Financial differences between USC and SO

[We_Destiny 1]

I have been reading some of the posts here and got to wondering about the average difference between the incomes of the USC and their significant other. I have seen some that are sending money there , some sending money here , some scrambling for backup sponsors. I am not looking for exact numbers but rather a comparison . Are you middle income and he upper ? In my case he is quite poor and I am comfortable. Do you think this will be a problem or has it been between you ? If the non USC was upper income how did they adjust to living here ? How many of you intend to live part time/full time there in later years ?

One more thing - before we got married I sent my husband money twice. That was to help with the proof needed prior to his interview to show that we had/have an 'on going relationship'. But you better believe that as soon as his feet touched American soil I got my money back.

Sending money to your SO is proof of an ongoing relationship? I didn't know that.

In MY personal case, the receipts from Western Union were part of our paper trail. My husband and I had barely any emails between us. He was in Germany during most of our relationship, and it was very inexpensive for him to call me. In the long run, we had tons of calling cards as proof, but that was it. So in less than a month before his interview, I added international long distance to my cell phone (that way we had something in writing) as well as two Western Union transactions. At my husband's embassy calling cards were not accepted as proof of an ongoing relationship. Oh - by the way we also both quickly signed up for Pingo.

Ok, well I'm still in AP and I've pulled together pretty much everything just waiting. I have the I-134 and got everything notarized. I got a friend at work to notarize it and made three originals. It was hard to find someone with a seal because NY no longer requires a seal but immigration documents are supposed to have a seal. The bank sent me the letter after I told them to JUST DO IT. I have the letter from my employer and my tax transcripts for the past three years, not including 2007 obviously. I'll send the 1040 and w2 once I've filed. I have made copies of emails, IMs, our telephone record from uniontelecard (which is like pingo). I made copies at walmart of about 17 pictures. I felt like that was probably enough. I didn't know how many really to send. Ummm, should I send a couple of western union money transfers too? any advice on other proof of ongoing relationships would be great. I don't have copies of text messages, is there a way to do that? I use verizon wireless. I didn't include any letters or cards because Bassi's cousin told me he doesn't think it would be very useful if I didn't keep the envelope with the postal stamp. I didn't know and didn't really plan far enough ahead to think to keep envelopes when Bassi sent me things.

I included like 200 pics in 2 small photo albums of our first 5 visits, my 5th and 6th visits (interview) were so close together, I made copies of the pics the day before I left, so they were still in the envelope. That happened to be a great thing for us because the small album would not fit through the window, so the CO took the envelope of 250 pics. The CO even passed them around the office (apparently me and my husband look alike to some people, and they seemed to get a big laugh out of that). I believe the more pics the better. I did not send any western union receipts (I have heard that is frowned upon by some CO's), I did not want to take any chances. I only had one letter and envelope; I would suggest you hve him snail mail you something now it will take about a week to get to you. But I did send restaurant receipts from Frankies (Accra) and Hin Loe's (North Labone) and hotels in Nigeria when we travelled around. Also in Ghana you can get taxi receipts during the time you were there.

Hope this helps.

[Zee Bee 61]

Ok, well I'm still in AP and I've pulled together pretty much everything just waiting. I have the I-134 and got everything notarized. I got a friend at work to notarize it and made three originals. It was hard to find someone with a seal because NY no longer requires a seal but immigration documents are supposed to have a seal. The bank sent me the letter after I told them to JUST DO IT. I have the letter from my employer and my tax transcripts for the past three years, not including 2007 obviously. I'll send the 1040 and w2 once I've filed. I have made copies of emails, IMs, our telephone record from uniontelecard (which is like pingo). I made copies at walmart of about 17 pictures. I felt like that was probably enough. I didn't know how many really to send. Ummm, should I send a couple of western union money transfers too? any advice on other proof of ongoing relationships would be great. I don't have copies of text messages, is there a way to do that? I use verizon wireless. I didn't include any letters or cards because Bassi's cousin told me he doesn't think it would be very useful if I didn't keep the envelope with the postal stamp. I didn't know and didn't really plan far enough ahead to think to keep envelopes when Bassi sent me things.

