Stirring the pot - Nigeria

[Iyawo 0]

My husband is Yoruba...though like the one post said, you can probably get an idea what area people are from by the username. Mine is a Yoruba word for wife.

[bjejelola.isscamr 0]

Reading all the posts - successes and disappointments, I am curious. Me and my wife spoke about it but want to see some evidence. Now this might stir up a hornet's nest but we are all adults here (I hope). If it is too controversial, then let it drop.

Where are most of your spouse's coming from?

West - Yoruba

South South - Edo/Delta state (many groups such as Ijaw, Bini, Esan)

South East - Igbo

North - Hausa

Disclosure, me and wife are Igbo. Thanks.

My fiance, Akinboyede, is Yoruba.

[Enlighten one :) 5]

Reading all the posts - successes and disappointments, I am curious. Me and my wife spoke about it but want to see some evidence. Now this might stir up a hornet's nest but we are all adults here (I hope). If it is too controversial, then let it drop.

Where are most of your spouse's coming from?

West - Yoruba

South South - Edo/Delta state (many groups such as Ijaw, Bini, Esan)

South East - Igbo

North - Hausa

Disclosure, me and wife are Igbo. Thanks.

Well here I am to help you stir the pot. I met this guy on line years back. (i have told some of this story already) He stated that he was married already through a financial agreement but the other women would not return his call or file the paper work. He stated that if she did not he would have to pay for the divorce so he could get married to the one he really loved. LOL My long time Nigerian friend told me that he was probably trying to scam me. Then my friend said.... are you ready????......"What tribe is he from?" Because if he is from this tribe ........ he is definitely trying to scam you.

The dude was a scammer, but I am not one to let go of my money since I have a 9 year old son. Some of his story was he had to send money home to his brothers in college because sometimes they do not even have money for food. He would another day talk about how he had tons of nice clothing, but he does not make the money he used to. Talk about the expensive phones and jewelry that were stolen. Now how do you have family struggling, but you have all these nice things.

Oh and I do not remember what tribe he stated. But reading your post reminded me of what he said. I thought how can someone really narrow down a tribe like that?

Edited December 30, 2007 by MrsJibowu

[forchika 4]

I don't think this was meant to get into who is better than who, I think we all learned from the past that tribalism is not a good idea to promote.

Agree with you 100% Omoba, I have always told my hubby that!!!!!! I still to this day do not quite understand it.

My hubby is from the Igbo tribe

Edited December 30, 2007 by forchika

[Ta Ta 1]

Reading all the posts - successes and disappointments, I am curious. Me and my wife spoke about it but want to see some evidence. Now this might stir up a hornet's nest but we are all adults here (I hope). If it is too controversial, then let it drop.

Where are most of your spouse's coming from?

West - Yoruba

South South - Edo/Delta state (many groups such as Ijaw, Bini, Esan)

South East - Igbo

North - Hausa

Disclosure, me and wife are Igbo. Thanks.

Well here I am to help you stir the pot. I met this guy on line years back. (i have told some of this story already) He stated that he was married already through a financial agreement but the other women would not return his call or file the paper work. He stated that if she did not he would have to pay for the divorce so he could get married to the one he really loved. LOL My long time Nigerian friend told me that he was probably trying to scam me. Then my friend said.... are you ready????......"What tribe is he from?" Because if he is from this tribe ........ he is definitely trying to scam you.

The dude was a scammer, but I am not one to let go of my money since I have a 9 year old son. Some of his story was he had to send money home to his brothers in college because sometimes they do not even have money for food. He would another day talk about how he had tons of nice clothing, but he does not make the money he used to. Talk about the expensive phones and jewelry that were stolen. Now how do you have family struggling, but you have all these nice things.

Oh and I do not remember what tribe he stated. But reading your post reminded me of what he said. I thought how can someone really narrow down a tribe like that?

One can not narrow down a tribe just like that except out of prejudice and ignorance. Not against a continent, not against Nigeria and not against

any tribe within Nigeria or any other African country.

Has Rwanda not enlightened to never go down that road again ?

