Wife's family demanding money

[Sha2011 0]

When I married my wife I didn't think I would have to support her entire family.

There's a woman in Cebu who's married to a kano who is feeding my wife's family a false view of USA. You know the view USA = The God Lord's heaven including the perly gates and streets of gold. This woman in Cebu also never been to the USA, and her kano husband doesn't reside in USA anymore either. Her husband is also a jerk. He feels he can talk down to Filipinos and make a handsome profit by paying them cheap labor. They just dont see how nasty he is. He treats his maids like no American would treat their maid. Its almost like legalized slavery.

Husband and wife are both telling my wife Americans make tons of cash and should be able to support the entire family back in Ph. I am student, a dad, and a husband. My job isn't the best now. Just enough to take care of me, my wife, and my kid's needs. Its not enough to support others. Even when my wife begins working I dont think it would be wise for her to send most of her check there back home.

Most of her family members there dont even work. They seem to be wanting a hand out while they enjoy their lives. I didn't know what I was getting myself into when I married my wife. I refuse to support her entire family when they want to kick back and enjoy life while I am busting my chops all week. All of you marrying make sure you lay down all of this with your fiancee before you get married.

[vbtbmrt 2]

my wife mother is the only one that gets money and its not alot just enough to pay her bills. i know the feeling just had god parent try to charge me 3 time as much for land then what it was worth because he knows i am american well it is ok to send some money to close family and that is the culture younger family helping older family if you cant afford it well you cant afford it nothing you can do

[chuck_n_rose 0]

sorry to hear your situation. Is this going to upset the relationship with your wife and family?

[Ianne25 0]

Now here's the fact. Many filipina's choose to marry foreigners so that they could help in their family. Most Filipino families expect that when they marry this so-called "rich foreigner," they'll elevate in their living standards.

Many foreigners also agree to send a certain (affordable) amount initially, only to be swamped with dozens of requests every month for "favors" and "emergencies" that are fairly questionable. Although it's Filipino customs to help others in the family, that doesn't mean the family has the right to take advantage of the situation. It all boils down to family morals, which transcends any society, Filipino or otherwise, rich or poor. Unfortunately, some Filipina's can't see past this distinction and are blindly taken in by this greed and moral corruption from family members, without any protest. They just don't know how, or have never learned, how to simply say "no" and stand by it. That's even when they know the demands for money are fraudulent or exploitive. This only leads to inevitable friction with their foreign husbands, who may feel they are being taken advantage of by their wives' financially demanding relatives.

I don't mind helping my family, but my husband can't be the solution to my entire family's money problems. To be honest, we've got our own money problems too. So my husband and I got into an agreement to send fair amount of money for my mom just because we wanted to and not because my mom ask for it.

So when I married my husband I always tell him you don't need to adopt my whole family. You see, it's also up to your filipina wife to say "NO".

[Tanjay 0]

When I married my wife I didn't think I would have to support her entire family.

There's a woman in Cebu who's married to a kano who is feeding my wife's family a false view of USA. You know the view USA = The God Lord's heaven including the perly gates and streets of gold. This woman in Cebu also never been to the USA, and her kano husband doesn't reside in USA anymore either. Her husband is also a jerk. He feels he can talk down to Filipinos and make a handsome profit by paying them cheap labor. They just dont see how nasty he is. He treats his maids like no American would treat their maid. Its almost like legalized slavery.

Husband and wife are both telling my wife Americans make tons of cash and should be able to support the entire family back in Ph. I am student, a dad, and a husband. My job isn't the best now. Just enough to take care of me, my wife, and my kid's needs. Its not enough to support others. Even when my wife begins working I dont think it would be wise for her to send most of her check there back home.

Most of her family members there dont even work. They seem to be wanting a hand out while they enjoy their lives. I didn't know what I was getting myself into when I married my wife. I refuse to support her entire family when they want to kick back and enjoy life while I am busting my chops all week. All of you marrying make sure you lay down all of this with your fiancee before you get married.

I was told early that when you marry a filipina, you marry her whole family. I am not rich...but, don't mind giving what little I can. When my fiancee arrives here, she can send all her earnings to our family. Because, I also consider them my family too. I have never met family with such closeness. People here in the USA can learn so much from filipinos. I will be so lucky and proud to be married to one.

[rjp44 1]

I knew early in our relationship that filipinas coming to the U.S. usually want to help their families. My wife did ask me if I minded her helping her family once she started working. I told her I make enough for us to live on, so she could send all her money to them. She said "No", I want to save some for us too. So although she will send enough to cover utilities for her house and buy books for her niece starting college next year, she doesn't want to support her whole family.....who have jobs BTW.