I have sent my fiance 20 or so pictures (us together and with family and friends), pages of phone logs, pages of text message bills that I have (I use ATT) and information from my trip to Ghana in July 2007.

He has sent me stuff through snail mail and I have all those so I will send them later (when I find them).

[ForeverAmen 0]

I have been reading some of the posts here and got to wondering about the average difference between the incomes of the USC and their significant other. I have seen some that are sending money there , some sending money here , some scrambling for backup sponsors. I am not looking for exact numbers but rather a comparison . Are you middle income and he upper ? In my case he is quite poor and I am comfortable. Do you think this will be a problem or has it been between you ? If the non USC was upper income how did they adjust to living here ? How many of you intend to live part time/full time there in later years ?

One more thing - before we got married I sent my husband money twice. That was to help with the proof needed prior to his interview to show that we had/have an 'on going relationship'. But you better believe that as soon as his feet touched American soil I got my money back.

Sending money to your SO is proof of an ongoing relationship? I didn't know that.

In MY personal case, the receipts from Western Union were part of our paper trail. My husband and I had barely any emails between us. He was in Germany during most of our relationship, and it was very inexpensive for him to call me. In the long run, we had tons of calling cards as proof, but that was it. So in less than a month before his interview, I added international long distance to my cell phone (that way we had something in writing) as well as two Western Union transactions. At my husband's embassy calling cards were not accepted as proof of an ongoing relationship. Oh - by the way we also both quickly signed up for Pingo.

Ok, well I'm still in AP and I've pulled together pretty much everything just waiting. I have the I-134 and got everything notarized. I got a friend at work to notarize it and made three originals. It was hard to find someone with a seal because NY no longer requires a seal but immigration documents are supposed to have a seal. The bank sent me the letter after I told them to JUST DO IT. I have the letter from my employer and my tax transcripts for the past three years, not including 2007 obviously. I'll send the 1040 and w2 once I've filed. I have made copies of emails, IMs, our telephone record from uniontelecard (which is like pingo). I made copies at walmart of about 17 pictures. I felt like that was probably enough. I didn't know how many really to send. Ummm, should I send a couple of western union money transfers too? any advice on other proof of ongoing relationships would be great. I don't have copies of text messages, is there a way to do that? I use verizon wireless. I didn't include any letters or cards because Bassi's cousin told me he doesn't think it would be very useful if I didn't keep the envelope with the postal stamp. I didn't know and didn't really plan far enough ahead to think to keep envelopes when Bassi sent me things.

I don't think sending funds via Western Union is necessary. Please note that I stressed, "In MY personal case". Actually it was in the midst of reading various posts here on VJ that I started to get the 'hint' that phone records would be necessarily. Unfortunately, we did not have the phone records in time for his interview. He went to the interview, and was told to return with "sufficient" evidence. So because of that, and because of what I saw on VJ we poured it on thick, and came up with everything possible. We even included emails from my account amongst family and friends in whch his name came up. Like I said - we poured it on thick.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

I was so unprepared. Bassi and I have known each other for a while. I think neither of us thought we'd finally both be at the same place at the same time. When he asked me to marry him, I said yes and we celebrated. We told our families. And then we faced the question of, where will we live. It took us almost 6 months to decide on the US definitely and then we started to look into what we had to do and made contact with his cousin here in the US for guidance. I found VJ after sending in the paperwork and I didn't make mistakes (I don't think....but I AM in AP.) But there seems to be so much that I just didn't think of. I mean, thinking of our life together and how to do everything to be prepared for this "visa journey". I don't know if it would have been easier if we moved to Europe or if I moved to Africa, but maybe there would have been problems with any decision. Right this moment I feel totally overwhelmed because I have no control over my immediate future. I've never felt like this before in my life. And it's wiping me out. I didn't even pray today. I couldn't. I was afraid something might come out that I'd not be able to repent enough for. I actually feel like I'm suffering. What's going on?