Tribalism in Rwanda grew out of the pure ignorance and prejudice by the white man, the Belgian to be exact, who with a ruler and by measuring

skin color and facial symetrics declared one tribe superior over another. As a result the Rwandan genocide happened while the world looked on.

I am furious when people have a tribal mentality. It is a dangerous path to follow. All above mentioned tribes are precious and all are Nigerians. Period.

Do not allow other's ignorance to creep into your own thinking. Take a stand when you hear a tribe discredited just like you would for any other

prejudice. Speak up and speak out against it instead of going around with a smirk and a aha attitude.

Good ones bad ones in each tribe and Nation.....will some people EVER GET IT ?????????

[Enlighten one :) 5]

Oh and I do not remember what tribe he stated. But reading your post reminded me of what he said. I thought how can someone really narrow down a tribe like that?

Good ones bad ones in each tribe and Nation.....will some people EVER GET IT ?????????

No, Like I stated " I thought how can someone really narrow down a tribe like that?" I do not remember having a smirk either. Nonverbal communication is difficult to decipher without them nonverbal ques. Please do not make assumptions on my demeanor at my time of communication.

[Sylvia_n_Joseph 3]

African countries were carved out of colonial holdings with no thought to the boundries of the people included. Many tribes spread past the bondries set up by the Europeans. To try to minimalize someones hertitage is not honoring them. Just as the settlers in America would have loved to lumped all Native Americans into one group and then herd them into a single home people here are trying to take this separate rich cultural entities and lump them together. I find it rather sad that this is happening. There are vast differences amoung the teaching and histories of each tribe. There have been enough differences between tribes in Africa that they tend to reform themselves in to nations based on tribal lines and erase those of European conquest. I am not saying one is better than another but they different people with different histories.

[Ta Ta 1]

Oh and I do not remember what tribe he stated. But reading your post reminded me of what he said. I thought how can someone really narrow down a tribe like that?

Good ones bad ones in each tribe and Nation.....will some people EVER GET IT ?????????

No, Like I stated " I thought how can someone really narrow down a tribe like that?" I do not remember having a smirk either. Nonverbal communication is difficult to decipher without them nonverbal ques. Please do not make assumptions on my demeanor at my time of communication.

I have not said you smirked. It was intended for those who do as a generalization and since I can't see you it is not directed at you. B)

Your statement of " How can someone really narrow down a tribe like that " did not indicate what went through your head as answer to

that question so I am not assuming anything........my point was directed towards the one who made the judgment and to all those

who judge like him wearing a smirk.

[Bashorun 1]

My EX is from the Yoruba tribe. My Nigerian friends called him a Lagos Boy after we split. Is that also an inside joke?

I'm thoroughly convinced that my EX's behavior had nothing to do with custom, culture or tribal issues. Even his own people couldn't understand what he was doing and why. His were his own personal worldview issues. Hope this helps.

Well Besangin. in Nigerian, a Lagos boy is one that is smart, intelligent, civilized and at the same time enlingtened to many things. Lagos can be compared to one place in america but not in terms of economy and that city is new york. Just like in new york, u have to be really smart to live in lagos. This is what i think the nigerians here meant when they call ur ex lagos boy and actually not a word use in degrading.

[Ta Ta 1]

African countries were carved out of colonial holdings with no thought to the boundries of the people included. Many tribes spread past the bondries set up by the Europeans. To try to minimalize someones hertitage is not honoring them. Just as the settlers in America would have loved to lumped all Native Americans into one group and then herd them into a single home people here are trying to take this separate rich cultural entities and lump them together. I find it rather sad that this is happening. There are vast differences amoung the teaching and histories of each tribe. There have been enough differences between tribes in Africa that they tend to reform themselves in to nations based on tribal lines and erase those of European conquest. I am not saying one is better than another but they different people with different histories.

Excellent point. I hope you did not read my post as lumping all tribes together when I said all are Nigerian. I am far to appreciative of each tribal diversity and have great respect for all tribes and people, their richness and wisdom. From ancient days there have been kingdoms too separate in culture to lump into one pot. I truly acknowledge and appreciate their differences.