[LOSTGURL--SOPHIA 2]

I knew early in our relationship that filipinas coming to the U.S. usually want to help their families. My wife did ask me if I minded her helping her family once she started working. I told her I make enough for us to live on, so she could send all her money to them. She said "No", I want to save some for us too. So although she will send enough to cover utilities for her house and buy books for her niece starting college next year, she doesn't want to support her whole family.....who have jobs BTW.

sad story. lets not generalize everybody. on my case i married an american husband, since his here with me and he cant find work as much as he cans i do what the man does.. i try to support my family all thru out.on the latter part my husband takes care of our baby. inspite things he do help me like washing clothes, cleaning the house etc. he never complaints but there are times he does its part of marriage however we talked and said will have better life when the 3 of us get there. as a matter of fact my family are the one helping my husband ( fees, hospitalization etc. ) and before we got married i had sponsorship from my dad in cali. so that means FILIPINAS just married the guys on the other state just for geez to support. but lets face the fact that most uneducated low class women here in manila are like that. thinking that they would have better life marrying a white boy. (OPINION ONLY NO HARM)

[Sheriff Uling 3]

When I married my wife I didn't think I would have to support her entire family.

There's a woman in Cebu who's married to a kano who is feeding my wife's family a false view of USA. You know the view USA = The God Lord's heaven including the perly gates and streets of gold. This woman in Cebu also never been to the USA, and her kano husband doesn't reside in USA anymore either. Her husband is also a jerk. He feels he can talk down to Filipinos and make a handsome profit by paying them cheap labor. They just dont see how nasty he is. He treats his maids like no American would treat their maid. Its almost like legalized slavery.

Husband and wife are both telling my wife Americans make tons of cash and should be able to support the entire family back in Ph. I am student, a dad, and a husband. My job isn't the best now. Just enough to take care of me, my wife, and my kid's needs. Its not enough to support others. Even when my wife begins working I dont think it would be wise for her to send most of her check there back home.

Most of her family members there dont even work. They seem to be wanting a hand out while they enjoy their lives. I didn't know what I was getting myself into when I married my wife. I refuse to support her entire family when they want to kick back and enjoy life while I am busting my chops all week. All of you marrying make sure you lay down all of this with your fiancee before you get married.

There should absolutely be a firm understanding of the expectations from both the boyfriend and girlfriend before the "Will you marry me?" even takes place. I mean really soul search and be honest about what your (your meaning anyone) willing to accept and do when it comes to the essentials like finances, religion, children, and family. However, this type of situation is not uncommon, but should be discussed beforehand in order to avoid any confusion and strain on the relationship and families.

There is my five cents. Can someone give me back my change? (((smile)))

Cheers!!!

Sheriff Uling

Edited January 5, 2008 by Sheriff Uling

[ILoveJoy 0]

I was married to a Filipina before, and we divorced for reasons unrelated to money. During our marriage, however, we had a deal that worked pretty well. My wife got a job at Walmart, and the deal was that she could send her family up to 20 percent of her take home pay. Thus, what her family got was a function of what my wife produced, and I didn't feel like they were sponging off of me.

[vbtbmrt 2]

well all good advice yes there are the one that think you have it made and roads are made of gold. well we all know there not . as one wise man told me on couple occasions give them a fish and they will eat once teach them to fish and they will never go hungry. so there are ways to over come the problems you dont have to feel like you support them all you just have to know your limits and set them as that same wise man told me filipinas are born with economic on the brain and do quite well for there countries situation.

i am going to throw my wife into the lions right away when she comes and let her write out all the bills on what i make and she will soon see life in the usa isnt all roses hehehehhehehe

the sherrif was right this is some thing that should of been talked about or researched on internet its all out there.

there is some change sheriff. 3 cents back

[ladylyn 0]

Such a sad story but i don't think it applies to filipinas in general.We're all different.I agree with most of the responses here, though i may have some other opinions or stories regarding this topic.