[ForeverAmen 0]

I was so unprepared. Bassi and I have known each other for a while. I think neither of us thought we'd finally both be at the same place at the same time. When he asked me to marry him, I said yes and we celebrated. We told our families. And then we faced the question of, where will we live. It took us almost 6 months to decide on the US definitely and then we started to look into what we had to do and made contact with his cousin here in the US for guidance. I found VJ after sending in the paperwork and I didn't make mistakes (I don't think....but I AM in AP.) But there seems to be so much that I just didn't think of. I mean, thinking of our life together and how to do everything to be prepared for this "visa journey". I don't know if it would have been easier if we moved to Europe or if I moved to Africa, but maybe there would have been problems with any decision. Right this moment I feel totally overwhelmed because I have no control over my immediate future. I've never felt like this before in my life. And it's wiping me out. I didn't even pray today. I couldn't. I was afraid something might come out that I'd not be able to repent enough for. I actually feel like I'm suffering. What's going on?

I can relate to you regarding the wait. In the midst of waiting for my husband, I moved with my job and had to deal with those adjustments without my SO. But the one thing that carried me through was prayer. I prayed to God for strength. I prayed and started thanking him in advance for the things to come. When I did not have anything to say (request/thank) I prayed for those who may need prayer. I know it's hard, and very frustrating .... but if God brings you to it, He will bring you through it (unknown).

Remember ... pray.

[ose_n_me 0]

Bassi...I totally feel u girl! I had no idea when I started this LDR that it was gonna be this hard. I had no clue all these feelings I am having right now. I have always been in such control of my life..so I thought...but now everything is out of my control. Some stranger at USCIS has my future in their hands, and they kno nothing about me or my husband or what suffering and pain we are going thru right now. This is our second visa journey..we were denied the first time because I was so unprepared, got bad advice, and did not go overboard on the proof as I should have. I wasn't aware of VJ, and did not "do my homework" as I should have. The funny thing is..normally I am so ####### about stuff and detail-oriented! I was just so head-over-heels that I wasn't thinking straight. Now I am a nervous wreck. Trying to make sure I do everything right, and not miss a beat this time.

I too find it hard to pray on the days that I am just so emotional. But something inside me always reminds me that it is God that brought my husband and I together in the first place, and OUR TIME IS NOT GODS TIME! His timing is his glory. I know for a fact that had my husband and met any sooner than we did, it would not have been the "right time". God has to put everything in place so that we can live in his grace and glory for the rest of our lives. This is something my husband reminds me of almost daily when I feel like I don't have the strength to go on.

We have to believe that God has a plan for us...and when it is complete, so then we will be together. Please know that when I pray...I pray for all of us who are in pain and need the healing hands of God.

So if there is a day you do not or cannot pray..I will pray for you

Have faith and God Bless!

[JJWashington 0]

I was so unprepared. Bassi and I have known each other for a while. I think neither of us thought we'd finally both be at the same place at the same time. When he asked me to marry him, I said yes and we celebrated. We told our families. And then we faced the question of, where will we live. It took us almost 6 months to decide on the US definitely and then we started to look into what we had to do and made contact with his cousin here in the US for guidance. I found VJ after sending in the paperwork and I didn't make mistakes (I don't think....but I AM in AP.) But there seems to be so much that I just didn't think of. I mean, thinking of our life together and how to do everything to be prepared for this "visa journey". I don't know if it would have been easier if we moved to Europe or if I moved to Africa, but maybe there would have been problems with any decision. Right this moment I feel totally overwhelmed because I have no control over my immediate future. I've never felt like this before in my life. And it's wiping me out. I didn't even pray today. I couldn't. I was afraid something might come out that I'd not be able to repent enough for. I actually feel like I'm suffering. What's going on?