My post was about negative tribalism and its prejudices that have lead to the slaughter of many, tribalism with intent to feel superior and to hate.

It is my belief to respect each tribe for its diversity and appreciate and acknowledge its separate entity and never to deem one better than another in the social, political arena. In this perspective all are Nigerian, or Rwandans or Sierra Leoneans..........let us not cause war with attitudes of superiority, let us guard our hearts and mouths and be one Nation with honored and respected tribes within its borders and enjoy each others differences instead of attacking them to cause a division of dire consequences. There are strength and weaknesses in each tribe and in each person.

Rumors gather an audience of idle ears and gather momentum to start wars.

[Ta Ta 1]

Now everyone pull up a stool and sit around the stirred pot and eat together like family.

I am off for a nap in my hammock.

[Inquiring Mind 0]

My sweetie is from Ogun State - Yoruba!

[ebonyqueen 0]

Edo State...he's Esan

[Bashorun 1]

African countries were carved out of colonial holdings with no thought to the boundries of the people included. Many tribes spread past the bondries set up by the Europeans. To try to minimalize someones hertitage is not honoring them. Just as the settlers in America would have loved to lumped all Native Americans into one group and then herd them into a single home people here are trying to take this separate rich cultural entities and lump them together. I find it rather sad that this is happening. There are vast differences amoung the teaching and histories of each tribe. There have been enough differences between tribes in Africa that they tend to reform themselves in to nations based on tribal lines and erase those of European conquest. I am not saying one is better than another but they different people with different histories.

Omoba, Now I don't completely know the agenda of the OP towards this topic but I know the impact culture plays in a marriage, so even if the OP has some agenda rather than one that I have, i might end up changing any negativety the OP's post would bring after U completely read my reply. there is truly no way U can completely understand a nigerian without actually first of all understanding the tribe he or she comes from. Nigeria is a well diverse country with about or over 200 ethnic groups, correct me if am wrong. This doesn't mean someone is trying to generalize or stereotype in any way. It is just the fact, we have a rich culture attached to each every tribe and which really makes it impossible to actually know someone in the real sense if U ignore learning as much as U can about the culture and tribe that person represent. why? becos this is the stiring in which our parents raised us with. This goes both ways between the husband and wife but becos we actually living here in america, africans has a bigger share of the adjusting of american culture to learn. For an example, it is generally known that a yoruba boy is raised with so much respect for the elders that it tells with the way he greets and address someone that is more older than him. So with this U can easily pick a yoruba boy within a group of boys.

I am not trying to say a tribe is better than the other but there are ways our culture impart our way of life and this doesn't mean anything negative, actually am looking at the positive aspect of culture in which i gave an example of. If a marriage fails, it doesn't solely fail becos of culturer differences, it mostly fails becos either or both couple are ignorant and selfish to understanding the impact culture has in a marriage. Remember it doesn't have to be an international marriage before culture becomes a big part of it, even in nigeria marrying someone from another tribe, like a yoruba man married an igbo woman. From an american view, this is a marriage between africans but as a Nigerian we know there are culturer difference between the couple they have to overcome. why? becos like I said this is the stiring in which their parents has raised them with. Again, nothing negative with what I said here.

We learning the american culture so wouldn't it be wise for an american spouse to learn the foreign spouse culture which actually U can achieve only when U understand the tribe where the spouse is from. This would help the marriage during the process of adjusting to american life by the foreign spouse. U would be making a big mistake saying U are learning african culture, like i said Nigeria has a diverse culture. So to close this, learn the culture of the tribe ur SO represent to better understand him or her. Just another successful marriage tips.

[Ta Ta 1]

Bashorun, I am not sure why you addressed me because I am in agreement with your post. And I have and will continue to study the

Mende tribe ( my fiance's tribe ). Since there is very little out there and I am not able to live there among his people for now I am looking towards general African culture as some of it overlaps and is still helpful even if it is not Mende. The book I and Forchika mentioned in the other thread being a perfect example of very helpful down to earth practical tips for western wives.

I agree, a marriage with one being from a different tribe has adjustments to make too. So does a same tribe city / country mix couple.