchen and the living rooms. We have it split up pretty even. My husband doesn't expect anything of me as a wife really. I mean the normal, stay faithful, maintain mutual respect, and work together to have a great life. But beyond that, he doesn't want me to change how I am or how I go about my daily activities. I don't think he expects anything from me except to just be me.

Some of the things that have been hard for us is our completely different views on medicine and illness. For ex: he thinks you should treat minor wounds a certain way which I think is completely ridiculous and putting yourself more at risk for infection and he also thinks if you take a shower and go to sleep with wet hair, you'll get a cold. He also thinks that central air and heat will make you sick and blames his sore muscles on it. It's crazy to me and it can get annoying sometimes but I try to meet him halfway on things like this.

Anyone else deal with this sort of stuff?

SOL

[Mina76 0]

Hi SOlcayto

Glad to hear that your husband is finally with you and that you are both happy now that you're together here in the USA.

Interesting that your husband also believe the same as my husband about blaming central air and heat on their sored muscles, so funny

Does he also ask you to give him massages? It's enough to give me sore muscles everytime he ask for it! Like I'am not tired enough after cleaning the house and cooking his meals

But you are lucky though to have your husband share the housework with you, I think my husband goes back to the old country where the women did everything while they go out and play

I hope we can maybe talk online sometimes

Take care Sol

Mina

[BettyandSeyhan 0]

HELLO MINA!!!

Sorry I haven't been online in quite a while....I am at work, and just popped on real quick and saw your post....How are you doing?

It is a big adjustment living in America.

Seyhan has done pretty well, but because he was born and raised in Germany, he has a different mindset I think than traditional Turks. He loves Christmas.....and all holidays...He of course misses

the mosques in Istanbul and Ramadan with his family.

When he wasn't working.....he pretty much did everything for me...I usually cooked dinner,

but he would get up every morning and cook me breakfast...Now that he is working, he still helps out quite a bit...I just let him sleep in, because he works evenings.

In his mind....the women are the boss He does, however, want to know everything regarding the finances......lol....which is okay... He is bound and determined to pay off all my credit cards...he HATES THEM!!!

Cooking can be a challenge.......his mother was an excellent cook of course......I have tried to make a couple of Turkish reciepes...and we are always ordering from www.tulumba.com

Excellent Turkish website!!!!!

Not only does he not eat pork, but he absolutely HATES cheese!!! won't touch it...

I love cheese.....!!!!!!!!!

Other than that........life has been pretty good....I have a wonderful husband and I thank God for him everyday!!!!!!!!

I will try to keep in touch!

Take care !!!

Betty

Edited February 22, 2006 by BettyandSeyhan

[SOlcayto 0]

Hey Betty, My husband is like that as well, he believes women are the boss. Very good for me!

Mina, I bet your husband is one of those Turks who lived with his mother until he went to the US and his mom did everything for him. (I would say 99% of the male population in Turkey is like that, lol) And they just sort of expect you to take the place of their mom. Has he ever lived outside of Turkey before, not vacationed, but lived? I think this usually makes a big difference. My husband lived in London for 5 years so even though his mom did everything for him and still does when he's there, he realizes this is not the way the other parts of the world function. I'm sure it will just take some time for your husband to adjust. But definitely you two need to discuss it and make sure both of you are happy. But I totally know what you mean about the massages. My hand was actually cramping the other night, and he was like, that's it? I was like, uh yeah, my hand is hurting. We both just started laughing. Oh, and don't let him tell you he doesn't cook. I bet he does and I bet it's awesome. All Turkish moms make their kids, male and female, help in the kitchen every night. So, make him cook you some traditional turkish meals sometime. I love it when my husband does, it's soooooo good!

Talk to you soon,

SOL

[Mina76 0]

Hi Betty!

I was sooo surprised and happy to see your post here, miss so much talking to you! I'am also happy to hear that you and Seyhan are doing well.

Coskun sends his regards and hope to be able to speak with Seyhan soon. If possible maybe we can exchange phones numbers, if you don't mind of course. It would be wonderful for the boys to talk and share their thoughts on how they are adjusting to living in the US (and maybe Seyhan can give Coskun a bit of advice on who really is the boss, he probably have a heart attack! )

Still hubby has not been able to completely adjust, some things here can be hard for him like certain group of people that I really can't mention here and mostly their rudeness, of course being that we live in New York City some would say that's typical but other then that most people here very nice and of course being a native New Yorker myself I would say that I'am used to it.

Oh well what can I do?

Take care of yourself Betty and see you soon

Mina

[Mina76 0]

Hi Sol

You hit everything right on the nose and described everything that is totally my husband and his way of thinking! Amazing isn't it?!

Yes, you are right about him living at home with his mom before coming to the US (he has all his life!) eventhough he has visited some neighboring countries, but has not fully lived in any of them to see anything different then what he only believes.

As for him needing some more time to adjust..... well I think he will need more then that, maybe another century before he can realizes that women today are also equal partners in a marriage

But don't get me wrong my husband is a wonderful guy, but he needs to open his eyes to what women can do today other then just being a wife!

Take care of yourself also Sol and see you soon

Mina

P.S. What is your husband's first name?

[SOlcayto 0]

Mina,

My husband's name is Sinan. I'm sure your husband is a wonderful guy. I thought about how my message may have come across rude and I wanted to tell you in no way did I mean it to sound rude or offensive.