I know exactly how you are feeling right now. You have to just stop and focus yourself on things happening in your life here - your child, your job, etc. Your file will be out of AP soon and then you will be "in waiting" for the Interview." Its the most difficult thing I have ever been through, but it did end and we are together now! This too shall pass.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

So if there is a day you do not or cannot pray..I will pray for you

Have faith and God Bless!

Thank you so much.

Thanks for your understanding. I know we are all in the same boat. I just feel like I'm on a deserted island.

[Zee Bee 61]

I was so unprepared. Bassi and I have known each other for a while. I think neither of us thought we'd finally both be at the same place at the same time. When he asked me to marry him, I said yes and we celebrated. We told our families. And then we faced the question of, where will we live. It took us almost 6 months to decide on the US definitely and then we started to look into what we had to do and made contact with his cousin here in the US for guidance. I found VJ after sending in the paperwork and I didn't make mistakes (I don't think....but I AM in AP.) But there seems to be so much that I just didn't think of. I mean, thinking of our life together and how to do everything to be prepared for this "visa journey". I don't know if it would have been easier if we moved to Europe or if I moved to Africa, but maybe there would have been problems with any decision. Right this moment I feel totally overwhelmed because I have no control over my immediate future. I've never felt like this before in my life. And it's wiping me out. I didn't even pray today. I couldn't. I was afraid something might come out that I'd not be able to repent enough for. I actually feel like I'm suffering. What's going on?

I too was unprepared for this visa journey. Quite frankly, I am surprised we did not get an RFE. After looking at what was required to prove we had met in the last 2 years I said a small prayer and sent off my package. I had no boarding passes, just an itinerary that had my name barely visible on it. And my parents had bought the ticket (from outside the US) so I had no proof of payment, no pictures, my passport was being renewed so I could not send in my passport stamps. I sent 2 statements from my sisters saying they had seen us together and a bus ticket stub from when I was in Ghana. That was it. After sending in the petition I made copies of my passport and had it ready to send in if we got an RFE but we didn't.

I can totally relate to having no control over what is going on. I am a control freak and this whole black hole nonesense gets to you. I had problems believing that anything good could come out of somthing so draining but in the end God takes care of His own. My mom told me I should take time to pray and I had the audacity to ask what difference it would make. I contemplated leaving my job and moving to Ghana while all this was over. Or maybe going there for an extended period of time. I asked myself why couldn't he have lived in Europe or somewhere where I don't have to spend a fortune to visit and phone bills.

But in the end you do what you have to do to get through it. My fiance knows that there are times when I was down and not happy, but he does not know the extent to which it affected me. After getting appproved, we had to deal with the embassy which was another nightmare in itself but we survived.

Going through all that and just counting down the days I must say that I am relieved, but I cannot forget the people who are still stuck in limbo in different parts of the process. Lately, reading how a lot of my VJ friends are going through I have been making sure God hears my prayer. Just know that when I say my prayers, I have been sending a little something special out there for you and your family.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

Thanks for listening/reading and for understanding.

I spent the morning on my knees and I repented as well for bad thoughts and bad words. I know that there are people struggling more than me all over the world. I was in a bit of a pity party I guess. I'm also hormonal which is probably TMI. Bassi was and is my best friend. So he has the benefit/misfortune of hearing all my junk. Poor guy. Maybe I need a new best friend now that he has a new role in my life. Until I find one, you guys might see the worst of me. I'm planning to fly down to GA next month to visit with family. All of my family is 900 miles away. I think I need their insanity to bring me back to reality. I want my mama to cook for me and cuddle up with me on the sofa and watch movies. I just need a break.

[idocare 3]

Just remember,

The way u treat your SO now is the same way they will expect to be treated when they arrive, my ex knew that I was middle class while his family is upper class.