In my case, i am still going through the process of waiting with my fiance from South Carolina.I am living in an apartment and he is the one who is supporting me with almost everything.Yes, he does sends me some money for my needs every week which i really appreciates a lot, hehe and my parents didnt asked me even a single peso from it.Well, there are times that they need some help but each time they ask to borrow some money from me, they always give it back coz they knew that the money i have is from my fiance plus they knew that i always update my budget and they didnt want my fiance to think that we're taking advantage of him coz that would be unfair.They're even the one who give me something when there are times that i'm broke without asking something in return so i don't think that they're the type of family who will take advantage on me financially after i get there in the US and get married with my fiance.Yes, he is a foreigner but it doesnt make any difference i guess.We all have different reasons why we are marrying foreigners like my fiance but i am really sure of the fact that i am going to marry him because i love him and not because he's from america and that america's got wealth.Relationship is not just all about money though.

Another thing is.. it's true that if your wife knows how to say "NO" to her family then there wouldn't be any more problem coz it just really depends on her and you since you are the husband and you have the right to tell her if the thing she's doing is good or not anymore.If you think that this thing might ruin your relationship with her then you should better tell her to minimize herself on sending money to her family coz she's got her own family already that she has to take care with and that's you.It's not bad to help or something like that but it has to be with limits.

So i guess, you just have to settle this thing up with your wife and this can solve your problem.Just keep on loving her coz im sure you are so lucky to have such a loving person as her the way she support her family, just that she's gone beyond the limits of kindness and love that made her family took advantage of her and i felt sorry for you and her for that.

Filipinos were known for having such a great family ties/bond and i'm proud to be one but really as what i've said everything has to be limited specially when it comes to financial stuffs,hehe coz it's also unfair to your significant other's part.

I love my family and when i get married, i am willing to help them in any way i can but also it has to be with my husband's permission coz when you're married, you and your partner really have to agree on something and thats how relationship in my opinion should work .

I guess, i am too lucky to have a family like mine coz they're too bashful, .I'll just hope that they won't change,lol.

BTW, we're expecting to have our NOA2 late in Jan or early Feb so everybody please wish us luck and pray for us.I'm starting to have this roller coaster feeling already though i think it's still too early to feel that way for now,hehe.

To those who got married to a filipina, congrats coz you made the right choice

[ETEEANDME 0]

Its kind a hurting to hear the kind of story.. but i should say that not all filipina and thier families were like that just that there is a conotation that when one marries different race the woman will be living in luxury or having a great life add to that you have to share it to your families and some peope think that way up to this time and you cant erased that you thier mind because they may see some ladies who marries different race and has a good life yet still continue helping her family because that what they instill in thier mind the conotation of marrying different race and you will be in good hands having a good life.

On my part it was me who is refusing to recieved anything from my fiance, He just keep on surprising me every now and then which i really do appreciate. He knows that im not after the money because i can buy what i wanted without his expense and he knows that i have a family in USA so that makes it easier for both of us. He chose me because i was the only one who didnt ask any single cent from him and didnt gave my number to him to call me.. he was the one who search for my number which made me draws to him even more.

Filipinos are known to have a great family bond , a close knot it saddened to hear that kind of story.. I hope it wont ruin or do harm with your relationship to your filipina wife its up to both of you how to deal with that. Maybe just tell to that woman in Cebu that eat her heart out because she's just jealous of your wifes family and with your wife and also she cant go to usa. hehehehe joke! Goodah!

[Roserick 0]

Tell you what...

America is BROKE!! No mo money!!

Have you guys seen the $$$ plunging rapidly.. Its not that the Philippine Economy has gotten better..

Its because US is going down the drain.. Thanks to our great Leader Dubya!! Way to go sir!! Thank God its 2008..

We need a new leader like Ron Paul.. I think he's the only hope..

If the pace keeps going down.. Might rather migrate to the northern border..

[jom 4]

I have to agree with most of the responses here. It depends on the situation. Not all Filipinas are born to a well to do family so it is really up to the USC if he wants to help her family or not. If there is no extra money . . then you are in no way obligated to send money to her family. Take care of your family here first and of course the BILLS.

The only time I sent my wife money before she arrived here was for the expenses of her medical, interview and plane ticket . She is a successful professional back in the Philippines and so is everybody in her family. She told me that she will only send IN KIND and not money for special occasions like Christmas and parents' birthday and only when she is earning. We kind of argued about this but she explained to me that even before she arrived here she already talked to her family to never expect anything from me, money wise. Her family doesnt need to be supported because they are working hard to support themselves and she doesnt want to change that because she has seen a number of families in her neighborhood who just sit around and wait from the daughter/sister/aunt who married a USC to send money.

Talk to your woman and set boundaries regarding sending money.

[dj1206 0]

I'm so sorry to hear about this but you are not obliged to help the entire family. It would be difficult if you keep on givng them money because you're teaching them to rely solely on you. How about giving some business so the family can also work?