to tell or not to tell ?

[diadromous mermaid 36]

ok here is the scenario:

i know there is an egyptian man that is using a woman for a visa.

she is 25 years his senior and he has been romancing her and doing anything to get a marriage.

she sent him an invitation for a tourist visa but he was denied from the embassy in cairo. now they are planning to marry in march as she wants to come to egypt to marry him. he will then try to follow her back to canada.

my dilemma is this:

should I say something? i know he doesn't love her and he is simply using her to leave the country, i know this for a fact (i cant say how i know). is there any way to tell the embassy in cairo to expect the filing for a spousal visa or should i ?

also he has made mention that he will go from canada to america and he tells his family she is just an elderly woman who wants to help him get papers to leave and nothing more.

i feel bad about this and wonder what you would do.

Tell her and let her know how you came to find out his true intentions (so that she can do with the information what she wishes).

[jeje 0]

Perhaps you are right, I guess I shouldn't say naive or retarded but ignorant of how things work outside of her own country and her own isolated lonliness. Cripes get a pet, a dog would help with that I think, but truly at this point I don't think she would listen.

If her family is tellig her to calm down and she doesnt listen I doubt a complete stranger telling her would affect her.

besides, these men do sweet talk when they want something badly enough. I've heard of 22 year old boys telling 65 year old women that they are the most beautiful thing they've ever seen and then turning around and doing it to 10 others. I just hope he knows what he is doing, she could be unstable and get really pissed off when she figures out he is just using her. she could have him arrested or worse.

It sounds to me like you are trying to justify not telling her? Hey, I'm not blaming you, it's a sticky situation you are in, not REALLY wanting to get involved but caring enough to want to try and help another human being from possibly being very hurt.

You might want to mention to him that when he does get to Canada, which could be a very long time, if they decide to apply with him outside of the country, he will probably be sitting waiting for that PR card for quite a while (based on the little we know of the relationship it sounds like it has red flags posted all over it). Even if they apply with him in Canada, he could be sitting around waiting for a few years, with nothing much to do!

Canada immigration can be just as tough as U.S. immigration and he might just end up in a review for several years, this poor woman will probably get to know him very well in that time.

tailmix: when it comes to canada spouse immigration it's not as tough as us immigration,even outside the country canada want family to be together it's only visitor visa u cant grab from canada embassy easily from 3rd world county. within the country he can even apply for work permit immediatly he got the first approval.but i dont know how canada embassy treat internet relationship we all know that us does not care about that.

[trailmix 77]

tailmix: when it comes to canada spouse immigration it's not as tough as us immigration,even outside the country canada want family to be together it's only visitor visa u cant grab from canada embassy easily from 3rd world county. within the country he can even apply for work permit immediatly he got the first approval.but i dont know how canada embassy treat internet relationship we all know that us does not care about that.

Hi jeje,

My Husband is a Canadian Permanent Resident, so I have done the paperwork etc.

While Canadian immigration is 'nicer' in that you can live with your spouse while your application is being processed. That is different than it being 'easier' in terms of the checks that they make on people before they are approved.

[jeje 0]

tailmix: when it comes to canada spouse immigration it's not as tough as us immigration,even outside the country canada want family to be together it's only visitor visa u cant grab from canada embassy easily from 3rd world county. within the country he can even apply for work permit immediatly he got the first approval.but i dont know how canada embassy treat internet relationship we all know that us does not care about that.

Hi jeje,

My Husband is a Canadian Permanent Resident, so I have done the paperwork etc.

While Canadian immigration is 'nicer' in that you can live with your spouse while your application is being processed. That is different than it being 'easier' in terms of the checks that they make on people before they are approved.

trailmix good; if u come to canada with legal visa in term of student or work visa and u marry canadian citizen or landed immigrant.they hardly they go on any checks b4 u get ur approval.even all my friend that came on student and got marry here they never went for interview b4 they got their approval.u dont need to go through this grumpy uscis,nvc,getting stuck in fbi check aos. moreso getting ur docs missed my the useless uscis and asking crazy RFE. canada immigration is far far easier than usa even not comparable at all.

[trailmix 77]

Yes I don't think they are comparable really either, however not everyone gets it easy. We have a Canada forum member who finally gave up her application for PR in Canada as it was going on 2 years with no approval in the near future - so it does happen.

Her blog about it is here

[surrender 0]

I no longer have this womans email address, i must have deleted it. that is why I have not told her anything. and to be honest I am a little afriad.

the man here is telling his family that he doesnt care that she cannot give him chidlren and that he doesn't care about having kids. anyonethat knows the culture knows that is bonkers and maybe he is just lying to himself. he has made mention that he wants to go from canada to america and when they asked abou his wife (soon to be) he said shewould come with him. i doubt that.

why would she pick up her home and move with him to america? he must plan on leaving her because he knows some egyptians who live in america now and have a nice life.

I feel sick - in one way I want to avoid her and not be part of making her feel like their relation is real or acceptable so I avoid the guilt but ont he other hand ohhhhhhh i just don't know.

also he knows how i feel about the situation because i hardly look at or talk to him at all anymore.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

I no longer have this womans email address, i must have deleted it. that is why I have not told her anything. and to be honest I am a little afriad.

the man here is telling his family that he doesnt care that she cannot give him chidlren and that he doesn't care about having kids. anyonethat knows the culture knows that is bonkers and maybe he is just lying to himself. he has made mention that he wants to go from canada to america and when they asked abou his wife (soon to be) he said shewould come with him. i doubt that.

why would she pick up her home and move with him to america? he must plan on leaving her because he knows some egyptians who live in america now and have a nice life.

I feel sick - in one way I want to avoid her and not be part of making her feel like their relation is real or acceptable so I avoid the guilt but ont he other hand ohhhhhhh i just don't know.

also he knows how i feel about the situation because i hardly look at or talk to him at all anymore.

surrender,

Relax. Well if that is the basis for your concerns, then I'd say don't worry about it because it appears to me to be pure conjecture. Now if he had confided in you that he was going to abandon the marriage or her, or if he had confided in someone else that he's lying about not wanting children, then that might be a different case. But you are superimposing your expectations of a relationship on theirs, yet "different strokes for different folks". No?