[Ta Ta 1]

I was so unprepared. Bassi and I have known each other for a while. I think neither of us thought we'd finally both be at the same place at the same time. When he asked me to marry him, I said yes and we celebrated. We told our families. And then we faced the question of, where will we live. It took us almost 6 months to decide on the US definitely and then we started to look into what we had to do and made contact with his cousin here in the US for guidance. I found VJ after sending in the paperwork and I didn't make mistakes (I don't think....but I AM in AP.) But there seems to be so much that I just didn't think of. I mean, thinking of our life together and how to do everything to be prepared for this "visa journey". I don't know if it would have been easier if we moved to Europe or if I moved to Africa, but maybe there would have been problems with any decision. Right this moment I feel totally overwhelmed because I have no control over my immediate future. I've never felt like this before in my life. And it's wiping me out. I didn't even pray today. I couldn't. I was afraid something might come out that I'd not be able to repent enough for. I actually feel like I'm suffering. What's going on?

AP was the most difficult time for me. 10 month AP without knowing anything. Then the DNA ####### and now the 5 month long

wait for the 2. interview...........at least now I know a date and can look forward to it but in AP you just get discouraged

sometimes because you know nothing.

Zainab, this will soon be over and you will be ok. I can't emphasize enough that I know how you feel.

You are in my prayers.

Allow God's timing and trust Him.

You can pm me at any time if you need an ear.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

Just remember,

The way u treat your SO now is the same way they will expect to be treated when they arrive, my ex knew that I was middle class while his family is upper class.

Do you mean sending money? I guess if you're sending your SO money alot they probably might expect you to keep giving. It's also hard to understand the budgeting once they get here, from what other people have written.

I haven't had a reason to send Bassi money. But if he needed it, I wouldn't hesitate. I do know that sometimes I'm a little nutty about buying things. But that's how I am with my daughter too. Bassi's closet here has hats and stuff in it, not a full wardrobe by any means, but things that I saw on sale that I thought were cute and I picked up. He knows I have a thing about shopping for people I love. We've talked about it in terms of our budget and now we're doing a fiance management class together. We just started and I must say, he's definitely more controlled than I am. I can manage my money well until emotions take over then I lose it for a bit and have to play catch up. So, we'll probably balance each other out. When I'm in Ghana, he's often asking me quietly if I need something when he's sees me picking up my fifteenth pair of black leather sandals. I'm glad that he's low key and not controlling or I'd probably react to that rather than listen to his question. I'm learning to be a true partner and watch my ego. It's okay for me to let someone else lead.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

I was so unprepared. Bassi and I have known each other for a while. I think neither of us thought we'd finally both be at the same place at the same time. When he asked me to marry him, I said yes and we celebrated. We told our families. And then we faced the question of, where will we live. It took us almost 6 months to decide on the US definitely and then we started to look into what we had to do and made contact with his cousin here in the US for guidance. I found VJ after sending in the paperwork and I didn't make mistakes (I don't think....but I AM in AP.) But there seems to be so much that I just didn't think of. I mean, thinking of our life together and how to do everything to be prepared for this "visa journey". I don't know if it would have been easier if we moved to Europe or if I moved to Africa, but maybe there would have been problems with any decision. Right this moment I feel totally overwhelmed because I have no control over my immediate future. I've never felt like this before in my life. And it's wiping me out. I didn't even pray today. I couldn't. I was afraid something might come out that I'd not be able to repent enough for. I actually feel like I'm suffering. What's going on?

AP was the most difficult time for me. 10 month AP without knowing anything. Then the DNA ####### and now the 5 month long

wait for the 2. interview...........at least now I know a date and can look forward to it but in AP you just get discouraged

sometimes because you know nothing.

Zainab, this will soon be over and you will be ok. I can't emphasize enough that I know how you feel.

You are in my prayers.

Allow God's timing and trust Him.

You can pm me at any time if you need an ear.

Thank you so much! I am feeling much better and just trying to stay as hopeful and positive as I can. This is definitely a difficult process. It's character building, for the better or the worse. I hope that it will be for the better. I know that I'll be stronger than I ever was before.

[Leedah 22]

can someone tell me about that flat rate box and how to get one?

thanks

leedah