My husband got his green card in the mail on Sat. Woooo Hoooo! Now, I get to put him to work, lol.

Everything has been going really well for us here. I went through all my checks and since he's been here, which is three weeks, we have spent a small fortune on groceries. That is going to be the hardest thing for us. You know, I'm American, I can eat total ####### if I need to save money. He can't! Oh and what's up with bread. My husband eats almost an entire loaf of bread every day! And he is the skinniest person!

It's crazy but it's crazy fun too! I'm super happy my husband is home.

How have you been?

SOL

[Mina76 0]

Ohh tell me about it!

I'am not used to eating bread for breskfast, lunch and dinner, I hardly ate much bread until I met my husband and of course like your husband he is also super slim!

As for coming on rude or offensive, you didn't at all B) actually you have been very nice

Actually it was me that was a bit unkind about my husband because it has not been so easy for me trying to help him to adjust here and no matter what I did it just was not enough and part of it is because he is not really trying himself.

Yes and that's another thing, I also have spent too much money on food because everything has to be fresh, my husband doesn't believe in anything that is processed and will not even eat it!

Ohh and Congratulations on your husband getting his Green Card this is wonderful news!

Our AOS interview is coming up soon, March 23 to be exact so not too long now.

Well Sol gotta run now, take care and see you soon

Mina

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Congratulations SOL on your husbands Green Card Great news to know one of us got it without any problems. I hope the adjustment stage goes smooth. Happy for you both

Best wishes Mina on the AOS interview Keep Smiling

The adjustment stage we all must feel it at different levels for sure. The food thing was hard at first. Finding things without pork products was a little challenging...but we got past that rather quickly. We also found a Halal market here in Portland found some Soujouk, Candemir missed it so. Bread....ya, we buy ALLOT of it and Candemir can also finish off a loaf rather quickly, lol...

We are stuck in a rather frustrating situation with this Green Card issue. We haven’t received a NOA for the

I-90 (correcting of the Green Card). So not so sure how long that will take. Candemir also needs to renew his passport...sooo not sure about that process as well. Kinda down about the whole thing!!

Anyways....stuck at work with month end to process and a computer system that is SSShhhhit!!! {{{HELP}}} At times I don’t know what I was thinking to get into accounting....need a vacation... I am burnt out!

need some sun shine B) B) B) B) How about New York Mina???

Take care

Peace to All,

Debra

[Mina76 0]

Hi Debra

It's was so nice to see you post here, I have missed seeing you. So how have you been?

Sorry to hear about your situation and with them messing up on your husband's Green Card, hope that they will resolve it soon and send Candemir his new corrected card.

Good thing you mention about your husband's passport expiring soon because I also didn't realize about it and ran to the bedroom to find Coskun's passport and sure enough his is also going to be expiring too, on July 2006 to be exact! Like you I'am not sure also about what kind of process this will take and how to go about it from here, but once we have our AOS interview and my husband is granted his Green Card or get his approval for Green Card then he will make arrangements to go to Turkey in April to visit his mother and from there I guess while he is visiting he can go and his get his passport renewed out there.

Also I agree you and in Congratulating Sol and her husband on being the first in our group on getting his Green Card, this news is also encouraging and hopeful for the rest of us that are still waiting for our AOS interview. I wish them much much happiness in their marriage

Yes, it is so cold and snowing in New York City right now and like you we also need a nice vacation and maybe possibly see it as a Honeymoon since we never had one since getting married, we are thinking being that we live so close to the Carribeans we can just take a flight out to one of the tropical islands for some sun and fun B)

Well Debra I hope that you get your good news soon on Candemir's Green Card, keeping my fingers cross for you guys

Take care always

Mina

[internetkafe 0]

Mina,

your husband can get his passport's validity period extended at a Turkish Consulate and pay less for that.

Congrats on your husband's green card Debra!

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Salam Ahmet,

Thank you and thank you for the information. Do you know if Candemir can extend his passport here in the US at a Turkish Consulate? We really need to check up on this rather quickly. He was thinking to go back to Turkey at the end of summer but it all depends on renewing his passport, the Green Card problem and possibly the I-551 stamp...soo tooo many things going on at the same time

How are you and Justine and are you here in the States? I haven’t talked with Justine in so long, last time you guys were still in Turkey.......and your son must be growing so quickly I pray all is well with you and your family. Please tell Justine hello for me and to email me sometime soon (she knows my email address).

Merhaba Mina

To be honest I do more reading than posting now days...Candemir and I are so busy most of the time. I don’t sit at the computer any more...Thank God...! My reason is now here with me time has been going so quickly and I can say with each day adjusting is getting better...here in the US is so different...so free that it can be shocking....even for me so I can truly understand.

Yes, the Green Card issue seems to have put a hold on many things...but if it is meant to be, it simply will be...

Passport issues, glad you checked it.....Coskuns will expire real soon best wishes on getting that taken care of...as with us.

It will be good for our men to go back and see family and friends and also eat some serious food they are missing, lol. I will never be able to cook like Candemirs mother...but I also need to try harder

He is missing everyone so much...I wish they all could be here with him...or we could be there with them ...ya, I can move in a heartbeat!

The sun is out right now Thank God! Praying for warmer weather so much sooner!!

Well I do have to go back to work now, lol...cant seem to focus so much any more...Its not good.

Take care and tell your husband hello for us.

Peace to All,

Debra

[Mina76 0]

Ohh of course

Thank you so much Internetkafe we will do just that!